When your heart's not in it

"So I can use any of these three formulas?" Youngjae asked, pointing his pen on the formulas he has written on the younger's notebook.

"No, you can't. Not just any. It depends on the parts given and what is being asked." Mark said after stopping a sigh from escaping his lips. He doesn't want Youngjae to get the thought that he is getting tired of trying to teach him. Despite the fact that he's been tutoring the younger for almost three hours already and apparently, trigonometry is one of Youngjae's weak points, well he is still his friend. And as a good one, Mark cannot let the younger fail on this subject when he is more than able to help. 

"Oh, okay. So since I'm solving for angle C, I should use this one." Youngjae said, pointing at formula no.3 where c2 = a2 + b2 - 2abcosC is written. Mark nods in approval. "Good, Youngjae. You're getting it."

He heard a slight chuckle from him before the younger started solving.

It is a Saturday afternoon and his friends who come in the form of a certain Jackson Wang, Kim Yugyeom, Choi Youngjae and Kunpimook Bhuwakul Bambam decided to barge in and stay the latter part of his supposed to be precious weekend. At first, he rejected the idea and was almost shutting the door on his friends' face. But since Jackson drew the "if this is Jinyoung you wouldn't do this" card on him, Mark lost his will and ability to fight. He could just curse at Jackson because the chinese deserves it. After him taking assumptions that he likes Jinyoung, Jackson might have found it hard to shut his huge mouth up and told the whole gang about it. And since then, even three months after, Jackson refused to let him live it down. Why was he bestfriends with the guy again?

Now it's around 5 pm and the guys are still here. Yugyeom, Bambam and Jackson are playing with his game console, while Youngjae thought of something more efficient to do, and that is to ask for his help in studying Trigonometry.

"This is correct, Youngjae. Now, answer the second and the third problem." Mark said, pushing the notebook back to Youngjae whose smile instantly wore out. He could only ruffle the younger's hair, because he's cute when pouting. 

Just then, he felt his phone buzz so he checked on it, only to see a message from Jinyoung: [Hey. Are you busy today?] and of course for the younger, Mark always isn't. He replied and got a quick response from Jinyoung: [Can I come over?] And thank God, Jackson is too busy on playing that he can't see that eating grin he has on his face as he typed in [of course] as a reply.

After hitting send, Mark was quick on his feet to throw the guys out. "Alright, it's time to get your asses up and leave. Scurry off now, humans." He got the throw pillows and even hit Jackson on the side of his head.

"Yah! Why so soon?" the chinese complained, still not letting go of the console.

"You've been here for three hours already. That's definitely not soon, okay Jackson?" The younger ones aren't stopping the game either so he also hit them on their heads. "Coconut heads, same goes for you. Asses up! Time to leave!"

"Something important came up, hyung?" Youngjae's question got Mark's attention.

He scratched the back of his head before answering. "Well, Jinyoung kind of asked if he can come over and I said he could. I don't think this mess will be such a welcoming sight for him." Youngjae's soft oh was drowned out by the other guys' grunts. Smiling apologetically, he turned to Youngjae. "I'm sorry, Jae. But I promise to help you out next time, okay?"

Mark saw Youngjae nodding and smiling back but his ears were assaulted by Jackson's loud voice. "YAH! MARK TUAN!" Mark almost covered his ears. Jackson is standing there, arms crossed, giving him an accussing look. "What kind of friend throws out his own friends just to hit on some guy?"

And that hit a nerve. Mark yelled back. "I'm not hitting on him! For god's sake, he's taken!"

But with that look Jackson is sporting, it doesn't seem the chinese is buying his s. With a smug smirk, Jackson spoke. "It amazes me how you can easily say that, yet act like it's something you can easily overlook as well."

With a grunt of frustration, Mark has nothing more to say. So in the end, none of them left.

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"Come in, Jinyoung hyung!"

Mark was in the kitchen when he heard Bambam. He also heard Yugyeom greeting Jinyoung. The other guys did too. "Where's Mark?" Jinyoung asked and seconds later, he's peeking into the kitchen's door. "Hi." 

And a smile automatically draw on hus face, seeing the younger's bright one. "Hi." Mark greeted as he continued to stir the soup he's making. "You're early."

