Even For A Moment

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The morning after the dance,  I woke up with a mission. It was as if seeing Sungkyung and Hyoseop happy together had kicked my into time-to-get-on-with-my-life mode. For the first time since our breakup, I couldn't wait to get out to the garage. Abeoji's Saturday-morning omelet fest was a blue; I scarfed enough for fuel, then went out to warm up. The garage was cold but that would change soon enough.

My Desker had actually cobwebs between the legs. I wiped them off, pulled the table upward, and boot up the computer. Practice was at eleven; I had a full hour before Subin and Jisoo were supposed to show. For all my bull about picking the perfect developer - if I'd auditioned for a developing team at the moment, I'd have a hard time making the cut. The calluses on my hand had even gone soft.

The motherhood growled to life as I ran my fingertips across keyboard. I hit a couple of testing keys, getting my fingers used to tapping sound, over and over until the test coding was perfect. Then I launch RStudio into the first applications of Imaging Recognizer. Fumbled, really. Three months of not coding and my fingers were rubbery. I ran through it a few more times, until it finally began to come back.

The Imaging Recognizer was Sungkyung. It wasn't our application or anything, and I hadn't been creating it to impress her - she would have been like, Google who? She always joked about my love for creating apps to aid people and producing small songs that I'd picked up from abeoji. This was for me, creating and producing to disappear into. The system reminded me of her. Registering images, it felt like connecting to some real, raw part of us. The couple we were when we were together and it was good.

This was as close as possible to saying goodbye without physically saying it to her.

Each scanning was a memory, a fight, a smile, a kiss. All of the anger, remorse, sadness, and desire came out through my fingers as the system scanned and pinged. I hit that sweet spot where I didn't need to think about what I was doing, just closed my eyes and felt it. My successful application washed over me, through me. Flowed electric from my animal brain.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but the next thing I knew, my shirt was soaked and abeoji was standing there, arms crossed, leaning against the wall.

"Hey," I said.

"Sounds good."

"You weren't watching closely," I said. "Was I too occupied?"

Abeoji and I had turned the garage  into a practice space - a couple of technology brochures and couple of band posters on the wall, and some of his old computer systems and DJ set. It wasn't soundproof, so we had to keep our sessions to a minimum, or until one of the neighbors complained - but at least it was a place we could use and store our stuff.

"It should be occupying." He pulled the cover off one of his DJ sets for me. "How long do you think it will take this new developer to sound like you when you gave your plan to Jasper?"

"Jisoo's good but, I don't know, a month maybe, maybe less."

"I talked to Jas the other day -"

"And?"

"He liked your plan, wants to talk to you."

"Really?"

"Yea, said if you had any free time this week to stop in."

"Just stop in? And what?"

Abeoji laughed. "Jas's always been a face-to-face guy, just wants to meet you. Feel you out, see if you speak the same language."

"But I thought you said we should be at our best."

"I didn't mention your developer trouble. See how things go today, it's not like he'll book you in the next month - he said he usually goes three months out. A date to play can get things going."

"Mr. Nam - you jamming today too?" Subin and Jisoo had come in the side door of the garage. Subin's face was lit up, huge grin framed by the dad cap he insisted on wearing when he developing or producing. He placed his case down.

"Not today, Bin," Abeoji said, laughing. He held out his hand. "You must be Jisoo."

Jisoo shook abeoji's hand. "Is it okay that I'm parked in the driveway? I just wanted to unload -"

"Yep. Need help?"

"Nah, Abeoji, we're cool," I said. I felt bad for answering so quickly, but I just wanted to get started, of forming a cohesive, yet fragile team.

"I'll leave you to it, then."

It took us a good ten minutes to set up. As Jisoo was assembling the final part of his computer set, I grabbed a fresh shirt from the laundry room and changed from the sweat-soaked one I'd been wearing.

"Hey guys, we might -"

The news about Jasper and Sandbox Corp came close to spilling out of my mouth but the words caught in my throat. Letting Subin and Jisoo know before we practiced seemed like a setup for failure - after, when we were warmed up, would be better.

"We might what?" Subin asked, stomping along with the keyboard he warmed up with.

"We might want to start with the Javascript coding before we get to producing new tunes."

"Sounds cool," Jisoo said.

Samsan Tech take two was officially official.

The streets of Gangnam were crazy busy for a Wednesday afternoon. I had exactly two hours between school and work and was pushing it, but Wednesday was the only day Jasper had an opening to see me. Subin had wanted to come but I was more relaxed knowing at least one of us would be on time for the Soop evening shift. And Subin . . . he was over-enthusiastic about the whole thing, and when he was that way, he tended to speak before thinking. Then there was the hat, which he was convinced bought him luck when he coded. Not ready to fly that freak flag quite yet.

