Best Part

"Hyuk, you have to calm down, we've got this thing," Jisoo said.

"I'm trying," I said.

Being stuck in a vestibule along with the other bands and various equipment was about as fun as being in a cage with a rabid honey badger. Although, truth to be told, a honey badger would have probably smelled better. Not everyone, it seemed, cared about hygiene, and the small space made that painfully evident. My nerves were live wires; I could barely stand still in the two feet of space we had surrounding us. At least the door had windows so I could see into the gym.

There were two stages, so as one band played, the other could set up their equipment. Thankfully, Astro didn't share our staging area; they waited in the hallway on the other side of the gym. Sharing a cramped space with Eunwoo or Hyoseop would have made me even edgier. I'd seen them, nodded in a sort of "Good luck, may be the best band win" kind of way, but they had just sort of stared, trying to psych us out. Out of the six bands, we were set to go on third. Smack-dab in the middle. Not the most enviable spot, but it was the luck of draw. Astro was the closing band. Subin thought it was fixed.

I paced back and forth, occasionally peeking out into the gym, which did nothing to calm my nerves. The Battle always drew a decent crowd, and the space was already starting to fill in. I kept looking for one face, though, and ten minutes until the battle was supposed to start, Suzy was nowhere to be seen. Her absence wasn't the reason I was nervous. She said she'd be there and I believed her.

The real reason it felt like my blood was replaced with pure adrenaline was that I was about to throw the competition and I had no idea how I was going to break it to Subin and Jisoo.

After the weirdness with Suzy in my car, I'd gone home and finished the song. Her song. I couldn't handle playing it for her one on one, I'd be too self-conscious - but being on a stage where I could get lost in the energy of the crowd would somehow make it easier. I didn't plan on singling her out, I knew how she felt about grand gestures, but she would know it was for her.

Jisoo would be easier to persuade. This was all new to him, and while I knew he wanted to win, he wouldn't think twice about me doing the song. He'd said as much at practice.

Subin was a different story. It was now or never. I grabbed his arm.

"Dude, I have to talk to you," I said.

"Shoot," he said.

"Not here."

His upper lip curled. "Where we gonna go?"

I looked around. He had a point. I turned my back to the small area, forming our own corner, and motioned for them to come closer.

"Okay, I'm starting to feel like a douche, Hyuk, are we going to join hands and do a power chant or something?

"This is from a guy wearing the hat," Jisoo said.

"Lucky hat."

"The song is done. It's good. I want to play it for Suzy."

That was as plain as I could make it.

Subin breathed out hard, staring up at the ceiling before answering. "I thought we talked about this. Just save it for May."

"I just ..."

"Want to impress a girl. Did you know about this?" He turned to Jisoo. Jisoo shook his head.

"No, this is sort of a game-time call. Look, I can't explain it, I just think she needs to hear this. We're already better than Astro - we know that, does it really-"

"How could you spring this on us now? Why is it more important than us trying our best to win this thing?"

"Because it just is."

Subin's face fell. He shook his head. "It's still all about you."

He spun away, knocking into the girl singer from the band who was set to go on first. "Sorry," he mumbled as she scowled.

"Bin, wait," I said as he shouldered his way over to a set of double doors. Through the glass window I saw him storm off into the locker room, out to the area where we unloaded our equipment earlier.

"I shouldn't have asked."

"Hyuk, you wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important. I'll go talk to him," Jisoo said.

I nodded as he walked off in search of Subin. Was Subin right? Was it all about me? I hadn't meant for it to come out like that. I wanted to win, I did, but wasn't music more about reaching people, making them feel something instead of this stupid competition?

I peered out into the gym and finally spotted Suzy standing between Stephanie and Yoona. She wore the Samsan shirt. Her smile a small, still vote of confidence in the crowd. My heart wigged out at the sight of her. What the hell had I been thinking? The song was too personal to share, it needed work - I sounded clumsy. What if I totally screwed it up and blew it?

Mr. Kang, the emcee for the night, tapped a mic on the far stage, welcoming everyone and announcing that the first band would be on in five. My stomach coiled tight. I needed to find Bin and Jisoo. I wove my way around the other bands, pushed through the doors, and found the darkened locker room. There was a door open to the outside on the far end. I raced toward the sliver of streetlamp and out into the parking lot behind the university. Subin sat on the curb. Jisoo stood next to him.

"Hey, you know, just forget it," I said. "We'll do our five best songs, that's it."

"No, do the song, Hyuk," Jisoo said.

"I can't."

Subin sprang up.

"Now you need me to tell you how great you are, right? Because that's how it always works with us."

"No, you were right. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you putting up the money, filling out the application. I'm just, it was stupid of me. Arrogant."

He breathed out, crossed his arms."

"Chicken."

"Mwo?"

