Warnings – This chapter is about three chapters long…so brace yourself or take a rest in between the asterisk breaks ;) Don’t tire yourself too much!

This is the music performance that Taemin was performing in and Seo-Yun accidentally noticed =x

“Hi this is Seo-Yun! I’m not available to listen to your call right now, so please leave a voice message after the beep. Beep!”

He tuned to the cheerful tone of her voice. How carefree and happy she sounded…he closed his eyes and smiled at the thought. Realizing that the call was recording his silence, he gave a slight cough, murmured his short message and ended the call.

“Still calling?” Key umma’s voice cuts his concentration.

Taemin cast a side-glance at the Shinee’s umma; as usual, whatever the maknae did have not escape the almighty Key sharp gaze. He put out a defeated smile at being caught. “Yeah.”

He focused back to the mirror’s reflection and starting fiddling his hair, expecting Key’s umma naggings to follow anytime soon.

But that moment never came. Instead, to the maknae’s surprise, Key umma simply sighed and slapped his hand away. “Stop doing that. Your hair looks fine.”

Taemin’s eyes widened slightly at the unexpected reaction but Key umma simply ignored the gaze as he came up to the maknae and adjusted his jacket.

“Taemin-ah…” Key umma mumbled. “Just…just…” For once, the senior was at loss for words.  He gave another frustrating sigh and pulled a large Santa hat over his junior’s brown mob of hair. “Just do your best okay? Fighting~~” He pumped a fist up in the air.

God…this has to be diva Key’s most awkward moment.

Taemin laughed slightly at his umma’s clumsy attempt to encourage him. “I will do my best, umma. “ He put on a bright smile. “Fighting~”

“That’s my boy!” The diva pulled the Santa hat over his eyes.

“Aish!!! Umma!”

It only made the diva grinned wider. “Come…let’s rock Music Bank with our Christmas performance!”

As Taemin was shoved by his umma towards the stage; he felt a jingle in his pants pocket and smiled at the reminder.

It was his gift for Seo-Yun.

******

“Seo-Yun!”

They welcomed me, as they always do. I found myself smiling genuinely at their greeting for the first time in days.

“Merry Christmas, Uncle, Aunt.” I replied, bowed my head slightly at them and was ushered into their house. The warm air drifted around me the moment I stepped in. The entire atmosphere was filled with a homely, Christmas-ly presence.  A large fir tree greeted my sight at the center of the living room, shimmering brightly with the Christmas lightings, colorful ball décors, candy sticks hanging all around it. The television was broadcasting live idol performances, filling the room with Christmas music.  The whole house was filled with a rich aroma of roasted potatoes, chives, rosemary, hams and meats. It almost took an effort not to eat up the scent with my nose as I obtained a wine bottle from my bag and handed it out to them.

“Merry Christmas.” I presented them my gift.

“You shouldn’t have…” The older lady looked at me with a grateful twinkle in her eyes. I smiled at her shyly and caught a wink from her husband. A surge of affection rose up within me – If my parents are still alive today, would they be like them? Treating me with so much love and care?

“Hey Seo-Yun! You’re finally here!” Alex’ voice broke my thoughts and I shot my eyes to its direction and felt my eyes invariably widen.

Alex was wearing an apron, with a Santa Claus figure stitched right on the center. He caught the point of my gaze and brushed his head with his hand awkwardly.

“Christmas-ly, eh?” He blushed. “Mum and Dad forced it on me.” He gave a fake pout at his beaming parents.

“Well…” Hastily removing the apron,  Alex revealed the royal blue cashmere sweater that fit snugly with his toned body frame. “ready to test my culinary skills?”

I blushed when I realized I was staring, no…more like admiring his charm. “Anytime.” I finally answered.

Do it, do it, Chu~ <3

It’s true, true true, true. It’s you~

f(x) song drowned into the background music amidst the hearty chattering at the dining table. It’s been quite a while since I last visited them, and the chance to open up and relax, even a miniscule amount, is immensely gratifying to me. Watching as Uncle took pride in slicing the Christmas turkey whilst Aunt eagerly placing slices after slices of meat onto my plate and a mock jealous expression on Alex’s face plunged my numb heart back into overwhelming warmth and happiness again.

At Aunt’s urge, I took a large bite out of the roast turkey and marvel at the wondrous taste….it was sheer bliss until the faint background music suddenly seemed to blare right at my ears with an all-too-familiar melody and lyrics.

So fantastic fantastic~

So elastic elastic elastic~

I sat quietly dazed, my thoughts incoherent. My fork froze in the air under my rigid grasp and I was leaning weakly against the back of the seat.

How unfair….how unfair…

To think he took me by surprise and stabbed me again when I was the least guarded.

“Seo-Yun? Seo-Yun” A worried voice brought me out from the daze. I realized I was holding onto my breath and my mind fumbled as I tried to remember how to exhale.

“Yes, Aunt?” I smiled nonchalantly, gave a slight shrug and dumbly pretended nothing was wrong. She frowned slightly at my brief response but didn’t delve too much into it.

But as always, I couldn’t fool the eyes of Alex who sat opposite me. His gaze was tight; he has obviously caught onto the glimpse of pain pouring out from my opaque orbs in that single instance.

