"Are you really leaving now?" Reina asked while crying. 

"Aren't you the one who keeps on convincing me to join this show? Why are you crying now?" I said while laughing because of how she's crying right now. 

"But I didn't know you'll go this soon!" she complained. 

It's been a month when I impulsively filmed an audition video for the X Produce 99 and sent it to their email address. A month has passed after that and I thought didn't get in so I was ready to let it go but as I was finding an email sent to me by my classmate for our group work, I stumble upon my spam messages, and there, I saw that I actually got in. They sent me a confirmation email a week after I emailed them and I didn't know.

After replying to their email, they immediately sent me my flight tickets and handled my VISA. I only had a week to say my goodbyes to my close friends and family. My family actually didn't know about the audition and I only told them when I saw I passed the audition. So my mom didn't talk to me for days and I felt terrible for not telling them. But I just didn't want to get ahead of myself because I wasn't expecting that I'll actually pass the audition. My mom just talked to me yesterday when we came to an agreement that I'll still finish my college degree whatever happens.

I'll be stopping for a few months for this audition and if ever I get eliminated, I'll come back immediately and continue my studies. On the other hand, if I get to debut (which I doubt), once I become stable there, I'll continue my studies. So I agreed and here we are at the airport. I'll be flying to South Korea to prepare for the first shoot. I'll be training there for 6 months with other trainees.

I really don't know what got inside my head that I decided to do this. Just thinking about being alone there, full of strangers, I already feel like puking. My introverted self can't handle it. I just wish that they're friendly so I'll be more comfortable with them.

"Ms. Elleven Xoey Ochoa?" asked by a stranger guy who came from nowhere. I nodded and he continued, "Ah. I'm a staff from X Produce 99. We'll be leaving in half an hour and we already need to check in your things. Other trainees are also waiting for you."

"Ah. Yes. Okay. I understand," I answered and as soon as I said my goodbyes, Reina bawled her eyes out again. I laughed at her and pat her back, "I'll be back soon. Don't worry," I said.

I saw my sister secretly wipe her tears and my mom is just looking away, pretending she doesn't care. While my dad is also slightly tearing up. We're really not that affectionate in the family so we don't really show our love that much. 

"I'll call whenever I have time," I told them and waved goodbye.

"Have a safe trip," my dad replied and patted me on my back.

I said my last goodbyes and walked away from them. I wanted it to be short because any time soon, I might cry in front of them and change my mind. You know, I'm kinda impulsive.

I followed the guy who called me a while ago and he showed me the way where the other trainees are after he checked in my things. I saw a few older Korean girls, which I think are other staff of X Produce 99, then beside them are two girls that seem the same age as me.

Oh. Maybe they're the other trainees I'll be flying with.

As soon as I got closer to them, one of those girls seems so familiar and the moment she faced me, both our eyes widened.

"Ya! What are you doing here?!" she shouted.

She's still the loud person I met back then, I thought.

"Wah! Did you auditioned too?" she asked and I nodded with a big smile.

It's such a relief that at least I'm sure that I know someone to where I am going now.

Actually, no. I haven't asked her name yet since the concert. And yes, it's the fangirl friend I met at EXO's concert.

"Omg! I can't believe I'll see you here again!" I said and hugged her when she offered a hug. I'm not touchy but because of her, I feel like I can be clingy to her.

"I know, right?" she agreed and continued, "After I left that day, I just realized that we never asked for each other's name!" she said, laughing.

I laughed as well and agreed, "I know, right? Can we prioritize that now? What's your name?" I asked.

"I'm Skylar Tan. You can call me Sky. How about you?," she answered and I replied, "I'm Elleven Xoey Ochoa but you can call me L."

"Finally! We now know each other's names. Nice to finally meet you!" she said while shaking my hand. "Oh. By the way, this is Yoo Cho Hee, she's half-Filipino and half-Korean. She got in too in this global audition," she introduced the other girl who seems around my age too.

"Hi. Nice to meet you," she smiled and I replied with a nice to meet you too.

We talked for a while waiting for our flight and I got to know more about them. They're actually a year older than me so we agreed that I'll call them unni (Older sister).

We just talked during our flight and I couldn't sleep not only because I'm nervous about what will happen to me for the next few months, but also because Sky unni can't stop telling me stories. She's really hyper and energetic but it wasn't tiring to be with her. An introverted person like me who can't talk that much needs someone like her that can influence me to talk more.

We arrived at 4 in the morning at Incheon airport. We drove an hour and a half to our dormitory, where we will live for the next few months. As soon as we entered our place, they confiscated our phones because we aren't allowed to use them to avoid spoilers.

They let us take a rest for a few hours since our first schedule will be 8 in the morning. Thankfully, they let us choose our own rooms and roommates so the three of us are in a room together.

We unpacked our things and eventually, took a nap.

---

A staff woke us up and asked us to go to the main hall to meet the other trainees. We all got up and followed the staff down the hall.

When we arrived at the hall, that's just when I realized that 99 people are actually many. The hall is already crowded with the trainees and there are still more who are coming in.

