Moon Byulyi’s POV

Dad was sitting across from me when I finally decided to get out of my room and eat breakfast. Or should I say lunch since it’s already noon? His glasses were almost falling off from the bridge of his nose while a newspaper was in his hands. His eyes were focused on whatever he was reading.

My eyes wandered from my bowl of cereal to him before hurriedly looking down at my bowl. Every time he’d clear his throat, flip a page, or change position in his seat, my shoulders would tense up as I anticipated for him to start scolding me. Nothing came so far and that’s making me even more nervous.

When I was done eating, I carried my bowl to the sink before sitting across Dad again. I took a sip of my coffee and dared to look at him, meeting his gaze. I choked on my coffee and hurriedly placed the cup down before running to get myself water.

“Are you done eating?” Dad finally spoke up, his attention to his newspaper again.

I swallowed the water and timidly walked back to my seat before I answered him. “Yes, Dad”

“You should eat more, Byulyi. You’re getting thinner”

“I will once my stomach stops complaining”

“Want that checked?” he asked, worried eyes briefly meeting mine before going back to the paper in front of him.

“It’s fine, Dad. I’ve already drank medicine”

“Hmm… If you say so. If the pain won’t stop, better get that checked”

“I will”

He nodded at me before clearing his throat and focusing back on his newspaper.

We were once silent again in the kitchen island. I was still hyper aware of his actions while anticipating him shouting at me. If he’d pull out his belt, which I knew I deserved, Mom wouldn’t be here to stop him from hitting me. I believed I deserved a greater punishment than just the belt. He might take away my position in the company and give it to Seulgi, who’s already an intern under Hani’s department.

What will I do by then? Photography? Hyejin said that I’m…

Hyejin.

I closed my eyes and stopped myself from crying by pushing back my tears and forcing them not to come out. I tried not to cry but it’s just so impossible. Mom’s not here to tell me what to do. I don’t ask Dad for these kinds of things. It’s awkward. Now, I lost Hyejin. It hurts even more than losing Mom because I was able to do everything with Mom until her last breath. But I just did every stupid thing with Hyejin.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Dad asked while I shook my head and wiped away my tears.

I sniffed back my tears and gulped hard, swallowing the lump in my throat, before I breathed deeply. “Aren’t you going to scold me?” I asked him.

“If you were around Hana or Jihye’s age, probably even Seulgi’s age, I might’ve scolded you. But you’re mature enough to recognize your mistakes, Byulyi”

“What if I need guidance?” I asked, sparing a glance at Dad and saw warmth in his eyes. “I still need guidance”

“Then my age and experience will be a good help to you. Knock on my door or call me. Just ask me” he said, giving me a small smile.

I sighed in relief but still felt bad for everything that I’ve caused him, my sisters, my friends, and especially Hyejin.

“Will you ask me to step down from my position in the company?”

Dad’s brows rose up from surprise before they furrowed from worry. “Do you want to step down? Does it stress you more than you can handle?”

I shook my head and said, “No… I just thought you’d want me to as my punishment”

Dad softly chuckled while shaking his head, making me even more relieved. “I’ll kick you out of your position if the company needs it. Right now, you’re staying until I or the executives say so”

“Okay… Thank you.” I pouted at my cup of coffee that has long turned lukewarm before I nervously mumbled, “I’m sorry”

“You owe those words to someone else. Not to me”

“I know… But still…” I pouted at Dad before I bent my head low in a bow. It wasn’t practiced much in our household and even in the company but the sense of humility I feel upon doing it made me think that it’s the right thing to do. “I’m really sorry. I’ll try not to cause troubles to you and my sisters”

“It’s okay, Byulyi. Just don’t do it next time. You’re giving your Mom heart attacks even when she’s already with the stars now”

I sat up and saw Dad smiling at me while I nodded at him.

