With his guitar on his back Chanyeol felt thirteen again. He headed out into the late afternoon haze, crossing his backyard and opening the gate, walking out into the bare fields behind his family home. His family weren't farmers, his Dad sold insurance and his Mum worked part-time in the local school's administration office, but he had always grown up amongst the fields of grain farms and dairies. His feet shuffled along the dirt road that ran behind his house and led towards the small thicket of trees that as a child had seemed like a huge and magical forest. He had spent hours walking the trails with Baekhyun, looking for interesting rocks, spotting birds and animals and throwing sticks into the creek. It was another place that was both a mecca of past joy and a miasma of easily remembered pain for Chanyeol as he mired further into the misery of the day.

He walked towards the creek and was happy to see it running. It didn't always run, water in the bottom meant an average year of rainfall, a running creek meant happy farmers and a busy town, a dry creek was bad news for everyone. The summer of his eleventh year there had been a drought and the creek had run completely dry.

——-

"Lets look for frogs hiding under the rocks!" Baekhyun called out as Chanyeol struggled to catch up. They were the same height and weight in the way that most ten year old boys are, and even though there wasn't much of a size difference Chanyeol always felt bigger, uncoordinated and clumsy. Baekhyun seemed to move through life and the world with a natural grace and constant control of his body. Chanyeol panted a little as he caught up to Baekhyun at the top of the bank of the creek.

Chanyeol looked down into the dry rocks and shook his head. "You wont find any. The water's been gone for days." He went to walk away and as he turned he heard a scream. "Baek!" He turned back to see Baekhyun on the bottom of the creekbed. "It's still soft near the edges. I slipped," he called out and Chanyeol edged closer to the side. "Ow!" Baekhyun held his ankle. His knee was scraped and he had dirt and mud all down one side of him and tears began to fill his eyes. "Are you hurt?" Chanyeol called and Baekhyun squinted his eyes closed and nodded.

Chanyeol walked down the bank once he found a stable and solid way down. He jogged across the rocks to where his friend was crouched in pain. Baekhyun was trying desperately not to cry but he couldn't help it and a few tears escaped. Chanyeol reached down and helped him to stand and once he was upright he bent down next to him. "Get on my back." Chanyeol said and Baekhyun shook his head. "No I'm too heavy." Chanyeol sighed. "If you don't then you'll have to wait here by yourself while I go and get someone to help us." He grabbed Baekhyun's arm and swung it around his shoulders and Baekhyun reluctantly allowed the other boy to piggy back him back through the creek and up the bank to the dirt road home.

——

Chanyeol sat down on a log next to the creek. The quiet rushing water matched well with the gathering dark clouds and his dark mood as well. He strummed the guitar casually, put it down next to him leaning against the log, and lit another cigarette. 

He decided to brave his phone. He ignored the notifications and went straight to the Star Dispatch website. As soon as he looked he wished he didn't. His face, crumpled in its sadness, was still on top of the website. His brand new flaming red hair was wild in the wind as Suho helped him push past the media and fans outside the vogue building. And then the pictures of Kyungsoo. Some he had already seen, some were new, all were blatantly obvious that Kyungsoo was smitten with Jongin and had moved on with his life. And here was Chanyeol, sitting in the beginnings of a slow drizzle, with nothing but an old guitar and his memories.

He shoved the phone back into his pocket and butted out the cigarette just as the sky opened up above him. The soft slow drizzle that had been threatening all day quickly became a downpour as Chanyeol stood and began to walk slowly back to the house. He didn't even bother to rush. He was already wet and sad and miserable so a few extra minutes weren't going to make any difference. By the time he reached the house his new hoodie was soaked, his hair was plastered to his forehead, and he didn't know where the rain ended and his tears began. His eyes were puffy and his chest hurt. He needed warmth and comfort and craved a hot shower and a hot drink.

Guitar clutched tightly between his hands, Chanyeol rounded the corner of the house to head in through the front door, and pulled up quickly in surprise. Baekhyun had just got out of his work truck and was heading towards the front door and their eyes met and locked for just a brief moment.

Baekhyun's eyes travelled from Chanyeol's sadness, down to the guitar in his hands, and back up to his soaked hair plastered to his head. "Oh...." He said softly as he moved closer. The hard edge of his hurt seemed to have been tempered by Chanyeol's miserable appearance and his eyes were transfixed on the guitar as Chanyeol walked towards him. "I didn't think you would still have that..." Baekhyun said quietly as Chanyeol tried to breathe. "How could I ever let this go?" He murmered in response and clutched it tighter, holding it close, almost as if it was another shard of happiness someone was trying to take away from him. He began to shiver and shake as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him again.

"Chanyeol, I'm so sorry, for what your boyfriend did..." Chanyeol knew he was trying to comfort him but it seemed so empty. "Why are you sorry? It wasn't you who cheated on me..." Chanyeol snapped and Baekhyun's face turned almost imperceptibly from concern to hurt.

Wasn't it?

No it wasn't

Then why had it felt that way?

"Hey." Baekhyun reached out to stop him as Chanyeol tried to head past him into the house. The roles were suddenly reversed. Baekhyun tried to stop Chanyeol from leaving him and Chanyeol just wanted to hide. But as soon as he heard that voice, that voice that made him weak, and turned to look into Baekhyun's eyes he instantly regretted it. He was lost again in a confusing world where nothing mattered but the way Baekhyun looked at him.

And he knew then that he hadn't let go. He hadn't yet and he probably never would.

As they stood next to the front porch, eyes locked in a conversation their voices couldn't make, Chanyeol decided it was time to take a risk. It was time to put this behind him for better or worse. "We have to talk Baekhyun. I owe you an explanation." Chanyeol finally made the words he should have eight years ago.

"I suppose eight years late is better than never." Baekhyun's soft laugh was tainted with a bitter hint of sarcasm. "You know where to find me. Just come by the Nursery when you're ready."

Their moment was broken by the intrusion of Sehun. He opened the door and looked from Baekhyun to Chanyeol and back to Baekhyun.

"Are you ready to go?" Baekhyun smiled up at Sehun and jealousy burned like bile in Chanyeol's stomach. The envious fire that burned in his chest had returned and all that had changed was the trigger.