Was she in love with Shuhua?

Soojin was laying in bed as her face was buried in the pillow as she grunts in frustration; Feelings were supposed to be easy to figure out, 'the older you get, the wiser you become' or something along those lines, but the girl felt like her feelings became more and more confusing as time went. Was she even growing wiser as time goes? Was this just a made up thing about adulthood that nobody told her about? 

She wasn't stupid, she felt something for Shuhua, she knew that, But was it even strong enough to call it love? She thinks back on the night before, having to spend the rest of the night with Soyeon and Yuqi so nobody would suspect them, not allowed to hold hands for too long before feeling intimidated by someone's stare. 

Is that what waits for her and Shuhua as well? Can she hold her hand? Or was she too much of a coward?

Soojin closes her eyes and remember the anger she felt when she saw Shuhua with Yeri's arm wrapped around her like they're a couple; Back there she never felt so close from pushing the other away from the taiwanese girl and throw a tantrum over petty jealousy, but now that she's calmer Soojin has to admit that at least Yeri was brave, unlike her; She wasn't going to let herself be intimidated into not showing her affection. 

Soojin sat up on the bed and rubbed her face with her hands before moving them to her hair as she stared at the sheets covering her body, she felt trapped, confused and hurting.

Was she in love with Shuhua?

If not, how to tell her? how was she supposed to break her heart even further; Can she even endure how much their friends would hate her for playing with their youngest's feelings and expectations like that? Can she even endure looking at Shuhua?

She thinks about the girls eyes, always shining; the way they're always full of excitement. Shuhua was beautiful, breathtaking even with her pale skin, her pink lips ans her cheeks so full that the older sometimes had to keep herself from squeezing them every time she smiled; But Soojin loved her eyes.

Always filled with so much innocence, yet so attractive at the same time that Soojin kept herself from looking at them for too long otherwise she might have done things she would regret; She loved them but to get lost in her gaze was scary for her. 

Was she in love with Shuhua?

The answer was Yes.

Soojin looks up to the ceiling in silence. She was in love with Shuhua, but what was the point of knowing that now after hurting her so much? Who was she to go after the girl, claiming to figure out her feelings after breaking her heart, she assumed, several times. Does she even have the right to do that?

She fell back on the bed as she covered herself again, not feeling like going to school that day, not wanting to face the other or their friends. 

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"Where were you this whole weekend?" Shuhua turned around as soon as she walked into her house and saw her mom standing by the entrance with her arms crossed. "You even ignored all of my texts-"

"I was with my friends" The girl replied, making her way to her bedroom, she still had 30 minutes to shower and get ready for school plus Joohyun's car was parked not too far away.

"Warn me when you intend to spend the whole weekend out," The woman said as she followed Shuhua up the stairs. 

"Why?" The girl asked. "Neither you or dad are ever around, you're not going to notice if I'm not here"

"Shuhua-"

"Enough!" She turned around to look down at the woman. "I'm tired, leave me alone. I still have classes to go to" She said before making her way up to her room, leaving the shocked woman behind. 

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If Soojin was weird then Miyeon was weirder; Both were the first to arrive at school that morning after Soojin was basically kicked out of the house by her mom who didn't want to deal with any of her tantrums; As for Miyeon, she couldn't