hello, long time no update hahaha 

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Sehun did not join our after party – something which I’m absolutely grateful for. I thought I’ve already gone through the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing experience of my life, but I was proven wrong. Having your guy best friend, a multi-awarded actor, watch you kiss someone is a whole different kind of worse. And for that exact best friend to be your first love who probably don’t give a single and is professional enough to not care about who you kiss? I’m surprised my heart didn’t just jump out of my chest and rot on the floor of the swimming pool.

Jongin must have been on edge too. After all, he didn’t know the truth, and was under the wrong impression Sehun and I are together together. But if he was, there was nothing on his face to indicate it. He smiled at me so sweetly, just as his character should, before he leaned in and kissed me. It was more of just a gentle peck really, because we were playing as senior high school students in the show and our target audience were all from age group 15-18. Thankfully, I had enough sense in me to remember what we practiced and put my hand on top of his that was cradling my cheek. When he pulled away, he put his forehead on mine, we smiled at each other and I let out a small chuckle. Afterwards he hugged me for the ending cut. I didn’t hear the director shout the cue, because I was honestly distracted by his eyes for a second and was slipping completely into my character, when the clapping ensued.

Jongin let go of me gently and grinned in his Jongin way which is ever slightly different from his acting self and said, “That’s it.”

It hit me then. I’m free from shooting. I grinned back, bowed my head lightly and hugged him again briefly in a carefree manner. “You worked hard. Congrats to us.”

“Technically, I still have one scene to shoot, but yeah,” Jongin corrected me with amusement in his tone.

“Well I’m going to rest,” I bragged. “You do your thing while I wait for dinner.”

If he replied to that, I didn’t get to hear anymore because a whole bouquet of flowers was shoved in my hands and people were serving me a small cake. I bowed repeatedly to everyone, thanked them for their hardwork and uttered repeatedly that I’ll see all of them later at our small party. Boyoung scuttled on her way to lead me back to our trailer with Sehun closely following behind. When I saw him, I tried hard to forget what just happened at filming.

“Congrats mate,” Sehun grinned when I stood close to him as we walked out of the gym. “You are jobless again.”

“You mean I can do Netflix marathon again,” I let my tongue out childishly to annoy him. “I’m so happy!”

Sehun stood outside of my trailer while I changed clothes. He then went in as I was removing my make-up.

“So what are you gonna do now?” Sehun asked, sitting casually opposite me.

“You know what, I have no idea,” I said. “Maybe you can get me some of those cupcakes again, at the truck?”

“Ha, you wish,” Sehun said, smirking. “And besides, if I go there, I won’t be returning.”

“Why?” I asked, putting down my mirror. Sehun’s eyes suddenly focused on my face and he reached out his right hand so quickly I had no time to react. He brushed my chin. “You had something on like dirt.”

“Oh,” I said, trying my best to look unbothered. “Thanks.”

“Anyway,” he said, going back to the conversation as if he didn’t just rattle my brain. “I have to pick up my attire for the Yule Ball.” He rolled his eyes at me.

I laughed. Sehun and I had this inside joke. Every year, people in the industry are invited to attend this spectacle of an acquaintance party at some grandeur mansion. I didn’t start going until about 2 years ago, because people who were mostly invited are only actors/actresses and I was just a singer then. It’s supposed to be this big event where huge opportunities are laid out on the table as long as you mingle with the right producers and directors and woo big sponsors and chaebols. Vice-versa, it’s also where producers beg actors like Oh Sehun to take a role on their respective shows. No cameras are allowed during this gathering so a lot of back deals happen there. I even heard some female actress got replaced as lead actress by another through this gathering eventhough the show was already done shooting its first episode. Because of the exclusivity for the select few and the grandiosity of this event, and as both Sehun and I were obsessed with Harry Potter for a time, we decided to call this whole event as the Yule Ball. After all, we are expected to show up in our best suits and gowns for the night. I truthfully find the event quite boring and too formal but if I don’t go, my mom would whack me. Sehun feels quite the same as me about the whole thing although on his part, if he didn’t appear, he would just seem rude and ungrateful, especially since everyone knows he is the biggest prize to be won there.

“Really?” I turned my eyes in speculative slits. “That’s still weeks away. Didn’t know you were so excited about it.”

“Please,” Sehun mockingly said. “I’d rather play Overwatch all day. But you know my mom. She always competes with my manager.”

I laughed, while I was tying my hair into a messy bun. “Yeah.”

