I just really lied to myself and still wrote this part. i'm too excited. HAHAHA. but i'm really gonna focus on school now. enjoy :) 

Please ignore the grammatical errors again, i'm not in the mood to check yet. I'm only 1 subscriber away from 100 subscribers. That's a  nice achievement for this story:) 

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I was lying on the floor of the studio alone, right in front of the mic stand when I received a message from Seul Gi. My head kept on aching from the stress I was under just thinking of good lyrics for my songs. Slowly, I opened her message only to see a link of a video. She followed up with another chat, saying that I need to watch it.

I rolled on my side and clicked the link. Immediately, the video started playing.

It was a short clip from a variety show called House on Wheels. Ahn Hyo Seop was a guest, and it was a scene of him talking with Yeo Jin Goo. Yeo Jin Goo asked him if he had a celebrity crush or an ideal type.

“I don’t really have an ideal type,” Hyo Seop revealed. “But there’s this one celebrity, who I really want to meet. She’s a singer. I bought all of her albums.”

Yeo Jin Goo laughed. “Who?”

“Can I say this on air?” Hyo Seop laughed.

“It’s fine,” Jin Goo assured him. “It’s not like we’re not allowed to fan boy. I also revealed before I like Jun Hyosung-sunbaenim.”

“Okay then,” Hyo Seop said. “It’s Han Youjin-sunbaenim.”

“Oh!’ Yeo Jin Goo exclaimed. His face suddenly lighted up in understanding. “I got to talk to her once in an award show, She’s really nice and pretty. I was looking for a water bottle because I was MC-ing when the staff distributed packages backstage. She gave me hers.”

“You know the funny thing is? I heard that she’s good friends with Sehun-hyung,” Hyo Seop suddenly launched into a story. “Hyung and I are co-stars in a drama before. So we became friends.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Yeo Jin Goo said. I did too. It was one of my favourite dramas of Sehun. Hyo Seop acted as his younger brother there. They were really cute together.

“So I approached him and asked to be introduced to Youjin-sunbaenim, but he just waived me off. He told me he doesn’t do that to his friends.”

Yeo Jin Goo laughed heartily. “And now we know why.”

“Right? Hyung is so petty, He could have just told me!” Hyo Seop joked.

Against my better sense, I scrolled down to the comments section. Just as I expected, I’m receiving a lot of hate once again.

“I guess she’s only nice to boys, remember when she humiliated Im Soojin at a party? She’s a two-faced .”

“Korean industry is really trash, why do they even allow people like Han Youjin to make a comeback after her slapping issue.”

“How does Han Youjin get all the good-looking boys? LL L L”

“Her face is wasted on her. And she’s not even that pretty compared to Kim Yoo Jung.”

“Sehun seems like a good boyfriend but he definitely deserves better!”

“Guys what if you’re all just misjudging Youjin? We don’t know the whole story and she’s been friends with Sehun apparently. I’m sure Sehun would not be friends with a bad person.”

“I heard Youjin is cheating wih Kim Jongin. Guess he’s the new victim now.”

“Maybe Sehun’s agency contacted Hyo Seop to make up a story about them since they’re being scrutinized again for faking their relationship.”

Immediately, I closed the link and turned off my phone. Then, I stared at the empty wall. Why is everything so difficult lately? I don’t even want to cry over something as simple as this, but I can already feel the tightening of my chest. I thought if I talk with Sehun, at least something would improve, but it did not…What else am I supposed to do?

Should I just start attending counselling sessions?

Sighing, I stood up and prepared to go out. I’m supposed to go with Manager Boyoung today and visit the Tiny Desk staff at their network building. I still needed to apologize for my rather rude behaviour after my performance when I was overcome with tears. I really shouldn’t have shut the door in their faces.

So, rather slowly since I didn’t want to cause an accident because of my headache, I drove myself to the location. Before I could however, I stopped and parked at a famous bakery nearby. I have to at least give them something. I know Boyoung prepared to give copies of my most recent album and other trinkets from my company, but what if they’re not really interested in that?

I entered the bakery without my mask on because I didn’t intend to say long. I was just choosing from pre-packed baked goods near the counter when someone called my name.

“Youjin? Is that you?’

I spun around only to find out it was Sehun’s mom.

“Eommonim annyeonghaseyo,” I said, greeting her with a bow. Immediately she walked over to me and hugged me.

“It’s so nice bumping into you here!” she said with a wide smile. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages! Didn’t you get thinner??”

“I haven’t really been paying attention…” I let out a chuckle.

Soon enough, I found myself ushered into a table by Sehun’s mother. We were just catching up on things, talking about what my parents have been up to lately, and Jihoon’s schooling, when the conversation turned towards Sehun.

“Are you here to visit my son?” She suddenly asked. I paused drinking the iced green tea latte she bought me.

“Sehun?” I immediately asked. I panicked and tried to look around a bit. Is he here?

“Yeah, he’s guesting in a talk show right now,” she informed me, while glancing at her wristwatch. “Didn’t you know?”

“No…” I said in a small voice. Sehun and I haven’t really talked about personal things and schedules lately. Plus, I’ve been spending more time with Jongin. “I had another business going here.”

