TW: Depression 

« KIM MINJI! YAH! » 

Minji ran to the back of the store, bumping into a rack of clothes and crashed on the ground but just as fast as she met it she got up, a painful expression on her face as she held her side in pain. She rushed through the door, searching frantically her manager with shaky eyes. The middle-aged woman stared at her sternly, Minji gulped and walked up the rest of the way toward her trying to appear confident. 

« I’m here, Ma’am. Is something wrong? » She asked politely, scanning the room where new boxes had been placed. 

« The new collection arrived an hour ago. I thought you were already on it. We need it in the store by tomorrow, so chop-chop » She clapped her hands, signaling for the younger woman to start her task. Minji nodded and stuttered an apology even though no one warned her about this delivery. She was sure it was supposed to be delivered the day after « Tsk! » Her manager shook her head, observing her with hawk eyes, and clacked her heels against the tiles as she left the storage room. Minji let out a small sigh when she was sure Mrs. Shin was out of the room. She went to see the day’s schedule and realized she was the one who had made a mistake. The delivery was indeed for today, but it was actually tomorrow. Somehow, she had skipped a day in her head. She grunted to herself; she was in such a daze, living her days alike and without passion. Everything was a blur of the same kind. She woke up, ate, went to work, closed the store, wandered through the empty dark department store to access the parking garage, drove to the convenience store near her apartment then got home, ate, and slept. The next day was a copy-paste, as well as the day after, so much that she didn’t know which days were which and even got surprised when she noticed that the winter clothes had been delivered to the clothing store she was working to. It took her a look at the window to realize that winter was just weeks away. 

She sighed, pushing the blade of the cutter out and unboxed the new collection. She worked non-stop until the mid-afternoon. The clothes were tagged and aligned on racks ready to be exposed. 

« Good work, Minji » Mrs. Shin complimented her with a tight serious smile. 

« I selected an outfit to put on the window mannequin » She pointed at the mannequin on one of the sides that was still dressed in clothes from the last collection. 

« Ah, yes, about that. We received the new one to replace it » Mrs. Shin pointed at the large tall box at the back of the storage room « Dress that one and once you’re done, you can go for the day but dispose of the old one on the way. The dump should be open until 8 P.M. » 

« But…she isn’t broken » Minji frowned in protest. 

Mrs. Shin glared at her and scoffed « Minji, it’s the only mannequin different from the others. This store is a reputable establishment. We need unity and order. It wouldn’t be proper to have a mannequin that denotes with the composition. Great paintings might be composed of different genres but masterpieces only contain one genre inside. And you know why? Because it’s pleasing to the eyes. So now, get rid of it » She ordered and dismissed herself to attend a client. Minji stood there for a moment, arms limped along her body, following her with her eyes before she sighed and went to the mannequin. She hopped on the little platform and detached her from the pedestal. She detailed her face and sighed. She didn’t know why they needed to get rid of her, Yoohyeon was beautiful. 

When Minji started working at the store, she began to name the mannequins. At the time, they were all from the same collection as Yoohyeon. They were all of different design and very detailed, that’s why they reminded Minji of real people. Out of boredom and mostly loneliness, she named them, dressing them with care, and even gave them backstories. But sadly, one by one, the mannequins got broken and eventually had to be replaced with new, un-detailed, and un-lively ones. Yoohyeon was the last of them. And Minji really liked Yoohyeon. With her perfect measurements, her shining synthetic silver hair, and her friendly smile, she felt like her only and last friend. 

Minji gulped sadly and lifted her all the way to the storage room. She sat her on a box, carefully to not break her even if it didn’t matter any longer. She dressed the new one without much care and placed it at the window display. She bowed a good rest of the day to her manager and left the store, struggling all the way to her car with Yoohyeon. She placed her in the passenger seat, not without the strange looks of some curious bystanders. She buckled her seat belt before closing the door and made her way to the driver seat, releasing a big sigh once inside, holding tightly onto the steering wheel. She turned to Yoohyeon « What a waste. You’re perfectly fine » She shook her head disappointed and started the car, she glanced at the clock and checked her phone, biting her lips « The dump is too far away, I need to get home first to accept a delivery. I think you wouldn’t mind, right? More time for you before being compacted » 

