Chapter 17

He should have never seen Jisoo and Mino kissing and hugging each other that afternoon. 

He lost it. He knows she’s free to do whatever she wants but he couldn’t accept it.. he can’t seem to handle it if Jisoo falls in love with someone else.

See her getting intimate with Mino made him completely go crazy.

Good timing that his colleagues asked him to go for a drink that night. He went to meet them at the club they usually frequent to even though he had no intention to drink.

He was just staring at the table, not really having any of it when a woman approached him.

He tried to turn her down but the woman kept on sticking to him.

And he got that wicked idea from there.

But seeing Jisoo’s dismayed and hurt look on her face when she saw him entering the house, made his heart sink.

What is he even trying to do? Why did he bring a woman just so he could put her in pain? 

He went to the bathroom upstairs while the woman went to his room.

How will he face her now? He was too much.. he’s aware of that.. he is a jerk.. a fool.. an !

He was looking at his own reflection in the mirror when his tears started falling.

What has he done?

And when Jisoo asked her those questions.. if he still loves her.. if he’s afraid of staying close to her because he is still in love with her.. 

He got mad because it was the truth.. he was angry because he couldn’t deny it..

And that kiss.. why did he kiss her like that?

He could feel her whole body trembling as he forced his lips on hers. She must have been startled.. she must have been scared.. but disgusted would be the perfect word to describe how she would be feeling that moment.

He wished he could have controlled his emotions better.. he hoped he hadn’t touched her.. 

And that necklace.. why did he even see that? He went through a lot of emotions upon seeing that..

His love for her just became stronger.. he was reminded by all the times they had been happy together..

She has been keeping that necklace he tried to throw away? Why? Does she still love her? Is he still an important person to her? Even after everything he did to her?

He stood up right away while she was still lying on the bed.. crying.. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” asked Jisoo sobbing. “You say mean things to me.. you hurt me.. you avoid me.. you.. you even brought a woman to show to me.. yet you.. Taehyung.. you’re doing this to me.. do I look that easy to you? That you can play with my feelings like this? Hurt me when you want to.. kiss me when you feel like..  if you’re doing this so I can hate you too then you don’t have to go through this.. I.. I can start hating you from this moment..”

Taehyung had his back turned against her. He wants to tell her to hate him all she wants.. he wants to tell her to forget him and not to think of him either..

Then he felt her warm hand holding his.

She was holding his hand tight. It felt good.. he has been wishing to hold that hand..

“But I hope you don’t hate yourself anymore.. stop blaming yourself.. don’t feel guilty because of what happened to my mom and to me..” she said gently.  “No one has hated you.. not your dad.. not my mom”

His tears fell without him knowing. He needed someone to tell him that.. he has always blamed himself.. it all started to go wrong because of him.. he thinks it was his fault.. 

Leaving her four years ago was wrong.. but staying would have been a torture.. he had no place to stand on.. there was nothing he could have come up with for a solution.

“Nobody wanted it happen..” said Jisoo pulling him closer to her wanting to see his face.

But Taehyung pushed her hand away. He doesn’t deserve her.. he doesn’t deserve any of her love.. pity.. nothing.. he isn’t worthy of anything from her..

He left that room and saw the other woman standing in front of the door.

What the heck is this situation he created? He is regretting every little thing he did..

Why did he meet up with other women before? Why did he start doing things he didn’t like? Why did he drink with them? Why did he sleep with them? Why did he do that just to make himself forget about Jisoo? Why did he even try..? He just made himself even more undeserving of her..

He dared try to forget his first love.. but he ended up just hurting himself and most of all, Jisoo..

“I’ll bring you to a hotel..” he said as he held the woman’s arm. “Let’s leave..”

The woman could see Jisoo inside the room still stopping her tears from falling.

“Ohh.. I think it’s better for us to go to a hotel..” she said putting her arm around his. “Let’s go and have fun there instead..”

He drove to the nearest hotel and dropped her off there.

“You’re leaving me alone here?” the woman seemed confused. “Don’t tell me you and that housemaid-..”

“She’s not a housemaid..” he replied sternly. “I’m sorry for bringing you home..”

“You must be crazy..” the woman said.

He drove away from there before she could even say another word.

He already knows he’s crazy.. he doesn’t need to hear it anymore..

He needed some fresh air so he went to the park just by the riverside.

