Denial

She was fine just now, but her chest suddenly felt heavy, as if her lungs were being pressed down and she couldn’t breathe.

Jihoon probably saw her unease and wrapped his arms around her, twisting his seated frame awkwardly to cover her with in his huge frame. His nearness was comforting and she held on to him, not wanting to let go.

She felt air fill her lungs, albeit difficultly, as Jihoon’s huge palms her back, comforting her.

Then the sobs came – from quiet to uncontrollable.

Jihoon let her cry, his embrace tightening as the minutes pass.

The sound of the sea, and the quiet beach side was their only witness, yet the once beautiful scenery has turned into the scene she might never want to come back to again.

Jieun didn’t know how long she stayed like that in his arms, pouring out her tears, holding on to him for dear life. But when the sobs subsided and she was able to raise her face to his, she asked, her voice shaky, “Why?”

She noticed that there were tears in his eyes too, and she had hope that this is just a temporary thing. It’s obvious that he’s not happy about breaking up too.

Jihoon gently wiped her tears with his palms, before responding.

“Because..I don’t want you to feel like you need to choose, jagi. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You’re not holding me back, oppa. I just told you, I just want a longer engagement..I didn’t ask for us to be apart…”

Her voice broke, as she tried to reason with him. Jihoon was trying his best to keep his composure, she can tell from the measured words and how he would look away.

“Jagi, think about it…you asked for time apart, and yet you still haven’t made up your mind. It feels like an extension of that night, when I proposed to you and you didn’t accept. It’s agony, Jieun. And I keep asking myself why the prospect of being with me forever should burden you this way...I thought it should be easy, but maybe there is a reason why it isn’t. Only you can answer that question. I don’t take it against you, but I don’t want to burden you with this anymore.”

She can’t believe that he’s going to give up just like that. Her words have fled, and all she can do is look at him.

His eyes told her that he’s as heartbroken about it as she is. And this spontaneous trip made more sense now – he was saying goodbye to her. One last sweet day together.

Later that day, they drove back to Seoul, mostly in silence. Jihoon dropped her off but she wanted to ask him to stay, for them to keep talking about it, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

When Jihoon turned to go back to his bike, she finally dug up the courage, jogging to catch him in time before he drives off.

“Oppa.”He stopped for a beat, then his heel to face her. “Is this really how we want this to end?”

He dropped his gaze, unwilling to answer her.

Jieun took a few tentative steps, grabbing both of his hands and tugging at them, hoping he would look at her.

“I thought we agreed to listen to each other…I know you don’t want this too. So please, let’s talk about it. Maybe not today, I know you’re exhausted. B-but tomorrow…or any day you’re ready. Just p-please –“

Her efforts to sound firm and strong seemed to be running out as her voice started breaking before she could ever finish.

 Jihoon squeezed her hands back before taking them from her grip, slowly.

“I need to go..”

“Promise me oppa, we’re going to talk about it.”

She thought he would just leave without replying, but he gave her a small nod.

It didn’t look convincing but she’ll take that over nothing.

**

Two weeks later

Radio silence.

It’s been two weeks since their Namhae getaway and their little misunderstanding, and the silence from Jihoon is driving her crazy. No calls, no messages. Nothing.

Yes, she’s calling it their “little misunderstanding”, refusing to use the ‘B” word. Everytime her mind replays that day on the beach, and that word springs up, her body has this specific physiological response – heaviness of heart and a sense of hopelessness.

Her pride would tell her that calling him after begging for another chance for them to talk (whenever he’s ready) would be too much. It reeks of desperation, and maybe it’s  a little too stifling, to him atleast. She would be true to what she said – she’ll wait for him to be ready to talk about it again.

But with each passing day, her desperation chips at her stubborn pride.

 “IU-ssi?” The reporter repeated her name, which caught her attention. Apparently, she failed to catch his question, which made her smile awkwardly towards the camera.

“Oh, sorry…I didn’t quite catch your question..”

The reporter smiled kindly, probably thinking she’s exhausted after a whole afternoon of interviews about her new project.

“What made you decide to take on this role? Is this a foreshadowing of a new chapter in your life?” He asked, smiling a little at the good natured humor in his last question. He was referring to her role as a mother, which was unusual for her.

It might be a joke to him, but it made her flinch. What are the odds…a reporter was asking her something that relates to her current personal struggle.

Great. Just great.

“Ah…well, it was purely because of how persuasive the script was. And I hold Director Koreeda and Mr. Lee in high regard as well. I know they are very passionate about releasing great films, and I’m just thrilled to have been chosen for this role.”

She smiled, hoping the reporter wouldn’t see that she’s not exactly thrilled about answering questions like this.

When the media team from TvN left, the last of the interviews for the day, Jieun sank on her seat, feeling exhausted. She was zoning out, looking at nothing in particular when the feel of a cold water bottle was pressed to her face.

“Yah!”

Hanteo chuckled. “Mianhe. You looked like you needed a cold jolt.”

She glared at her manager, who was still smiling, as he took a seat beside her.

“Jieun..”
 

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

Hanteo was silent. She knew that he was fishing for her to tell him what’s wrong, but she’s not in the mood to tell him. Because she knows things will turn around.

It always does when it comes to Jihoon. She just have to wait.

“Alright. So you’re all set? Should I drive you back to LOEN or do you want to go home?”

“Home. My parents’.”

Hanteo nodded, but she noticed a deep crease forming between his brows. She recognized it as his usual “fine, don’t tell me what’s up” look.

“Arasso. I’ll just get the car ready.”

When she rang the doorboll to her parents’ home, she was surprised to see her father answer.

“Appa! I thought you were going to Shanghai..”

Jinwoo gave her an affectionate hug, then answered that the trip was cancelled. If it was up to her, she’d rather her father retires and take vacations in beautiful places with her mother. But Jinwoo is not the type to find joy in not having a to-do list, much like her mother.

When she got into the living room, there was evidence of a little movie date, with snacks and her mom comfortably sitting as she watched TV. Her eyes lit up when she saw her husband walk in with Jieun, but it was quickly followed by her usual nagging about Jieun’s weight.

“Did you even eat the side dishes I brought you last time?”

“I did! I am actually trying to maintain my current weight…I’m shooting a movie soon.”

Mina didn’t respond, but the slight shaking of her head told her she couldn’t understand why Jieun does what she does.

“Aigoo, stop bickering, you two.”

The entire day was spent lazily at home. Every now and then, Jieun would catch her father looking at her, probably sensing that it’s unlike her t