I finally found a spot about four blocks away. We weren't anywhere near ready to play out, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized abeoji was right - a date looming would be great incentive for us to get our together. Practice hadn't . Completely. The first time we went through our set, we'd each been doing our own thing; Jisoo was too loud with the drumming part, Subin was rushing the guitar sound, and I even missed coming in on the right beat a few times, but by the end of practice, we at least sounded like a band. Not a great one, but on our way. Jasper didn't need to know that.

Walking through the front door of Sandbox Corp was like walking into a different realm. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The building was an old firehouse, complete with a brass pole and high ceilings. Along the one wall were venue posters from every band imaginable, with spotlights on some of the more prominent ones like LG and The Beatles. The front area looked like someone's living room. There were couches and chairs, and a few low tables between them. The bar took up the rest of the front, while in the far back was a smaller room with a stage. One guy sat hunched over a beer mug at the end. The bartender had his elbows on the bar, tip of a pen in his teeth, working on a newspaper crossword. I cleared my throat. He dropped the pen and looked up.

"ID."

"I'm here to see Jasper. Joohyuk from Samsan Tech."

He gave me a once-over as he texted someone.

"Who did you say you were?"

"Nam Joohyuk, I have an -" I stopped short of saying appointment, it sounded too formal. "I'm here to see Jasper about a gig."

"He's free now -  just head to the back, staff door, can't miss it," he said, going back to his crossword.

I navigated around tables and across the floor, pushing through the door marked STAFF into an even darker hallway. There was a sliver of light, and as I neared it, a door whooshed open and Jasper appeared. I resisted the urge to jump and ignored my hammering heartbeat. I wanted to showcase in this place so bad it hurt.

"Joohyuk, come in." Jas grabbed my hand and pumped it as I walked into his office. There were more posters and photos and graffiti on one wall, but at the same time it looked orderly, everything in place. It was hard imagining him knowing abeoji - Jas wore tight black skinny jeans, combat boots, and a pinstriped blazer over than Sandbox Corp T-shirt. He looked like he could have been in one of abeoji classes, not in a band with him twenty years ago.

"Last time I saw you, you were drooling on your father's shoulder. Man, you're grown."

"We met?"

"Oh man, years ago. How are the Prof and Mrs. Nam doing?" He motioned for me to take a seat, while he slid into one of those office chairs that look more like a throne, behind a huge black desk. The desk was spotless except for his laptop and a large glass jar of gummies. I sank down onto a couch across from him that was less comfortable than it looked.

"Oh, um, they're good."

Jasper typed something into his keyboard. Samsan Tech's cover of "Dionysus" played over the sound system. A grin fought its way onto my face. We hadn't sound like that in practice this week. Jasper leaned back in his chair, hands clasped behind his head, and grinned.

"This is good, you guys sound tight. So what have you been doing?" he asked.

Moping, brooding, making lattes. I did not some creative elaborating - a.k.a. lying through my teeth.

"We played a Christmas party, street fair, stuff like that. We're gearing up for Demo Day and Battle of the DJs," I said, imagining I was talking about Samsan Tech pre-breakup. Then it would have all been true.

"They still do those battles? Fun stuff." His tone was unimpressed.

"Yeah." My jacket felt heavy, my cheeks hot. If blushing was alie detector I was screwed. I'd hit nuclear-meltdown mode.

"Cool, do you guys have a logo? Merchandise? Fan page?"

Nope, nope, nope.

"We're working on it."

"Your sound is perfect for the eighteen-and-over nights. They like recognizable stuff. When you dad called -"

"Abeoji called you?" Somehow I didn't think this was the way bands got started. How un-freaking-cool.

"A little healthy nepotism never hurt anyone. You have to deliver, though."

"Absolutely."

"So, here's the deal - the eighteen-and-overs are booked until September."

"September?"

"We only do them twice a month, and skip the summer."

"Oh." Why was I there? I was starting to feel like a supreme douche-nugget. And suddenly our cover of techno "Dionysus" sounded too slow. Amateurish.

"There's a few places in town that do the eighteen-and-over nights. I might be able to recommend you somewhere. In the meantime, do you want the September date?"

I wasn't sure what I was doing tomorrow, let alone September - Jisoo was a senior, would he even be around? Forward motion, Hyuk.

"Yes."

He typed again, took a card out of a drawer, and scribbled something down. He stood up and held it out to me.

September 18th. SamSan

We had a gig. Far away, but we had one. And maybe he would recommend us to someone else. It was a start.

