Dream

---

Eomma had left me a message to meet her at the yoga studio. Stephanie bailed because she needed to study for a monster chem test. I planned on getting to class before everyone else so I could grab some prime space up front. The eight-block walk to yoga helped clear my head, got my blood pumping. I stole a quick peek through Soop window to see if Joohyuk was working. He was behind the counter with Subin. A smile stretched across my face. Iced Americano or Cinnamon hot chocolate tonight?

I fully expected to be the first one in the studio for class but was surprised to see eomma in scorpion pose, being assisted by Haein. His hand supported the small of her back, lips moving with words sounded like humming from where I stood. I waited in the doorway until she finally came out of the pose, one foot and then the other. They turned to see me, and my first instinct was to bolt - it felt like I'd walked in on something private, but the both of them smiled. 

"Soo, you're here early." Eomma's face was flushed pink, her hair held back with a headband. She looked radiant. Ten years younger. Haein smiled at me.

"Ready for some heart openers?"

"I, um, guess so."

Haein padded out to front desk. Eomma wiped down her face with a towel. I unfolded my sticky mat next to her. "When you said to meet you I just assumed you were stuck at work."

"Oh, no - there's an advanced class before this one; I wanted to see if I could handle it."

"Oh." For some reason, her taking a class without me bothered me. When she first started, she'd practically bribed me to come with her. It was cool she'd found something to throw herself into, but at the same time it felt like she was moving on from me. Why hadn't she asked me to come?

"You're taking our usual class too?"

"Haein told me this is going to be more a slow stretch tonight. Will you caught me if I topple over?"

I remembered what Stephanie said - how eomma rocked mermaid pose. I hadn't really noticed, until now. Yoga wasn't a competition; you weren't supposed to compare yourself to anyone else, but Eomma excelled at it.

"You made scorpion look easy."

"Did I? My arms were shaking, I thought I was going to flop my head."

"Couldn't see that from where I was standing."

She tossed the towel onto her mat, grabbed her water bottle. "So if I was leading a class, I wouldn't look out of place?"

I shook my head. Friendly chatter filled the studio as people arrived for class. I walked over to the prop station and grabbed a strap and a block, then sat down cross-legged on my mat.

"Teacher training starts next week."

"Wow, already? I thought you were just thinking about it."

"Why don't we go next door after class, hang out instead of getting our drinks to go. Catch up, sound good?"

"Sure."

Seeing Joohyuk, his chocolate brown hair sticking out of his baseball cap, made a grin that started somewhere in my toes break out across my face. It could have been wishful thinking, but I swear his smile widened every so slightly too when he saw me.

"Hey, I have something for you." Subin pointed at me and disappeared into the back room. I furrowed my brow at Joohyuk while he wrang us up. Subin came back holding a light blue T-shirt. He fanned it out over the counter.

"The logo, wow." I could say anything else - my work right there on the shirt. It was such an odd feeling to have something that had existed in my brain on a T-shirt for the rest of the world to see. I knew Joohyuk had said they were going to use it for promotional stuff, but I didn't think he meant this. It was pretty cool.

"That looks great." Eomma ran a hand across the logo. "Are you selling these?"

"Not sure yet, we might just give them out - get our name out there," Joohyuk said. "You can take a few if you want."

"Really?"

"Consider it an early birthday present," Subin said.

"Not too far off." Eomma picked up the shirt and hummed with approval.

"It's your birthday?" Joohyuk asked.

I flinched at the question. "No-"

"Suzy's, in two weeks," eomma said. "Do you have an extra small? I'll buy one."

"No, really, you don't need to pay. Bin, give them a few before they go. We'll get those drinks to you in a minute." Joohyuk peered behind us at the growing line.

I grabbed eomma before she shouted out my bra size and Identification Number too. I had a thing about birthdays - I mean, they were fine and all, but for some reason they left me feeling a little down - like I was always anticipating something bigger to happen. We found a table for two over to the side, right under the neon Soop sign.