“Yup,” Sehun said. There was a short pause. “I’m wearing black. Of course. So you could pick whatever color you want.”

“What?”

“I mean, you can easily match with me.”

I stared at him blankly. “You want me to go with you?”

“Yeah,” Sehun replied casually. “I guess…if you want to.”

“Oh,” I said, shaking my head slightly in surprise.

“Oh? What does that mean?” Sehun chuckled a bit, but he was looking intently at my face for any sign of real reaction.

“I just…” I muttered, trying to form a coherent statement. “We never went together before.”

“Well, yeah,” Sehun shrugged. “I just thought, you know, we could, this time. Given the circumstances.”

“Right,” I said. Because we are fake dating now.

“So?” Sehun asked. “What do you say?”

“I thought it was kind of a given that we go with who we’re paired up at the moment,” I said honestly, looking at my hands as if they’re suddenly interesting. What would everyone think if I go with Sehun? Would they think I was bragging that he is mine? Would they think I’m just really a famewhore? Would it be okay for me to stand next to him at such an event? And what about Jongin? Wouldn’t he expect me to come with him?

“Why?” Sehun said, breaking my trail of thoughts. I looked at him and he was looking at me rather attentively. “Did Kai already ask you?”

“No,” I said. “Not yet.”

“Okay, then I asked you first.”

“But wouldn’t you want to go with Sooyeon? Your drama’s a big hit. Everyone would expect you to go with her.”

“No, Sooyeon’s cool but—“

“But what?”

“We’re not always on the same page, and besides, I don’t think she’d want to go with me.”

“Please, you want me to believe that?” I frowned.

“Yeah in fact, I do.”

“No girl would NOT want to go with you to a ball.”

“Oh just you then, it seems,” Sehun suddenly let out.

I opened my mouth slightly but couldn’t say anything at his sudden remark. Sehun looked slightly to his side, as if there’s something out the window more interesting to look at. I knew he was bothered at my lack of eagerness but…did I actually hurt him? I never wanted the conversation to go this way.

I sighed. I reached out and using my right index finger, I tapped the back of his hand that was on the table. He didn’t budge. I did it again.

“Hun, c’mon. I want to go with you,” I said. “I will go with you.”

Sehun turned his head a bit so he can look at me. “Really?”

“Of course,” I smiled.

This time it was Sehun who let out a small sigh. “I don’t want to force you.”

“You’re far from forcing me. Ever.”

Sehun scanned my face a little bit more, then broke into a small smile himself. “Okay.”

“Okay,” I said.

Sehun flipped his hand so he could play with mine. This was something he seemed to just unconsciously do whenever we have nothing to say to each other, but at the same time, we don’t want the air to become thick around us.

“Your acting was great, by the way,” he suddenly said in a soft voice, I would have missed it if we were talking outside.

“Thanks.”

Sehun left moments after. He told me he’d send a picture of his attire after he got it so we could coordinate properly. I smiled at him. I knew I still shouldn’t have agreed, but I just didn’t want to ever see that look on his face because of me.

I sat there on the trailer thinking for a while, glad that I was finally alone. Then, slowly, I slipped into a deep sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………….

I knew it was a bad idea when Ye Ji said we should go to a bar.

We were just hanging out at her house, with our other friends Eun Ae, Seul Gi and Baram. We did all the usual things like watching movies and baking and wine tasting. I could feel they had something up their sleeves when I went to the bathroom and returned to see them sporting curious smiles on the couch. I should have known, and shouldn’t have agreed to go when I already had a ringing in my head due to all the drinks we had.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, frowning. “Really, Ye Ji?”

“I’m sorry,” she said but of course she really wasn’t. She wrapped her arms around my own, egging me to come near the table of our other peers. “But you wouldn’t give anything away and we really really want to know!”

I walked slowly, dreading the moment but it was too late. Eun Ae and Baram already went ahead of us to greet the guys and pointed at Yeji and I. Both Sehun and I didn’t even pretend to look surprise to see each other there.

“Hey Jin!” Chanyeol said, hugging me as soon as he got close to me.

“Hi Chanyeol,” I said, hugging him back. Despite the circumstances, it was nice to see old faces.

“You’ve gotten so much prettier,” I heard Xiumin say. “Almost didn’t recognize you!”

“Stop it,” I laughed.

“It’s true,” Xiumin said.

“We saved you a seat,” Chen declared and they all pointed to the spot next to Sehun. Then they oohed together, as if I’m not embarrassed en