“What are your plans for Hyejin? Your sisters are disappointed at you but they’re always forgiving. With Hyejin…” He sighed heavily as he shook his head and scratched his growing beard. “You’ve done something unforgivable to her, sweetie”

I leaned forward and rested my forehead on the table before closing my eyes. “I know…” I mumbled while groaning from frustration. “I have to apologize to her but I also have to say sorry to my sisters and then to the Kims.” I propped my chin on the table and frowned at Dad as I asked, “There’s no way she’ll take me back, right?”

Dad’s eyes roamed all over my face. If I was standing right now, he’d be assessing me from head to toe. Just like how he looked at me before declaring that I was ready to take over the company.

He slowly shook his head and said, “Right now, definitely no”

I nodded at him before I leaned my forehead on the table again. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. “I ruined my chances already” I mumbled to myself, which Dad still heard.

“Then up your chances” he suggested.

I glanced at him and raised my eyebrows, confused. “How? By now, her family would’ve known what happened. Her other three sisters would’ve known what I did to her. Yong and Wheein would be mad at me. All of them would stop me before I could even get a glimpse of Hyejin and apologize to her properly” I grumbled, choking on my words and feeling my eyes stinging from impending tears. I blinked them rapidly and tried not to cry as I whispered, “She hates me by now”

Dad shrugged and said, “Well, there you go. You already know the challenges. All you have to do is figure out how to deal with them one-by-one”

“How?”

He folded his newspaper and placed it on the table. He faced me with his full attention, making me sit up to give him my full attention too. “Do you love her?” Dad asked the same question that Hyejin asked me months and months ago. The question that I had no idea how to answer.

It’s a subject I’ve been trying to avoid because I was quite sensitive about it.

Yong wasn’t the first person to make me feel things. I just felt that immense sense of being pleased about myself because I was able to be there for her. I was able to hold her when she missed Wheein a lot. I was able to provide comfort and kept her distracted. That sense of fulfillment was something I easily read as slowly falling in love but I know now that it wasn’t love with her.

Before Yong, I met Dahee. Someone that made me feel special. Someone that always made me smile, most of the time stupidly smile. Someone that cares for me and protects me. Someone whose touch does a lot of unexplainable things within me.

Someone who I discovered was only using me.

I realized everything was fake on her end and yet I showed her every side of me because I thought I could trust her with my feelings. I was complaining to her a lot about the stress that father put on me regarding the company. She encouraged me to just keep working hard and promised me that she will always be there beside me.

Of course, she wouldn’t leave. How would she get the connection, money and fame if she would leave me?

As a revenge, I slept with her twice and never spared a glance at her anymore. Flirted with every woman who’d throw themselves at me. I get the pleasure and then they’ll get to be associated with my name. But that’s it. Nothing more.

Yong was the first woman I trusted besides my family and my close friends. Then Wheein came along with Yong. Neither cared about being attached with my name. The two are all over each other to care about me. Yong’s interaction with me was purely all about business and then we became friends. Wheein is the type of person who’s easy to be close with. I get why Hyejin likes her a lot.

And then there’s Hyejin.

Hyejin, who made me feel a lot of things but only talked to me when it was work. Hyejin, who hates my very being because I was an to her. Hyejin, who couldn’t stand being in the same room with me. Hyejin, who didn’t want to sleep with me because she’s not like everyone else. Hyejin, who was beyond Yong’s EA and Wheein’s former secretary.

Hyejin, who became a calm in my stormy life. Hyejin, who’s always there no matter how much I fake banter with her. Hyejin, who reminded me of humility and the simplest things, and who kept me in check. Hyejin, who’s there regardless of the shameful reputation I built myself. Hyejin, who became my home.