Five minutes later, Joohyuk placed two wide-mouthed cups in front of us. Jasmine for eomma and Cinnamon hot chocolate for me. There was a flower shape in the foam. I smiled as he went back behind the counter.

Eomma took a cautious sip of her hot tea.

"So," she said, placing the cup back on the saucer and leaning toward me.

"You start training next week."

"Yes, it's a six-month program - the most intense parts are on the weekend, so there'll be at least a weekend a month that I'll be out more then I'm home. You're okay with that, right?"

"Yes. Did you have to hit up my summer program fund?"

She played with her bangs, running her fingers through and swiping them to the side. "No, I told you I'd never touch that. Juhoon sharing half the expenses has really helped. That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about. Are you still interested in the summer program in New York?"

"I'm, well . . ." New Work was about four times the price of Seoul; I was interested, but Juhoon living with us couldn't have freed up that much cash. "I'm fine with the Design Institute. I think I have a really good shot at a scholarship."

"But you don't need it now, I spoke to Juhoon-"

"Eomma, I wish you hadn't."

"He wants to help."

"I don't want his help, okay, not for this, it feels weird. Like -" I didn't want to say what I was thinking.

"Like what?"

"Like the only reason you decided to say something was because we were a little strapped for cash."

She cringed at the words. "Is that really what you think?"

"No. It's just a lot to take in, like I'm magically supposed to think of Juhoon in a different way, and I'm forcing it. I keep expecting something to change, to make me think of him as . . ." I was suddenly aware of the crowd a Soop, the noise - this seemed like too heavy a conversation to have with hot chocolate.

Eomma took my hand. "Soo, he feels the same way. Helping you pay for school feels like something concrete that he can do."

"I guess."

"Just think about it, I won't push it."

New York. Damn. I remember drooling over the program description. The challenging classes. Living in New York. A taste of what life would be like. Then I saw the price tag. Yee-ouch. Too steep. But the experience. Would it really be so awful to accept some personal funding?

"How is everything?" Joohyuk came over to the table, a small Soop shopping bag in his hand.

"Excellent as ever."

"Here's the shirts," he said.

He stood there between us, smiling - waiting, it seemed, for something to do so he could linger. I liked it. He finally spoke.

"Hey, are you coming to see us Saturday night?"

I took a sip of hot chocolate, eomma's eyes on me too. I felt a slight stab of guilt for not thinking of Minho in this equation. It's not like I'd never done things without him before but that word, those three freaking words, suddenly made me feel tied down. And I hated it. Of course I was going to 2STO, already thought about what I'd wear, but with each second that passed I felt a little rush of power. Joohyuk wanted me to be there. I put my cup down.

"Can't wait."

✿ Secrets of Attraction ✿

"Yoona, hold still." One more swipe of teal liquid liner, some mascara, and she was done. I'd picked an eye-shadow combo of gold simmer and light pink that made her dark eyes stand out. The effect was mysterious stranger. Rawr.

"Let's see," Stephanie said.

Yoona batted her lashes.

"Wow."

She walked over to my vanity mirror to take a closer look.

"You don't think this is too much? It's itchy. What if I forget I'm wearing it and rub my eye? I'll look like someone punched me."

"For a run? Yes, too much. For a dark club on a first date with a running partner you think is hot? No." I dabbed some soft pink lip gloss. Done.

"It's not really a date - it's a let's-meet-there kind of thing. When he heard Jisoo was playing, he said he'd bring a few friends too. So, I don't know."

"What friends? His college friends?" Stephanie asked.

Yoona shrugged. "Hey, what about Minho, is he meeting us there?"

"Nope." Minho had texted me throughout the day. His indoor league game had been canceled and he was prowling for something to do. I was too pumped for a night out with my friends. It sounded mean and I knew it, but ignoring was not the same as lying, right? I couldn't handle the love question tonight.