"Hey, is your contact info the same as on the CD?"

"Let me give you my number," I said. He pulled out a pad of neon-orange Post-its and slide it across the desk. I jotted down my cell, and also the line at Soop. Putting down more than one number seemed to show I had places to be - that I wasn't necessarily waiting for a phone call. Even if that was the case. He peeled off the top of the pad and stuck it to his laptop screen.

"Great. You should start thinking about a logo; we put promotional flyers out in the local colleges and we like to include that. Do you do any originals? After the gig, we can also talk about business proposal too."

"Working on it," I said.

"Cool. You really do have a great sound and ideas."

"Thanks," I said, heading out the door. I didn't want to make a run for it, but I already knew I'd be late.

"See you in September," he called after me. The last thing I heard was his laugh echo down the hallway.

Getting out of Gangnam and back to Seoul was a nightmare. I sweated it out, inching along with construction traffic until I finally hit the back roads, going as fast as I possibly could without wrapping my car around a utility pole. Miraculously there was a parking spot on the side street near Soop. I raced through the front door, muttering apologies as it shut behind me. Hanna stoof behind the register, scary-manager-face softening when she saw me.

"Hyuk, I've got to pick up Ana from daycare," she said

"I'm sorry, school thing, traffic," I spluttered, grabbing my apron from the back and tossing it over my neck.

"You two okay with closing?"

"Hannie, baby, we got this," Subin said.

She sighed and looked at me. "Are you sure?"

"Got it," I said.

"We're out of soy milk, but you should be set with singles for the register. If you have any trouble, call me. But, you know, don't call me, if you can help it."

"Yep."

She grabbed her bag and coat and raced out the front door.

My phone dinged.

"So how did it go?" Subin asked.

A mom pushing a stroller came up to the counter, her cheeks red from the cold. I ignored the text and rung up her order.

"Nonfat mocha latte," Subin said, tossing the cup in the air. The toddler in the stroller clapped her hands as Subin caught it. The mom handed me her money and I gave her the change along with the biscotti she'd ordered for the kid. My phone dinged again. I waited until Subin gave the woman her drink before checking my messages.

"So . . . what's the deal, are we playing there or not?"

"Holy crap." I read the message again, just to make sure I was reading it properly. The bells announced another customer.

"Just read this out loud," I said, handing Subin my phone.

"'Must be kismet. Band dropped date last weekend in March. Want?' Who's kismet?" he asked, handing the phone back to me.

"Kismet is fate," said a voice behind me. I turned around.

"Suzy."

She wore a knitted beanie, her hair sticking down from underneath. The tip of her nose was pink, her bright brown eyes bright. She was in her university sweatshirt and jeans, with a backpack slung over her one shoulder.

"Hey," she said, looking between Subin and me.

"So what does that mean?" Subin asked, nodding toward my phone.

"It means Jasper wants us to play at his studio at the end of March before looking into our business plan.

Subin let out a whoop.

"That place in Gangnam?" Suzy asked.

"Yeah," I said, reading the message again just to make sure. "Wait, don't tell me - an americano to go?"

"Actually, I'm staying awhile. I've got some stuff to work on, and I don't . . . It's a little distracting at my house. Can I have a Cinnamon Hot Chocolate?"

"Ooooh, spi-cee," Subin said, throwing a cup in the air, but missing it this time. Entertaining toddlers was clearly more in his wheelhouse.

"She's having it here," I said. "Regular cup."

"Oh, right." He grabbed a large ceramic cup that looked more like a bowl with a handle. Suzy reached into her backpack.

"Hey, I owe you, right?" I said. "I'll bring it over to you if you want to get a table."

She tilted her head sideways, slight smile crossing her lips. "Thanks."

I took the cup from Subin. "Let me do it. Why don't you wipe down the tables and keep an eye on the register."

"Of course you'll do it," he said, puckering his lips and kissing the air. "Don't forget to purge the wand."

I glare at him. 

"You know, after steaming the milk."

"Just make sure everything's clean," I answered, tossing the mop cloth to him.

Months ago Hanna had hired a guy to come in to teach the staff how to steamed milk correctly to make fancy patterns in lattes. There was a barista who worked on weekends who could make Darth Vader and Yoda. I didn't get much daily practice but I could manage a decent-looking rosette and a heart. I debated on which one to pour as I prepped Suzy's drink.

I watched the milk steam, making sure it was the right consistency - thick and smooth like paint. Tilting the cup, I poured until the drinking chocolate reached the top, then shook the pitcher back and forth to make the swirly lines of the rosette. Not perfect enough to make it look like I was trying too hard and not too sloppy, so that maybe she'd be slightly impressed. I grabbed a Madeleine cookie and set it on the saucer next to the hot chocolate, and walked it over to Suzy.