Ring Ding Dong~

Ring Ding Dong~

The food that had tasted like heaven in my mouth just mere moments, now taste stale. What's left were the warning bell sounds of destruction striking in my heart instead.

******

The cheerings were screaming into his ears as he made his way back to the dressing room. His Shinee hyungs were more responsive to the support; high-fiving each of the staff members as they passed by.

But his mind was locked on to one purpose that must be fulfilled before the day ends.  He hurried back to his seat, took out the necessities – wallet, handphone, watch and was on the verge of making his way out of the studio when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey Taemin ah…where are you going?” Jonghyun furrowed his eyebrows at his makane’s questionable moves. “We still got the after-Christmas celebration at the hotel in a while. Everyone is going there.”

Taemin turned around and shook his head. “No hyung.” He felt the jingle in his pants pocket again upon his slight movement. “I have to go. There’s a promise I made with someone.”

The look in the youth’s dark brown eyes told Jonghyun the whole story already. He released his hand off the maknae’s shoulder and gave a defeated sigh. “It’s her again, isn’t it?” He watched as his maknae nodded his head. With a weak smile, he clasped both his hands onto the youngest member’s shoulders, carefully guiding him out of the crowded room and gently pushed him out of the door.

“Go get her this time. Oh…and help us wish her a Merry Christmas.” He finished off with a wink in his eyes.

With just an eager nod and a bright smile at his hyung’s words, Taemin spun round and half jogged away down the hallway.

Jonghyun shook his head and laughed in disbelief.

Seriously, since when did this baby boy suddenly transformed into such a fine young man before his very eyes?

“Good luck kid.” He whispered after his disappearing back view and head back to the bustling atmosphere.

******

After being rejected for the nth time by my offer to help out with the cleaning, I finally stood alone on the house’s open balcony, submerging myself into the wintry night breeze. The cold was really starting to get to me – my cheeks and my nose were prickling at the minor frost bites, my entire body was shivering slightly at the creeping coldness intruding past my beige sweater dress.

But I welcomed it – it helped, even for the tiniest bit, at distracting my mind away from him…

I laughed quietly and watched the puff of condensed warm air escaped from my clattering lips.

Who am I exactly kidding to?

He is practically inseparable from my thoughts. No matter how hard I busied myself in daily affairs or tortured myself like this instance;

I still think of him, I still think of him, I still think of him…

“I was thinking about spending Christmas together, after my Music Bank performance.”

His words automatically flowed into my mind before I could stop it.

“So it’s a promise? We meet by the playground and won’t leave till we see each other?”

The sensation of his pinkie hooking with mine suddenly feels so recent, as if we had made the week-old promise just mere moments ago.

It burns…the place where our thumbs had met for the seal of the pact.

Because I’m not going to keep my end of the promise.

A stinging sensation was rising and irritating the surface of my tensed eyes. It took all my focus to bring it down, to swallow it up under my self-control; into an abyss where all my emotions were forcibly thrown in and locked away.

“Still thinking of him?”

Alex broke the silent atmosphere and stepped up beside me.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes; trying to stop my will power from falling apart.

“Lee Taemin.” He said out the fallacy of my mental defense.

“Stop it.” I whispered harshly; my eyes were shut tight.

“You still miss him. Lee Taemin.” He continued on, clearly trying to provoke me out from my withdrawal of reality.

He clearly knew how to press my right buttons.

“Shut up Alex!” I opened my eyes and glared at him; directing all my bottled-up infuriation and frustration out on him. “Stop saying his name!”

“You can’t forget him can’t you?” He breathed out; his dark eyes were clearly annoyed as well. “Why are you tormenting yourself like this?”

“You know full well that we’re suppose to remain low profiled once we’re exposed. That’s what I’m exactly doing now – LOW PROFILE!” My whisper was almost raspy from the anger in my tone.

His eyes narrowed at the lie I’ve been trying to make myself believe all this while. “Since when did the bold and carefree Seo-Yun follows rules so well?” And there was the anguish on his face, surfacing as he confirmed my fear. “You’re just trying to run away from him. It wasn’t him afraid of you at all; it was you and yourself all along!”

“That’s a lie~”

“Stop lying to yourself!” He cut me off. His brow creased angrily for a moment and then smoothed as his eyes took on a knowing look. “Seo-Yun…this is totally unlike you at all. Just spill it out…it’s okay.”

He reached out slowly and a stray of my hair locks delicately.

I sighed. “Why…why are you forcing me? I thought you wouldn’t want me to love another person beside you?”

“Because I can’t bear seeing you in pain more…” Again, that sad look in his eyes; and to think I was the cause for it.

“I-I…” I turned away and stared at the night sky instead. Past memories came flooding up to my mind and I finally gave into the fight.

 “When I first met him…I could almost immediately sense his desire to have a normal life like any ordinary person. How could I stay by his side….while knowing full well about this fact? If I stayed by his side, he would be even further from the normal life that he always wanted.”

I paused myself to let the words sink in. Yes…the cruel reality is coming back at me, reprimanding me for all its worth.