She drove out of the parking garage, getting into the heavy traffic of Seoul. It took her almost an hour to reach her apartment parking lot. She turned off the engine and took out the keys, exiting the driving seat. She locked her car and headed toward her building. She suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, looking back to see the mannequin in the passenger seat. She bit her lips nervously and glanced around. She couldn’t let her there, even for just a few hours, the neighbors might call the cops thinking she is a real person. She groaned to herself, going back to her car and unlocked it. She placed her hands under Yoohyeon’s armpits and dragged her out, cursing under her breath at the heaviness of the dead weight. She pushed Yoohyeon against the car while she locked the car once again. She pocketed the keys and lifted Yoohyeon’s arm, turning herself around, and lifted the mannequin on her back « Hope you enjoy piggyback rides, Yoohyeon? » She huffed and made her way into her building. The two neighbors she met on the way shot her weird glares but she was too exhausted to care. She unlocked her door, one hand holding Yoohyeon’s hands like a necklace around her neck while the other was struggling with the keyhole. A perfect metaphor for her life. 

She finally entered her apartment, taking off her shoes with her feet, and walked further into the room, settling Yoohyeon against the wall that was facing the old couch. The little entrance hallway was separated by a wall with the kitchen on the left and a tiny living room was further in the room. She huffed, exhausted, not only by her day but also from the effort of carrying Yoohyeon. She checked her phone, the delivery app announce it was 20 minutes away. She grunted softly and dropped on the couch, sinking in it. Her eyes faced Yoohyeon who looked just as miserable as her on the floor. She stayed a moment like this, observing her as if she was waiting for her to move. 

« Am I a bad host? » She wondered, without expecting an answer from the mannequin. She sighed again and rose to her feet with a groan. She lifted Yoohyeon off the floor and installed her on her couch and sat next to her. She turned her face to watch her, her head against the back of the couch tiredly. Her gaze stayed fix on her for a long time and when she checked the delivery app again there were 5 minutes left. And yet, before she could even be happy about something going well in her life she received an alert that there would be an hour delay. She closed her eyes, letting out an angry guttural sound, and threw her phone on the table in front of her « See, Yoohyeon! Life always finds a way to screw you over » She got up and made her way to the fridge, taking out two bottles of soju. She opened them skillfully and drank a big sip from one, putting the other in front of Yoohyeon « Cheers, my friend » She raised the green glass bottle, taking another sip « I am pathetic » She chuckled to herself. 

She didn’t realize she had almost finished the bottle when the delivery man rang the bell. He apologized for the delay but with a shining smile, she dismissed it and thanked him. The moment the door closed the smile disappeared. The sadness and loneliness flooded back. She put the heavy box on the table and went to fetch a knife. 

« You want to know something funny, Yoohyeon? » She inquired, not drunk enough yet to forget that the mannequin wouldn’t answer « I love food » She said, opening the box and revealing the items inside « I love food so much that I want to taste food from all over the world but I’m too much of a coward to go alone » She mocked herself, taking out the foreign food she got « So I got it delivered » She burst into laugher « Pathetic, right? » She shook her head « What’s the point in traveling if there’s no one to share it with » She sat back on the couch sadly, watching the food lining on the table. She turned to Yoohyeon « Am I too depressing? »  

In her life, she pretended. She pretended that her job was fulfilling and that her celibacy was a choice. But the truth was that she was hurting inside. She finished her bottle and took the one in front of Yoohyeon « My life is ing pathetic » She thought about how lonely she had been for the past years. It wasn’t something sudden, it just slowly crept into her life, constricting her chest one millimeter at a time. It started in college, her best friend Bora specialized in dance studies and it made Minji happy because Bora loved dancing, she was a genius and after college, she entered right away as a choreographer in an entertainment company, but it also meant that she was very busy so little by little their time together became less and less and then, Bora met her girlfriend Siyeon, a vocal coach at the same company she was working at and it meant less time together again. Minji really liked Siyeon actually, she and Bora were good for each other. But now, she spent all of her time alone. 

