"Before you say anything let me go first." Baekhyun said quietly. Chanyeol took a bite of his cake and wondered absentmindedly how fat he was going to get over the next seven days. He watched Baekhyun's eyes take on a faraway quality as he thought hard and Chanyeol waited to hear what he was going to say.

"So I thought about it a lot over the years. About, you know, how things eneded up between us." Chanyeol's chest hurt as he watched tears fill Baekhyuns eyes. "I know this whole uality thing can get pretty grey. I probably know that better than anyone." Baekhyun stared down at the almond covered beesting nestled in his hands as he continued. "So I wasn't really surprised when you had a boyfriend. But I'm pretty sure that you still have feelings for someone else." 

Chanyeol's stomach sank and his chest began to pound as Baekhyun continued. "And I just want you to know that its fine. If you want to go after her you can. I mean, I know you always wanted her, and I know I should have backed off. I really blame myself Chanyeol." The hurt radiating from the small man was palpable as his cake melted in the humid afternoon air. "Anyway, you're a rich and famous idol with money to burn, just her type. Taeyeon loves nothing more than material possessions. So if you go after her you'd probably have a good chance of making her happy."

Chanyeol went cold as he tried to process what Baekhyun was saying. Suddenly his Rolex and his big SUV and his thousand dollar jeans felt like something to be ashamed of. Like their presence tarnished the truth of who Chanyeol really was inside. And then he processed the rest.

Her.

Baekhyun really thought, then and now, that what he wanted all along was her?

——-

Chanyeol had been planning the last day of school for weeks. He knew there was a big party at Kris's house but he didn't want to go and he knew Baekhyun wouldn't either. Kris was an , rich and popular, and always surrounded by his group of friends. Including Taeyeon, Miss Popularity, the Queen of their senior year. 

Chanyeol knew he would only have a few more days with Baekhyun and he wanted to make them count. He didn't want to waste even one night drinking and talking with people he didn't care about. He only had time for one person.

For the first time ever they were going to be apart. Baekhyun had been accepted into a college in the city half an hour away from where they lived and was going to study landscape design. Chanyeol imagined a future for Baekhyun using his natural affinity for aesthetic to design beautiful parks and gardens. His own future hung in the balance. He had also been accepted to college but in Seoul and if the idol life didn't work out for him he would be a music teacher. So far the only letters he had received were rejections but he was determined to keep working at his dream. And he needed the city to do that.

So with only a few days left of life as they knew it he planned his own little celebration. He wasn't sure if it was going to be down at the creek if the weather was nice or if he could get the house to himself but he was going to surprise Baekhyun with pizzas and cake and a song he had been learning just for him. 

And then, if he could summon all his courage, he was going to confess.

The thought of voicing his feelings aloud make his stomach churn with nerves. But Baekhyun fuelled the fire in his heart with every look, every soft touch, every flirty glance. He knew Baekhyun's natural charisma made everyone feel warm inside but Chanyeol really thought that every time his friend wrapped his arms around his body and held him tight it had to mean something. It just had to. Baekhyun had to feel even a little of the spark between them.

On the last day of school, his plans all laid out neatly, Chanyeol smiled as he walked through the corridors of the school. He had gotten caught up with the other members of the school band taking photos and had somehow lost track of Baekhyun. Determined to find him, he set off at a brisk pace, his long legs carrying him easily through the corridors. His excitement for the evening ahead built as he rushed faster and faster to find Baekhyun but when he found him it was all wrong.

Baekhyun was seated on the stairwell with Taeyeon wrapped around him like a snake. Chanyeol stood and stared in shock. He really thought she was out of the picture and after everything she'd put Baekhyun through how was he so easily swayed?

How long had he been in the music room? It felt like the entire universe shifted in the last hour and inside he began to panic. Kris was seated on the next step down with his ever present sidekick Tao next to him and they nudged each and laughed as Chanyeol approached. "Baek. I've been looking for you everywhere." He said as he looked from Baekhyun to Taeyeon and ignored Kris mimicking his voice.

