January 2020

"But I don't know why I have to go. I wasn't nominated." Lisa looked up at me as she placed the food down for Kuma. The puppy had doubled in size since the night of my birthday; however it might not grow any bigger than a large shoebox because of its breed. Lisa chuckled as she flopped down on the couch next to me her knees touching mine as she turned.

"You know, us mere mortals actually have to pay to go to the Oscars. You were given a free ticket. Let's face it J. You're the new it girl. Everyone wants you there." 

My lips pursed into a thin line. "You know, me coming out as Randle was supposed to die down after a few weeks. But they are still so gung ho about it." I sighed as I rested my head against Lisa's couch. She chuckled at my 'predicament'.

"You know why it hasn't died down though. Your story is interesting. People love rag to riches and Cinderella stories."

"Yes, okay. I understand that. But why do I have to go?" I asked her honestly. Her smile widened as she shrugged her shoulder.

"Maybe to support your girlfriend who was nominated for Best Actress?" She smiled slowly and I literally jumped up on the couch in excitement.

"What? You're kidding? Oh my gosh how did I not know? You're serious? Of course you are!" I tackled her down on the couch as she laughed. "When did you find out?"

"Just a half hour ago. BamBam was there for the nominations and called me right away." Her smile faded quickly as I saw the anxiety bubble up.

"It's okay. What do they say? Whether win or lose, it's an honor just to be nominated?" She smiled at me and rolled her eyes.

"I just never thought I would be here, you know? It's all going so well it's hard for me to believe that something isn't going to crash and burn."

"How about we just think that the universe is finally on our side?" She nodded as she blew out a breath.

"I wish you could come as my date though." She placed a hand on my cheek and gave me a brief kiss on the corner of my mouth. We still hadn't come out publicly. Even though the movie was a huge success and we both knew that there wouldn't be any more we hadn't discussed publicizing our relationship. It was bittersweet really. Lisa and I both knew that once it was out we really wouldn't have much privacy anymore and I think both of us wanted to hold onto the last bit we had left. But soon, we both knew, we had to do it. We just didn't know when.

"One day, sweetie." It was my turn to place a kiss on her lips. I wanted to tell her how unbelievably proud I was of her. Finally her talent was being truly recognized and a part of me still couldn't believe that this amazing woman loved me. As our kiss grew more heated I felt Lisa grab my hips and pull me into her. I moaned as my body fell into a familiar rhythm with Lisa's. And then, I felt another equally warm body stepping on my back and I broke our kiss to laugh. Kuma had decided that he wanted to 'wrestle' with his mommies as well and managed to wedge his way in between me and Lisa. We laughed as we took Kuma in our arms and played with him. We would have more time to celebrate later.

+

"Stop fidgeting and open you're damn eye!" I scowled at Joy as she attempted to put the last bit of mascara on my upper eyelid. She paused for a moment and gave me a stern look. Immediately, I opened my eyelid wide, as she applied her finishing touches. "There," she stated. She turned my chair towards my desk mirror and I blinked to allow my contacts to adjust. I sat there staring, not really believing that the woman in front of me was, well, me.

"Thanks," I mumbled almost incoherently. She smiled widely as her pride shone through her eyes. 

"You're so going to knock them dead." 

"Who exactly is 'them' that I am knocking dead?"

She regarded me in the mirror with the shrug of a shoulder. "You know, all your bookie fans. The ones that were in love with you even when they thought you were a sixty year old white man who lived in a cabin in the woods."

I smacked her shoulder as I breathed out a chuckle. "There is only one person who I care about being in love with me." Joy's eyes twinkled. 

"You're so sweet, J. Of course I love you. But not like that. I mean if SungJae weren't in the picture..."

Again I swatted her shoulder but she deftly moved away from the light smack. "Where is your knight in shining armor anyways?"

I stared over at Lisa's closed curtains and huffed a frustrated sigh. "Her agent set her up with hair and makeup and she's getting ready at the stylist's." Joy probably heard the sad timber in my voice because then she asked, "You're upset that you're not going together?"

I opened my mouth to respond but instead nodded my head once. "I know it's stupid. I know she's with me and that she loves me and I also know that we decided to keep this a secret for a little longer but I wonder if it will always be a secret. And then a part of me doesn't even want it to come out because I don't think I'm ready for the backlash of it all." I pushed back the frustrated tears that were threatening as I dared to look at Joy's eyes. 

"What backlash?" She asked as her brows lowered in confusion. "You mean the bigots who are going to say that being gay is a sin? You'll get that everywhere you go, Jennie, even if you and Lisa weren't together."

I swallowed thickly as I shook my head. "It's not just that," I whispered. The thoughts were running through my mind. "Lisa is gorgeous and talented and popular and she can literally have her pick at anyone to date. And she's just with me?"

"Excuse me? Last time I checked you were just as 'gorgeous' and 'talented' and 'popular' than Lisa. Or did you forget that you're a New York Times Best Selling author of four books and you literally have fans asking you to marry them?" 

"I just..." I shook my head not knowing how to respond. "I know that I'm a novelty right now but what happens when it's all over? What happens when Lisa keeps climbing and I take a step back?"

Joy bent down slightly and put her hands on my shoulders. "You're never going to be out of the limelight, J. Even when the hoopla of everything dies down, you're still the woman who wrote four amazing books and Lisa is still the star that made a name for herself on the big screen. And even if for some reason everyone forgets about you there is still going to be your family and friends that will remember. Isn't that all that matters in the end?"

I bit my lip as I conceded with a shrug. I knew Joy was right but I wasn't willing to say it then and there. Not when my mood was so off kilter. "You know I'm right. So, I'll let you think about that while I reapply the mascara that you messed up with the copious amounts of eye rolls you gave me throughout our little chat." Joy smiled widely and I couldn't stop the chuckle resounding f