"Just play the song you wrote for Suzy. Okay? You're wimping out, that's worse than losing on purpose."

"What if it ?"

"It won't. It never does," Subin said.

"Okay, gather in," Jisoo said, motioning for us to huddle.

"Dude, I was serious about the chanting feeling. Not right."

"I was lacrosse captain, just huddle, it brings a team together, and we are about as not together as you can be at the moment."

"Fine, but if you start telling me to breathe deep-"

I jabbed Subin to stop it. The three of us put our hands out and brought them together.

"Now what?"

"Someone say something inspiring. As front man, Joohyuk, I think that falls to you."

My mind was blank. What to say? Two months earlier I'd wanted to give up, and here I was with a viable band, both Subin and Jisoo were better than they thought they were. We could be great. Blow them all away. That was it.

"If we're gonna blow it, blow it big."

"From 2STO. Cool, I like it," Subin said.

"Me too. So on the count of three, um, 'Blow it big.'"

"Do we-"

"Just say it." Jisoo shot Subin a look.

"One... two... three... Blow it big!"

We pulled our hands away, and Jisoo howled. Subin punched the air a few times.

"Let's do this."

✿ Secrets of Attraction ✿

I could never be sure at what point it happened, when Stage Joohyuk took over, but it was something I could always count on. The fear of failure, the nervous anticipation, and the energy of the crowd all converged and fueled me. The last piece of the puzzle was my guitar. I put the strap over my head and ran my fingers across the strings. Jisoo slid into his seat, giving me a thumbs up that he was ready. Subin nodded. I stomped my foot, holding the guitar close to my body, and walked up to the mic.

"What's up, everyone. Are you ready for Samsan?"

There was a cheer, but not a loud one.

I screamed into the mic, "Are you readeeeeee?"

I didn't wait to hear a louder response, just launched into "Welcome to Our World" and the crowd was infused with the music, a wave of people under our control, at least for the duration of our set. I looked over at Subin; he grinned, tassels on his hat whipping around with his movement. We owned the stage and it felt ing amazing.

We went into the next song, a Say Some cover, without breaking. I scanned the faces in the crowd, now more visible, looking for her. She was there, her face flashing green, then blue, in the stage light. A smile when our eyes met that fired up my confidence. I played for her. For me. For everyone. We drove the song hard, Jisoo ending with thrash of drums. Subin waved me over.

"Do it now," he said.

"No, I can't wait until the end."

"No, do it now, but it better be ing amazing," Subin said.

Jisoo nodded, taking a gulp from a water bottle. I switched guitars, pulling the strap of the acoustic over my head. I hadn't given much thought to how I was going to introduce the song. Only knew I wouldn't say her name. The rest I was winging.

"Going to slow it down a little. The next one is a Samsan original. Kind of the world premiere."

"You !" someone yelled.

Was it a miserable doing it now that everyone was so pumped? Screw it.

"Thanks," I said, laughing. "This one's for, um... well, she knows who she is."

Brilliant, Jjwogi.

I fumbled with the opening chord, my mind suddenly empty. Blowing it big was one thing, ing up completely in front of a room full of people who could remind me on a daily basis was another. I stopped strumming, took a breath, and found Suzy in the crowd. She smiled. It was all I needed.

I strummed, feeling the buildup to the opening verse.

You're the coffee that I need in the morning
You're my sunshine in the rain when it's pouring
Won't you give yourself to me
Give it all, oh
- Best Part by H.E.R. (#namzy song)

I closed my eyes, lost myself in the words and the melody. I was in the meadow, under the stars, filing the space, my mind a montage of visions of her - her hands in my hair, her face at Jeju Water, that sketch in her room, the fight in my car - as I sang. Everything. The good, the bad, the best part. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Subin had pulled up a lighter app on his phone, inspiring others to do the same.

Suzy's eyes were riveted on mine, her head tilted slightly; she stood stock-still in the swaying mass. She knew the song was for her. The crowd broke into applause as I strummed last notes. We had a moment, an exchange, the two of us alone in the crowd, before I had to dive into the rest of the set. I wished I could say I knew what she was thinking, that we had telepathically communicated our mutual desire, but the the moment as over, I was just as unsure as I'd bee at the start. I switched guitars again, the worry of what she really thought of the song threatening to paralyze my ability to play. SHe liked it, that was sort of evident, but how did she really feel about it? I pushed it out of my head as I called out the next song.

The final two songs were a blur. we'd practiced so much they were automatic and we finally loosened up and acted crazy. Me and Subin stalked each other across the stage, jumping now and then. Laughing, even. By the time we finished, we'd wrung out of the gymnasium.

At least it felt that way.