"Jisoo texted. They're turning the corner now." Stephanie shoved her phone into the front pocket of the teeny-tiny skirt she'd bought during our CJ E&M dance spree. She work the thigh-high boots, so only a sliver of skin showed. It was not her usual lok, but all those months of yoga had given her the sort of curves guys drooled over, and she rocked it. I had cropped the light blue Samsan T-shirt into a halter top, so it fitted well, and I paired them with black high-waisted shorts and black combat boots. No one would question us about being from a religious school.

 (Imagine Suzy's Love Song outfit is described above)

We grabbed out jackets and thundered down the stairs. Eomma and Juhoon were in the living room.

"Wow," Juhoon said as we met him at the landing. He pulled out his phone. "Let me get a picture."

"Juhoon, it's not like prom." I laughed. Eomma walked over and stood next to him, arms crossed. If I didn't know better, if I was just some stranger looking in on the scene, I would think they made a nice-looking couple. They looked like parents about to see their kid off for the night. Which I guess they were, but not really.

"Come on," Stephanie said, pulling us together. We mugged for the camera until we heard footsteps on the porch. Joohyuk peered through the window.

"All right, gotta run."

"Time, Soo."

"Before midnight."

"Sounds fair. Have fun."

"Not so much fun that I have to bail you out," Juhoon said. Eomma elbowed him as I closed the door.

Joohyuk smile when he saw me.

"Hey, look, I'm representing." I gave him a quick peek of the shirt before closing my jacket.

"Cool."

"Nervous?"

"It's that obvious?" There were two cars in front of my house; well, one car - Jisoo's KIA, and a Hyundai. I knew which one I'd be traveling in.

Jisoo stood near the Hyundai, one arm casually slung around Stephanie's shoulder. Yoona waited next to them, peeking in the car and probably doing the math on which car she'd end up in herself. The side door was open, and Subin sat on the edge, elbows on knees, chin propped up in both hands. Jisoo reached into his jacket pocket and pulled away from Stephanie for a moment.

"Here, lovelies," he said, holding out three cards to us. He took the first one and held it under the streetlight.

"You are Jane Tang, Soo," he said, handing me the ID. It looked like an authentic driver's license with my picture. There was a hologram and everything. I didn't want to know where he got it.

"Yoonie, you are Anna Kris. And last but not least, Steph is Elsa Norway."

"So what Disney shows were this names stolen from?" I asked.

Jisoo laughed. "I didn't request names. The should be fine - lie low with them, you know, don't call attention to yourself. You probably won't be carded - just think of them as insurance."

"Walk in with us, carry something, no one will stop you," Joohyuk added.

"Are we going or not?" Subin stood up and climbed into the middle seat.

"Shotgun." I grabbed Joohyuk's arm. "If that's okay."

"Yeah, it's great."

Yoona looked at Stephanie and Jisoo. "Do you have room?"

"Half of the backseat is yours if you want it," Jisoo said.

"All right, so we'll meet there - you know where it is?" Joohyuk opened the front door and held out his hand to me.

"Yep, see ya in twenty." Jisoo, Stephanie, and Yoona walked back to the car.

I took Joohyuk's hand for support and climbed into the front seat.

"I'm stoked you're here," he said, before closing the door.

"Me too."

We pulled into the cobblestone back alley behind 2STO and the guys began to unload the equipment. Stephanie grabbed some cords. Yoona and I grabbed small speakers and we walked in following Joohyuk's lead. The guy holding the door open for us didn't say anything but copped an eyeful as we each walked by. We were in.

"Grab a table, we got the rest of this," Joohyuk said after we deposited the equipment on the stage, ending our short stint as Samsan roadies. The guy who'd been holding the door came over to us. On closer inspection, he was a bit of a fox. Mid-twenties, red hair, yellow shirt with a logo on the front. It stretched taut across a subtly buff chest. Strong arms. Uh-oh. Moment of truth, Jane. Think badass girls.

