(no subject)
Moon Star {[email protected]}
to me

I’ll arrive there late in the afternoon. I’ll go straight to your apartment. I’ll just wait there.

I’ve made up my mind. I have finally found a logical and valid reason for what happened in Hong Kong.

First, it was a spur of the moment thing. Second, we’re both intoxicated. Definitely. Third, we were caught in the moment, which is I think just the same as the first one. Doesn’t matter. If I could make this list long, then I shall do it. Fourth, alcohol and celebration. What were we celebrating that time again? Oh yeah… we got the deal. Signing will be tomorrow and she’d be here again so it is important for this list to be longer. There’d be more reasons for me to stop being so delusional, stop thinking of that night, stop thinking of the feeling of her lips, stop thinking of the feeling of being in her arms.

Hold on… I’m supposed to be adding items to my lists!

Fifth one, lust. Stupid lust. ing lust. Sixth, it was just a one night stand, except nothing happened. We just got . We kissed. A lot. But nothing happened and we went to sleep right away.

I gently slapped my cheek as I headed towards the elevator in my apartment building. “Get your head together. You got this!” I whispered to myself, cheering for myself, dreading to see that spoiled rich .

But I know, I couldn’t wait to see her face.

“No!” I shook my head and scolded at my reflection on the elevator doors. I pointed at my reflection and frowned at myself. “Stop thinking about that”

If someone was with me on my way up to my floor, they’d probably think my head’s not right. And I would agree with them. Byul and that night in Hong Kong have been messing with my mind. The only time my head’s free of that bad spirit is when I’m so focused on work. Until Yong would mention Byul’s name, for work purposes, and my concentration would be ruined again. It would have to take a minute or more for her face to be out of my head.

I closed my eyes, leaning back on the wall, and told myself a million times that I would kick Byul out of my apartment. That I would have to be strong to push her out because even if nothing happened between us, I think I’m partly in her list now. And I’m suspecting that this might be her approach to me. She’s acting all sweet, caring, sincere, kind, understanding, and patient until I’d surrender.

But I won’t let that happen. I’m a woman with high dignity, a woman with principles, and I would never ever be just a name on Byul’s list. I would never let that happen.

When the elevator dinged, I took a huge breath and opened my eyes. Byul doesn’t know my password so she might’ve been waiting outside my apartment. I have to be calm and strong to prepare myself.

I nodded, my resolve had solidified and my plan was all laid out. I’ll just execute them properly without any mishaps.

I stepped out of the elevator and turned to where my apartment room is.

“Byul” I said, starting already so that I would be the one in control of the conversation.

I was expecting her to be waiting in front of my door but it wasn’t her that I saw. I saw boxes in front of my door. There’s a huge box as big as a flatscreen TV, just wider and thicker. Three smaller boxes sitting on top of the huge box. Byul’s black suitcase is right beside those boxes and on top of her suitcase is a bouquet of pink and yellow flowers.

What in the heavens is she thinking this time?!

I slowly walked towards the boxes, my eyes moving frantically at the things she dumped in front of my apartment. My eyes wandered on the boxes’ labels. The small boxes are cake, coffee maker, and a hydro flask. And upon seeing the cake, my heart started having a mind of its own.

No way… No way she knew that.

And then the huge box’s label told me it is a treadmill. A freaking treadmill. A ing treadmill?!

I’m convinced that I’m not the only person going nuts. Byul too.

What am I supposed to do with a treadmill? Where am I supposed to put it in my apartment?

“Hold on” I whispered, closing my eyes tightly.

I took a deep breath a couple of times before I stared at the boxes beside Byul’s suitcase. These might not be mine. I shouldn’t be so assuming. Just because she’s staying in my apartment and she bought a bed one time, doesn’t mean that whatever she’s buying and sending in my apartment is for me. That’s reasonable and valid.

I grabbed my phone and opened my emails. I went to the email she just sent earlier and composed a response.

(no subject)
Hye Jin {[email protected]}
to Moon Star

Where are you? You should bring your things with you and not just dump them in my apartment. My house is not your storage, you know?

I looked up from my phone as I waited for Byul’s reply. I stared at the bouquet sitting on top of her suitcase. Then I dragged my eyes to the cake box but instantly closed my eyes before I groaned softly.

Please don’t tell me she knows. Please…

My phone buzzed from a notification. I sighed heavily before I read Byul’s response.

