Let’s talk.

That is what Eric asked to Junjin.

Let’s talk. Junjin repeats those words at the back of his mind.

Junjin and Eric are currently standing in the garden of the hospital. Junjin with his head down, is drawing invisible circles on the ground with his right shoe. Meanwhile, Eric was staring into an empty space and turning his head away from Junjin. He is probably thinking about how to start. All they can hear is the sound of birds chirping in the background. Aside from that, everything is so awkward and quiet.

Definitely, they aren’t talking at all.

Junjin sighed. He should’ve just went outside earlier and just pretend to his brother that they actually talked. He ran his fingers through his hair. He can’t take it anymore. Well, since I’m already here.

“Hyesung-hyung...” Junjin started. He swallowed his pride for talking first. It is taking them so long that all he wanted is to get things done and return to his brother’s room. Although, it is a bit ironic how he doesn’t want to talk at first but he is now the one who initiates their conversation. “After you left, he receives chocolates and flowers twice... thrice... more than what he received in high school. People are swarming over him, desperate for his attention. I actually like it, so he can finally move on from you.” Junjin emphasize on his last words.

Junjin continued, “But it never happened... He never entertained anyone of them, as if he was waiting for someone to return... As if he was waiting for you.”

Eric’s heart thumps at those words. He feels so happy but at the same time, his mind tells him that he doesn’t deserve it. “Why are you telling me all this?” He asked the younger man.

That question hit Junjin’s nerve that he shouted. “It’s because you said you wanted to talk but still haven’t utter a damn thing!”

“Are you trying to think about how you will twist your words to make me sympathise you?” Junjin starts to raise his voice. “Tell me... Why are you even here? Why did you come back? Why are you suddenly acting so sweet in front of my brother when I am fully aware of the fact how rude bastard you were!” Junjin shouted.He took a deep breath then scoffed. “What I have said before... is it finally coming true? Did you finally realized that you like my brother?”

Eric stared at Junjin. “Jinnie... Listen I—” He was about to answer all of Junjin’s questions but he was stopped.

“What’s the point of asking you when I already knew your answer. After two years you came back and the first person you want to meet is my brother. When you knew his situation you broke down and didn’t sleep a wink to take care of him.” Junjin can read Eric’s expression so he added, “I knew all of it! Your intentions are obvious! You want my brother back after realizing you were wrong. All this time you like my brother so you are regretting everything to the point that it drives you crazy.”

Junjin never give a chance for Eric to talk. He continued, “I’ll answer your question then... I’m saying those things about how my brother ignores other people while waiting for you because... if you want him back, treat him better this time. Isn’t that what he deserves?After everything that happened he always cares for you. He never despised you.”

“So you despise me instead?”

“Yes! Who wouldn’t be? The moment I first saw you after leaving without a word, I want to punch you. I want to say harsh words to you for hurting my brother. I really hate you that I can’t even imagine myself forgiving you!” Junjin was almost shouting then his voice turned soft as he continued, “But I couldn’t. It’s hard to hate on someone who is already like a sibling to you...” His voice soften, almost close to being inaudible. “Because afteralll, you are still my hyung.”

Hyung.

First time after two years that Junjin called him that. His expression changes from tough to fragile. “I never really wanted to despise you... It’s just that...I am disappointed with you. I felt so betrayed. I always think of you as a dependable brother. You are my role model. Then one day I learned about what you are doing to my brother. Why do you have to do that, Hyung?” Junjin’s voice cracked as if he was preventing himself from crying. “I know that it’s my brother’s idea in the first place. But why did you treat him like that? You should’ve never gave him a false hope! How dare you take my brother for granted?”

“Then what you do after that? You just left... without saying anything. We were shocked to hear you are already living in a different country. What do you think my brother would feel? What would WE feel? Did you even think about that?”