“Oh really?” she said with a curious glance at me. “I thought you guys would be able to update each other more since you’re filming together, and Sehun is no longer—“

“Eommonim, I…” I began, my voice a bit shaky. I knew I should stop lying to our families, even if he ends up hating me for it. I really don’t think my brain can handle this anymore. “Sehun and I are not dating.”

Mrs. Oh looked at me as if she didn’t understand what I just said. So, I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes.

“Sehun asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend due to some circumstances,” I chose my words carefully. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before, I thought it would be best to come from Sehun.”

“I…ah…” Mrs. Oh was utterly speechless, but she tried her best to compose herself. “What circumstances?”

“The media keeps on trying to get something on Sehun, I just wanted to help him,” I explained. “I don’t know about the specifics. I’m sorry.”

Sehun had not once really updated me on what was going on with him and why he couldn’t sleep well these days. I feel very lacking indeed. Maybe that’s why I can’t be the one for him, because I can’t even offer him any comfort.

I shook my head to stop my thoughts from going lower. Mrs. Oh took a long sip of her coffee in contemplation.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “I never went back to the house because I didn’t think I’m in the right position to just go visit you and Jihoon.”
“But even if you’re not dating, you and my son have been best friends for a long time. You’re as welcome as—“

“I like Sehun, eommonim, I really like him…and not as a friend,” I bravely confessed with a small smile. “But Sehun doesn’t see me that way. In fact, he already rejected me. He even did it nicely.” I laughed a little just to lighten the mood. “I just wanted to keep my distance in the meantime. I didn’t mean to offend you in any way, if that’s how it seemed. And I also miss Jihoon, but Sehun might not like it if I come by. It might be too uncomfortable for him. ”

Mrs. Oh kept staring at me. I looked down on the table, but then she took my hand in hers.

“I don’t think I can completely understand what’s going on between you and my son,” she said in a gentle tone. “If he hurt you, I’m so sorry Youjin.”

“It’s okay,” I assured her. “It’s not like it’s Sehun’s fault that I’m not good enough for him…and I’m already seeing someone…although, we’re really just trying to know each other better at this point.” I let out a polite chuckle.

“I see,” Mrs. Oh said. She gave me a weird smile as if something suddenly made sense to her. What that is, I have no idea. “Well if anything, I just hope you’re happy, Youjin. And you can come by the house whenever, it’s mine after all. Besides...”

I waited for her to continue but she seemed to think of it otherwise.

“You know, Jihoon likes to see you more than his own brother. Sometimes I wonder if he’d like to live with you instead.”

I laughed, and she did, too. Mrs. Oh has always treated me kindly. I used to think it would be nice if Sehun’s family would also be mine in the future. Now, if there’s any reason I would want to patch things up with Sehun, it’s only because I have grown affection for his family, and because I know after I lose all my feelings for him, that I would want to keep his friendship forever.

“My son is dimwitted at times, isn’t he?” Mrs. Oh randomly asked. I looked at her, perplexed, not knowing what she really means. Does she want me to talk about Sehun to her face, or is she just testing me?

“No, not at all,” I chose the latter option.

Mrs. Oh smiled at me. “I think his taping is about to end, shall we go?”

“Okay,” I returned her smile and stood up along with her. “Mrs. Oh?”

“Yes?”

“Can you pretend that I didn’t just tell everything to you…at least, to Sehun?”

“Of course,” she said, and she pulled me closer to her by the waist on our way out of the bakery.

…………………………………………..

For my first studio recording, I invited Chen and Seulgi to watch because they were both singers and they can give me substantial comments. However, they thought I was inviting the whole circle through them, so everyone appeared, including Sehun. I thought I already stopped being nervous after being a performer since age 10, but when he showed up, my heart rang to my ears. I especially didn’t want him to come today, because the song I’m going to perform is a sad love song he might associate with our relationship (although it is true that I used that as an inspiration).

Jongin appeared too, just as he promised me he will, but he definitely was taken aback by my friends’ presence as well. I looked at him apologetically, and then I saw Chanyeol invite him to sit next to them. Seul Gi, Xiumin and Baram eventually also chatted with Jongin. It was only Chen, Yeji and Sehun who were all quite distant. I thought it would be a pretty sight if they all got close… They’re all important to me after all.

The studio was arranged beforehand to match with the theme of my song. There were flower arrangements, and a wooden park bench where I’ll be sitting while I sing. I wore a simple white dress with puff sleeves that make me look like a butterfly when I raise my arms. Seul Gi complimented me as soon as she saw me. She said I looked completely angelic today. I turned my back on Sehun though because I was embarrassed to hear what he thinks.

Soon enough, the recording started. It’s supposed to be just one take, unless I mess up big-time. I tried my best not to, since it’s a song I’d like to be proud of in the future.

When the last piano note resounded, I thought the minutes just flew by. I felt a bit emotional, not unlike every single time I perform a sad song. I opened my eyes and stared at the camera some more. It was only when the director said cut, that everyone in the studio clapped.

“Mwo ji?” Yeji exclaimed. “I’m sure I was happy when I entered the studio, now it’s the complete opposite. It’s your fault!” I laughed.