Cho Hee is actually a trainee of Jellyfish company so she went to her fellow trainees. While I and Sky unni are independent trainees, which means we don't have an agency that handles us. But Sky unni actually told me that she trained under Fantagio company for 4 years already and was supposed to debut with Weki Meki but didn't make it to the cut off so she decided to quit the company.  But after a year, she heard the news that X Produce 99 has a global audition so she tried it, thinking that it would be her last chance to debut.

"Gosh. They're all so pretty and tall. I feel like I want to go home already, unni!" I said to Sky unni. She only laughed and hugged me, "You're pretty and tall too," she said, probably trying to comfort me.

As I looked around the hall, I felt pressured with so many cameras recording us and there is so much staff that surrounds us, as well.

"Okay, everyone, listen up!" a staff, which I think is the main PD (producer), said in front which makes everyone silent and listen to her. "First, let me congratulate all of you for passing the first round of audition," she congratulated us and everyone clapped.

"Okay. For your first task, you'll need to dance, sing, and memorize the lyrics of the song that we'll be presenting to you later on. We'll give you a week to practice and memorize everything, then after that, you'll be performing in front of a camera and the judges will evaluate you with your video performance. This song will also be the title song of this program," she explained.

Heoool. Omaygad. Do we need to do all that in a span of one week? How is that even possible?

Everyone was obviously shocked by the announcement. While the others remained calm, probably because they're already used to this pressure since they're long-time trainees already. But how about people like me, who don't even have experience with this kind of environment?

Oh Lord, please help me!

The staff showed us the video for our performance. And the only thing I can say now is,

Did I really make the right decision to join this survival show?

The choreography is too hard for a song that needs to be performed with live vocals. Also, even though I'm more confident in singing than dancing, the song is in a high tone which will make it harder to perform while dancing.

What is this that I entered? This is the result of my impulsiveness: torture.

"So to help you practice well for this performance you'll be practicing in a group. Since most of you have your own team already, especially those who came from the same agencies, that will be your group already for practicing. On the other hand, for those who are independent trainees, you may choose to form your own group or join another group," the staff explained.

I and Sky unni both agreed to be a team. We tried to join other teams but they didn't want to accept be two of us together so we just decided to just practice on our own. I have Sky unni in my team so we'll both rely on her 4 years experience as a trainee.

"Unni, what should we do? They don't want us to join them. I even don't have experience and I'm actually a one day trainee," I said, feeling so much pressure. I feel bad for Sky unni because she can't join other teams since she can't just leave me alone.

"Aigoo. It's fine. Don't worry. We can do this! Fighting!" she said lifting up my fighting spirit.

"Okay, then. I'll trust you, unni. I'll do my best and work hard so I won't disappoint you. Fighting!" I promised.

---

Days have passed since we started practicing and I just feel more pressure seeing how good the other trainees are.

Gosh. I feel so small watching them practice. How can they be so good?

"Hey. It's okay. You'll do great later. Just remember to do your best. You can do it, okay?" Sky unni said, cheering me up.

I swear, if not for Sky unni's warm words, I would have flown back to my country already.

It's actually our evaluation day already. We'll be filming ourselves and the judges will evaluate it.

"Thank you, unni! Fighting!" I said in reply to Sky unni before we went out to the main hall for the shoot.

The number of cameras inside increased compared to the first time we went here. The moment I saw how many cameras are there and the stage where we will perform, I felt my stomach grumbling because of how nervous I am. I really feel so anxious with all these people and the number of cameras. My introverted self can't handle all this. I feel so much pressure all over my body.

I really hope I'll do well.

Thankfully, I managed to memorize all the steps and lyrics in a span of one week with the help of Sky unni.

"Okay, let's start with the first group. Please decide who will go first. The same thing for the other groups, decide who will go first so our system will be faster," the main PD announced.

"Should I go first?" Sky unni asked which I nodded in reply. I'm too nervous to go first even though we're the 25th group.

The individual performances have started.

"They're so good," I commented while watching one of the members of the 13th group.

"Yeah. I know, right?" Sky unni agreed.

I can feel that she's nervous too because of her short replies. I thought I was the only one who's nervous but it seems like she is too. I think she doesn't show it to me because she's afraid that I'll get more nervous.

I really like Sky unni. She's so kind and considerate to me. I really wish she'll debut this time.

"Next, 20th group?" the staff said then a 5 member group stood up. "Who'll go first?" the staff asked then a familiar girl raised her hand, "I'll go first."

"Unni, isn't she the one in the concert?" my shocked self asked. "Heooool! Yes. I think so," she replied.

We're both shocked seeing the Korean girl we saw at EXO's concert in the Philippines.

Wow. What a small world, I guess?

"I heard she's a sasaeng though," I told her which made her face me, "For real? Where did you hear that?" she asked with a shocked face. 

"Oh? Uhm...ah..I read in Twitter. There's a rumor that she's their uhm...ah..sasaeng," I stuttered as I try to come up with an excuse because it's actually Chanyeol who told me that.

"Really? I haven't heard that rumor though," she said, still shocked. "Oh. Maybe it's just a rumor," I just said so she won't ask anymore.

"Please introduce yourself then give us an okay signal so we can start the music," the main PD said to the Korean fan, or maybe sasaeng. I don't know.

