After going to the tower, the two of them decided to go home. Hyesung is resting his back on the passenger seat after that long walk they had throughout the day. Soon, he sat up when he realized Eric is taking a detour. “I thought we are already going home.”

Eric holds the steering wheel with one hand and his eyes is on the road. “Let’s dropped by to the market first and buy some ingredients.” He turned to the pretty man on the passenger seat. “I’ll cook you dinner.” The two of them smiled.

He remembered what happened two years ago after they went to the tower. That time, he was so tired that he went straight to bed letting Hyesung eat dinner alone. If only that can be considered as ‘dinner’. As far as Eric could remember Hyesung was eating a messy triangle kimbap with beer on his hand that time. Back then, Eric can actually hear his sobs from the bedroom and when he can’t take it anymore, he went up to the bed and called Hyesung.

Aren’t you going to sleep?

You can’t sleep? Sorry.

Eric also remembered how Hyesung went to bed with him that time as if there’s nothing wrong between them. He switched on the radio to distract himself but only got shocked at how the song playing is very timely.

Even if it's a common lie for me,

Don't worry, I'm fine.

Tell me with a smile, even if it's a lie.

Truthfully speaking, the tiredness Eric was feeling right now is not far from what he felt before. He even doesn’t have the energy to lift a spoon. All he needed is to become one with his bed and sleep. But what drives him to make some effort is the person sitting beside him. The person who cried a lot because of him in the past. Thinking about it made Eric certain about not letting Hyesung sleep again with an empty stomach.

I’m sorry, I made things hard for you

But I kept on living as if I didn’t know

Please, can you understand?

That I was in pain too

I hope you know how I feel

As soon as they arrived Hyesung’s apartment, Eric prepared the the ingredients and start cooking. He told Hyesung to just stay in the living room and wait. He rumaged through the kitchen and started picking up the utensils he will use to cook. He steal another glance to the living room where Hyesung is then smiled a bit.

Minutes have passed and Hyesung started to get bored so he went to the kitchen. “Wow Eric-sshi that smells so delicious!”

“Stay there, it’s almost done.” Eric was already putting the dish in the plate. The chef within him even made a perfect plating to make the food more appetizing.

“Waaah! I’ll eat then.” Hyesung sang after the dishes were set on the table. He scans through the table, kimchi jjigae, stir-fried pork, bowl of sticky rice and appetizing side dishes. Eric did not forget to sprinkle a generous amount of sesame seed and oil to every dish possible.

“Thank you for preparing a meal!” Hyesung dunk in to every food that touches his chopsticks. “You’re a chef right, Eric-sshi? No doubt for that.” He even made a thumbs up to Eric, making him laugh in satisfaction. Hyesung's cheeks are loaded with food making him look like a chipmunk.

Cute. Eric said at the back of his mind.

“I’m so glad you like it.” Eric even waits to see Hyesung’s reaction before taking a bite of the food in front of him. He was satisfied that Hyesung liked it.

Hyesung chews down slowly when he noticed an unfamiliar dish in front of him. It is a pasta sprinkled with sesame seeds, scallions and other ingredients that seemed new to him. “Eric-sshi it’s the first one that caught my attention and I’ve been wondering, what’s the name of this dish?”

Eric glanced at the pasta Hyesung was asking about then he smiled. “Oh that is Garlic Sesame Noodles. It may be different from the typical one since I made an experiment on it and added my own recipe.” Eric wipes his mouth with a napkin before he continued, “I did that every time I miss you while I’m in America.”

Hyesung’s face was suddenly confused and that moment Eric knew he was about to say the truth. No matter what will be the result, he can’t lie to Hyesung any longer.

“America? You went there? What for? That’s the first time that I’ve heard of it.” Hyesung tilts his head as he was thinking then he gasped inaudibly as he remembered his friends at the hospital talking about Eric leaving the country is something they can’t easily forgive. “Did you perhaps left the country without saying anything?”

“That’s true, I left the country…” Eric stopped eating his food then stared at Hyesung. “…after breaking up with you.”