I closed my eyes and wiped the tears that came along with a realization and regret. Extreme regret. “I do…” I whispered, sniffing back my tears and clearing my face from the wetness before I faced Dad. “I do love her” I said it out loud again. “I would’ve said this to her if I was able to think properly without worrying about Mom. If I was able to realize this sooner”

“Ahh…” Dad sighed as he leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms in front of him. He smiled so wide at me while his eyes held nothing but pride. “Your Mom is really happy resting with the stars with that confession”

I softly chuckled while wiping my remaining tears. “She wants me married to Yong though”

“She wants you to stop destroying yourself for your sake and your sisters’ sake. 'Desperation calls for desperate measures, honey'. That’s what she said when I told her that there’s no way you and Yongsun would agree to it.” He laughed, his voice deep and loud laugh booming inside the kitchen. “Well… it lead you to Hyejin so it was still a win-win”

“I’d have to remind you, Dad, that Hyejin hates me”

He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the kitchen island to get closer to me. “Let me tell you something… Your Mom hates me too at first”

“Who wouldn’t” I whispered to myself but Dad, even in his old age, still has sharp ears.

“Hey!”

I laughed and cheekily smiled at him, feeling not so guilty about what I said and wanting to .

“Ask me what I did” he said eagerly while a goofy smile was on his face.

I would’ve again but maybe talking about Mom would help him cope over Mom’s passing. We’re all healing in our own ways and seeing Dad this eager made me smile and made me feel relieved.

I softly chuckled at him as I asked, “What did you do?”

“Courting is like running a business, Byulyi. I look at your Mom as an asset I’d like to have. An investment. I looked at myself and assessed myself if I deserved to have an asset like her”

“Don’t objectify Mom” I complained while teasingly glaring at him.

“I’m not! I’m just explaining it in matters we could easily understand! I’m never objectifying your Mom!”

“You sound way too defensive, Dad” I , learning from Hyejin to counter in this way. Makes me miss her so much.

“I wasn’t defensive.” He narrowed his eyes on me as he said, “I’m not objectifying your Mom”

“I know I was just teasing” I said with a light giggle.

“Moving on…” He cleared his throat and continued his story. “So I looked at myself and your Mom and assessed if someone like me deserves someone like her. Obviously, no, so I worked hard to match myself on her level. I went to his parents and asked if I could court their daughter. With the Moon family name, it was easy to convince them. They were intimidated by the name, which was something I never intended. Her sisters and brother however, were difficult to convince, but I showed them that I only want good intentions for your Mom”

“Did Mom agree to be with you when you convinced her family?”

Dad immediately shook his head and laughed, his voice filling the kitchen once again. “No! She hates me!”

“So how did you convince her?”

“I didn’t convince her. I showed her that maybe I’m worth a shot. I already caught her attention by annoying her. All I need to do is show her that I’m worth her time.” His eyes narrowed and wandered away from me to think. “I think it took me almost a year to soften your Mom’s guards down.” He smiled at me, feeling proud of himself as he said, “With consistency and persistence, I was able to get your Mom’s yes both when I asked her out and when I asked her to marry me”

I drew out a long breath as I leaned back on my chair, digesting a story Dad has never told me before. It made me wonder whether I could have Hyejin’s yeses too. The marriage is way too far. I know Hyejin wants that so I’m keeping that in mind. My goal, for now, is to get her first yes. Collect as many yeses I can from her.

After the horrible things I did, I have no confidence about the result of this but I’m willing to take the risk. If it means Hyejin, then I’m willing to risk everything. The uncertainty makes anyone scared but it’s also the start.

“What’s the plan?” Dad asked with the same tone he’d use every time we talk about the company.

“Go get Hyejin” I whispered, my voice filled with doubt because I could never be confident if it has something to do with Hyejin, particularly right at this moment. “Fly to Korea…” I whispered, my mind ticking and running various options while simultaneously planning.

The fog of sleepiness, intoxication and high were slowly clearing out of my mind even with the little caffeine I drank. My mind worked the fastest at that moment because of the deep crisis I buried myself in. I needed to get back up. To desperately get back up.

“Apologize to the Kims. Ask permission from the people close to her. Take a leave. Seulgi’s a little inexperienced for the presidency so I might assign Sandeul to the position. Maybe let Seulgi work close to him if she wanted that. Work remotely from Korea.” I shrugged at Dad and said, “I guess that’s the plan”

He nodded slowly and picked up his newspaper to resume reading. “That’s a great plan”

“I also have something in mind before going there…” I whispered carefully, feeling a little nervous of what I was about to ask him.

