i'm in exile
invisible string
-but if i just showed up at your party, would you have me?-
It took him three days to come to terms with the fact that Irene was Bae Joohyun. He was in the wrong so he was in silence, counting the wounds he had given her through his lies. He didn't have courage anymore to face her or to text her. He floated in a guilty cloud, drowned in guilty oceans and breathed in guilt, getting lost in his thoughts while trying to pass every day. There was so much he didn't understand, but so much more that he did. The house was cluttered with incomplete work. He burned his shirt while ironing it, the water ran from the tap while he tried to find something that would comfort him, the food he cooked had no salt but Yerim ate without any complaint. The only good thing he had done was completing his syllabus beforehand. Now he could stare out the window as much as wanted.
He wondered how it must be for her, to think her secrets were read by a stranger who never bothered to write back in truth. Her fragile heart that she revealed in her letters for Junmyeon, was in the captivity of someone else all this time, someone who used her words to calm his own heart. Sehun thought and he thought more. He had used her. That line rang in his head, making him wince every time. It sounded so ugly. He made such an ugly thing possible. Now he was dancing with the emptiness in his heart. He deserved it.
There was the same pang in his heart, coming and going. A voice in the back of his head said that everything was perfect now. Irene deserved more than lies written on scented papers to make herself feel better. She deserved so much more than what he could give her. He had nothing. He had no parents, he had no house, he had no experience, he never tried to understand that pain Bae Joohyun would feel when she would get to know. So it was all good now, that she was not talking to him and he wasn't talking to her.
"I don't know...he's been acting weird for almost a week now."
He heard from his room. The walls weren't thick at all. Sehun shook his head, feeling guiltier now that he knew he was making Yerim worry. A week had passed. He was staring at the empty spot
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