"Well I'm here. And we're going to Kris's party tonight." Baekhyun smiled as Taeyeon pulled him even closer and Chanyeol stared in horror. This was wrong. It was all wrong. 

Why were things going so wrong?

"It'll be fun Chanyeol." Taeyeon smiled pretentiously at him. "I'll set you up with my friend Tiffany. You know her right? Tall and pretty. Just right for you." Chanyeol watched her hand run over Baekhyun's thigh as she spoke and something inside him snapped. "No...." he began to stammer and stumble over his words as the emotion built inside him. This was his last chance and it was going all wrong. 

Was he so delusional that he thought he actually had a chance? A chance to confess his love for Baekhyun and maybe even have his confession accepted?

In that one moment all his hopes slipped away.

"No.. no I don't want to be set up with any more girls." He stammered over his words and Kris began to laugh. "You hear that? Chanyeol doesn't want to be set up with any more girls. Got any guy friends to set him up with?" He began to laugh and Tao joined in and soon Taeyeon did as well. And Baekhyun just sat there as they teased and laughed and Chanyeol began to crumble. His chest heaved as his plans fell apart in front of him. His stomach began to hurt and he turned to run away.

It was all he could do. He was a coward. He ran.

As he was walking as quickly as he could out of the school halls for the last time he felt someone pull him by the arm. He turned to see Baekhyun standing before him. "Chanyeol what is your problem? It's no big deal. We were just going to have pizza and I really...." Chanyeol pulled his arm out of Baekhyun's grasp and tried to walk away but the smaller pushed in front of him again. "Chanyeol. What is with you? Just come to the party. Why are you so mad?" Baekhyun couldn't really work out what the issue was and Chanyeol wasn't speaking so he took a shot in the dark. "Are you jealous? Do you want her?" Baekhyun furrowed his brow as he stared up at his tall friend. "Are you gay?" That was a long shot. He and Chanyeol had been taking girls on double dates since they were fifteen. Although somehow Baekhyun always gravitated back to Taeyeon and Chanyeol somehow always stayed single.

Chanyeol was torn as his own breath suffocated him slowly. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Could he tell the truth? Could he expose himself to his friend and confess his feelings through tears and anger and pain? Could he lie and say he was jealous and wanted his best friends girlfriend? 

He didn't know which choice to make.

In the end all Chanyeol could do was run. He pushed Baekhyun out of the way and ran out of the school and sank onto the grass outside blinking through blinding tears. He waited but Baekhyun didn't follow him. He must have turned away and gone back to her.

That night while Baekhyun was kissing Taeyeon and holding her in his arms Chanyeol was hidden in the darkness. He had somehow made his way through the centre of town to the big tree behind Byun's nursery and as the heady scent of lilac and lavender and roses filled the warm night air he strummed his guitar and played his song he learned for the boy he could never have.

When he came home sobbing he told them everything and his Mum and Dad soothed his sad heart with any words they could think of. And his brother, at thirteen and adrift in his own sea of confusion, watched on from the sidelines as his brother broke his own heart over the boy he couldn't stop loving but could never have.

Sehun watched Chanyeol's heart shatter into a million pieces that night.

——-

Chanyeol felt anger rising in his chest the same way he had all those years ago. He swallowed a bite of his cake, wiped his mouth and got up, but this time he couldn't walk away. But he also couldn't tell the truth. How could he? The realisation that Baekhyun, his Baekhyun, was never his then or now. Then he belonged only to her. Now he was his brother's boyfriend. How could he tell the truth? But just being in his presence seemed to be what Chanyeol needed so he chewed his cake as he thought of the words.

"Baekhyun. I never wanted her. Never. I was just a coward afraid of the truth."

Baekhyun watched Chanyeol remember the past as he finished off his cake and wiped his hands on his shorts.

"Want to go for a walk down to the creek?" Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun broke into a grin. "You just want to smoke!" The light returned to his eyes as Chanyeol smiled in return. "Yeah. But you'll still come with me wont you."