She took another sip of the alcoholic beverage and looked at the bottle « I….I don’t think I can drive in this state » She was conscious she was completely drunk at this point. She turned to the mannequin and caressed the synthetic silver hair « I guess it’s one more day to live for you » She sympathetically smiled. She underlined the features of Yoohyeon’s with her blurry eyes « To be honest, Yoohyeon, you’re way too pretty to end up compacted » She sighed and rested her head on her stiff plastic shoulder « But I don’t know what more I can do » She took another sip of her drink « I can’t sell you online because they are weirdos who will use you for horrible things….but I can’t keep you here either. I don’t have enough room for you » She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath « I wish you were alive and be my friend » She put her hand on Yoohyeon’s for comfort « I can’t seem to do anything right. And nothing seems to make me happy. I try to enjoy the little things, like this food… » She gestured at the full table « …but it’s just ephemeral. My smile feels forced and insincere every single damn time. I can’t bring myself to be happy » She sighed heavily, bringing the bottle up to one more time.  

She continued drinking, holding Yoohyeon’s rigid hand until the bottle became empty and when it did, she looked inside it in a drunkenly manner, groaning when she confirmed it was indeed empty, and got up, turning back to the mannequin « Why don’t we dance? » She grinned at her brilliant idea and ran toward the speakers, clumsily taking her phone from the table and struggled for some time to connect the two but when she eventually did, she put on dance music loudly and began to bop her head to the rhythm. She moved her body, dancing drunkenly and a smile spread on her face as her eyes fell on Yoohyeon « Come on, girl! » She laughed and made her way up to her, bumping on the table on her way. She lifted the mannequin and held onto her, waltzing around the tiny living room. She momentarily forgot her miserable existence and for a moment, it was only her and the beautiful face of the mannequin, for a moment she felt good and not lonely any longer until the dizziness was too much and she crashed on the couch in a fit of laughter. 

It only took a few seconds for the laugher to die down and for her smile to disappear. She turned to Yoohyeon « We should go to bed. I work tomorrow » She got up and stumbled a little before taking back Yoohyeon into her hold and dragged her toward her bedroom. She delicately laid her on her bed, brushing her hair away from her inanimate face with a soft smile « You won’t mind if I sleep next to you, uh? » She crawled on top of her to crash on the other side of the bed, the heaviness of her eyelids becoming too powerful for her to fight. She grunted, getting herself under the covers, and turned to her side to watch Yoohyeon. She wiggled herself closer « Would you….would you mind if I sleep close to you? » She asked seriously as if she would hurt the mannequin’s feelings. Nonetheless, she installed herself on Yoohyeon’s cold rigid shoulder, one of her hands resting above her sternum and one of her legs wrapping around one of Yoohyeon’s. She closed her eyes and for a moment it felt all real. The mannequin felt real. She could imagine her chest rising and falling underneath her touch; her skin was warm and smooth, her breathing was calming. Minji finally had the human contact she so much desired and craved for, and she found herself smiling genuinely one more time that day « I wish you were real » She whispered « It feels so nice » She fell asleep peacefully, enjoying the ephemeral happiness that alcohol and the mannequin had granted her. 

-

When her alarm rang, her first reaction, as she did every day, was to groan in displeasure. She rolled over and pressed blindly the snooze button. Her head was slightly throbbing, undeniably because of the alcohol, she blinked a few times to adjust to the light filtering through the window. The day before came back to her mind and she turned to the side ready to find the mannequin there. 

Her eyes widened and she stood up in panic, finding the other side of the bed empty. 

She almost fell off it when she heard rumbling in the kitchen. By this point, she was sure an intruder was in her apartment. She remembered she had left her phone in the living room and mentally slapped herself for suppressing her only way to call for help. She glanced around her room in search of a weapon. She took her old broken nightstand lamp that she hadn’t throw away yet, half-hidden between the wall and her dresser, and lifted it in the air like a baseball bat. She slowly went toward the main room, ready to swing it any moment, but immediately dropped it when her eyes met who was standing in her kitchen. 

The person turned around in fear at the crashing object shattering on the ground and Minji locked eyes with Yoohyeon’s very much alive ones.

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Hey, guys! 

I’m so exited and nervous to share this first chapter with you. I hope you enjoyed it? 

I will post one chapter a week, so see you next Tuesday for this story :)

-J