“I love you Jiyeon.”

Jiyeon remained silent, she already expected that. She was aware that Minhyun actually never stopped loving her and when he started to act like nothing more than a friend, she knew it wouldn’t last long.

She continued to look into Minhyun’s eyes, they were so serious and determined, Jiyeon got completely immersed in them.

The boy had that power over her, ever since they met, Jiyeon would feel comfortable by his side, he always managed to make her feel at ease, he cared for her and also loved her. She had been so into Myungsoo’s topic that she actually never stopped to think about Minhyun and what she actually felt towards him.

Back in the day, Hyomin already noticed something going on between them

>>So, what do you think about Minhyun?

She even asked something like that the first time they met. Only until that moment Jiyeon started to ask herself, what was Minhyun for her?

>>If you treat Myungsoo as a friend then, would you be able to behave the same way with Minhyun?

Hyomin asked her that once and back then she quickly got her answer and realized that she liked Myungsoo. However, she was now having dinner at Minhyun’s house, it was something she never did with Myungsoo and not only that, she attended prom with Minhyun as well and had also done a lot of things with him that she never did with Myungsoo. If she put a thought into it, she had had a closer relationship with Minhyun during the last years than with Myungsoo.

>>Are you interested in him?

Another question Hyomin made to her that back then she could answer without hesitation, but now things were different. How could she not be interested in him?

When they were together she always looked for him, whenever their friends planned to hang out she always hoped for Minhyun to attend. She also noticed it herself, she started looking at him with another eyes, even the smiles she gave him were completely different than the ones she showed to everyone else.

Was that the way she looked at Myungsoo back in the day? Or maybe, it was something completely different, something that even she was unaware of until that moment.

She then remembered that before the date, Hyomin also told her that maybe it was already time for her to get over Myungsoo and start looking at her surroundings.

Jiyeon continued to stare into Minhyun’s eyes and recalled all the times he was there for her. His smiles, hugs, words and also the times he listened to her.

 >>Well I made you smile so it’s worth it.

Those words from him came back to her mind as well as his warm smile.

How come I never stopped to think about him? About how much our relationship has grown? Why I never stopped to look at him?

Since Jiyeon remained silent just staring at him, Minhyun little by little started to approach her, the girl could feel his nervousness and soon she was also able to feel his breathing.

Even when the movie was still playing, somehow everything around her became silent, she could only focus on the boy in front of her, his scent, his breathing, his sole presence.

When their lips were just centimeters apart, Minhyun stopped as if doubting about to kiss her or not, so Jiyeon closed the distance, their lips met and they closed their eyes. It was a sweet kiss. Jiyeon could still feel Minhyun’s nervousness but she was also able to feel all the love Minhyun was trying to convey with that kiss. He was being really gentle with her and wasn’t rushing anything.

Jiyeon could feel the warm inside her and the happiness also made appearance. However, something else also took place.

Guilt.

During the kiss she remembered how Minhyun told her that he loved her before kissing her but then another voice also appeared in her mind.

>>I love you, I truly really love you dearly Jiyeon.

Jiyeon snapped her eyes open and out of impulse put a hand over his chest, retreating and breaking the kiss. She couldn’t look at him so she remained with her gaze down. Minhyun looked at her with confusion, he was about to ask something when Jiyeon spoke.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

Minhyun sighed and both remained like that for some moments. Jiyeon still didn’t dare to look at him and kept her hand over his chest, while Minhyun looked at the hand over his chest with a sad expression.

Jiyeon was feeling terrible but also angry. Why? Even after all that time, Myungsoo was still lingering in her mind and her heart.

“I won’t apologize.”

Minhyun’s voice made her snap out of her thoughts and she lifted her head to look at him, who was also looking at her.

“I won’t apologize for what happened, I wanted to kiss you and also convey you all my feelings through it.” Minhyun made a pause and then his expression changed to a hurt one. “So please, don’t apologize, don’t make it sound like this was a mistake because I’m sure it wasn’t.”

Jiyeon moved her hand from his chest to his face, she caressed his cheek and her eyes started to be full of tears. Minhyun leaned on her hand and closed his eyes for a moment. Jiyeon wouldn’t deny that seeing him in such a state was painful, for some reason, she didn’t want to see him suffering, she just wanted to take him into her arms and embrace him in order to get rid of all his sadness.

“I know. Myunngsoo’s shadow is still in your heart.” Minhyun suddenly said.

