Days have passed and Hyesung and Eric are always together. They play games like they used to do before and other things. There are times when Eric will go to Hyesung’s apartment and vice versa.

This time, it was Hyesung who went to Eric’s apartment. More like… to their old apartment.

“Here, drink this first while I prepare something to eat in the kitchen.” Eric placed an apple juice in the coffee table infront of Hyesung who is sitting in the sofa. 

“Thanks! Make the food delicious Eric-ah.” Hyesung’s gleamed as he said those words.

Eric could only smile at how Hyesung calls him like he did before even if it sounds so different. “Of course, I will also make plenty for that vast stomach of yours.”

“Hmmp.” Those words made Hyesung pout so cutely. “Anyway, Eric-ah do you have any photo abums or anything? I might remember something if I look at our photos.”

Eric thinks for a moment. “Wait for a bit. I’ll go get my laptop instead.”

Eric opened a specific folder in his laptop where it contains all their pictures from the past before handing it to Hyesung. “Call me if you have some questions, okay? I’ll be at the kitchen.”

“Yes, no worries!” Hyesung smiled and started browsing the photos.

Hyesung smile from time to time and recall some scenes as he look at the photos of the six of them. “Aww we were so cute back then.”

There are some photos of them sleeping, eating, drinking and making some funny faces. Those random photos taken by Kim Dongwan, which he sometimes used to blackmail them.

There are also pictures where it is just him and Eric but he can’t remember when it was taken. He just look at it and try to think about what happened in the photo. He can recall a bit but his memory was still blurry. He noticed that most of their pictures are just him smiling and Eric was doing something in the background.

So I was stuck in a one sided love around that time.

That is what Hyesung concluded after putting together all the information he had. Although, he doesn’t know the other details and the reason why. Maybe there is a third party or something? He actually doesn’t have the confidence to ask Eric about it.

Few more clicks on the next button, he reached the last photo in the folder. Hyesung sighed disappointed then rested his head on the sofa when he didn’t get the outcome that he wanted.

“This will take a long while Shin Hyesung.” He said that to himself, after accepting the reality that he won’t be able to regain his memories right away.

“Ah ha!” Hyesung sat properly then stretch his arms when he suddenly had the idea.

“Eric-ah I’ll browse into your laptop a bit.” Hyesung shouted from the living room while turning his head towards the kitchen. However, he doesn’t receive a reply. All the things he heard are sounds of plates and metals clinking.

Still, he takes that as a yes. He smiled cheekily as he browsed to the other folders in Eric’s laptop.

He thinks that if he can’t remember his memories with Eric then he will just learn about him first. About his preference, his hobbies and if he saves some… ahem… in his laptop.

So he browse through the other folders, though all he saw are just files of recipes and pictures of food. But Hyesung just continued with what he is doing. Soon, he found folder that is hidden. It was a folder wherein you have to go through many other folders to find it. It had made Hyesung curious.

So you really have some files hidden oho.

That what the first thing that comes into Hyesung’s mind that time. However, when he opened the folder he found out that it was actually a ‘safe’ one, far from what Hyesung expected which is to see dirty or obscene contents.

The folder was full of pictures. It can be noticed that the pictures are in low quality which means that the pictures were taken approximately ten years ago. He saw pictures of park, some trees and photos of their old university. Then he saw a picture of Eric when he was younger. 

Aw cute.

Hyesung can’t stop admiring at Eric’s photos in his early twenties. Puberty hits him so hard. He kept on scrolling for pictures and gives some compliments from time to time. He kept his smile while looking at those photos until… he clicked for the next one.

Jealousy. Pain. Heartache.

Those were the things that come into Hyesung’s mind when he saw the next photos.

It was a picture of Eric smiling so brightly. Hyesung doesn’t know if he just can’t remember but it was the first time he saw Eric smile like that. It was not only Eric who is in the picture but beside him was a girl.

The girl was so beautiful. She was like that kind of girl who is labelled as a “campus crush”. Many boys will chase after her and wanting her attention. Hyesung was not shocked to see Eric with a beautiful girl. With that handsome face, there is no way he won’t find a beautiful person like the girl in the picture. He can’t help but feel jealous as they look so good together.

