XXXVII

Yongsun waits, sketches, draws, ponders, reads — forgetting the madness surrounding her and the chaos in her head. She looks out of the window and nervously eyes the door, expecting Moonbyul to enter. Yongsun eats alone, sleeps alone, sits in her room alone. Perhaps Moonbyul has been ordered to temporary bedrest? Yongsun decides that must be the reason Moonbyul is not in the room with her, it has to be.

A nurse checks in on Yongsun regularly but they do not speak to each other, Yongsun has no intentions of engaging in small-talk, does not want to use her voice, her words, her breath on someone she will forget later. Such is life, Yongsun thinks as she tries to fight away the guilt wrapping around her.

Yongsun bites her lip, runs a hand through her hair, letting it slide from her head to her cheek to her neck to her chest where it sits right above her heart that beats in solitude, confined by blood vessels, nearly strangled by veins. Yongsun breathes, Yongsun survives and realises that the Theory of Life is failing her.

The theory, you must understand, is not like other theories. It is a secret, it is private, it is personal, Yongsun hides it from everyone around her (even Moonbyul, but the ideas that surround the theory had shown up several times in their nightly discussions). Yongsun keeps the theory close to her heart but even there it is not safe. The theory struggles, fights back against its restraints and Yongsun shushes it quietly while she tries to figure a way to disprove the Theory of Life because in reality, it is nothing but a thought to keep Yongsun sane, safe and alive.