"Home"

"Pass me that bowl." Jinyoung tells Jackson who is comfortably seated on one of the stools by the kitchen island. 

It's a bit past 11 am in Wednesday and Jinyoung is currently cooking lunch for him and Jio when he fetched his son from school later. And oh right, maybe he should count Jackson in the serving since the Chinese expresses no intention of going back to his own place anytime soon. 

"Here." Jackson says as he gave him the bowl.

"Thank you." He just replied.

Jinyoung isn't sure why Jackson felt the need to drop by at their house today. He's actually confused of Jackson's working schedule since his day-off changes constantly. To add to that, Jackson frequently visits him over the previous days. Jinyoung finds it a bit weird since the last time he checked, Jackson's best friend is Mark and the older isn't here. Since when did Jackson fancy visiting him over his own best friend?

As Jinyoung stirred the stew he's making, he glances over Jackson. "Are you eating lunch here with us? Please say no."

That earned a glare from the latter. "Whether you like it or not, I'll eat lunch here so better not make that stew spicy."

Jinyoung knows that so although he answers that with an eye roll, he attends to the guy's request and didn't put any chili in there. Although Jio also has a liking on spicy foods which he got from Mark, Jinyoung doesn't let him eat too much of it. So, this will be fine.

"You know... I'm just wondering..." Jackson says just as Jinyoung was turning off the stove. He has finished cooking just in time when Jackson was about to start yet another conversation. Jinyoung faces him and he continues. "Since every issue is clear now, and I am talking about you, Mark and Jio... let's also add Jaebum to the equation. Now that everything has been cleared for everyone to understand; Jio already knows who his real father is, and Mark already know that you were never got back together with Jaebum... is that schedule which the two of you made, you know? The schedule about when Jio will stay with whom? Is that still in full effect?"

Jinyoung creases his brows at this. "Full effect?"

"I mean, are you still both following it? There are times that Jio goes with Mark even though it's not in schedule and there even are times when Mark spends the night here although that was never in that agreement."

"And your point is?" Jinyoung asks as his eyes narrows at the Chinese.

"Why don't you just ask Mark to live here, with you and Jio?"

Jinyoung would lie if he says not even once did he think of this. Because he did think of asking Mark just that. Everytime Mark ends up spending the night here with him and Jio, while he stares at the older sleeping, Jinyoung thinks of asking him that. But every morning after, he chickens out. It frustrates him every single time but sad to say, his frustration isn't enough to push him to be able to ask Mark.

Sighing, he answers Jackson. "Maybe, he doesn't want that."

"Who doesn't want that? Mark?" Jackson asks, tone full of disbelief. 

"Well, he didn't even thought of us talking about that."

"Because you haven't even asked him yet, am I right?" and now the Chinese is judging him. "Think of it Jinyoung. That would be more convenient for all of you. Jaebum already moved out, right? And I bet Jio would love to have his dad stay here. And I dare you to tell me, that you wouldn't love that too?"

Jinyoung hates how Jackson knows he can't say that. He'll be straight up lying if he would. And he knows Jackson won't ever buy his lies. Jinyoung could only give out a sigh as he took his apron off and turned to face the sink, turning hi back against Jackson.

"It's not a simple thing to ask."

"And why not?"

"Because it's not just about us... there's still other things to take into consideration."

"Uh-huh, and like what?"

And as Jinyoung turns to face the Chinese again, he was reminded of what Youngjae had told him during their last talk. "In all honesty... do you really think you deserve any of these? After everything... do you really think that you still deserve to have all of these?" Those words, and how Youngjae said those while looking at him with those eyes which made him feel so small... Jinyoung could still remember how he felt while hearing all that, and how it kept him up all night... not being able to answer that question. 

It took him a minute that he was just staring at Jackson, thoughts running around Youngjae's words. Jackson then tilted his head to the side. "You can't think of anything, huh? So just go ahead and ask Mark. For all you know, he might just be waiting for you to ask him."

Jackson directs his attention back to his phone, not seeing Jinyoung shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair. Jinyoung bites his lips as he wonders if he should talk to Jackson about it. Since his and Youngjae's talk, Jinyoung didn't tell anyone about it, not even Jaebum. Now, he's thinking if he should open the topic up to Jackson. Would that be a good idea?

Jinyoung might have been staring too heavily at Jackson that the older noticed it and is now looking at him with confused eyes. "If you don't want to ask Mark, then don't. I'm not going to force you, okay so stop trying to kill me with those stares."

Heaving another sigh, Jinyoung walks closer to the kitchen island. "Have you told Youngjae already that you're in love with him?"

And his question, created a thick air around them. Jackson fell silent, not even moving. also not responding. With that, Jinyoung thinks he has the answer so with another deep sigh, he went on with what he wants to say. "There are such things which are not that easy to say. Because you're considering a lot of things, aside from just you and him. And those other things... sometimes they have a stronger hold on you... which is why although you want to say it... you just can't."

Jinyoung remains staring at Jackson who after hearing what he said, seemed to have found his voice again. He saw how Jackson pursed his lips and shrugged his shoulders before speaking.

"Do you know why I can't tell him?" Jinyoung has an idea but rather choose to shrug and let Jackson continue. "Yes, I am scared. But it's not the fear of being rejected. I already know that he's in love with Mark, still in love with Mark and I doubt it'll change anytime soon. I waited for years yet here we still are. So, I am not scared that he'll reject me. What I am scared of is... the realization that this love I have for him is hopeless and that I might really need to forget my feelings for him and just move on because I don't want that. It's not because I can't move on from him... all the more, I don't want to, Jinyoung." Jackson says, and Jinyoung could see how sincere he is with every word he says. Those round eyes were filled with sadness, which Jackson often covers up with something else, yet now it is all there for Jinyoung to see.

"I don't want to move on from him. Until I can... even in secret, I still want to keep on loving him."

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Sunday afternoon, Mark brought Jio home and there, they ate dinner altogether. 

Jinyoung was taking care of the dishes and Mark was playing with Jio in the living room when he heard the sound of Mark's phone ringing. He recognized the ring tone. He saw that mark's phone was on top of the dining table. Mark might have left it there when Jio tugged on his dad's hand so they could play in the living room. 

Jinyoung checked on the caller's id and read that it is Jackson who is calling. He then got the phone and brought it to where Mark is. "Jackson's calling you." He told the older.

Mark stood up from the floor to take his phone from him and answered the call. Jinyoung stood there and watched Jio playing as Mark talked to Jackson. He heard him asking where Jackson is before ending the call. When Mark turned to him, Jinyoung thought of asking what's wrong.

"Youngjae got drunk." 

Just by that, Jinyoung felt something bitter in his mouth. All the more when Mark rushed on getting his coat and wearing it, kissing Jio's head before saying good bye to him.

"Daddy will go back?" Jio asks Mark and that made the older glance at Jinyoung first.

"I'll text you." Mark says and turns to Jio. "Dad will try. Don't stay up late, okay? Bye, buddy. I love you."

Jinyoung rushed a bit to get to the door just as Mark was leaving. "Is Youngjae alright?" He asks.

"He's with Jackson but he says Youngjae is too drunk and won't listen to him. He can't get the guy to go home and it's late. I'll just collect him."

Jiny