“Jinnie... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Eric started. “All you have said is right. I’m sorry if I didn’t listened to you before.” He scratched his temple. “And it feels like I’m getting punished for what I have done.... I heard it from the doctor it was systematized amnesia. I tried to search for it and I found out that, most people who experience this kind of amnesia forget about the person who gave them too much stress or trauma. Because of that, I start to ask myself how much stress I gave to your brother that he forgot about me?”

Eric continued, “If that’s the case or not, I will still take this punishment since this is what I deserved. But one thing’s for sure Jinnie, I will make things right. I’ll do what you say and treat him better this time.” Eric said those words with full of conviction. “Even if you already know I want you to hear it from me. Jinnie... I love your brother. I really do.”

“Hyung that’s the only thing I wanted to hear from you. Yeah Hyung, I believe in you.” Junjin smiles in relief and spread his arms in front of his hyung.

It brings them back to the old time, when Junjin relies too much on Eric and respect him as a big brother.​

             ​Eric hyung you don’t believe me?

            Yeah Jinnie. I believe in you.

Eric stepped forward and hugged him. “I won’t disappoint you anymore.”

“As you should.” Junjin said without breaking the hug. “Hyung...”

“Hmm?”

“Welcome back Hyung. I miss you.”

Eric can’t help but smile at those words.

Meanwhile, Eric and Junjin didn’t know that someone is watching over them through the window.

“Look at those two.” Andy, who was inside the room with Hyesung and other hyungs, decided look through the window and take a full view of the garden.

Even though the garden was outside the lobby of the hospital and the room Hyesung was staying at is at the second floor, he knows that the men from the distance is Eric and Junjin talking to each other.

Minwoo walked towards Andy and saw their two friends hugging each other. “Tch. People who passed by might mistook them as lovers.”

Dongwan got curious and looked at the window following their gaze. “They look like a bunch of idiots instead.” He laughs but only got hit by Minwoo, telling him to tone down his voice as Hyesung was sleeping.

That’s right. Even if Hyesung can already handle conversations, he can get tired if he talks too much. Thus, he was advised to take a lot of rest.

The three of them glanced at Hyesung to make sure he wasn’t bothered by the noise and they decided to whisper while talking.

“I knew it they can’t take ignoring each other for so long” Andy smiled. It was actually a relief to see their friends clearing up everything.

Minwoo stared back to the window. “It actually took longer than I expected.”

“True. Because those two always stick around together before we met Hyesung. “ Dongwan crossed his arms, staring into a blank space as if reminiscing something.

Andy laughs. “Back in the days, Junjin always talk about how Eric-hyung is his role model.” The other two nodded in agreement.

The three of them became silent for a moment. The atmosphere starts to become serious. “But if I were Junjin, it’s not easy to forgive.” Dongwan said, breaking the silence.

“Eric leaving the country without saying anything is already unforgivable.” Minwoo added. He suddenly remembered his anger when Eric called him out of nowhere saying he left the country.

Dongwan clench his fist. “I want to punch when I saw him.” He remembered that day when he was watching over Hyesung then Eric suddenly stormed inside the room.

“Me too. But he always look so lost... that idiot.” Minwoo agrees. “Well, he already looks like he did many self-reflections, I don’t want to add to his burden and scold him even more.”

“That is why I can’t help but just talked to him that time and forget about my anger... even if it’s hard.” Dongwan added remembering how Eric looks like when he stormed into the hospital after returning to Korea. His hair was shiveled, his supposed to be neat clothes are crumpled and his eyes felt like it took so long to hold back his tears.

“Same with me.”

“Me too.”

The three of them agree with each other.

Few days have passed…

“Hyung, make sure to check your things first before we leave the room.” Junjin gave a final reminder to his brother.

“Yes, I’ve done that for a lot of times already.” Hyesung tiredly said to his brother while walking limply. Eric even stretched his hand as the other man walked in front of him in case he would stumble.

“Are you sure you don’t need any wheelchair or just crutches?” Junjin worriedly asked his brother as he saw him the way he walked.