(no subject)
Moon Star {[email protected]}
to me

I’m sorry. I got bored waiting. I’m on the rooftop right now. About those boxes… I’ll take care of them later.

(no subject)
Hye Jin {[email protected]}
to Moon Star

Well, aren’t you coming down?

(no subject)
Moon Star {[email protected]}
to me

I’m waiting for the stars to appear. I’ll come down when I’m finished. Leave my things. I’ll handle them when I get down later.

She’s taking pictures on the rooftop. That I know for sure.

I didn’t bother replying to her anymore. I closed my phone and went inside my apartment. I was eyeing the flowers and the cake as I was entering my password. Then I pushed the door open before peeling my eyes off from them.

I went straight to the bathroom to wash up. Byul wasn’t still back from the rooftop when I was out of the bathroom. I went to change and still had no signs of Byul wanting to get inside. I was supposed to be kicking her out now. And since she’s still here and it’s already dinner time, now I have to cook for the two of us. It would be rude to just push her away.

Ugh… it.

I prepared dinner for us, occasionally glancing at the door. I started cooking with this irritation towards Byul, who hasn’t shown herself yet. When I was almost done, I started feeling worried that maybe something happened to her. And when I was done, I was very sure that something happened to her.

I left the food I cooked on the dining table and went to grab my phone. I sent an email to Byul, asking her where she was. Then I stared at my phone as I waited for her response.

No response came.

I cussed under my breath and headed out of my apartment. The whole time the elevator took me to the topmost level of the building, I was cursing at Byul for not coming down soon, at the same time, wishing that she’ll be alright.

I half jogged, half walked towards the door leading to the rooftop. “Goddammit, Mansaeng. Why do you have to come up here?” I whispered before I pushed the door open.

Relief poured down on my body and washed away all my worries.

Byul was standing in the middle of the rooftop. She’s wearing a black cap backwards, a simple black tee, ripped jeans, and sneakers. It’s already dark here but I could figure out her eyes focused on the preview screen. The pout on her face made me smirk.

Wheein is not the only one cute with the pout. Byul too. Even her dimples made her extra cute and I hate to admit that. Really hate it.

Byul adjusted something on her camera before she placed it down on the floor. She took a couple of steps back before her camera did a series of flashes while facing the dark sky.

Even when I know it’s hard to see the stars here in Seoul, I still look up and couldn’t see the stars. I even got a little disappointed for Byul.

“Yes!”

My eyes snapped back to her and saw that a huge smile was already on her face. She must’ve gotten it if she looked so happy. Still, she placed her camera back on the floor and her camera did that series of flashes once again.

And she still had no idea that I’m already here, watching her.

I rested my forearm on the door handle and leaned sideways on the door. I lifted my other hand and placed it on my waist. I sighed heavily, getting a little bit impatient when she’s still taking pictures. But then again, it’s entertaining to see her in her element right now. That’s why I never bothered disturbing her. I could see the passion emitting from her, telling me not to just wait.

“Perfect…” she whispered under her breath.

She lifted her camera again as she turned to face the city lights that can be viewed from the rooftop. I think she finally sensed someone watching her when her body suddenly turned rigid. She turned to face me, surprised at first. Her body eventually relaxed and a small smile occupied her lips when she saw that it was me. She lifted her camera and aimed it towards my direction. I never moved and just watched her until a flash came from her camera.

She walked towards me with a sheepish smile on her face. “I’m sorry…” she whispered when she was close to me while hanging her camera on her shoulders. “It took me several times before the shot worked. Were you here for a while already?”

“No. I just got here” I answered.

Her arms automatically went around my waist while my hands landed on her shoulders. I wanted to keep a safe distance from her. It was there to stop her from getting closer.

And this is what I discovered at that moment. As much as I wanted to be strong for my fragile heart, I want her close. I want her kisses. I want her warm embraces. I discovered that I had it bad already. My resolve and plans earlier all melted away the moment she stood in front of me. The moment she’s right here where I could hear her voice, see her smile and dimples, and even smell her scent. If I don't find a way to stop myself or her as soon as I can, I’ll be doomed.

She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my lips. She went to my left cheek and kissed me there too. Then she went to kiss my forehead before she buried her face on my neck, hugging me tightly.

My arms went around her shoulders, hugging her back, surrendering. I pushed my face on her shoulder, closing my eyes.