Jiyeon widened her eyes in surprise and her hand twitched a bit, Minhyun then opened his eyes and took her hand off from his face but still holding it before speaking again.

“But I don’t want to be his replacement, I don’t think I deserve that. I’m aware that I fell in love with someone whose eyes were already looking at someone else, that was my mistake.” Minhyun chuckled sadly. “I won’t take back what I said because it’s true, I love you Jiyeon, but even someone like me gets tired of waiting.”

Jiyeon’s heart missed a beat after hearing that. She knew what that meant and for some reason she didn’t want that, she didn’t want to be apart from Minhyun.

“I think the best for us right now is to put some distance. Let’s think about what we truly want and feel.”

It hurt. More than Jiyeon would’ve imagined. Minhyun was proposing for them to distance from each other. Deep down inside her, she knew he was right, he didn’t deserved to be just Myungsoo’s replacement and to receive just a little part of the love she still had inside her. There’s no way that’d be fair.

Jiyeon couldn’t stand that ambivalence anymore. She freed from Minhyun’s hold and stood up.

“I’m really sorry.”

It was the only thing she could say before going away and leaving Minhyun behind.

 

Jiyeon reached her house and after closing the door, she collapsed. Tears wouldn’t stop coming out, everything inside her was like a turmoil.

She was confused, it was more than obvious that Minhyun couldn’t be labeled as just a friend anymore. In fact it had been already months that he couldn’t be labeled like that. What confused her was that Myungsoo was still in her head, how can she be sure if she was in love with Minhyun or if she was only using him as a replacement?

She was sad, beyond sad actually. She was aware that she was hurting Minhyun, she knew his feelings since a long time ago, the boy had always been honest with her and also always respected her decisions. He was kind and understanding. Jiyeon thought that what she was doing wasn’t fair at all.

She was angry, furious with herself. Why? Why after all that time Myungsoo was still a topic she couldn’t get over with? She was hurting not only herself but also others because of her attachment to Myungsoo, because of her attachment to the past. Her weakness infuriated her.

She was afraid. Afraid of making the same mistake with Minhyun, afraid of acting just according to her feelings, last time she did that, it cost her dearly. Afraid of being abandoned again. Afraid of her own mind.

That night the girl couldn’t sleep at all, overthinking about what she should do, what was right or wrong and trying to decipher what her true feelings towards Myungsoo and Minhyun were.

 

Months later, Myungsoo and Sungkyu reunited at a bar. It’d been a while since the two friends actually saw each other so they had a lot to talk about.

Myungsoo got a job some weeks ago and he was actually doing fine, he wasn’t getting into trouble anymore and his life little by little seemed to be going the right way.

Sungkyu was about to graduate and become a lawyer, he was still having a good and calm life.

“So how’s it going between you and Nana?” Sungkyu asked.

Myungsoo smiled warmly before answering.

“We’re doing great, she’s marvelous you know? I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like her.”

Sungkyu smiled a bit. It was obvious that Myungsoo was madly in love with her.

“I’ve never seen you so in love with a girl before.” Sungkyu teased.

“Shut up.” Myungsoo said after chuckling.

After that both had a sip from their drinks and then Sungkyu spoke again.

“You seem to be doing really fine, did you finally found your balance again?”

“I haven’t been this calm in a long time.” Myungsoo sincerely answered. “Nana is a great support as well, even when I still feel a bit lost sometimes I guess I’m actually doing better.”

Sungkyu nodded and then sighed, he hated to be the one to bring the topic to the table but it was something that was still lingering.

“I hate to always be the one to bring her up but have you talked with Jiyeon?”

Sungkyu could see how Myungsoo immediately became uncomfortable with the mention of the girl. He was aware that bringing Jiyeon up could lead to Myungsoo have a breakdown again but truth was that the topic wasn’t close for Myungsoo neither for Jiyeon and they just chose to run away.

“I won’t lie to you.” Myungsoo said after sighing heavily. “I do miss her, we used to be best friends after all and also went through a lot together. However, I love Nana, I deeply love her and I’d hate to hurt her.”

Sungkyu snorted and took a sip from his drink before speaking.

“It’s the first time I hear you speak with such confidence.”

Myungsoo frowned and looked at him in confusion.

“I once made you choose between Kyungri and Jiyeon, remember?” Sungkyu continued. “And back then you weren’t able to choose between the one who was your girlfriend and the one who was just your friend. I told you that it was strange for you to doubt between them since it’d be obvious that you’d choose the woman you love.” He made a pause. “And now, you answered without a doubt and chose the woman you love, congrats Myungsoo, it seems that you finally are sure about your true feelings and what you want.”

