What do I call you
At a moment like this
Maybe just calling you by your name
Is the easiest
You used to be my lover
my honey
my daisy
my only
So what do I call you now

Taeyeon sangs her song passionately in front of her fans when she was in a fan meeting in Seoul. Jessica smiled proudly in the backstage, looking Taeyeon bathed in glory on stage as she mesmerized by Taeyeon’s voice.

My Taenggo – Jessica.

Jessica chuckled by herself when she thought that word in her head. Jessica had seen and came to Taeyeon’s concert before, but somehow today was different. Today she came to the fan meeting as Taeyeon’s someone special.

Taeyeon always knew that Jessica also loves to sing and she had a sweet beautiful voice. Taeyeon used to joke and asked Jessica to have a duet with her before, she was confident both of them would sell millions of copies. But Jessica just laughed about it.

“Hey stranger.”, Jessica said in English as she smiled, she lean on the door of Taeyeon’s waiting room.

“Sica!!”, Taeyeon’s face turned bright and walked towards Jessica to give her a hug.

 Jessica giggled and she returned the hug. “You look amazing. As always.”

“I know!”, Taeyeon cockily answered and Jessica slapped her shoulder playfully.

Jessica leaned forward to give Taeyeon a kiss, could not help to claim Taeyeon to show how proud she was. When they were lip locking, suddenly the door burst opened and someone just barged in, making both of them suddenly jolt in surprise and broke the kiss.

“Tae ----“, the voice paused.

“Tiff --- Tiffany?”, Taeyeon stuttered as her eyes widened.

Jessica quickly spun herself around and she found Tiffany was looking at them in her shocking face. Her jaw dropped.

“Uh--- what’s --- What is this?”, Tiffany asked, her voice was shaking.

“T – Tiff – I can explain.”, Jessica said as she moved closer to Tiffany. She felt bad for Tiffany as she never had a chance to talk to Tiffany about her situation with Taeyeon.

“What Jessi? What the hell is this?”, Tiffany started talking in English, irritated.

Tiffany felt betrayed. For this first time in her life, she didn’t like the fact that someone had claimed Taeyeon, she wanted Taeyeon for herself and now she came because she wanted to fight for Taeyeon. But the hurt was even doubled when she found it was Jessica, her good friend, was the one who sneakily dating Taeyeon behind her back. Why Jessica didn’t even talk to her first?

“Fany, this is not like what you think.”, Taeyeon added on. But she actually confused, why she needed to explain? Tiffany was nobody to her, not even her girlfriend and Tiffany was the one who didn’t want a relationship.

“I saw you guys kissed!!”, Tiffany exclaimed, her voice was raised to another octave. “Jessi --- I thought -- Taeyeon told me you were with that head-chef of yours and you said to me you don’t even like Taeyeon. Why did you lie?? I don’t get it! Why???”

“No I am not dating Yuri. She had a fiancée, Tiff! Can you believe it?? She has a fiancée all this time and ---“ 

“So what???”, Tiffany cut her and flung her hands in the air. “Just because she’s not available then you just jump on to Taeyeon?”

“No!!”, Jessica quickly denied. “Taeyeon and I are not dating – she’s --- we ---“, Jessica paused, what was Taeyeon for her? What are they? Jessica could not even explain what the best term to describe their relationship was.

“What do you mean you’re not dating? You’re friends with benefit?”, Tiffany bent her brows.

Taeyeon moved forward and held Jessica’s hand. “It’s not like that. This thing between me and Jessica is real. We just don’t want to put any label on it.”

“What?”, Tiffany got confused. Taeyeon and Jessica were so weird and she could not understand them. “You looked so hurt when I told you we were friends after we dated a while. And now you do the same? How hypocrite!”, Tiffany scoffed and pointed to Taeyeon.

“Hey, you’re the one who going around dating some guys and girls when we dated!”, Taeyeon fired back to Tiffany, she felt offended when Tiffany accused her being a hypocrite. “At least I am not dating anyone and I am only with Jessica.”

“Tae, just – let it go.”, Jessica whispered, she just wanted to stop this argument. She didn’t like being in this kind of situation, especially because this all involve her friends. When it was about work and profesionalism, Jessica never scared to fight but when it comes to her friends, she became weak and tried to avoid conflict. 