The stage crew helped us break down our stuff and we loaded it into the cars just as the fourth band took the stage. The stress from before the show was gone. I was relieved - the set had gone well, we'd played our best. That was winning enough for me. I hoped Subin and Jisoo felt the same. A new kind of anxiousness tightened my throat as we walked back into the gym. Had Suzy liked the song?

The fourth band was in the middle of their set as we hit the gym floor. Stephanie spotted Jsoo first and waved him over. Yoona beamed at Subin. Suzy wasn't with them. My stomach took a free fall.

"You guys were awesome!" Stephanie screeched over the band. Jisoo pulled her in for a kiss. I looked at Yoona.

"Where's Suzy?"

She leaned in toward me and cupped a hand around my ear. "She had to run home."

My playing high deflated in seconds. "What? Why?"

Yoona shrugged. "She just something like, 'I have to go, call me if you go out after,' and then she was gone before we could stop her."

"Was she pissed off or anything?"

She shook her head as Subin joined us.

"You were great," she said to him, punching his shoulder.

He pulled on his hat. "Works every time."

Had she hated the song that much?

The crowd suddenly felt thicker. I pulled on my collar, trying to cool down, looking around the gym on the off chance that Yoona maybe hadn't heard Suzy right. That maybe she was just at the back of the gym, waiting for me.

"Hey, do you mind if I bail?" I asked Subin. He crossed his arms.

"I'll try to make it back before they announced everything."

"No you won't. You sure you don't want to be here for the results?"

"Not really. In my mind, we won."

Subin laughed. "I guess I can catch a ride with Jisoo. You better come out after. A plate of fries is the least of what you owe me for tonight."

"Subin, thanks, man. For everything."

"Yeah, yeah, you better, like, name your first kid after me or something," he said.

I pushed my way through the crowd and out into the hallway, checking my messages hoping to find one from Suzy. Nothing.

"Hyukie."

I spun around at my name.

Sungkyung stood behind a table of cupcakes. There were two other girls with her, in front of a sign that read: SUPPORT THE ARTS! 1,000 WON CUPCAKES! They stopped talking as I came over.

"Hey," I said.

"You guys were the best," one of the girls said.

"Thanks."

"There's still two more bands to go," Sungkyung said. "We're rooting for Astro, remember?"

The girl shook her head and held out a cupcake to me. "You guys are still the best. Here, on the house."

"Nah, I'm good," I said.

"Do not refuse her cupcake," the other girl said, taking it from her and holding it up to my face. I laughed.

"Well, um, okay." I took it from her. "Thanks."

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Joohyuk?" Sungkyung motioned for me to walk over to the side with her. I followed. We stopped in front of  bank of lockers. She leaned against one and smiled at me.

"I'm kind of in a rush," I said.

A crease formed between her brows. "You're leaving? You're not even going to watch Hyoseop?"

"No, I'm sure they'll be great."

"Guess you're not afraid of the competition, then."

I shrugged. "I don't know, not really thinking about about it. I just... We played our best. It's not really a competition to me - doesn't matter who wins."

"Your song was beautiful, Joohyuk."

My mouth went dry as she reached up and ran her fingers under the lapel of my jacket. She had this sparkle in her eyes for a moment, but then pulled her hand away quickly, like she suddenly realized she shouldn't be touching me.

"Thanks, I really have to-"

"So did you write it the other night? Your notebook looked pretty blank, I was just wondering. It was so pretty, the way you introduced it," she said, looking down at her feet. "Are you really powerless against me?"

Holy crap.

She thought it was about her.

The kind thing might have been to ignore it, I guess, but I couldn't. I should have been happy, this was what I'd wanted for so long, for her to come back to me, but she'd been right about the breakup. Maybe I had a lot to do with it, but we'd both been a little too comfortable. It was time to move on. I could feel that now.

"Sungkyung, I.... There's someone else. You know, that girl you met the night at Soop? Suzy?"

The look on her face jabbed me in the gut.

"Oh. I... I'm sorry, Hyuk," she said.

I had no clue what to say to her. Whatever doubts she'd been having about Hyoseop were things she had to deal with on her own. As much as I cared I still cared about her, I wasn't ready to dole out relationship advice. Still, I didn't want to leave it at that, without saying something upbeat. I didn't want her to feel like over any of it.

"The song Astro is playing, the one Hyoseop wanted so bad... just, you know, listen to it. There was a reason he wanted it. You'll like it. I promise."

Her eyes brightened. "Thanks. Um, Suzy seems really nice. I hope you guys are happy."

"Thanks. Me too."

"Sungkyung, you're fraternizing with the enemy, come back!" the cupcake girls called to us.

"Bye, Joohyuk." She walked to the stand without looking back.

This felt like goodbye.

I dashed out the door to find Suzy, hoping the song hadn't scared her off. Sometimes you just had to have faith in grand gestures.