"Hold out your wrist," he said. "Stephanie was the first to put her arm out, and the uy wrapped a purple band around her wrist followed by Yoona, then me.

"Been around here before?" He smiled as he secured the tab.

"Yep." I had the feeling he knew the truth and didn't care.

"What can I get ya? Once it starts filling up, table service stops, but anything for now?"

We ordered a round of Cokes. 2STO was the sort of club I'd dreamed about hanging out in. It's like you  could feel the ghosts of nights-out past still echoing through the space. A crackle of anticipation was in the air - th emptiness just waiting for another incredible night to happen.

"This is going to be awesome," I declared.

"What if we are the only three here?" Stephanie asked. We looked around the empty space. I thought about what Foxy Dude said.

"Nah, it's early, it'll fill up," I said. At least I hoped it would, for Joohyuk's sake.

✿ Secrets of Attraction ✿

An hour later, 2STO was packed so thick we couldn't see the bar form our table anymore. Joohyuk, jisoo, and Subin were still in the back., but a tall guy in a leather jacket came out every so often to announce when they'd been on. We still had fifteen minutes. Yoona's phone went off.

She swiped for her messages. "He's here."

Yoona waved her phone over the sea of heads. Changwook broke through the crowds, followed by Choi Taejoon and another guy with a mullet. They each had a beer in their hand. Guess they knew the same guy Jisoo did.

Okay?  Yoona mouthed to Stephanie's old friends weren't exactly friends. They were more like frenemies from a past life. Stephanie shrugged.

Jisoo came out from the back and edged his way through the crowd on the dance floor.The moment he laid eyes on Changwook, Taejoon, and the mullet dude, he cracked a smile.

"Jonghyun, what are you doing here?" He clapped him on the shoulder.

"Heard you were playing. Thought we'd check it out."

"Cool." Jisoo looked at me. "Mind if I steal Stephanie?"

"Haven't you already?"

He laughed. Stephanie got up and took his hand, ignoring the guys. "Be right back."

Jonghyun and Taejoon drifted into the crowd. Changwook grabbed Stephanie's chair and moved it toward Yoona. They leaned into each other. I took out my phone just so I had something to occupy myself while they chatted. Three texts from Minho. Gah. I shut down the screen without reading them. When it was obvious that Stephanie's Be right back was more like Be back never, I excused myself from Yoona and Changwook's first date. No ing was was I going to be third wheel.

"I'm going to find Steph," I said. Yoona nodded. I inched into the crowd, shouldering and shuffling an dpushing my way through, until I spotted Stephanie, up front, stage left, arms crossed and waiting for the show to start. I bumped her.

"Be right back?"

"Sorry - Jisoo's nervous about tonight. Him, nervous. He needed a prep talk."

"Is that code word for something else?"

She smiled. "I knew you'd find your way over here. Is Yoona okay?"

"Yep. So far, first date is looking fine."

The guy with the leather jacket and black motorcycle boots strode into the stage followed by Jisoo, Subin, and Joohyuk - who looked more they were on their way to detention than leading the crowd in a good time. Subin appeared particularly freaked, his eyes blank, then Jisoo said something to him and he laughed. The room was electric, ready to party, but I had the feeling it was not easily impressed, or maybe not drunk enough.

Stephanie squeezed my arm. "Omo, they have to be good, right?"

"Of course, they're gonna kill it," I said.

Joohyuk lost his queasy look once he pulled his keyboard stand closer to him. His features sharpened under the blue stage lighting as he played some chord and stepped on a pedal by the mic stand. He stood a little taller, sussing out the crowd until he saw me. He smiled, but it wasn't that sweet, trustworthy smile. It was somewhere between a sneer and a smile that said I'm about to throw it down, wanna come? That smile torched my insides.

"Hey, hey, what's up, 2STO?! Give it up for a band you'll be seeing more of if I have anything to do with it . . . Samsan." Leather jacket guy lifted his arms up and the crowd went insane.

Joohyuk turned around and stallked up to the mic.