“No!”, Taeyeon barked. “What I have with Jessica and what I had with you are different.”

Jessica squeezed Taeyeon’s hand, tried to calm her down. “Tiff – I am sorry. I am really sorry. I should’ve talked to you about this I know.”, Jessica pleaded.

“Don’t use Taeyeon to mend your broken-heart, Jessi.”, Tiffany coldly stated.

“I am not!!! I ----“, Jessica wanted to protest, but her words stuck in . Tiffany’s words hit her hard. Did Tiffany right? Did she really use Taeyeon to forget about her feelings to Yuri? But she just gave Taeyeon’s chance, Taeyeon asked her this and she really tried with Taeyeon.   

“Look Fany, what are you doing here anyway? You came back because you regret what you said to me? Tch--- funny --- Well guess what,  it’ too late and I don’t need a player like you!!!”, Taeyeon retorted and mockingly said.

That sentence silencing Tiffany. She looked hurt and she felt Taeyeon just humiliated her. Tiffany then just abruptly walked away from the waiting room without saying anything.

“Fany!”, Taeyeon got panicked, she almost chased Tiffany but she remembered that her hand was still held by Jessica.

“Go.”, Jessica said.

“What??”, Taeyeon looked at Jessica in disbelief.

“I feel bad, Taeyeon. Go and talk to her. It’s fine.”, Jessica let go of Taeyeon’s hand.

Jessica could not even define what feeling she has right now. She was supposed to be jealous, but why she even encouraged Taeyeon to talk to Tiffany? Is this thing, the one she had with Taeyeon, was it just a save bubble she created to protect her own heart? A fabrication to cover up a feeling she tried to deny for Yuri?

Jessica nodded once again to Taeyeon and Taeyeon quickly ran to chase Tiffany. Taeyeon found Tiffany at the hall, still sitting down on the floor and cried. Taeyeon asked her gently to talk and brought her to the emergency stairs to avoid people there.

“Fany. I am sorry. I don’t mean what I said. It came out harsh. I am sorry.”, Taeyeon said, her voice turned soft.

“I --- “, Tiffany tried to talk in between her sobbing. “I – just – miss you. I texted you but you never reply me. I miss you.”

“Ssshhh --- I know. I am sorry.”, Taeyeon quickly hugged Tiffany, trying to calm the sobbing girl. Tiffany’s face was drenched with tears.

They broke the hug and Taeyeon Tiffany’s hair from her forehead. “Don’t cry. You look ugly.”, Taeyeon joked, which earned a slap on her chest by Tiffany.

“Tae – I – I think – I ---“, Tiffany didn’t finished her sentence and just kissed Taeyeon on her lips. Taeyeon was surprised and she just froze there like a statue.

“If you change your mind, let me know. I will be waiting.”, Tiffany said as she pulled back from the kiss then she walked away from the stairs. Leaving Taeyeon dumbfounded.

Taeyeon touched her lips, savoring the taste of Tiffany’s lips.

What just happened? Why the kiss felt so nice? – Taeyeon.

**

Yuri gulped her soju more and more when saw Jessica’s posting on her instagram feed. It showed a picture of Taeyeon, singing her heart out in something like a mini concert (maybe) and with a caption: The glorious King Taeyeon.  Then the other feed from Taeyeon’s instagram also appeared and it showed her pictures with Jessica, smiling happily.

“Tch ---“, Yuri silently scoffed.

“Are you okay?”, Juran asked as she saw Yuri suddenly frowned, she touched Yuri’s shoulder

Yuri and Juran went out to eat dinner together. Their relationship was getting better, although Yuri didn’t want to confirm anything with Juran, but Juran tried to understand and took her step slowly with Yuri.

Yuri stared at Juran, her vision was getting blurry. She was sure that she already got quite drunk. “I am fine. By the way, you look ---- you look pretty tonight.”, Yuri slurred.

Tonight she didn’t want to think of anything, she just want to --- she didn’t even know what she want. One thing for sure, she didn’t want to think about Jessica. Her fiancée was here, and she supposed to enjoy her time with Juran.  They were progressing, although it was quite slow, and Yuri tried so damn hard to get rid of her desire towards Jessica. Why is it so hard to bury her feelings for the ice princess? She already have Juran here, someone who’s ready to be her everything.