Hyesung kept on seeing the two of them together in the next photos. It was like they were on a date in those pictures. A picture of Eric and the girl in the park, at the library, in a house Hyesung doesn’t know where. But one thing’s for sure, he thinks that he knew the girl. From the way his heart race right now and his breathing… it’s getting harder to breathe.

“Ahh!” Hyesung wince in pain and put his hand in his head. He was racking his brain to remember. He doesn’t care if he was forcing himself so much, he have to find an answer. He was agressively browsing for the next photos while massaging his aching temple.

“Eric!” He shouted once again. “Can you come here for a bit? I have a question.” But he doesn’t receive a reply. Eric must be really busy in the kitchen.

“Who is this—“ Hyesung stopped at the last picture. “…girl.”

A picture of a girl who was wearing a wedding gown.

Tell me Hyesung why she is now marrying another man? How could she just leave me as if that seven long years of being together is just a joke?

A fragment of memory flashes into Hyesung’s mind. It was Eric, different from the person who took him to the NamsanTower few days ago. The Eric in that memory is fuming with anger and a hint of pain in his eyes.

Why are you with a loser like me instead of her? Is that what you are trying to say, Eric?That you would rather choose to see me with another person than to accept the fact of your ex-girlfriend a marrying another man?

It was him crying in public. That memory was painful and he feel so small that time. He suddenly felt so dizzy. His world was spinning and the only thing he knew is falling from the sofa to the floor. He even accidentally hit the glass of apple juice on the table creating a loud crashing sound.

                You can use me… You can do everything and anything to me as long as you will forget about her. 

Meanwhile in the kitchen, the only thing you can hear is loud sizzling sound as Eric was stir frying some beef and vegetables. All of his attention is on the wok as he was working with a high temperature. Well, he was very determined to cook for the beautiful person in the living room. He smiles at the thought.

Soon, he turned off the stove which brings halt to the sizzling sound echoing inside the kitchen. Now that there was quietness, he stopped for a moment when he thought he heard Hyesung was calling him. He paused for a bit but all he heard was silence. He thought he was just hearing things but soon he heard a loud thud followed by the sound of glass breaking.

This have made him worry and ran from the kitchen to where Hyesung is. He scanned the room and panicked when he saw shards of glass and the apple juice he gave to Hyesung earlier was spilled on the floor. He walks closer and there he saw Hyesung behind the table and crouching on the floor with his hands pulling his hair.

“Hyesung!”

Eric towards Hyesung and kneeled in front to him. Their eyes met as Eric put his hands on Hyesung’s shoulder. He was crying. His cheeks were stained with tears. It rips his heart. He doesn’t want to see him again like this.

                By the way, you look so pretty when you smile. 

Hyesung was shocked when he saw Eric appeared in front of him so he covered his face with his hands.

“Are you okay?” Eric asked. It was actually a stupid question. The man in front of him refuse to look at him, there’s definitely something happened while he was in the kitchen.

Eric glanced at the laptop in front of them and saw the picture of his ex-girlfriend during her wedding day. He didn’t know it was still saved on his laptop. Why did I forgot to delete that? That picture meant nothing to him now but it hurts him to see how Hyesung is still affected by it.

               Eric-ah? 

Hyesung remembered him waking up at 3am looking for Eric, only to find out he was looking at the wedding photos of his ex-girlfriend. Not only the memory he remembered but also what he felt that time. That same pain few years ago came back. How he secretly cried that night. He puts his hand tightly on his chest. He needs some air, it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.

Hyesung was trembling and it’s making Eric worry. “Hyesung look at me please. Does anything hurt?”

The pretty man just shook his head while crying nonstop. He doesn’t like to look at Eric in the eye.

                Sorry Eric… sorry that I forced you into this mess. I...

Hyesung cries even louder, the sound of pain and sadness were echoing inside the room and it tores Eric’s heart every time it reaches his ears. Other that that, Hyesung wasn’t saying anything so Eric doesn’t know what to do.