“Hmm… yeah?” His attention was already in his newspaper but I know he’s still listening.

“Can you come with me? I want to get tested…” My breath hitched when Dad met my gaze. “Just to make sure… I’ve been keeping myself clean but last night and the other night… parts of my memories out…”

“Sure” he answered nonchalantly before turning to face his newspaper. “What would you do if you tested positive?”

“I’d have to tell her and ask her to get tested just to make sure as well but I’m not pursuing the rest of my plan… if it happens”

I’d be the worst person ever if I unconsciously passed it on her.

“Okay. I’ll come with you”

“Can we have it today?”

“Go take a shower first. You stink, Byulyi. I don’t want to endure even more”

I pouted at him before bending my head low to fidget with the strings of my sweatpants. “I also want to talk with Uncle Rob”

The sound of the newspaper being folded made me flinch. I slowly lifted my eyes and met Dad’s worried gaze once again. Our Uncle Rob is the husband of Mom’s younger sister. He’s a doctor in the field of psychiatry.

“What’s wrong? Are you having a hard time coping over your Mom’s death? Is it about work?”

I shook my head and then nodded at him before shaking my head again. “I’m just having a hard time sleeping since I found out about Mom. Hyejin helped but she’s not here anymore. She gave me this orgel to help me sleep. It’s not working too”

“You want some sleeping pills?” Dad asked, his voice sounded more worried.

I shook my head right away and said, “No… I don’t want a drug. I don’t trust myself that much. Maybe they can recommend me some alternatives to help me sleep”

“Okay…” Dad sighed from relief as he nodded at me. “We’ll drop by his clinic after you get tested. If you have other troubles, don’t hesitate to tell us, Byulyi. We’ll always try to help you, okay?”

“Yes, Dad. Thank you”

“You’re welcome. We’ll go once you’re ready”

I sighed heavily from relief while Dad went back to his newspaper.

That went unexpectedly better than I expected. I almost peed on myself from nervousness the whole time I walked from my room to the kitchen. I didn’t want to face Dad yet, but at the same time, I also wanted to receive his scolding today to get over it right away. When I saw him in the kitchen, I knew it was the end for me.

He never berated me. He did exactly the opposite of what I assumed he’d do, and I love him even more because of that.

I picked up my cold cup of coffee and my empty bowl. I brought them to the sink before I excused myself to get ready.

Before I got out of the kitchen, I turned to Dad and said, “Oh yeah… I’m dying my hair back to black, Dad. We’ll drop by the salon too”

I grinned at him when he looked up from his newspaper before I jogged back to my room. I smiled when I heard Dad’s loud laugh. I could even hear it when I was already heading up the stairs, making me softly giggle.

Negative.

That’s the result from the test I had in the first hospital.

Negative.

This one came from the second hospital.

I had my first test along with my visit to Uncle Rob for consultation. On that night, I realized that I wasn’t content with just one test. I wanted to make sure for my safety and Hyejin’s safety. Damn the other ones. Damn myself even. I just want Hyejin to be safe.

I opened the third test result. The fourth and finally the fifth test result. They all said the same thing.

I looked up from the five papers I was holding and glanced at Dad, Seulgi, Jihye, and Hana, who were all waiting in anticipation. We were all gathered in the living room and an unnerving stillness surrounded us. All of them, except for Hana, never showed a single emotion. Hana was nervously hugging Dad’s arm.

“What?” Seulgi asked, breaking the silence in the room.

My vision of them started getting blurry from my tears. I bit my bottom lip to stop them from shaking.

“What?” Jihye asked, impatient hands reaching towards the result.

I passed the results to her before I went to Dad and hugged him. I cried in his arms while he enveloped me in his protective arms and sighed deeply.

“Negative!” Jihye exclaimed. “You scared me!”

“Why are you crying then?” Dad asked.

“You’re worse than me” I heard Hana mumble, making Dad laugh.