"Annyeong haseyo, Ha Bong Cha-imnida!" she started then bowed and held an okay sign for the staff to play the song.

Everyone clapped after her performance as she really did great. She actually memorized everything from the start to the end, both the lyrics and choreography. She also had a stable voice while dancing. She performed so well that I feel like she'll get the rank number 1. The trainees before her actually did well too but haven't memorized the whole song yet but she was able to do it in one week.

I can't help but praise her. She really did great. She's also pretty. Wow. What can she not do?

"Good job!" the main PD said while smiling at her and I think that was the first time she said that to a trainee.

Speaking of that, most of the staff are only wearing straight faces which makes them scary. To add to that, they actually say hurtful words when they're displeased with something.

Like those trainees earlier who didn't perform that well, one staff said "If you'll continue to be like that just quit already. We don't need trainees like you."

Harsh, right?

That's why my heart can't stop beating so fast right now, especially since a candidate for rank number 1 has shown up already.

"25th group?" the staff called and we immediately stood up.

Oh god. Here it is! It's our turn now. Heart, please calm down! We need to do well so calm down already!

"Fighting, unni!" I cheered for Sky unni before she stepped up on stage.

"Annyeong haseyo, Skylar Tan-imnida!" she introduced herself and immediately aced the performance.

Wah! Even Sky unni did great with her performance! Everyone clapped for her and she was also praised by the staff. I think she's another candidate for the 1st rank.

I need to do well. I don't want to embarrass and disappoint her.

As soon as I step my foot on stage, I feel like my world will crumble any time soon because of all the eyes and cameras on me. I feel like my stomach will explode because of nervousness and my palms are sweating so much.

"Start now," the main PD said. I nodded and started with, "Annyeong haseyo, Elleven Xoey Ochoa-imnida!" then bowed.

I inhaled a deep breath and even heard Sky unni whisper 'Fighting!' before I held an okay sign for the music to play.

You can do this, L!

I started to dance and sing like what I've been practicing for the past week. I only looked at the main PD, who's near the camera, like what Sky unni taught me when I told her I'm camera shy. She told me to pick at least one person from the audience to focus my eyes with and it will help me feel less pressure from all the eyes looking at me. 

But I got distracted when she suddenly coughed which caused me to miss my beat. Then I heard someone from the audience suppress their laugh which made me more distracted.

I totally forgot the next lyrics so I stopped singing and just continued dancing. When I looked around again, I can see the disappointment in their faces and made me stop dancing too because I got out and didn't know what the next steps were.

I bowed 90 degrees in front of the camera and said, "Jeosonghamnida! (I'm sorry)" which I keep on repeating until they stopped the music.

I looked at the staff with an apologetic look and the main PD said, "If you're gonna show us a trashy performance like that, you better quit already while it's still early and don't waste our time. There are more trainees out there whose more deserving than you!"

"Let's take a quick break. God. That performance stressed me out!" the staff burst out in anger and walked out of the room.

I continued to apologize to everyone in the room for the inconvenience that I made.

Oh gosh. L, what have you done?

"Unni, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I'm sorry for embarrassing you. Gosh. I'm really sorry," I keep on apologizing to Sky unni but she keeps on saying,

"No. It's fine. It's your first time, anyway. It's normal to make a mistake like that, especially since everything is new to you. I understand. You don't have to worry. You'll get there. This is just a start and I know you'll do well next time. I've seen you practiced so hard for this, you just needed more time. Okay? I'll help you to get used to this. Stop saying sorry already."

I really don't know what I'll do if not for Sky unni. She's like an angel sent by heaven for me. I'll probably bawl my eyes out the moment I messed up if she wasn't by my side.

I just hugged her tight and thanked her for her kind words to me.

---

It's currently 10 in the evening and the individual performances are done and the judges have already evaluated them.

We were asked to go back to the main hall again after dinner to announce our individual rankings.

"I'll now announce the individual rankings given by the judges. I'll announce it randomly," the staff announced.

I don't feel nervous already because I know that I'll probably rank last.

"For the rank number 1..." she started.

I put my hands together wishing that it will be Sky unni. She deserves it so much so I hope she'll get it.

"Ha Bong Cha of Fantagio company! Congratulations!" she announced the Korean fan's name.

Aigoo. I thought it would be Sky unni. But she did great too. Both of them deserve the title.

"For the 2nd rank..." she started again, "Skylar Tan, an independent trainee! Congratulations!" she continued while giving Sky unni's 2nd rank sticker.

"Wah! Unni, congrats! I'm so proud of you!" I said excitedly when she returned.

"Thank you!" she replied, excited as well then hugged me.

One by one the ranks are announced. Yoo Cho Hee ranked 8th and I congratulated her when she walked our side and she said thanks.

"Elleven Ochoa, an independent trainee. Your rank is..." the staff looked at me with disappointment all over her eyes.

"I'll probably be the 99th," I whispered.

"Ya! Think positive! Maybe you'll rank higher than that! You did great on the first part though," Sky unni said, still cheering me up.

"98th rank," the staff finished her sentence.

At least it's not the 99th, I guess.

Think positive, right?