“I’ll go get you a glass of water.” Eric was about to stand up when he felt Hyesung grip the fabric at the back of his shirt, preventing him to stand. So Eric just hug Hyesung tightly. From time to time he would pat Hyesung’s back and brush his hair with his fingers. “Okay, I won’t go away. I’m just here with you.”

Hyesung on the other hand recalled that scary memory of the accident. His body lying alone on a stone cold ground with the sound of ambulances and people chattering, there’s only one person he could only think of that time.

               E-Eric… Eric-ah p-please come back.

The two of them remained in that position. Both of them were sitting on the floor. Eric was hugging Hyesung. Meanwhile, Hyesung was still gripping the fabric of Eric’s shirt and head resting on the other man’s shoulder, as if he was hugging him back.

They stay like that for a while until Hyesung calmed down, his sobs cannot be heard any longer and it was replaced with hiccups. Soon, Hyesung pulled away from the hug.

This time, he finally stared back at Eric but only making another batch of salty tears fall from his eyes. “I remembered everything.” His voice cracked.

“Eric-ah~”

That’s it. The same tone and level of tenderness that Eric missed to hear for the past few years. He cupped Eric’s cheek and another teardrops fell from his pretty eyes. “I miss you.” His words were full of longing and loneliness.

Hyesung wipes the tears from his eyes and looked around. “I can’t believe that I’m here again… with you, in our old apartment. No wonder how it’s odd that I felt more comfortable here than my own apartment. This place is full of memories, isn’t it?” Their eyes met once again. “You suddenly left to another country and stay there for years, are you now happy to the place where you went? ”

Hyesung took a deep breath before continuing. “Let’s break up for real.” He look at Eric straight to the eye, which made the latter dumbfounded and shocked. “Last time… I was in a hurry, I don’t like to hear directly from you that you really agree with the break up. But this time…I’m ready to hear your answer. Be honest with me, you never loved me right?”

He placed his hand on top of Eric’s. “Haven’t I told you, you don’t have to force yourself to me... It’s okay Eric. You don’t have to do this just because you feel bad. I would like it better if you don’t mistook guilt to love.”

Hyesung smiled a bit as if he was shy to admit the next thing he would say. “Of course being with you is all I wanted all along.” However, his smile only last for a split second as he said his next sentence. “But I will never be truly happy if I know for a fact that you’re only tricking yourself to love me back.” He paused for moment before he continued. “Isn’t it better this way? End it immediately before things gets worse. We won’t be happy anyway, we will get tired of each other eventually. It won't work out.We already tried it before remember?”

Pain.

That's the only thing Eric could feel right now. Is it really impossible for them to be together? Is Hyesung really giving up on him?

Before, Eric would say that he will respect Hyesung's decision no matter what it is. But now that he was already giving him his answer...

Am I really able to accept all of that?

Hyesung took a deep breath then he continued. "I want you to find a woman you love, get married and have kids. If that makes you happy, I'm already satisfied with that. Then one way or another… hoping that one day I will also find my own happiness. That same level of happiness that I feel everytime I’m with you or even greater than that."

No don't say that. Please tell me that you're just lying.

However, Hyesung was staring straight into him and his eyes saying all of that with his deepest sincerity... and that what hurts the most.

"That’s why… I’m letting you go for real. Not just leaving this same place like I did before, then wait for you to heal and fool myself that you will come back to me." Hyesug smiled and once again, Eric saw that it is a fake smile that reflects a lot of pain.

You're lying...right?

Tears drop from Hyesung’s eyes wiped it right away and stood up. He dust his clothes off and said, “I finally decided to cut this drama. I've been through this since forever, now I’m finally giving up for the better.” He laughs so fakely. “I’ll go now... back to my apartment... I need to rest”

Eric remembered the day Hyesung stepped out of the same apartment few years back.

               I have to go… The bus… I have to catch the bus.

How he stupidly doesn’t said anything that, although he knows for sure that he doesn’t like the idea of Hyesung leaving him. How he doesn’t even make a move to stop him before.