Mom… Dad… I got myself in deep trouble and I don’t know my way out already. 

“It’s good to see you again, Hyejin” she mumbled on my neck, lips moving on my skin. “How have you been?” she asked, pulling back to smile at me.

“Busy… Tired…” And as if to emphasize it, a huge sigh came out of me.

She leaned forward to kiss my forehead again. Then she leaned her forehead on mine as we both closed our eyes.

“Yong overworking you?” she whispered.

I nodded once before I whispered, “Yours and Yong’s company never really give us a rest. Meeting after meeting. Schedule after schedule.” I opened my eyes when she leaned back and laughed softly. “Aren’t you two tired?” I asked while she only laughed louder.

She shook her head and giggled when she saw my frown. Her arm pulled me closer to her while she tucked a strand behind my ear. “We have hundreds and thousands of employees. Their families rely on them and so they rely on us.” She cupped my cheek, thumb caressing on it. “You see… we have a huge responsibility on our hands. Yong and I, we should never be tired”

One of the things that draws me to her is her sweetness. Romantically sweet or not, her sweetness is always captivating. I’ve been saying multiple times that she’s arrogant and that she takes pride in herself, but there are a lot of moments like this that she thinks of others first before herself.

Her stomach suddenly grumbled, stopping her thumb from moving while her eyes widened. The light coming from behind me gave way to the blush that crept to her cheeks. Her eyes wandered around, unable to meet mine.

I giggled and when the sound reached her ears, the blush worsened, but this time, she met my eyes with a shy smile. I reached to poke her dimples. “Mansaengie…” I said.

The nickname made her smile even wider.

“Hyejinie…”

“Let’s go down. I’ve cooked dinner already”

I removed my arms from her shoulders while hers slid off my waist. One of her hands found its way back to me as she led us back to the elevator. One our way down, she showed me the pictures she took earlier. As expected, they’re all good. She’s always good at it. Then she started talking about how her family would sometimes go camping. Her Mom loves the stars so she made sure to take a lot of pictures of the stars, which was how I figured out why she was so determined earlier.

“What are these, by the way?” I asked once we reached my room, pointing at the boxes.

I keyed in my password and unlocked the door. I turned to her and saw her passing to me her camera bag and the bouquet of flowers. I never took them from her. I just stared at them before I looked at her and raised my eyebrows, asking her what she wanted me to do with them.

I was also suspecting that maybe these are really for me. There’s no other explanation if she’s giving me the flowers.

“Can you carry them for me, please? Also the suitcase. I’ll handle all the boxes” she said instead, not answering my questions.

“Oh… Yeah, sure”

I grabbed the bag and bouquet from her. I’m just helping her. 'These are not for me', I told myself. Then I held her suitcase and brought them inside. I placed the flowers and her camera on the coffee table in the living room. I went inside my room next and brought her suitcase there. By the time I was back in the living room, she was heading out and the smaller boxes were now on the coffee table already.

I sat with Lion on the couch and then we watched her pushing the bigger box inside the house. She struggled for a bit on the raised floor by the doorstep. There were a lot of grunts from her too before she was able to finally push the huge box inside my house.

“Why do you even have a treadmill with you?” I asked, hearing her release a shaky breath.

She avoided my question again when she asked, “Where’s my suitcase?”

“Bedroom”

“Thanks. I’ll take a really quick shower first then we’ll eat dinner. I’m hungry already” she said as she headed to my room.

She left me in the living room to shower and change as she said.

I just shrugged my shoulders and patted Lion’s head. I headed to the kitchen and dining area to set the table. I reminded myself that I have to kick her out of my apartment. I’ll offer to temporarily house this treadmill of hers so that she wouldn’t be having a hard time later.

I told myself that I should really tell her this time because every time I planned to tell her, I bit my own tongue and convinced myself to tell her later.

Byul got out of my bedroom wearing a fresh set of clothes. She didn’t go to the dining table but went to the living room first. Her back was to me so I had no idea what she was doing there but I know it has something to do with her boxes.

Curiosity got to me but I forced myself to shut my mouth. I turned my back to prepare our bowls of rice. This time, I heard a click from Byul’s end and some rustling on what I think was the bouquet’s wrapper. I hurriedly filled our bowls with rice, closed the rice cooker, and turned around.

I was holding a bowl of rice in each of my hands. She was holding a cake with a lighted candle on top of it and the flowers on her other hand. I eyed the cake, the flowers, and her smiling face, before I looked at the cake again.