Jinyoung walked closer, taking off his cardigan and setting it on one of the chairs. "I pretty much have nothing to do in my dorm. I really felt the need to go out but realized I don't really have what you call circle to hang out with so..." He now sees Jinyoung resting sitting on the stool in front of the counter, facing him, with his chin rested on his two palms. "I hope I wasn't being a bother. You've got the guys over, it seems like a bros' night and I'm barging in."

Mark counld only roll his eyes mentally. This is why he wanted the guys to leave earlier. "Of course you aren't. In our circle as you call it, you'll always be welcome, Jinyoungie." Seeing the younger's eyes crinkle as he smiles, Mark knows he's done a great job. He knows how Jinyoung likes it when he calls him Jinyoungie.

"Alright. I am not one to sit around here and just watch you cook dinner." Jinyoung said, sitting up right. "What can I help you with?"

Mark waved his hands after putting the lid on the pot. "No need. I can manage."

"But I want to, Mark. I promise I can cook and won't make a mess. Please let me help you."

And that pout, and twinkling eyes only made Mark incapable of saying no.

The two of them cooked, Jinyoung is assisting him with cutting the vegetables and preparing the rice. The younger also didn't forget to interact and talk to his friends who were in the living room. Jinyoung also helped Youngjae in his assignment since Mr. Chemist is also good in Trigonometry as it seems. Mark liked watching it, Jinyoung having fun being with him and his friends. And he can't help but think... what if things were different and they met first?

What if he met Jinyoung back when there wasn't a Jaebum yet in his life?

What would it feel to always have Jinyoung with him. . . . . . . and actually having him? 

"These all look sooooo good!" Yugyeom says excitedly once they were all seated around Mark's small dining table. 

"I'm starviiiiing!" that would be Bambam, making a sound by hitting his chopsticks on his plate. 

"Who knows Jinyoung could cook?" Jackson smiled teasingly at the laughing younger.

"It was mostly Mark, but... thanks." 

"Alright, let's all say our grace and then eat." Mark said and was about to lead the prayer when they heard Jinyoung's phone ringing. There's a look of uncertainty in Jinyoung's eyes so Mark nodded at him to tell him he could go and answer it. When Jinyoung excused himself, Mark said their grace and they all started to eat.

Mark was getting rice when Jinyoung came back, saying Jaebum just called asking him out for dinner. Mark tried to not show any hint of the emotion he's not allowed to let Jinyoung see. So instead, he just said it's okay for Jinyoung to go and meet his boyfriend. It did sting a little, but that's the truth, isn't it?

"I could still eat here and just tell Jaebum to meet a little later." Jinyoung sounded hesitant. Maybe the younger doesn't want him to feel bad for passing. Mark did prepare for this, and having Jinyoung to pass is a bit saddening but, Mark knows he is in no position to hold him back.

"You should go, Jinyoung. Don't keep Jaebum waiting. You two just made up recently, and the last thing you would want is to start another fight with him." Jinyoung still looked unsure. Mark pushed some more. "You better go. It's okay. We can eat dinner together next time."

With a sigh and an apologetic smile, Jinyoung left, leaving him, the rest of the guys with a thick air surrounding them. Jackson was the first one to break the silence.

"It's a good thing we stayed, huh? Otherwise you would have had to eat all of these food alone."

Mark didn't feel like answering and just ate.

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"Did you wait long?" he asked as soon as he sat down on the table where Jinyoung is seated, reading on this book which is as usual, about Chemistry. Mark took off his coat and rested it on his lap.

Jinyoung brought the book down from his face and shook his head. "Not really. And as I said, I'm okay about waiting. I had tons of practice in it already." And Mark hates how the younger smiled after saying that.

For the past three months, since he decided on staying by his side, Mark has seen how Jinyoung handled every ups and downs in his relationship with Jaebum. Mostly are downs so it doesn't help Mark on liking the guts of Jaebum. For the past three months, he has always been there for Jinyoung every time Jaebum fails to be and lets him down. Every time Jaebum makes Jinyoung cry, Mark makes it a must that it's him who will make the younger smile. He'd love to slap it real hard in Jaebum's face how much of a jerk boyfriend he is to Jinyoung and that he could love him better but... sadly, Mark doesn't think Jinyoung would like that. The fact that Jinyoung stayed with Jaebum for more than two years, is enough to tell Mark that breaking up is totally out of the discussion.