Then, I glanced at Sehun who was still sitting with Xiumin and Baram. It was quite an unconscious action on my part since I always look at him after every performance of mine that he attends. He gave me a small approving smile, but it didn’t make me feel all that good inside. He wasn’t the problem really. It was because the only thing I could think of at that moment was how he said he befriended me after hearing me sing “Dear Name.” Did I make him remember how it felt the first time he heard me sing? Was he glad that I’m taking this kind of genre, just like he wanted? Did he know I wrote this song thinking of him?

“You’re a great lyricist,” Chen praised me. “But we already know that. After this, I’m pretty sure you’ll be part of KOMCA.” He knows I’ve always wanted to be part of Korea’s largest songwriters' association.

“Can I have an advance copy of this?” Seulgi asked me. “I like to study the arrangement. It’s really wonderful, Jin. I’m so proud of you!”

“I’ll send you via email,” I told her. “We’ll release this as a single in 3 days. It’s a surprise drop along with the live recording.”

“It’ll do well in the charts,” Chen assured me. “It’s risky though for a singer our age to go with this kind of ballad since it’s not the trend, but I have confidence in you. Taeyeon-sunbaenim and the others have done it. You have a similar range if not better. It’ll come through.”

“It doesn’t really matter to me as long as it doesn’t flunk that hard,” I told them. “This is the kind of music I’m most comfortable with. It really feels like me now.”

I looked at Jongin who was just standing behind Chen, and gave him a smile. “Thank you.”

Jongin returned my smile and it felt warm for some reason. It’s like this was a secret we shared, and I’m finally able to release it. I’m so grateful that he spoke up about my music. I’m grateful that he came into my life just when everything was losing sense.

When I looked away from Jongin, I saw Yeji staring at me rather pensively. I gave her a confused look, but she just shook her head.

“There’s a nearby Japanese restaurant with private rooms, do you guys want to eat? It’s my treat, as a thanks for making time for me!”

“I mean, you really didn’t have to but who are we to say no?” Xiumin suddenly quipped in. The three of them finally stood up.

“Fine,” I laughed. “I’ll just change to more comfortable clothes.”

“We’ll wait for you outside, so that the staff won’t have difficulty cleaning up,’ Chanyeol said.

“Sure, I’ll be there in a moment,” I said.

I watched them go out while Jongin lagged behind. Then, as soon as my circle were all out, he walked back to me.

“What?” I said, with a smile on my face.

“I like your new music,” he simply said but it put a grin on my face.

“That really means a lot,” I replied, and then I donned on a more serious face. “I was really having a hard time the past couple of days. My mind wasn’t working as well as I wanted it to.”

“I know you’ll still have to write more songs…but for now you need to rest.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” I said, letting out a sigh of complete relief.

Jongin gave me a look as if he’s contemplating on something. Then he looked around at the staff who were busy cleaning up. I tilted my head in wonder. But then he slowly grabbed my wrist. He didn’t really pull me to him. Rather, he made me walk to him, and then he hugged me.

It didn’t stop me from feeling nervous. I couldn’t say it was brazen, because all around us were just company people who I’ve been working with for years. They’re all family and friends. Even Boyoung couldn’t say it’s scandalous. Still, it was the fact that Jongin initiated skinskip with me for the first time that made all the difference. He put a hand on my head and said, “You did a really good job.”

“Hmmm,” I mumbled unintelligently in response. I couldn’t tell if my mind just out because there was nothing else I could hear but the beating of my heart. It was crazy. I must have gone crazy. I’m sure I wasn’t that into him yet….I couldn’t be. But why is my heart suddenly going nuts?

“Jin?” a voice spoke.

Jongin let go of me and we both turned around like nothing happened. I was glad that Jongin was calm, because then it’s easier to interpret our hug as friendly. When I finally was able to look beyond his shoulder, I saw that it was Yeji who spoke. She was right by the door with Sehun, who followed closely behind. His hands were on the pocket of his jeans and he kept his eyes on the back of Yeji’s head.

Guilt immediately flooded me at the sight of him. It wasn’t like I was two-timing, but I still didn’t want him to see us for some reason.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ll really change now.”

“You know what, I’ll help you,” Yeji let out in a loud voice. “Kai-ssi and Sehun, you guys can go both ahead.”

Jongin looked at me. “I’ll have to skip your treat, have fun.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said. I didn’t ask anymore why. I know Jongin would feel uncomfortable with my friends.

Yeji followed me to the small room where I put all my things. She let me finish dressing up before she really addressed me.

“I think Kai likes you,” she said.

“Does he?” I responded, pretending not to know anything as I combed my hair.

“Are you and Sehun really okay?” she then boldly asked.

I didn’t answer.

“Youjin I love you, but are you cheating on Sehun?”

“What, no, of course not,” I faced her with a frown on my face. How could she even accuse me of that?

“Okay,” she said, but she looked fierce enough. “Because Sehun’s my friend too. He was my friend first before you. I don’t want to see him hurt.”

“You out of all people should know that I love him,” I told Yeji.

“Then make that clear because it doesn’t seem like it,” she pointed out.

“Look,