“What’s this?” I asked even though I’m already aware of what she’s doing. I guess I just wanted to deny what she’s doing.

She had a huge smile on her face as she walked towards the dining table. She placed the cake and flowers on the table.

That’s when I saw what was written on the cake. ‘Happy Birthday Hyejinie’ it says. My eyes widened before I brought my eyes to hers again. There’s a proud smile on her face but she looked a little bit shy. I wasn’t the only one blushing too.

“I know it’s not your birthday anymore. I wasn’t here when you celebrated your birthday last week. I hope you were able to enjoy your birthday and I hope”—she pointed at the flowers and cake in front of us—“this is not too late”

This is really for me…

Wheein, Yong, and even some of my colleagues greeted me last week. My friends and my family greeted me too. They were the first ones who greeted me. Wheein and Yong gave me cake and gifts. I spent my birthday with my family and shall be spending it this weekend with my other older sisters; a second birthday celebration. I was hoping that she’d greet me too. But she didn't and that’s how I made up my mind about this whole situation.

When she’s doing things like this however, this has become personal already.

She pointed at the flowers on the table before she scratched the back of her head. “The flower shop owner told me they’re lilies and daffodils. I don’t know if you like them but they’re pretty so I just picked them” she said, starting to ramble already.

She nervously looked at me, unable to hold my gaze. “Do you like them? Is this okay?”

“You knew about it” I whispered, finding my voice now. I moved to place the bowls on the table. I glanced at Byul and saw her nodding, still a little nervous. “I like them. Should I make a wish now?”

She clearly relaxed and the nod she gave me this time looked with ease. “Of course”

I moved to step closer and closed my eyes to make my wish. I wished the same thing I wished when I celebrated my birthday with my family. And then I also added that whatever Byul and I have, whatever this is, I just hope that no one will be hurt.

When I was done, I opened my eyes and saw Byul holding her phone up, taking pictures of me. I lifted the cake and smiled while she took more pictures.

She grabbed the bouquet and handed it to me. “Hold this one too” she said, positioning to take the shot.

I cradled the bouquet with one arm while holding the cake. I smiled at the camera again while she took several pictures. Then I blew on the candle before I placed the cake down. I leaned my body forward over the table and reached to cup Byul’s cheek while she leaned closer to me.

“Thank you” I whispered, kissing her cheek.

“Happy birthday, babe” she whispered before she held my face, bringing my lips to her for a kiss.

We both leaned back but our faces stayed close to each other. We stayed there, stupidly smiling at each other. Our smiles slowly turned to soft giggles and I always like it when her dimples would show up.

In that moment, I could see myself loving her. I could see us being in a relationship. The picture is very clear in my head if I imagined a future with her but I know she’s not thinking the same. Or at least I assumed we don’t share the same thoughts because of my want for stability and her repulsion for commitment and abhorrence for marriage. The feeling is right but maybe I shouldn’t be doing this with her.

I am falling for the wrong person.

I’m aware of that and have accepted that now, so I just decided to enjoy the now.

Both of us moved forward at the same time for a quick kiss.

“We should eat now. You said you're hungry already” I said, placing the flowers on the side before sitting across from Byul.

“Famished…”

She never waited for me anymore. She mumbled a quick thank you before concentrating on eating only.

In the middle of dinner, I asked her about the treadmill again and finally she answered. Apparently, those are all my birthday gifts from her. The treadmill was because she’s worried I’m not exercising enough because I just focused on work. I told her that she only thinks that I’m fat and she denied it right away. She execises a lot, does a lot of bench presses as she claimed, and wanted for me to be healthy too.

She explained that apart from cleaning my house and walking to work, it’s the only exercise I got. She added that I mostly sit when I work, which is true, then go straight to bed after dinner from exhaustion, which is true again. Thus, she bought a treadmill so I can exercise even when I’m just inside my apartment.

The coffee maker because of my love for caffeine. She said that I always buy coffee outside. She bought that so I could just make my own coffee. I only have to press certain buttons and I forget the rest of the instructions but she’ll teach me after dinner. The hydro flask was for storing my coffee.

She could easily buy me anything her money can buy but she chose to make things personal. Although the items were expensive, I couldn’t buy those myself, but the fact that she thought of what I needed and wanted was something really sweet.

Spoiled rich … but a very sweet Mansaeng.