“I’m fine okay? You’re overreacting once again.” Hyesung stared as his younger brother then to Eric. His gaze went back to Junjin before holding unto his younger brother’s free arm. “Just… I just need you for support.”

Junjin open his mouth and was about to protest when his brother whines. “Oh Jinnie please, I want to go home already. The smell and the atmosphere in the hospital somehow make me feel dizzy.” Hyesung pouts cutely.

Today is the day their friends most especially Hyesung’s most awaited day finally come. It is the day when Hyesung finally had the signal of the doctor to discharge from the hospital. However, as their other friends are busy with their work, it was only Eric and Junjin who are present.

“You ain’t coming with us? Eric-sshi?” Hyesung asked him with his head tilted like a confused cat. Eric realized that he was lost with his thoughts for a moment. He shifted his gaze to Junjin who gave him a slight nod.

“Of course I will.” Eric replied as he walks towards them. “Let me carry your stuffs.” Eric said to the pretty man.

“No it’s okay, Junjin will carry it.” Hyesung replied while giving his bag full of his belongings to his brother.

Still feeling worthless, Eric tries to find more things to do. He looked at Hyesung’s bag that were already on Junjin’s shoulder. He looked at Hyesung who is walking besides his brother while clutching into his brother’s arm for support.

Then, unconsciously, Eric was staring at Hyesung’s free hand.

Can I hold your hand and never gonna let it go?

When Hyesung noticed Eric, he followed the man’s gaze and read his mind. He was flustered at first but but then he awkwardly put his hand in his pocket.

The answer is no then.

Eric wants to hit his head for his actions. Eric Mun, you have no shame. Why would you do that? He scolds himself. Of course, it was the right thing for him not to act sweet so suddenly just because Hyesung thought they were really lovers.

However, Eric can’t help but feel miserable after experiencing rejection.

Rejection.

Eric suddenly remembered how a lot of things like this happened before. Most of the time, he caught Hyesung staring at his hands and acts like he wanted to hold hands but Eric would just turn away and gaze at him like it was a crime to do so. It’s ironic how he was now paying for the price for the things he had done in the past.

Meanwhile, Hyesung was having a lot of thoughts and rejecting Eric was one of the results of his thoughts. From how his body is acting when he is around Eric, he knows that he was attracted to the man. Eric’s actions also shows the same and their friends also said that they were lovers. Still, Hyesung still have doubts with their relationship most especially when he heard his friends talking about Eric few days ago.

That’s right. That time when Minwoo, Dongwan and Andy was talking about Eric, they didn’t know that Hyesung was actually listening time. Forgive? Another country? He knows one thing’s for sure that there is really something crucial that he can’t remember and they decided not to tell him for now because of his condition.

Hyesung closes his eyes as he remembered that day. Those idiots. They decided to whisper but I could still hear them talking.

His thoughts were taking him too far away that he didn’t noticed he was already in the car. It was Junjin who was driving and Hyesung is on the passenger’s seat. On the other hand, Eric is at the back seat and can’t help but wonder where is Hyesung was currently staying. He noticed how the street they were taking is very familiar.

And Eric was not wrong about that! They arrived at Hyesung’s apartment, Eric was shocked. Junjin was about to go inside of his brother’s apartment when he was stopped by Eric. “Jinnie… i-it’s…”

“You’re right. Hyung and I lived together after he left your apartment few years ago. But Hyung… my stupid Hyung… even after that, his foot would always lead to your old home. Actually, that’s how he found out that you left to another country. He unconsciously went home to your apartment and saw that it’s empty. He cried a lot that time.” Junjin hissed. “Then he take it anymore, he was unable to move on. He took this apartment below the one you both lived before, thinking that you might come back to the place you used to live and meet again. I told him that you would only come back to your old apartment if only you love him that much and you are willing for the two of you to cross paths.”

He can imagine Hyesung dragging his feet after a tiring day of work. Then, he would stop at their old apartment, slapping his face a few times after realizing it was not his home anymore. Not only that but thinking Hyesung crying after knowing from other people that he left to another country.