Myungsoo chuckled a bit and also took a sip from his drink.

“Even when I’m happy for you, I can’t help but to think about her and how she must be feeling now.” Sungkyu remarked.

Myungsoo put his glass down and sighed again still looking at the glass.

“I also think about that sometimes but somehow I just can’t bring myself to talk to her, also since Nana and Jiyeon are friends, I don’t want to complicate things or create misunderstandings.”

“I understand and I’m not trying to make you feel guilty at all but you have to be aware that in the end, the one who ended up hurt was Jiyeon.”

“I know.” Myungsoo answered with a glimpse of guilt.

 

A whole year passed in a blink and things changed for everyone.

Hyomin got a great job and she was doing marvelously, still being her energetic and outgoing self.

Sungkyu graduated with honors and immediately got a good job and was becoming a great lawyer.

Myungsoo was also starting to grow in his job and little by little everything started to fall in the right place.

As for Jiyeon, things at her work were going great, she really enjoyed being a teacher, she actually found the passion inside her that was asleep and was starting to finally believe that she made the right choice with her career. However, even when her life in that moment was actually calm and good, her feelings were a different thing.

Myungsoo’s topic was something that she was already starting to get over with. She gave it a lot of thought and was finally starting to have a closure even when she didn’t have the chance to talk things through. She would do it by herself and for her own sake.

The other side of the coin was Minhyun. After the terrible date at his house, the boy actually didn’t look for her that much, he never asked her for a date again and they only knew about each other by the talks they sometimes held and social media. Jiyeon was conflicted about him, she wasn’t sure if she was already alright enough to try to decipher her feelings towards Minhyun. She was still afraid of hurting him again like the last time, she didn’t want to see that expression on his face ever again.

 

One day she was at her house since it was a free day in her job, she woke up late and took a bath in order to relax. Everything was fine until she browsed through her social media after blowing her hair.

She frowned when she saw a post from Nana, it’d been a while since the girl posted something, so Jiyeon assumed it most probably was going to be a photo of Myungsoo and her, however, it was more than just a photo of the two.

The post was an announcement of Myungsoo and Nana’s engagement.

Jiyeon couldn’t believe what she was seeing and just stared at the screen of her phone for a long time.

She didn’t know what to feel. Sadness? Anger? Happiness? Strictly speaking, she and Myungsoo hadn’t had anything to do with each other since a long time ago and she was aware that Nana and Myungsoo were doing great with their relationship, it somehow wasn’t something to be that surprised about.

But her thoughts and feelings weren’t helping at all.

Suddenly her phone received a call, she looked at the screen and saw Hyomin’s name on it. Jiyeon snorted.

She must have seen the notice as well.

She answered the phone and Hyomin immediately spoke.

“Hey Jiyeon, how are you?”

Jiyeon noticed that Hyomin was being cautious, as if trying to know if Jiyeon already knew or not.

“You’re talking about Myungsoo’s engagement, right?”

Hyomin remained silent some seconds before answering.

“So you already saw it.” She said discouraged. “How are you feeling?”

Even when Jiyeon really tried to suppress her tears, she ended up crying, the feelings overwhelmed her and she couldn’t control them.

“I don’t know Hyomin. I really don’t know.” She confessed in between sobs.

“I’ll head to your house, I’ll be there in a moment, wait for me and don’t do anything stupid, alright?” Hyomin instructed.

Jiyeon agreed and after that they cut the call, the girl did as Hyomin said and waited for her there.

 

Half an hour later, Hyomin was already outside of her home.

The moment Jiyeon closed the main door after her friend was inside, she embraced her and started to cry again. Hyomin sighed and started to her hair while returning the hug.

“I know dear, I know.” She repeated with a warm voice.

Hyomin let Jiyeon cry until she let it all out, after that, they moved to the couch and Jiyeon started to talk.

“This is ridiculous. I know I’m being ridiculous.”

“No you’re not, I know this is something hard for you.”

Jiyeon sighed and ruffled her own hair with frustration.

“I hate to feel like this Hyomin.” She confessed with anger. “It supposed that I was already over Myungsoo, why am I feeling bad again? It’s as if I went back to the time when he stopped talking to me, I feel as if not a day has passed since that and it’s already been years.”