“I thought you hate being mushy,” Seulgi remarked.

“There… there… Stop crying already” Dad said while patting my back.

I pulled back from Dad’s neck and wiped my tears. I glared at him when I heard the hint of a teasing tone in his voice. Then I turned to Hana, who’s closest to me, before looking at my other two sisters. I glared at them before I stood up and snatched my test results from Hana’s hands.

“So it’s good, right?” Hana asked. “It’s good news?”

“It’s good news, Han. Byulyi is just overreacting and being a crybaby” Seulgi answered her.

I glared and pouted at them one last time before rolling my eyes at a giggling Jihye. I marched out of the living room and planned to head back to my room. “You three are not coming with me to Korea”

“Why?!” they all asked at the same time while Dad was laughing at us.

“You’re all meanies. I don’t want meanies hanging around me.” I glared at them and said, “Your bullies!” I turned around and continued walking towards my bedroom.

“Overreacting!” Seulgi countered.

“You’re the bully among the four of us!” This one came from Jihye.

“Not fair!” Hana cried.

Running footsteps spilled out from the living room and chased me up the stairs. They all expressed their complaints in their own ways. Hana’s shaking my arm while whining beside me. Jihye’s on my other side and softly punching my arm to grab my attention. Seulgi’s closely walking right behind me and would whisper her complaints.

I ignored them all until I reached my room.

I wiggled my arm from Hana’s hold and stopped Jihye from punching me. I turned to face all three of them before I said, “I’m flying tonight. If you’re not down in the entry hall before me, then I’m leaving you behind”

“What?!”

Jihye and Hana scrambled to get to their rooms on the other end of the hallway. Seulgi swiftly dodged the two and went inside her room without much fuss.

A chortle escaped my lips and I smirked before I headed inside my room.

When I apologized to the three little piggies over dinner the other day, they attacked me with so many questions. I vaguely answer some of them, especially what happened the night Hyejin left for Korea. Upon knowing that I’ll be taking my break in Korea, they said that they won’t forgive me until I agreed to let them come along with me.

After fourteen hours of flying, two hours of settling in our hotel, and a couple of hours of resting, I found myself carrying a huge pack of tteokbokki, a box of chicken, cartons of strawberry milk, a bag of gummy bears and a bottle of wine in front of the Kim’s residence.

I’m nervous.

I left my sisters in the hotel for this important matter. The number one on my checklist.

I took a huge breath in and released it before using my elbow to press the doorbell. I took a step back and breathed deeply. Just focused on breathing deeply. It’s been three months since I’ve seen and talked to them. It’s making me very awkward after what happened the last time I saw them.

I’m hoping to see Yong first because I’m scared of Wheein. I unleashed the wolf from her puppy self. And that never happened. Almost never happened.

Just then I heard Yong from inside shouted, “Whee! Baby, open the door for me please. Mikey and I are in the middle of the war!”

It wasn’t clear but I was able to make out her statement.

I gulped hard and started to panic when I heard the knob turning before the door was pulled open. I saw Wheein’s tiny feet and her black paint-stained sweatpants. I could also hear squeals, giggles and shouts, which I know came from Mikey and Yong inside their house.

“Ahh…” she whispered, having a hard time recognizing me because my face was covered by my cap.

I cleared my throat and slowly raised my head to meet her gaze. “Hi…” I whispered softly.

“Oh…” Her eyes wandered to my hair before going back to meet my gaze. “You changed your hair” she said, surprised while giving me her dimpled smile. “Byul’s he—Ow!” she groaned and rubbed the back of her head while a blue rubber ball rolled to my feet.

“Close the door!” Yong shouted with urgency.

“Jeez… You asked me to open the door and now you’re mad that I had it open” Wheein mumbled playfully as she picked up the rubber ball on my feet. She helped me carry the bags in my hands and opened the door just a little bit wider. “Get in, Byul, before more of these would come out” Wheein said as she showed the ball to me.

“Ah, yes. Sorry”

“It’s fine”

I went inside and saw a huge mess in their living room.

