He stared in the mirror and a stranger stared back.

I only wanted him to be happy.

I was in the way.

I only wanted him to be happy.

He ran his hands through his flame-red hair and stared. Jongdae was right. It should have been him by his side through it all. He should have just accepted where his place was. It was not in his arms it was by his side to support him, through the marriage and divorce, through his studies and his career, through sickness and health and for better or for worse. If he had just been happy to step back and take on the supporting role in Baekhyun's life everything would have been fine. If he'd just swallowed his pride and his feelings he never would have thought about confessing. And he never would have walked out on him.

He never should have craved the spotlight of Baekhyun's attention.

Selfish

Immature

Hurtful

He had been all those things.

But eight years of hard work and stoic loneliness had tempered Chanyeol's selfishness. He decided it was time to come clean, to apologise, to be truthful and accept his place. He would be happy now just to have Baekhyun back in his life. He could be in the background, support and encourage, really be there as a best friend should. He had given up the spotlight once to Taeyeon and he would do it again for his brother's own happiness and his best friends as well. He would let them be happy. They deserved it. He deserved nothing.

——-

The life of a trainee was hard. He made friends at the company but he was always training to be a solo artist and didn't really become close to anyone. He didn't really want to. He only had room in his heart for his memories.

He trained and worked and eventually debuted. His first album was critically acclaimed. 9 tracks of loneliness, pain, of soul destroying heartbreak. 9 songs written for the only person ever on his mind. Even three years after he left, at age 21 and living alone in a luxury apartment, inside he was still that boy who wanted nothing more than to be noticed by the love of his life. He had debated going home many times. Just to catch a glimpse of Baekhyun's shiny dark hair across the crowded coffee shop. To see him drive past in his late model car wearing a neat dark suit. But he knew he would have to see them together. His mind flashed back to a boy and a girl, eyes only for each other, not even noticing as a car they were both familiar with drove slowly by.

He couldn't do it. He just wanted him to be happy. He stayed away.

He was happy alone. He knocked back beautiful woman after beautiful woman. Models, singers, actors. None of them held any appeal. But one night, bored and half drunk at another industry event, a small dark haired man approached him with a smile. He was short and finely built, with a sassy attitude and a sway to his step that felt like home to Chanyeol. He fell fast and hard, not with Kyungsoo, but with the tangible hint of what he had never been able to have. They dated and held hands, went to events and dinners, paraded their blossoming love for the cameras and the media and their fans. Chanyeol convinced himself he was happy.

This wasn't a consolation prize, it wasn't second best, it wasn't settling. He was in love. 

He was in love with his memories which he tried desperately to breathe into life with his relationship with Kyungsoo. And the other man knew. Kyungsoo knew. He could feel it every time they held each other. Chanyeol's mind and heart were miles away.

——-

Chanyeol snapped out of his memories and stared at his reflection.

Honest and harsh reflection and introspection wasn't what he came here for. But it was what he found among the seeds of yesterday that had grown into the loneliness of tomorrow.

Chanyeol walked out of the bathroom and sat on his bed. He was dressed and ready for the dinner. He didn't know if Sehun had invited Baekhyun but he was pretty sure he would want to parade his new boyfriend in front of the family, hold him by the arm, show him off as much as possible. Everyone in their family loved Baekhyun. He had always belonged.

"Chanyeol. Are you ready?" he hear his mum call through the door. He shook his head. "I've got to quickly do something. Go ahead without me. I'll drive myself."

He opened his email and started a new message to Suho.

Please have this personal message posted on my website and social media as soon as possible:

To my fans, the media, and the general public

Please accept this as a personal message from myself, Park Chanyeol, in regard to my recent relationship breakdown with Do Kyungsoo.

I accept personal responsibility for our breakup and do not wish any blame to be placed upon Kyungsoo, or Kim Jongin, by fans or the media. Please stop blaming Kyungsoo and portraying him as the one in the wrong.

Kyungsoo is a wonderful person, kind and generous, and only guilty of trying to love someone who couldn't give back.

I cannot have blame placed on him for finding comfort in the arms of someone else when truthfully my mind and heart have always belonged to another.

I ask you, my fans and the media, to please accept the truth of my words and leave Kyungsoo and Jongin alone. I wish them all the happiness in the world. I can think of no one else more deserving.

Regards

Park Chanyeol.

He hit 'send' on the email and ignored two calls from Suho. He sent a text message telling Suho not to disregard or disagree with him. This was his decision to make. He wanted everyone to know it wasn't his fault.

He left the house and got into his car and drove to the dinner at the local restaurant. Relief washed over him as he saw Sehun sitting by himself, alone in his rightful place by his grandmother's side, the family's pride and joy. "Chanyeol. Come sit here!" His grandfather beckoned to him and he went to sit by him and, with his phone switched off, the dinner was pleasantly uneventful.

And Baekhyun, just down the road, was outside under the tree. The big tree behind the nursery, where he liked to go and think, where he went to make sense of his increasingly confusing world.

He clutched his phone tightly in his soft white hand. Dirt stained his nails and his cuticles were dry. But his fingers were heavy as he scrolled over the words. Over and over and over.

I cannot have blame placed on him for finding comfort in the arms of someone else when truthfully my mind and heart have always belonged to another.

Why did Chanyeol keep denying it? Why couldn't he just be honest? Baekhyun knew it was her and he honestly didn't care. Taeyeon was the furtherest thing from his mind.

He just wanted Chanyeol back in his life. No matter the cost.