"Shall we order?" He nodded at Jinyoung as the younger called for the waiter.

Mark just had his last class so he said yes to meeting Jinyoung in this cafe. The younger also had his last class and is just killing time until Jaebum finished his class as well. Yes, he is accompanying Jinyoung in waiting for his boyfriend. He's really living a good life, isn't he?

While they were talking about school, the waiter came and gave them their ordered coffee. The waiter who looks younger than them, maybe he's working part time, looked at him for a moment.

"Are you Jinyoung-ssii's boyfriend?" Jinyoung's w-what? The guy with chinky eyes and black hair Hyunjin, his nametag read- smiled at him warmly. "You two really look good together. I hope you'll stay together for a long time."

Mark was not in his right mind to correct the young waiter. When he left, Jinyoung bursted out laughing.

"Was that funny to you?" He asked Jinyoung who is still laughing while nodding.

"It is! You know why?" Mark could only shrug. "I've always spent my afternoons here, almost in a daily basis and Hyunjin has been working part time here, ever since. And the fact that he had you mistaken as my boyfriend only goes to show that I went here more frequently with you than I ever did with Jaebum. And he's my real boyfriend. That is what's funny."

When it was getting dark, Jinyoung looked at his phone and said he'll be meeting with Jaebum. Mark nodded saying he'll go ahead too to meet with the guys at Youngjae's.

It was around 9 in the evening when he reached his apartment. Him and the guys just ate dinner and played cards while watching Avengers much to Bambam's wanting. 

When he reached his floor, what he saw was something he least expected. There he found Jinyoung, seated on the floor, knees folded up to his chest and his face burried on his arms. The sudden feel of rush combined with worry and concern was a given. Mark almost ran to the younger's place. Putting his hand on his shoulder, Mark started with a soft "Hey".

This made Jinyoung look at him, and with his face up, Mark could see his swollen eyes and puffy red cheeks. He is crying! Jinyoung is crying and Mark doesn't know why.

It's when they made it inside and he had Jinyoung seated on the couch, still with his knees folded up against his chest that Mark learned of the reason why Jinyoung was outside his unit, crying his eyes out at 9 pm. And the reason, as he expected has something to do with Jaebum. 

Jinyoung started talking about how he and Jaebum had this argument in his dorm when Jaebum opened the topic about him training with the rest of the swimming team in Japan. It will start by the end of the month and will run for two years. Jinyoung said he doesn't want to stop Jaebum from achieving his dream but he just can't handle it if they'll be apart from each other for that long. 

"But do you know what hurts the most? It is the fact that he didn't even think twice and is certain about leaving." The younger broke in a fresh batch of tears. Mark could only hold him close, his head resting between his neck and shoulder. His shirt starts to dampen from his tears but Mark doesn't care. He hates to see Jinyoung this broken. If only he could do something.

Since it was already late and Mark knows he can't send the younger back to his dorm, not when he looks so sad and broken like this... he decided to let Jinyoung sleep in the night. He told Jinyoung he could sleep on his bed, and he'll just sleep on the couch. But as soon as he made the younger lay on his bed, Jinyoung refused to let him go, making him lie right next to him. Jinyoung squeezed himself closer, his head resting on Mark's chest and right there, Mark felt nothing would feel more perfect than this. This is how things should be. This is where you should be. Mark aches to tell Jinyoung but chose not to. He just let him cry and mumble things against his chest.

"Am I not enough reason for him to stay?"

The brokenness in Jinyoung's voice clenches his heart so bad it feels like it's breaking. But with his remaining strength, Mark brought his hand up and played with Jinyoung's soft raven hair. After a few minutes and once he made sure Jinyoung already dozed off to a quiet sleep, Mark let his lips touch the younger's forehead as he whispered...

"You are more than enough reason for me to stay."

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"You should really talk this one out with him, Jinyoung."

Mark says once again after sitting down on his chair across Jinyoung. They are eating the breakfast he has prepared for them, before they go to school. Jinyoung did stay t