Eric clench his fist as he imagine those things. What I have done?

From inside of his apartment, Hyesung suddenly appeared in front of them. “Eric-sshi, I’m sorry that I just asked you to come with us without asking you where you live. You can go now if you’re house is that far, it’s already getting dark.” Hyesung get his things from Junjin’s shoulder as he talk to Eric.

Eric looked at Junjin who stared back at him, also curious where the older man lived after coming home from another country.

“Actually…” Eric pointed upwards. “I live on the apartment above yours.” More like the apartment Hyesung is currently staying right now is just below their shared home few years ago.

That answer caught Hyesung off guard. He can’t help but wonder if they were a clingy couple who can’t stay away from each other. He turned around and walks aways while lightly tapping his cheeks to prevent him from thinking of any weird things.

Junjin mindfully staring at Eric, “Then it means... even if you don’t meet at the hospital or organize a meet up, you both are bound to meet each other.”

Eric remembered what the landlady said to him the day he returned from America and went back to their old apartment.

The one where you lived before is still vacant. But why you won’t live on the unit below your old apartment?

He didn’t have any idea about it at first. Then it means… The landlady was referring to Hyesung that time.

Junjin laughed a bit as if thinking ‘I don’t know what to do with the two of you anymore’. It made Eric come back to his senses.

“I’ll leave then, Eric-hyung. I still have to go to work.” Junjin said to him while pointing outside with his thumb. The his face suddenly turned serious, back to his threatening expression. “About what we had talked about last time… it’s my brother’s decision in the end. What I’m trying to say is that, I will not hinder the two of you anymore. It’s already up to my brother whether he will accept you or not.”

“Yah! Are you going inside or not? What are you talking about that it’s taking you for so long?” The conversation between Eric and Junjin was interrupted by Hyesung who once again stepped outside when he realized no one is getting inside of his apartment.

“I’m going to leave now Hyung.”Junjin hugs his brother and kiss him goodbye.

“That fast? Can’t you stay a bit longer for a coffee?” Hyesung hug back then pouts in front of his brother thinking it will work like always and make his brother stay a bit.

“No hyung, I have to meet the deadline for my task. Besides…” Junjin tapped Eric’s back. “Eric-hyung is here with you.” He wanted add I know how much you miss each other the most but that may already too cringey, so he bit his tongue for that.

“Then I’ll be going.” Junjin pats Eric’s shoulder then the older man nodded.

Both Eric and Hyesung’s gaze followed Junjin’s back as he was walking away and slowly disappearing from their sight. When they can’t see Junjin anymore, the awkward atmosphere was back now that it’s just the two of them. They both cleared their throats and Hyesung fixed his gaze to different places except from Eric.

“Hyesung-ah” Eric was the first one to break the silence between them. Hyesung blushed when his name was suddenly called. It sends shivers to his spine.

It’s true when Hyesung said that being with Eric makes him feel like there’s something wrong. It’s true that there are things that hold him back from thinking they were lovers. There are many reasons for him to doubt everything. However, at times like this when Eric calls his name and smile in front him, his body will react naturally. His body temperature rises and his heart beats so fast.

It makes the wrong feels so right.

“Can I stay for a while?” / “Can you stay for a while?” They both asked each other at the same time.

A/N: Eric suddenly remembered how a lot of things like this happened before. Most of the time, he caught Hyesung staring at his hands and acts like he wanted to hold hands but Eric would just turn away and gaze at him like it was a crime to do so. – During this part, Eric was referring to what happened in the first chapter when they go to Namsan Tower and Hyesung is staring at their hands but Eric just put his hand in his pocket. This time around it was Eric who felt being rejected (or does he? Since Hyesung ask him to stay for a bit, is he now finally accepting him despite the fact that he cannot remember?) 

That’s it. Have a nice day ahead and see you in the next chapter. 

TO BE CONTINUED…