""S'up, Ga . . . ng . . . nam . . ." he said, before launching the band into an song. I kept bracing myself for some screw-up, a sour note, some weird misstep, but they were awesome.

Joohyuk commanded the stage, legs straight and slightly apart. He held his stance with a kind of lazy control that made he look like he might have had better places to be but was choosing to hang out with us for a while. Broody Barista was nowhere to be seen as he writhed to the music, eyes rolling up into his head when he sang, mouth barely caressing the mic with each word. His presence filled the room.

"Omo, they're good!" Stephanie shrieked into my ear.

Jisoo was sick behind his equipments, precise and fast, his hair bouncing along with the music. Even Subin made that stupid hat look cool.

Joohyuk picked me out again. His eyes on mine, I felt like he was sharing some part of himself that could only come out in the dark. That it as just the two of us. I moved with the music, his music. Anytime he looked away, I had the urge to throw myself into his line of vision again.

The crowd grew thicker, swelling, pushing us closer to the stage. People thrashed and pogoed and knocked into one another around us. I looked behind me, and between the bobbing silhouettes I caught a flash of Yoona and Changwook, standing near the back and moving along with the crowd. And I caught a glimpse of . . . Minho? . He stood by the wall, stock-still, a statue in the midst of pandemonium. I wasn't sure if he saw me.

Someone knocked into Stephanie and me, sending a spray of cold liquid across us. We both screamed from the chill and turned around. The burly guy held his hands up.

"Sorry, sorry." He gave me each a once-over and leered. "Hey."

A hand clamped on his shoulder and spun him around.

The guy in the leather jacket.

"Watch it," he said in Leering Guy's face. For someone like an announcer, he was pretty threatening. He shoved the guy back into the crowd. "Are you okay?"

Stephanie nodded. Minho worked his way through the crowd toward us. All I knew was that I couldn't stand up front with him. How long had he been here? God, did he see Joohyuk looking at me, because if he did, if he saw me . . . snagged.

"Minho's here," I whisper-yelled into Stephanie's ear. She raised her eyebrows. I wriggled over and met him in the crowd halfway.

"Did you get hurt?"

"No, I'm fine." I motioned toward the back of the room, covering my nose as I walked through a cloud of rank sweat and cologne. He grabbed my ahnd and s us through. Once we were past the mass of bodies, the air was cooler. I swear I could feel Joohyuk's eyes on me. The crowd went wild as he played the first chord of "E-Girls Are Ruining My Life." I had to force myself to look disinterested. We found an empty space near the edge of the bar.

"Nice shirt," Minho said.

I squirmed. Why hadn't I just answered his texts?

"Minho."

"That's the guy from the coffee place, isn't it?"

"We're friends, Minho, you know that."

"Friends like we're friends?"

"No." I crossed my arms. "What are you doing here?"

He tilted his chin toward the stage. "He told me about it, remember? My scrimmage was canceled and Dohwan and I were looking for something to do, but you would have known that if you answered your phone. I don't get it, Suzy, why didn't you just call me?"

My throat constricted, the air thick and hot around me.

"Why don't we get out of here?" he asked.

"No, they just went on. Let's stay."

"I don't want to. Dohwan's having trouble finding a parking spot anyway; I thinkwe're going to head back home, hit the diner."

"Okay, you do that."

He flinched.

"Fine." He brushed by me and wove through the bar crowd toward the front door. I squeezed my eyes shut. Counted to ten. He wanted me to follow him. Maybe it would all just go away, and we wouldn't have to have that conversation. The one I'd been putting off since CJ E&M . I wanted to be in front of the stage again. When I opened my eyes, Minho had returned.

"Can we talk, out front? Please."

I relented and followed him through the bar. Foxy Guy was sitting at the entrance and nodded as we walked out. We continued out onto the street, moving to the side of 2STO so people could get in. The echo of the team still hummed in my ears. I crossed my arms against the cold. Minho paced in front of me.