For two years, I’ve realized the three biggest regrets of my life. The first one is when I just let him go. Second is the fact that I realized my feelings too late. And lastly, is how I miss the chances to show how much I love him.

Eric stood up and without missing a beat, he ran towards Hyesung.

But do you know what I regret the most? That is when I didn’t even stopped you or said a thing when you left our apartment.

That is why this time, Eric did not waste any second and hugged Hyesung from the back. He thinks that once Hyesung left the apartment, everything would be really over. And he doesn’t want that to happen…. Not anymore.

                    When it colors the cold withering dream

​                    I just step closer…

​​​​​​                    and hold your hand

                    So that you can feel my trembling heart

“Don’t go Hyesung-ah… Please… Don’t leave me.” Eric hold him tighter. His arms are wrapped around Hyesung’s skinny waist. “I love you… I love you so much. I’m sorry that it took me a long time to realize that. That is why, it’s okay if you don’t love me anymore. Just let me love you.” He sniffled and leaned his head to Hyesung’s shoulder. “I’ll do everything... Just don’t leave me ever again. Please Hyesung-ah I’m begging you right know.”

There is desperation in his voice, just like Hyesung when he finally confessed to him back then.

“I know I should’ve done this before. I know that I’m such a jerk. I’m so sorry. For being mean to you, for taking you for granted, for leaving the country without a word, I’m sorry for everything. You have the every right to hate me... I might not deserve this, but please… I’m begging you, please give me another chance.” Eric was crying so hard. His sobs and sniffles was filling the entire room.

This had made Hyesung shocked. It was his first time to see Eric crying like this. His question from two years ago was finally answered.

What if I’ll get out of his life even for a day? Will he look for me like a crazy man? Will he miss me? Will he cry like he did when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend?

There was desperation and sincerity on his every word, as if he was pouring out everything to make Hyesung reach his feelings. It was even more than what he did when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend.

“I was in my worst state when you left.” Eric continued still not able to stop his tears from falling. “For two years, there wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about you. But I took the time to heal so that I could love you better. When I decided to come back, they told me what happened while I’m away. I was about to lose my sanity when I saw you in the hospital. I got so scared that time. That’s when I realized that I don’t want to lose you anymore. I don’t think I will be able to spend the rest of my life without you. So please, don’t say that I’ll be happy to other person. I will only be happy if I’m with you.”

Tears fell from Hyesung’s eyes as he heard those words. He is trying to process everything Eric was saying. Is it real? I am not dreaming right? Heart beats so fast as he could feel Eric trembling on his back with his arms wrapped around his waist.

Hyesung reached for Eric’s hands that were clasped around his waist to remove it and loosen himself from the tight hug. This had made Eric’s eyes widen, he was suddenly scared about what might happened. That despite of pouring his heart to his confession, Hyesung will still reject him. A silent tear falls from his eyes.

But instead, Hyesung turned around to face Eric. He cupped his cheeks and wipe the trail of tears in his handsome face. Then, he leaned closer to kiss the tip of his nose.

Hyesung stared at him with tears once again forming in his eyes. But this time his eyes says that he was happy. The thing Hyesung did is to hug him back and lean his head on his broad shoulder.

The pretty man doesn’t have to say anything, Eric was already beyond grateful. He sigh in relief as he embraced him again and kiss the pretty man’s hair.

Few seconds later they pulled away from the hug and stared at each other. With all of the longing, the need, the eagerness and the love reflected into their eyes. And in the spur of the moment, they closed their eyes and claimed each other’s lips.

The things that cannot only expressed by words, they communicate through actions.They just let their bodies express the longing and their feelings for each other. How they missed each other and how desperate they are for this moment to come. Now that they could finally love each other without holding back.

As their lips moves in a exhilarating rhythm, their arms slid through each other’s waist and hands tenderly roaming around on each other’s back. Every touch sends shivers to their spine and it feels so ecstatic.

They stayed like that, caressing one another and inhaling each other’s scent. Indulging themselves with the touches that they longed for after years of being away from each other.

