“Bom unnie?” Chaerin got up from her sit and immediately went to Bom. 

“Oh… some early bird we have here” Bom said and chuckled.

“She cooked breakfast for Dara unnie” Durami said with wide smile.

Bom looked at me then to Chae and I know that look, I just looked away.

“Are you two back together?” She asked. This girl! I heard Durami giggled so I look at her, she put some peace sign on me and went to Omma. 

“What brought you here Bommie?” I asked her.

She looked like in trouble, like there is something she wanted to tell me. In almost a decade of being friends with her it’s so easy to read her. Her eyes can tell me everything without speaking. 

“What is it Bommie?” I asked carefully. Bom is not yet fully recovered so we need to be careful in talking to her so she won’t feel hesitant of telling us what’s in her mind. Don’t get me wrong, Bom is ok now, she’s really fine but the things that happened to her made an big impact to her.

“uhmm” she’s thinking and then she looked at Chaerin.

“Yes unnie?”

“Minzy… she’s outside” Bom hesitantly said.

I suddenly feel nervious. I looked at Chaerin, she looked surprised. Okay, her and Minzy is not okay. The last time I can recall is they fought. They had a little fight, it was when Minzy decided to leave the group and Chaerin got a little mad with that decision. It was still fresh from my memories, the last day that we are all together as four.

“Why do you have to be that selfish Minzy?!” Chae said a little bit louder.

“You know I’m not unnie! I want to make music and our management won’t allow me!” Minzy answered.

“Damn it Minzy! You just have to wait! Can’t you wait now huh?!” 

I was stopping Chaerin, my eyes are wet from tears. This scenes really broke my heart. I never thought that we will come to this day. I’d never imagine this in my whole life. I looked at Bom who is crying silently while sitting on our couch.

“I’m tired of waiting.  I’ve been waiting for all of my career life but they won’t even give me a damn chance even once! Unnie you know that right? Can you just understand me?” Minzy said and I saw a tears came out from her eyes.

“Babe, stop it. Let’s just understand each other please” I tried to calm her down.

I’m older than them so I feel like I need to stand up and calm the both of them. I really understand the both of them. I know their sides and both are valids.

“I’m working hard to get our debut on america, why do you have to leave us like it’s just that simple?” Chaerin lowered her voice. Her voice is cracking which means she’s about to cry.

“But I don’t need the world unnie, I just need music” Minzy sadly said.

“That’s why I’m working hard Minzy! So we won’t stop making music!”

“Did we produced some music now unnie? The last time I check, it’s been more than 2 years since the last one!” Minzy’s voice are raising too. I can see that she’s frustrated for making Chaerin understamd her decision. 

“That’s why I’m went home, to gave our group a new album! Minzy just wait for a little while can you?!” 

“Ya’ll already told me that many times but nothing happens. Dara Unnie has her single, Bom unnie has 2 and may featuring. You have many songs now. But me? Unnie I’m so tired of waiting and now there is a someone who can give me that chance of making my own music and saw what this management refuse to see in me…”

“Don’t trust them, they are just fooling you” Chaerin said.

“I’m sorry but my decision is final Unnie” Minzy said.

We all fell silent. I didn’t know that this thing is more painful than break ups. That letting go of someone who is dear to you would her hurt so much. Minzy is.like a baby sister to us, she’s literally a kid when we first meet her. She grows up in our sides so it’s not that easy to let her go. More than the lost of member, we also lost our sister.

“Whenever you guys are away, I was left in here alone. Dara Unnie have photoshoots from her cfs, a shooting and guestings, Bom Unnie is always with her parents and you, you are making your own name in US. Everyone of you have their own thing to do but how about me? Unnie I’m stocked in here. The only thing I do is  to wait for you guys to be home so that I won’t feel alone.” Minzy opened up.

“You know you’re not alone right? We’re always here for you” I said and hold her hands.

“but I really feel alone unnie” Minzy cried so pull her in my arms. 

Chae was silent, she was just looking on the other way. I know she’s still not okay with this but I hope someday she can forgive our maknae. I know my girlfriend works hard for us, she always telling me that she was trying to get attention from the western community for our group. It’s always been for our group and never to be for herself only. But listening to Minzy and the sadness of our maknae’s eyes told me that it’s better to let her go than something bad would happened to her. She really look so depressed.

I just snapped back to reality when I heard Minzy enters the house. She was smiling widely but it vanished immediately when she saw Chaerin with us. She stopped walking amd hesistant if she’s going near us.

“Annyeong” she said and bow.

We gasped when we saw Chaerin walked to Minzy and pulled her into a hug. 

“Come on Mingki! Hug your unnie back! Don’t you miss me?” I heard Chaerin said.

Minzy immediately hugged her back, I saw some tears falling from her eyes. I looked at Bom, her eyes are getting wet just like me. This scene is so beautiful. Our two maknae’s reconsilation.

“I’m sorry unnie… if I didn’t leave, the group would never disband” Minzy say while crying.

Chae pulled out from the hug and wipe her own tears.

“Let’s all forget about that. It’s already in the past and I am too have my own fault, we all do. We trust the wrong people and we cannot do anything about it now. What’s important now is that we are okay now and we’re goi g to build our friendship again” 

“Yah! Let’s group hug!” Bom shouted.

We all run and meet halfways, we group hug while happily crying. It’s been a while since the last time we had our group hug and I must say that this one is the most special. I feel Chearin’s arm on my waist, she put around me so I looked at her… she gave me her warm smile so I did the same after all, we are friends.