It was the perfect place to sit and reflect on himself. It was peaceful.. quiet.. serene.. nobody bothered him.. there was only silence..

He used to go there when he was younger.. whenever he felt disturbed about something.. he went there until he met Jisoo..

He was the type to be alone always but she changed him.. after being with her, he preferred to stick with her.. to follow her around.. she broke the silence in his life.. 

He had his eyes closed as the freezing wind of winter moved his hair. 

Winter is here.. it became a lot colder.. more chilly.. just like how he is feeling inside..

He was still in a deep self reflection when he received a call from his dad.

“Are you perhaps with Jisoo?” asked Seojun. 

His brows immediately closed in as he stood up from his seat.

“I am not with her, dad..” he replied nervously. “I am alone right now.. isn’t she in her room?”

“I just came back and found a note in my room..” said Seojun. “She wrote that she isn’t coming home for a few days.. she took one of her luggages and even left her phone here.. didn’t she say anything to you?”

Taehyung felt daggers on his chest.. did he make her leave home again? Where would she go at this time? What if she gets into an accident? Where would she go to sleep?

He checked all the bathhouses right away. He remembers her telling him she’d go there.. 

But she wasn’t in any of those..not in any hotel nearby.. not in clubs.. not anywhere.

He didn’t sleep that night.. he was all over Seoul looking for her..

He had to work that morning but he took a leave.. he wants to know where she is.. he needs to know she’s safe.. he won’t go home until he finds her..

He was waiting in front of the gate of the college the next morning.

She might go to school.. she will.. she loves studying.. she won’t miss a single class..

But she didn’t show up the whole day..

Even his dad hasn’t heard of her yet. Just where on earth has she gone missing to?

Another one.. two.. three days passed by.. she hasn’t even come to school..

Taehyung was very worried. He contacted Rosè and Jungkook already but they told him they never heard from her.

He was asking all her classmates if they had seen her but they said she was absent for three days already.

Then he saw Mino coming inside the gate.

Would he know where she went? He has the feeling like Mino would know it but he seems too afraid to ask him.. 

Has he seen her? He asked him with his fingers crossed..

“Jisoo.. have you.. seen her?” he asked. “Do you know where she is?”

Mino was just looking at him. What is he thinking in his head that he is just looking at him like that?

“Do you finally realize your feelings for her now that she’s gone?” asked Mino. “You should have held onto her instead of continuously hurting her..”

“You know where she is, don’t you?” he asked him. “Where is she staying now? I need to see her..”

“Jisoo slept in my place..” Mino replied. “She slept in my room..”

Taehyung’s eyes narrowed. Jealousy spiked so hard in him that his clenched jaw began to hurt.

He grabbed Mino’s shirt and pulled him close to him.

“Why? Are you jealous?” asked Mino who seemed to be provoking him even more. “Jealous that I saw her sleeping face next to mine?”

“Shut up..” said Taehyung. “Just tell me where she is right now..”

Mino grinned as pushed his hands away from him.

“Then why did you make her cry that much? Why did you hurt her and make her run away again?” Mino’s brows furrowed. “She was crying all night that she couldn’t even sleep a wink.. I thought she would faint from crying..”

“She cried a lot? Again?” Taehyung turned his back against him and covered his face with both of his hands.

“She went home two days ago..” said Mino. “She only stayed at my place for one night..”

Taehyung faced him again.

“Home? But dad told me she didn’t come home yet..” he said confused.

“She went to her home..” said Mino. “She’s in Nokdo right now.. she said she’ll come back next week after her birthday..”

He bought himself a ticket right away after giving a call to his dad to let him know about Jisoo’s whereabouts.

But the travelling by boat was not his preference at all. He felt like throwing up the whole ride.

And as soon as he set foot on the island, he puked.. he was feeling dizzy.. he sat for a moment to gather himself..

He saw a familiar looking woman walking by.. he had a hard time recognizing her but he was sure to have seen her before.

She is that friend of Jisoo he met years ago. 

He approached her slowly asking her if she saw Jisoo but she looked at him strangely.

She seemed angry.. she moved a step back from him.

“What are you doing here asking for Jisoo?” she asked in high pitch. “Go away! She doesn’t want to see you right now!”

That at the very least confirmed him that Jisoo is indeed there. She’s safe.. he felt relieved.. it was what he needed to hear the most..

“I’ll leave now..” he said. “Tell he