When they started to feel breathless,they pulled away panting but it doesn’t stopped them from holding each other closely. Eric is cupping Hyesung’s cheek when he remembered something. “Do you feel any pain? Does your head hurt? Do you want to go to the hospital?”

Hyesung shook his head.

“Look at you…” Eric wiped Hyesung’s tear-stained face with his thumb. “You cried so much.”

“Yours aren’t any better.” Hyesung stared at the dark circles on Eric’s eyes which got even worse from crying so hard. He also cupped the handsome man’s cheeks and did the same thing, his voice even cracked as he said those words. “Since when did you became a crybaby? ” It’s true through, in their circle of friends it was always Hyesung or Junjin who cries the most and Eric is the least. He was actually shocked to see the handsome man in this state.

“Ever since I didn’t stop you from leaving before.” Ericanswered. He lovingly caressed the pretty man’s cheek before leaning closer to peck his lips. One… two… and another. “But not anymore, I’m so glad that I finally stopped you from leaving this time around.”

They looked at each other, staring at those beautiful orbs and their future gleaming in front of them. Without any deeper reasons, both of them smiled.

                        And after all those happiness and tears,

                       Countless nights pass and I’m still by your side

                       smiling… and saying…

HI GUYS! FINAL CHAPTER DONEㅠㅠ

- References for the flashback scenes:

• Tell me Hyesung why she is now marrying another man? How could she just leave me as if that seven long years of being together is just a joke? (Chapter 1)
• Why are you with a loser like me instead of her? Is that what you are trying to say, Eric? That you would rather choose to see me with another person than to accept the fact of your ex-girlfriend a marrying another man? (Chapter 1)
• You can use me… You can do everything and anything to me as long as you will forget about her. (Chapter 3)
• By the way, you look so pretty when you smile. (Chapter 10)
• Eric-ah? (Chapter 3)
• Sorry Eric… sorry that I forced you into this mess. I…(Chapter 4)
• E-Eric… Eric-ah p-please come back.(Chapter 8.5)
• I have to go… The bus… I have to catch the bus. (Chapter 4)
• What if I’ll get out of his life even for a day? Will he look for me like a crazy man? Will he miss me? Will he cry like he did when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend? (Chapter 2)

- Also…if you notice the way Hyesung called Eric throughout the chapters, it’s either Eric, Eric-sshi,Eric-ah, Eric-ah~. Usually, he would call him simply “Eric” when he the situation is already hurting him. “Eric-sshi”, he use that when he can’t remember and his tone is like setting a distance between them.“Eric-ah”, is when he can remember few memories, but not all, thus lacks affection, “Eric-ah~” when he finally remember everything; all of his feelings, the pain, happiness, love and such. I use it to set a tone in Hyesung’s voice. So that even by reading, you are able to hear his voice and his feelings through it.

- The story behind this chapter… I was listening to Hyesung’s songs as usual when this song “I Love You” was played. I fell inlove with this song in an instant. I listened to this song on loop and it happened for like a week or two. Then, I got curious to the meaning of this song because the way Hyesung sang it feels so sweet yet a bit heartbreakingat the same time. So I searched for it then.. TING! I had a Eureka moment. I was shocked to see how the lyrics (most especially the last part) fits perfectly to the ending that I planned.

So how do you find the story? ( I want to know huehue).

I suddenly remembered myself months ago… After posting the first two chapters of this story, I lost my confidence to continue writing.I was even determined to delete it first thing in the morning. But you know what’s odd about it? When I was about to delete this story, there is no internet connection causing me to delay my plan in deleting this story. Then, when the internet connection came back I was shocked to see comments. (I was really touched ^^). That drives me to finish the story and erase the thought of deleting. I just want to say with double thumbs up, “YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!”

I want to thank all of you for reading, subscribing, upvoting and for constantly commenting. Thank you very very much.

But wait--- still ain’t a goodbye…

SEE YOU IN THE EPILOGUE :)

There will be an epilogue to this story. An extra chapter about their daily life after everything that happened. I hope you enjoy reading this story. Your thoughts in the comment section is very much appreciated.

HAVE A NICE DAY AHEAD!