Everything went good since this morning, we have our lunch together and Omma cooked the favorite food of my girls. The three stayed here since Bom wanted to us to spend the whole day together to catch up. I cancelled all my appointments and schedule today and we decided to have little drinks later at night, ofcourse we’re gonna drink here since Bom is trying to gain her image back, also Minzy’s image is way too good in the eyes of her fans. We’re also avoiding some issues.

“How are you Dara unnie?” Minzy asked. We are sitting on the my bed while watching tv. Bom and Chaerin is in Durami’s room since my sister wants them to see her first movie project for their university. Minzy and I already saw that since minzy is always here last week.

“You asked me as if we don’t see each other last week” I said and chuckled.

She laughed, our maknae’s laugh is so precious. I wonder if ever we didn’t let her go that time would she still can smile like this?

“I mean now that Chaerin unnie is back” She suddenly became serious.

I straighten up my body, it’s been the topic I’m really trying to remove from my mind. What now Dara? Chae is here now and by the things that she’s doing she’s really trying to get you back.

“And so? It’s still the same. Nothing will change even if she’s here” I tried to sound like normal but I can feel my own saliva drowning me. Something has changed Dara, you now that.

“She’s trying to get you back, didn’t she?” 

“What are you saying?” I chuckled “She’s here for work Minzy. Nothing more.” I shrugged off the idea of Chaerin coming back for me. I don’t want to be hurt again even if I’m not yet sure of what I think Chae is doing.

“What if it’s true? What are you going to do?”

I look at Minzy, her eyes are still focus on the tv infront of us but I know that her attention is on me. I know Minzy, she won’t stop until she gets an answer from me and the fact that she can read me is scaring.

“I don’t know” is the the only words come out from my mouth. I ducked my head, I’m thinking.

I can feel Minzy looked at me. She was staring at me so I look up to her, her eyes are full of concern but I  can see that she’s still reading what’s on my mind.

“I know I have to forgive her, I know I should but I also wanna be honest, it hurts… it hurts so much and it’s still hurting until now. I’m trying to forgive her, I really do… that’s why I agree of being friends with her again. Being her friend helps a lot atleast the hate I feel for her before are now gone but everytime she’s trying to be sweet and act like she still wants me in her life hurts me. I don’t know but the pain is still her” I pointed my chest “And the memories of that night remains here” I pointed my head.

It’s really painful, what Chae did changed me a lot. My life is never been the same as before. I’ve gain this kind of trust issues with everyone, I can’t trust nobody because once in my life I gave my full trust to someone who promised me that she’ll never break it and will stay with me until the end. The pain that Chaerin cause me is like a thunder volt to my whole body, the impact feels like hell. The day she left and choose her dreams over me makes me question myself. Am I not enough? I judt wanted her to fight for me or never gave up on what we have. I can support her with her dreams and I already proved that to her a million times already but breaking up with me just to get her dream is too much. 

My life turn 360 degrees after we broke up. It seems like hell for me everyday, I spent my nights crying and thinking of where did I went wrong? Was my love for her not enough? Until I discovered drinking, going to the private bars just to drown myself in alcohol so I can forget about the pain for a moment. It became my habit. I payed media’s to never released anything about my night life… ofcourse they already discovered it, fortunately I also became workaholic so I have enough money to pay them. I’m not the old Sandara anymore. I feel like I’m still suffering from that heartbreak even if its been more than a year. 

My friends keeps telling me to stop drinking coz it’s not good for me but what did they know about how I feel? Did they know how lonely I am? How much my heart is suffering? How painful things to me that time? Or how much I tried to stop but I can’t because whenever I am sober enough all I’m thinking is Chaerin and how she left me. People don’t know because I can’t tell them. I can’t just tell them that Chae left me for her dreams coz I know they would hate Chae so much and I can’t bare seeing that. I loved her that much that even if she hurt me I still want her to live her life to the fullest.

It’s been also be me and the only thing I have is my pillows to cry on. The only one who witness everything is ThamTham, Chaerin and I’s doll child. 

“unnie your crying” I heard Minzy.

“Huh?” I snapped back to reality and immediately wipe my face. why do I keep crying everytime I remember that.

I felt Minzy’s hand on my back, she was comforting me.

“Don’t mind what I asked you unnie, whatever you’re decision is we’ll respect that” she said.

“Hey what’s happening? Why are you crying?” That is Bom, she just entered my room.

I remained quite, there is no point of telling a lie with her, she know me. She looked at Minzy with knowing eyes and Minzy just nodded. Bom went near me and patted my shoulder.

“Who’s crying?” 

And now here she is, the person who made my life complete and messed it up in a snapped. She looked at me and her expression became so soft.

“Hey… why are you crying?” the softness of her voice got me, as always.

She sat infront of me and hold my face. Okay here she is again. I immediately remove her hands on my face which made her all shocked. No Chae please, don’t do this to me again.

“I’m going to take a bath, can you guys wait me down stairs? We’ll going to prepare for later” I said as I went to my bathroom.

After I locked the door and remove my clothes, I went to the shower and opened it. There, I cried. I cried my heart out. , I thought I’m over this now… what the hell Dara? Everyone already moved on when are you? … get your s together for pete sake! Stop turturing yourslef you !

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What the heck… I’m messing my own story. Will try to do better in my next chapter. I’m sorry if it takes too long for this update… my work is eating me alive lol. Gonna update again later or tomorrow. Annyeong!

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