More of those rubber balls were scattered everywhere. There’s a fortress of cube foams standing behind Mikey and another one behind Yong. Mikey’s wearing a camouflage shirt and pants and a helmet. Yong’s in her workout clothes; black sports bra and black leggings. Mikey’s carrying a huge nerf gun while crouched down behind a toy tank. He’s aiming at Yong, who’s carrying a basket of those rubber balls. She’s throwing it towards Mikey. Knowing Yong, she’s pretending to be having a bad aim.

“Mikey wants to be a soldier. That’s why…” Wheein explained with a soft chuckle.

Surprised, my head whipped towards her before I asked, “And you’re letting him?”

Wheein laughed a little louder as she shook her head. “It’s just a phase. He wanted to be like me when he was very small and then he wanted to be like his Mommy. Yong’s father taught him how to shoot those nerf guns, so now he wants to be a soldier. I’m sure he wouldn’t figure out what he wanted until he’ll be close to attending university already”

“Byul, you’re here! I love the black hair” Yong said, waving her hand at me with a huge smile on her face.

Was I the one who was intoxicated or did they forget what happened the last time we saw each other?

“Go! Go! Go!” Mikey shouted and tried to shoot his Mommy.

He discovered that he had no more bullets so he dropped the gun. He ran to the moving tank and pushed it even faster. He ducked under Yong’s legs while Yong just let Mikey pass under her. With a final push, he crashed down Yong’s fortress.

“Mike win! Mike win!” he shouted with his arms up while jumping up and down. He ran to Wheein, his laugh making me smile, and high-fived with his Mom. “Mike win! Down Mommy castle!” he said to me for another high five.

“Congrats, buddy” I ruffled his hair before pinching his cheek.

He ran back to Yong’s fallen fortress and jumped on the pile of cube foams. He spread his arms and legs while giggling nonstop.

“You beat Mommy, Mikey” Yong said with a proud smile as she gave Mikey a salute.

“I’m sorry if it’s messy here,” Wheein said, grabbing the other bag from my hand.

“Oh no, it’s fine. I came here unannounced so it’s fine, Wheein. Don’t worry”

“Go sit on the couch. Feel at home” Wheein dodged the mess of toys scattered on the living room floor as she headed to the dining area. “Did you just arrive here this morning?”

I took off my shoes and wore some indoor slippers. “I arrived last night with my sisters”

“Your sisters are here?” Yong placed the basket of balls down before throwing the ball she was holding at Mikey’s fortress. It got knocked down with just one shot. “Why didn’t you bring them with you?” she asked, opening her arms and expecting a hug from me.

I stopped from heading to the couches and went to give her a hug. They’re really acting as if I didn’t do the stupidest thing a friend could do to them. “I wanted to talk to you both…” I took a step back and shyly scratched my neck. “About what happened… That night”

“Have you talked to Hyejin already?”

I shook my head and said, “I wanted to talk to you first”

“Okay. I smelled tteokbokki from you. You brought tteokbokki, right?”

I rolled my eyes while chuckling at her as I made my way to the couch. “You’re turning into a human tteokbokki at this point”

Yong excused herself to quickly shower and change not before leaving Mikey to me. And not before ranting that tteokbokki is the best.

Mikey and I built the fortresses again. Then he didn’t want to deal with them anymore once they were already standing, so he left them and played with his tank instead. He asked me to push the tank faster. I had to bend forward and run in that position. It was difficult but it made him giggle and squeal excitedly. I didn’t notice my exhaustion until I was already seated on the couch.

Wheein laughed at me when she was serving tteokbokki and chicken on the coffee table. “Only Yong can match Mikey’s endless energy” she said, pouring a glass of water for me before sitting on the couch opposite from me.

I took off my cap and brushed back my hair. I slowly dabbed the back of my hand all over my face to wipe my sweat. “God… I’m exhausted already” I mumbled before drinking water.

“You’re black hair really suits you”

“Thank you”

Yong came back from showering and changing Mikey’s