April 2019

The auditorium started to fill as the roar of student voices filled and echoed against the walls. The podium was set up dead center in the large room and I wondered how fast my legs could take me to the bright green exit sign.

I had already volunteered Joy and some other trustworthy teachers to moderate the crowd. If there was one thing I didn’t want to happen, it was to have these brave students feel unwanted by hecklers shouting obscenities through their personal stories. If there was one thing keeping me glued to my spot it was the fact that I had an intrinsic urge to protect these kids. To help them through this part of their life, just like I had been helped through mine.

With much thought and consideration, I had decided not to tell the masses about my forced coming out in high school. Lisa had supported my decision and I was grateful for that. Instead, I would talk about my insecurities of my father dying and my battle with how I saw myself when I was younger. The taunts and teases about my braces and not having that much money after my father died. I thought it was comparable to the bullying that some may experience. Was it cowardice? Probably, but a part of me was still that insecure little girl from high school and I couldn’t gather enough courage to allow the woman in me to step up.

“Jennie, we’re going to start in five minutes.” The principal said to my left. I breathed in deeply and nodded my head once, letting him know that we were ready. I looked over to the group of students who were going over what they were going to say on their sheets of paper. Many looked nervous. Many wore Human Rights Campaign t-shirts saying positive passages about equal rights. I was proud of them and I told myself that it was all that mattered. I didn’t have to be proud of myself.

The lights flickered and I knew it was time. We all knew our positions of when we would say our speeches and of course I had decided to go dead last. The students thought that the decision was for the best since it would end with the most impactful statements but I knew it was because by the end of the assembly students would be counting the minutes on the clock until lunch and wouldn’t focus too much on me.

“Everyone quiet down,” I heard Principal Williams say. “Today we have a very special presentation on a topic that has swept over many headlines in the recent years. Bullying has gained a lot of attention due to the ill effects it has on the victim as well as those guilty of the tormenting. My hope for today is that you all take in these stories told by your peers and mentors in the community and really think about how this effects the daily lives of the people it is happening to.”

I heard a ‘boo’ shout from someone in the stands. Joy was immediate in reprimanding the student and I could see her lecturing him from where I stood.

Denise was the first speaker to the podium. She walked on with a small applause and smiled brightly and proudly at the audience. The knot inside of me loosened as I heard her story.

“Three years ago, my brother came out to our family. It’s not uncommon for this to happen. A lot of people come out when they decide that they can’t keep these feelings hidden from the ones they love the most. What is uncommon though, is how young he was. He was only ten.” She paused for the impact and a few gasps and murmurs could be heard from the crowd. “Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. How can someone so young know that he is gay? A ten year old should be thinking about playing at recess, not about how he feels towards other boys.” She took the microphone from the podium and held it in her hands, moving across the large expanse of the auditorium stage.

“My parents thought it was a joke. They said that what he was feeling was just envy for other boys his age and that the feelings would soon pass. They delimited his feelings to nothing but a phase and in turn my brother fell into a deep depression. As the year passed my brother was put into sports. Told what to wear. Who to hang out with and even what television shows a ‘man’ was supposed to watch. With every day that he was forced to experience these gender norms he grew more tired and distraught. He would tell my parents that he didn’t want to play sports; he would rather cook. He didn’t want to watch action movies; he wanted romantic comedies. He didn’t want to hang out with football players; he wanted to go with his friends to the mall. Who are we to say that these things are wrong? Who are we to say that a young child’s likes aren’t correct because they aren’t manly enough? And, who are we to say that if we inundate a child with these norms then they will grow into something that society believes is correct.”

The fact of the matter is that none of these things worked. The only thing they did was make my brother believe that he wasn’t who he felt he was inside. After a while he didn’t want to be depressed anymore. He didn’t want to do the things that he was forced to do so he started acting out. He would sneak out of the house at only twelve years of age. He started hanging out with people who weren’t the best influence and he started smoking, doing drugs and drinking. Last year,” Denise took a moment to steady herself, her eyes starting to tear, “Last year my mother got a phone call at three in the morning saying that my brother was in the hospital from apparent alcohol poisoning. Twelve years old and he almost died because he couldn’t deal with the pressure that was placed on him. He didn’t ask to be this way. Becau