“This love has been an illusion from the start.” I ended my painful confession. The controlled tears in my eyes were like water bags blurring my vision – I was trying that hard not to cry again.

“No…” Alex’s tone was grimed. “You’re wrong.”

I turned my eyes on him, still apprehensive. He met my gaze with a sad smile and took out a familiar object from his pocket.

“My handphone?” I looked up at him in confusion. “I thought you said it was spoiled…?”

“I lied.” He stated plainly, cast a look at my perplexed expression and explained. “I couldn’t bring myself to give it to you, not when your display picture is a face of him.” He chuckled darkly as my face reddens.

“I used to think that my feelings for you were unparalleled…but…” He laughed drily. “until this kid here spammed so many voice messages for you that I realized maybe his feelings for you might be even greater than mine.”

He slapped the phone lightly onto my opened palms. “Take it and go.” I looked at him in confusion. “Didn’t you make a promise with him for today? It’s going to be midnight anytime soon now.”

Alex turned his back on me, shielding his expression from my gaze.  “Just go before I changed my mind.”

I flipped my phone opened and was instantly greeted by the startling thirty four voice messages in it; all from the same number.

With hesitation, I opened the voice messages and found myself listening to that nostalgic voice I have been dreaming about in my dreams these past few days….

#1– Seo-Yun……..this is Taemin. Please call me…..I really want to talk to you.

#3– Why aren’t you returning my calls? Are you mad at me? Please call…

#8 – Please…just gives me a call when you hear this…

#12– Seo-Yun…really, what am I doing? *sighs* Calling you so many times that I’m turning crazy…..really…please call. I really want to hear you again…

My heart thumped harder and harder against my chest as I tuned in to the tone of that voice, from hesitation…to anxiety….to frustration…to defeat…

Everything finally fell apart…the tears were already flowing out.

“Alex…I’m so sorry.” I whispered faintly and left him in a strong breeze.

*******

I couldn’t even think properly as I listened on to the continuing voice messages. They were pouring into me so profusely that everything around me was starting to feel surreal…

#18– Calling you again….it’s been a habit that I can’t seem to stop. Hearing your voice in the voice message is the only thing that can calm my heart for the moment. *soft laugh* Even I’m starting to forget why I called you in the first place….

#23– Today, I thought I saw you across the street. I dashed across without realizing only to find that I got the wrong person…much to that girl’s delight *chuckle sadly* Has it only been three days since I met you on that rooftop? It felt too long…

#25– Beep! *laughs*Who does that in their voice message these days? But...*pauses*  it’s another word of your voice that I can hear…

I was distracted shortly by the place where I had landed myself upon. I cursed silently in my mind. This spot wasn’t the playground.

Have I, in my urge to see him so badly, unable to warp myself properly?

I laughed wearily at his effects on me. I examined the area; this spot wasn’t that far away from the destination I had in mind…it’s just around the corner. I bit my bottom lips and started walking…no… running down the street.

Please let me meet him…please let me meet him…

I focused back to the ongoing voice messages:

#28– Three more days to Christmas…my schedule has been so madly packed *silence* But it’s good that they allow me to forget you for just a little while…

#30– One more day to Christmas…do you still remember our promise? I still do…

#31– *Silence* In less than ten minutes, I will be up on Music Bank for the Christmas Performance…will you be somewhere out there…watching me on stage through a television?

#32– Seo-Yun…have you watched my performance? I’m coming right over now…please *silence* I hope you’re there…

I picked up my pace after the message ended. I already couldn’t tell whether my heart was thumping so hardly against my chest because of his words or because I was practically tearing down the street with all my strength.

#33– I’m here already…but you’re still not here *sigh* You know how stubborn I can be right? I will wait for you here till you come…

I checked the timing of the message briefly. It has been more than an hour since that message was sent.

He has been waiting there for that long?

My eyes widen in surprise as I finally landed my first step into the promised area.

The last message beep rang in my ear and his quiet musical voice resurfaced again.

#34– Are you that determined not to see me? *tired laugh*I’m going to throw in my last gambling chip. I guess all this while… *silence* I have been trying to keep in my last streak of pride….

I scanned the dark playground fervently, but there was no one in sight…it was totally desolated. Has he really left?

My mouth breathed in a gasp of cold air and I felt the stab of iciness that came along with it.

….because I wanted to say it to you in person. *silence* I…*pauses*

My eyes refused to give up and simply went on continuing its search for that person…wait...there’s something shuffling inside the kid’s play tunnels.

Seo-Yun….I *pause*

A foot stuck out at from the hole, then another foot….two long legs stretched out and revealed themselves. Then, two hands appeared and gripped the edges, and two arms came into sight as that person pulled himself out from the tunnel.

I found my gaze locked onto that pair of chocolate brown eyes as the message finished playing in my ears.

I love you….

#Author's time - Offical time where I'm living - 3.40am (@_@)

So forgive me if I'm not chatting much here. I intially wanted to seperate this into three chapters since it got too long...but I simply don't have the time to upload them up before New Year.

So hopefully all of you won't be too much bothered with the length and read it (>_<)

Please subscribe and comment! I really need some sleep now!! ;D