She was sitting on one of the crushed-velvet chairs, close to the window. One leg curled underneath her, laptop on the table. She had a sketchpad on her lap , pencil poised as she stared out the window. When she saw me coming over, she slipped the pencil behind her ear and smiled.

"I'm freezing," she said, rubbing her hands together.

I placed the drink down next to her laptop. She reached for it, wrapped both hands around the cup, and brought it to her face. She paused before taking a sip, noticing the pattern in the milk.

"Pretty. Hey, I didn't order a Madeleine."

"Oh, that's on me. You need something to go with hot chocolate; it's like, a law, or it should be," I said as her lips touched the rim of the cup. With a gentle tilt she took a sip, then ran her tongue across her top lip to get the extra foam. She was enjoying her drink, but damn if it wasn't y. Almost involuntarily, my hit the seat across from her. A few moments away from the register wouldn't hurt.

"This is the best freaking hot chocolate I've ever had," she said, putting the cup down on the saucer. "Did you melt a chocolate bar in there?"

"Pretty much." I puffed up like an idiot, giddy from her approval. And guess what, Suzy? I invented chocolate, and the wheel, and I can create an app for you. I may as well have been sitting at Suzy's feet, panting, waiting for her to pat my head. 

"It's awesome."

"So you draw?" I asked. Great, Joohyuk, Captain Obvious, she's sitting there with a pencil behind her ear.

She laughed, kind of a muffled giggle. "Today it doesn't feel like it, but yes, I draw."

The phone buzzed in my pocket again. Holy , I'd forgotten about Jas.

Want date or not?

YESS!! I typed, and hit send. Three weeks to get out together. That was enough, right?

Cool. Get me logo & band photo next week

The photo would be easy.

A logo?

Suzy.

"Hey, have you ever done anything like a logo?"

She shook her head before talking another sip of her drink. I looked away, feeling so damn y for staring at . Focus.

"Would you consider doing one? We need one, for Samsan, of promotional stuff. It doesn't have to be anything -"

Her eyes caught fire. "Omigod, yes! I'd love to do that. I'm, wow, you haven't even seen my work."

"You look like you know what you're doing. I trust you."

"So how did practice go? Is Jisoo pulling his weight, because if not, you know, we'll have to do something about it."

"Yeah, he's great."

"And you're really ready to play out somewhere?"

"Ready? Not sure, but this will just give us incentive."

"That's pretty brave."

"Or stupid," I said.

She grabbed her pad and pelled the pencil from behind her ear. "So who named the team Samsan?"

"Subin. It was of a random thing, but he said he wanted to twin with Samsung. Annnnd, it kinda stuck."

"Ah, so he can do more than make drinks," she said, scribbling something down. "And what kind of stuff do you do? Is there anything in particular you want me to focus on? Colors?"

"Applications . . . music . . . Appusic." I did not just say that, but if it made her smile . . .

"Here," she said, handing me the pad. "Give me your number, in case you - I mean, I - have any questions."

I blanked for a moment before writing it on the sketchpad.

"Maybe you should take mine."

I took out my phone. My fingers were useless as she rattled off her number.

"Can you say it again?"

"Here." She took the phone out of my hand and typed her number into my contacts. My heart knocked on my ribs as she handed it back to me.

The hiss of the steam wand followed by a shout of "Holy !" caused me both to turn. Subin grimaced, waving his hand back and forth.

"I guess I better get back there before he gets third-degree burns."

She laughed. "When would you want the logo by?"

"Next week, maybe? You think you can -"

"No problem, I'm on it."

"So does this mean you'll come see us at Gangnam?"

She took another sip from her drink before answering. "I guess if Stephanie is going . . . But isn't that, like, bar-slash-studio? Not sure if it's for twenty one. . ."

"It's eighteen and over."

"Ah, I still don't know."

Onstage, I forgot myself - the awkward geek/barista who got tongue-tied and self-conscious. When I sang I could growl, spit, look into people's eyes and make them listen. Standing there, in front of Suzy, I tried to tap into that onstage confidence. I could have let it drop but I got the feeling that Samsan, playing a real show, in Gangnam, had impressed her the tiniest bit.

"I bet that wouldn't be a problem for you. I think if you want to be somewhere, you definitely have a way of making it happen."

Her eyes lit up again. I walked away before I could say anything else, ignoring all impulses to look back at her.

"Did you melt her with your barista skills?" Subin asked.

I stole a glance at her. She was shaking her head slightly, smile on her face.

"Something like that," I said.