Hyomin looked at her with sadness, she could understand her friend’s frustration since even she felt powerless upon seeing her friend in such a state again after all that time.

“Jiyeon don’t be so hard with yourself, things with Myungsoo were a mess since the start and even when you tried to give a closure to all of this, truth is that you still aren’t able to give a proper closure to everything between you two even after all this time, that’s why this notice affects you this much.”

Jiyeon remained silent, thinking about what Hyomin was telling her. Hyomin was doubting about telling her what she was thinking but in the end she decided that she had to tell her friend.

“You’re this hurt because you were still expecting that Myungsoo would come back to you one day, you hoped that his relationship with Nana would end like the others and he would eventually return to you.”

Jiyeon chuckled and rubbed her eyes, trying to suppress her tears.

“You’re right.” She confessed with sadness. “Somewhere deep in my heart I hoped for them to break up and Myungsoo to return to me, no, actually, I wasn’t hoping for that, I was sure it’d happen. It always happened, so now knowing that he’ll never return to me, it hurts.”

Hyomin sighed heavily and Jiyeon looked away.

“But what’s worse is that it isn’t that what’s hurting me this much.”

Hyomin frowned and looked at her with confusion, Jiyeon looked back at her and she could notice how broken the girl was.

“I keep asking myself why couldn’t it be me?” Hyomin widened her eyes and Jiyeon chuckled sadly, looking away. “It’s pretty stupid, right? But I can’t help it. I keep wondering what I did so wrong for him to disappear like that, what did I lack? What was so bad about me that he didn’t choose me to share our lives?” Jiyeon made a pause and dried a tear that ran through her cheek. “Myungsoo never spoke about marriage, he even told me once that he didn’t want to be tied by something like that until he was older. So why?”

“Jiyeon...” Hyomin could only say.

“We talked about it once though.” Jiyeon said with a sad smile. “I never told anyone about this but, do you remember the day Myungsoo and me were playing on the grass that you came to tell me class was about to start and we went together to the classroom, I think it was during our second year.”

Hyomin thought about it for a moment and then answered.

“Oh yes I remember, that the whole class started to tease you because you and Myungsoo arrived with your hands intertwined.”

Jiyeon nodded and chuckled sadly.

“Well, that day we came to an agreement.” Jiyeon started to explain. “He stared at me for some moments and then told me that if we grew old and still weren’t married, we could get married. He said that I was the kind of woman that he would choose to marry. Back then I was sure it’d happen, I mean, Myungsoo never had relationships that lasted too long and me neither, so I was sure that was the future that awaited us.”

Hyomin listened attentively to her friend, still with a frown trying to understand the whole mess Myungsoo and Jiyeon got into.

“So, now I keep asking myself, what about those things he said? If he wasn’t ready to get married even when he said that I was the kind of woman he would marry, then why now he’ll marry Nana? Why wasn’t I enough?”

Hyomin took her friend by the shoulders and looked at her with a serious expression.

“Okay stop now and listen to me Jiyeon.”

Jiyeon remained silent and Hyomin continued.

“This doesn’t have to do with you being enough or not. Myungsoo fell in love, that’s all.” Jiyeon frowned in confusion. “I’m sorry to say this but that agreement you both came up with was ridiculous. ‘I’ll marry you if I don’t find someone I want to marry in order not to die alone?’ Come on girl that’s the epitome of conformism. That didn’t mean that you loved each other, it only meant that you two were going to conform with each other since you couldn’t find anyone better. How does that make sense?”

Jiyeon was about to answer something but immediately shut up, she never saw it like that but what Hyomin said had perfect sense.

“One doesn’t choose who to fall in love with Jiyeon, it’s something that just happens, and Myungsoo fell in love with Nana. Not because she was better than you but because of who she is.” Hyomin explained with a warmer tone. “There’s no need for you to wonder what you did wrong or what you lacked because it isn’t about that at all.”

Jiyeon chuckled and cleaned her tears, she looked at Hyomin with a smile.

“What would I do without you?”

Hyomin laughed a bit and embraced her friend.

“Everything will be alright.” Hyomin assured with a warm voice patting her back.

Jiyeon smiled and just nodded.

Hyomin stayed with Jiyeon that night, helping her to overcome that moment of her life and cheering on her for what was still to come.

 

A/N: Next chapter will be the last, please expect it! <3 We'll finally know how Jiyeon and Myungsoo's story will end.

As always, thank you so so much for reading, and your patience, comments are appreciated ^^ stay safe and have a beautiful day <3