Hyesung almost dropped the chopsticks he was holding but didn’t say anything, he continued to listen.

Eric tried to be careful with his words not trigger Hyesung. It was their reason to lie at the first place, not to force a memory to him since he was just recovering. However, Eric can’t lie any longer. “It’s something that you deserve to know and I’m sorry that I’m just telling it to you right now. I actually don’t have the right to be in front of you. You can hate me and say harsh word to me after this, but please let me be the one to explain everything to you.”

He can’t read Hyesung’s right at the moment. He was silent with his head down and eyes fixated at the food in front of him, obviously using it as an excuse to look away from him.

So Eric continued, “We are best friends and we even spend time together more often than the others. Then one day you confessed to me so we give it a try. But it didn’t work… because of me. It’s true when you say about us being lovers but... we were.”

Eric felt guilty as the word ‘lover’ came out into his mouth. He remembered what Hyesund said to him before leaving their shared apartment.

We are not really a couple right? I’m just... a friend.

“When we broke up, you said something like you’re just a friend to me. That’s when I realized that I’ve never really acted like a lover to you. Well… we do the things lovers do. We hold hands, we live together, we hug each other, we kiss and we... “

He can’t finish his sentence stared at Hyesung instead. He stared back. From those pretty eyes, he remembered those nights.

Eric… Eric-ahhhhh…

Those long passionate nights they shared together, those moments Hyesung calmly accepts to himself that the other man is just doing ‘it’ with him because of uncontrollable hormones and the feeling of insecurity after losing your long-time girlfriend to some other guy. Although, Hyesung’s love was real. It was always sincere but he knows to himself that it will never be able to reach the other man.

Hyesung nodded, conveying that he knew what Eric was trying to say. He was composed and took everything calmly. “So that’s what happened.” He starts to speak.“No wonder Jinnie looks like he wants to say something to me but decided to keep it first.” Hyesung paused a bit, his voice weaken as he speak. “Then it means… from the hospital when you all said yes when I asked you if we are lovers up until what you did today… all of it is just a lie. In the end, you guys are just worried about me.” Hyesung bowed his head down. “Well, atleast you said it even though it’s a bit late. Eric-sshi… Thank you for being honest.”

Hyesung stared at the pasta. “So you’re now doing this to me because you feel bad? It must be so hard for you to act like we were lovers when it’s actually not. You must be tired of doing this and that just to make me happy earlier.” Far from being angry, Hyesung sounded as if he was sulking.

Eric was shocked. “No. I’m doing this because I love you. Yes, we broke up but after that I’m able to realize everything. I tried to become a better person because I realized that I can’t live this life without you.”

Eric was trembling as he said those words, he was a bit scared of how Hyesung will react. If Hyesung will get mad at him atleast he wouldn’t misunderstand.

However, different from what he imagined, Hyesung smiled instead. Although it was just for a split second, Eric noticed that kind of smile out of satisfaction.

“Let’s eat, the food is getting cold.”Hyesung pushed the plate towards Eric, telling him to eat more.

With that, the two of them continued eating. There is silence between them but not the type of silence that is suffocating. It’s just the sounds of plates clinking and noises of their chopsticks. But from time to time, the silence will be broken when Hyesung will ask few questions and Eric will answer. Then silence will take over once again.

That’s how the two of them have their dinner. Eric thinks that it was atleast better than the last time they went to the tower when Hyesung is crying while having dinner alone. He just hope that Hyesung is not pretending to be okay when deep inside like before.

After dinner, Eric was about to leave Hyesung’s apartment, he took his coat and currently standing at the door when he felt Hyesung holds the hem of his shirt.

He double checks if it really was Hyesung and not an object that got hooked. But he found out that it was the pretty man holding the fabric of his clothes, preventing him to step outside of the house.

Hyesung was looking away from Eric and blushing. “C-Can you stay for the night?”