"Does it make you feel good to ignore me or something?"

"No."

"Then why do you do it?"

"I don't-"

"Yes you ing do, Suzy. When we're alone, everything's perfect, but the minute we go out, or talk about doing something - other than each other, I guess - you get all weird about it. Have you even thought about what I said to you?"

Some passing girls who'd heard what he said burst out laughing. My mouth went dry. "Please don't talk about this here. Now."

"Why? Am I embarrassing you? Is that it? Am I such a ing embarrassment that you can draw me in your little sketchbook but you can't really be with me?"

"Enough." I could feel the  pressure building. Those words again, waiting to come out. Was I ready to say them? Why was I holding on to this? Whatever it was? Because sometimes it was better to be with him than to be alone? I'd never be able to say to him what he'd said to me.

"Why didn't you answer my texts today?"

"Because I don't want you here!" The words sprang out of my mouth and right into his face. The anger he'd been directing at me dissolved. His face softened. His eyes. hell, I had to look away. "I'm sorry."

He stood next to me and leaned against the window of the club. Shoulder dropped a bit, hands in pockets. "Don't be, at least I know the truth."

"Minho-"

"Suzy, just shut up, okay? Shut up."

We stood like that for few minutes, the streets alive with Saturday-night bar crawlers. A bachelorette party, the bride was a sash and a tiara, stumbled into 2STO as a couple of guys wandered out. Not just any guys.

"Changwook?" I said.

He spun around while his friends kept walking, oblivious. "Yeah?"

It was the first time I got a really good look at him. He was cute - angular face that made his face interesting.

"Where's Yoona?"

"She's inside."

"Are you leaving?"

He looked toward Taejoon and Jonghyun, who finally realized he wasn't with them and stopped. "We got invited to this party. She didn't feel like coming."

I wanted to tell him how nervous she'd been to ask him out for tonight. How ing lit up she'd been after fooling around with him in the hallway at the dance. Why would he leave, if he knew how important it was to her? But who was I to give anyone advice? he waited for a moment, then turned and caught up with his friends.

"Hey, Minho." Dohwan trotted toward us from the curb where his car was double-parked. "I can't find a ing spot and I'm not paying twenty thousand won for a parking garage so we can hang out for an hour. Hey, Suzy." He acknowledged me with a nod - a nod that said he knew exactly what was going on.

"I'll be right there," Minho said. Dohwan jogged back to his car. Minho turned to me.

"So, this is it, I guess."

"Minho, I'm sorry, I just wanted to hang with Stephanie and Yoona. I shouldn't have ignored you."

"It's more than that, Suzy, and you know it."

"You don't have to go, really."

"Yeah, I do." He started walking away, then turned back. "I meant what I said that night. It's really sort of ed up that you can't even . . ."

"You can't force me to say something I don't feel."

"The rush from this guy is going to wear off too."

"This is not about a guy."

"Sure it is. I see the way you look at each other."

"Minho." How did I look at Joohyuk?

"Just, good luck. Maybe you'll let him in, Suzy." He turned away and then got into the car without looking back. Maybe you'll let him in? What did he even mean? It was the most interesting thing he'd said to me in our five months together. I watched the car head down the street until I couldn't see it anymore. He really wasn't coming back.

I felt like I should cry, or yell, or something. Why would he just say that and leave?

"Jane."

I kicked the sidewalk, tooka  few deep breaths. how much of the set had I missed?"

"Jane," a voice said again.

I turned around. Foxy Guy smiled at me.

"Your friends are looking for you," he said.

"Oh, um, right." Jane. I'm Jane. Wait, how did he know?

I walked back into the bar and was surrounded by cries of, Jane!

Everyone. Was. Saying. My. Name.

Or my faux name. Clapping. Chanting.

"Jane, Jane."

"Give me hand wishing my friend Jane a happy birthday."

It was Joohyuk. Leading the crowd in "Happy Birthday," to me.