Juran smiled widely, witnessing Yuri being sweet to her. She missed this Yuri. She caressed Yuri’s cheek and gave her a slow kiss.

Yuri responded to the kiss. Her head was spinning, she was drunk and she just wanted to enjoy any affection that Juran gave her. They quickly paid the bills and went home. Yuri was… arguably aroused. It has been a long time since she felt a woman touch on her body.

When both of them roamed to each other body, it felt nice, but for Yuri… if felt so wrong. Her brain and her body was conflicting. Her body responded to Juran’s touch, but her mind and her heart rejected the idea of having with Juran. The image of Jessica clouded her head but being a drunkard that she was right now, Yuri could not do anything and just gave in. The whole night, she thought about Jessica while in reality Juran was the person who having with her.

Sica – I want you. Just you – Yuri.

**

“Sica –“, Taeyeon called when Jessica just got out from the shower. After Taeyeon fan meeting was over, Jessica followed Taeyeon to her place to spend the night.

“Hmm?”

“Fany kissed me.”, Taeyeon said. Taeyeon didn’t like it if she has to hide something from Jessica and she chose to be honest about it.

Jessica stopped her step and just stare at Taeyeon blankly. It was shocking, but she didn’t know why she didn’t even feel anything. Tiffany maybe wanted to start a war to get Taeyeon back, but Jessica was quite sure as long as she lived, Taeyeon will not leave her side.  

“But I didn’t kiss her back. I am sorry.”, Taeyeon quickly added.

Jessica sighed and she joined Taeyeon on the bed, sitting next to Taeyeon. “It’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?”, Taeyeon looked at her in disbelief. She was actually ready to face the wrath from Jessica, but unexpectedly, Jessica was so calm.  Taeyeon was hoping that Jessica will feel a little bit jealous, but to her disappointment, she didn’t show any emotion at all.

Jessica shook her head. “It was --- it was so tense back there. And I can understand why Tiffany did it. I don’t blame her and I don’t blame you as well. Plus, it was me who asked you to go after her. I am just glad that you didn’t her back.”

Taeyeon moved closer and cupped Jessica’s cheek. “Thank you for being so understanding, Sica.”

Both of them stared into each other’s eyes and Jessica gave a helpless smile. Taeyeon leaned forward, closed her eyes and kissed Jessica. Taeyeon wanted to erase the taste of Tiffany’s lips on hers, it lingered there and she needed to forget about it.

Jessica always loved how soft Taeyeon was with her but this time the adrenaline of their kisses turned bolder. Taeyeon gently pushed her on the bed and Jessica’s back fell in the soft mattress. They started to each other. When Taeyeon’s lips touched her neck, Jessica felt that the room getting hotter. It was exciting, but something was wrong. Jessica tried to ignore it.

This does not feel right – Jessica.

What went wrong? Taeyeon's kiss was fine, Taeyeon’s touch was thrilling… but Jessica could not understand. She wished Taeyeon was someone else and Yuri’s face was the one that appeared in her mind.

“Tae – stop – stop..”, Jessica grabbed Taeyeon’s wrist, preventing it to touch her further.

“Something wrong?”, Taeyeon asked, giving a confused look as she pulled away.

“I --- I ---“, Jessica stuttered. She could not even explain what she felt right now. “I am sorry. I – I am not ready for this. I am sorry.”

Taeyeon’s expression changed,  she increased the gap between their bodies, seemed disappointed.

“I am sorry. I just ---“, Jessica said again, she lowered her head.

“You mean you’re not ready to –‘sleep’ with me?”, Taeyeon asked her carefully. Jessica just nodded lightly, she felt so guilty to Taeyeon. But she could not push herself to do ‘it' with Taeyeon, at least not tonight. Maybe all she needed was time.   

Taeyeon let out a soft sigh. “Okay. It’s alright. We will take it slowly. It’s okay, Sica. Let’s just go to sleep, okay?”, then she smiled.

After Jessica fell asleep, Taeyeon spent like 10 minutes just to stare at Jessica, trying to find justification for her feelings.  She was certain that she loves Jessica and the feeling was never fade. She always wanted to protect Jessica, be with her with all her might. But why she was able to feel something that growing for Tiffany? What is this?