Eric was trying to remember everything that happened today. Hyesung agrees to go outside with him when he asked him first thing in the morning and he was already beyond happy for that. Then everything from the past happened again from the mall to the tower. After that, Eric cooked for Hyesung then they talked about how he lied to him about them being lovers.

As far as he know, he admit to Hyesung how mean he was when they were together. As far as he know, Hyesung have the every right to get angry at him and even pull his hair while dragging him out of his apartment.

So what he can’t understand is why he is now lying on the bed beside the person he loves… the same person he hurt so much in the past. Not that he was complaining or anything, he just felt like he doesn’t deserve it.

On the other hand, Hyesung was not saying anything. His eyes are closed but Eric knew that he was not asleep yet.

“Hyesung-ah.” He calls for the pretty man beside him.

“Hmmm?” Hyesung half-opened his eyes and turned to him.

“Can I hug you?” Eric’s voice was low as he asks.

Hyesung was flustered by the sudden question. He stared at Eric for a long time before nodding as an answer. Without missing a beat, Eric moved closer to Hyesung then hugged him.

It could only made the pretty man chuckles. “Why do you have to ask me like that? It’s so awkward.”

“I don’t know why am I like this.” Eric hugged him tightly. “Back then, I was very inconsiderate of your feelings. I was so mean to you. Even if it wasn’t your fault, I always tend to put out my anger on you. But you will always understand me, while I only think of myself and how I was hurting that time. I never think about about how I was hurting you too. And because of that I lose you. And I’m sorry.” Eric reached for Hyesung cheeks and gently caressed it with his thumb. “Now, I’m scared to lose you again and became wary of my actions towards you. Am I making you uncomfortable? Am I scaring you? I can’t help but to think about those things.”

The room suddenly became quiet and the only thing that could be heard is the sound of their breath. But soon, Eric called for the pretty man’s attention for the second time and broke the silence. “I’ve already told you that I’m a bad person to you. Not only that, you also can’t remember me. Technically, I’m now just a stranger so… why?”

Hyesung took a few seconds before answering his question. “It’s not that I don’t remember you. Actually, I regained some of our memories together while we at the tower. Even though it’s just few blurry memories, I know you’re not a stranger, you’re someone whom I deeply love. I actually find it weird, I could only see your back in all of those flashes of memories I had while we were at the tower. You’re walking few steps ahead of me while I reach out my hand trying to catch up to your pace. From what you said earlier, I confirmed that memory was real.” Hyesung answered with his eyes closed. He talks as if he also asks himself the same question for a lot of times.“You know what, even if it hurts I still think that it’s a precious memory... Because I’m with you. And I am happy if you’re beside me.“

“That’s why… I hope you don’t worry too much if you are making me uncomfortable because I never felt it that way. I felt awkward, yes… maybe… but not in a bad way. It never comes to the point that it feels so suffocating even if I can’t remember you that much.” He moved closer to Eric “And besides, I feel so content with this...That unexplainable kind of feeling.”

The room is filled with silence and the only thing they could hear the of sound of them breathing. It took few seconds before Hyesung moved and raised his head a bit to met the eyes of the handsome man beside him. “Eric-ah… Is that how I call you?”

A bit… It’s the same words and same person but somehow it sounds so different... something’s missing. However, Eric nodded since it was somehow true.

“Good night, Eric-ah.” Hyesung snuggled closer. His breathing became longer and calmer, a sign that he had fallen asleep.

Eric gave the pretty man a feather light kiss on his forehead and hugged him even tighter, “Good night, Hyesungie”

He realized that there’s one thing that never changed…

I could sleep better beside you.

Another chapter done!

This chapter was originally a part of the previous chapter but while typing the previous chapter I realized that it was already long so I decided to split the chapter into two. The song ‘Even if it’s a Lie” is one of the songs I listen to before writing a chapter in this story. For some reason, it helps me be inspired and easily get into the mood to write this story. So I’m like… why not use it for the a story title. ^^

Anyway, hope you had a great day and…

SEE YOU IN THE LAST CHAPTER :) ​​