At 2am in the morning Joshua woke up wanting to shove a pillow down Hansol’s throat. Yes he knew how mean that sounded but the younger had been coughing all night long, and he just wanted to sleep. Plus all that coughing must make the younger ones throat hurt. 

Joshua sat awake at 2:15 ready to strangle the younger. He let out a loud sigh which was then accompanied by a soft but slightly raspy “I’m sorry,” which nearly sent him off the bed. Joshua felt his heart pounding in his ears as he look over to half moon eyes and a strangled sigh. 

“I’m sorry I’ll try to be quieter. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Hansol sent the older an apologetic smile and then ended up cutting himself off by loud hacking which Joshua could have sworn brought up blood because of how painful it sounded. 

He figured he was right when he heard a low moan escape the slightly swollen lips of the younger boyfriend. Joshua sighed knowing that there would be no way that he could skip vocals today especially not with leaving early yesterday and getting coffee. 

Joshua shot the younger an apologetic look and then sighed. He knew that it was too dark for the younger of the two to actually be able to see what he was doing so he carded a hand through soft locks and hoped that the younger would be able to tell that he felt apologetic. 

He assume that Hansol understood though because he felt a slight nod from the boy. Joshua could already feel the heat under his fingertips that was in his boyfriends hair, and he wished that there was a way that he could make the latter feel better. 

With a sigh, he shifted his position to look at the younger he look at the Halfer before he had to go. His soft features painted with a reddish hue because of the sickness. Joshua figures that it would be a good idea to figure out about how sick he was. He rolled out of the bed gracefully (not) and went into the bathroom. 

Rummaging through all the cabinets until he found the thermometer in the top shelf which was absolutely not where it was the last time that he saw it but he went with it. He did a quick scan over all of the items in the cabinet in the bathroom before noticing how little of the painkillers were in the bottle. He made a mental note to fill that up later. 

Making his way to their shared room without a single sound, well until he fell but that’s another topic. He could hear the rustle of the sheets when his boyfriend turned over to face him. Joshua flicked the lamp on and wait for his eyes to adjust to the new found brightness. Apparently the younger of them having a similar idea. He found himself smirking. 

He place a hand to the warm cheek of the younger, tipping his head back a little bit and shove the thermometer under his tongue, getting a high whine and a pouty face in return for his efforts. He waited for the fait beep before removing the thermometer from his mouth. 

Joshua felt even more reluctant to leave when he saw the 39.16 C (102.5 F) on the thermometer. Yeah the fever wasn’t too high but this was again at 2 am and it would rise throughout the day. He looked over at the clock which now read 3:23 and he decide to sleep for a few more hours hoping that the latter could handle himself. 

———————

When Hansol woke up he was a few things; cold, alone and sweating. The last one he didn’t understand because he was literally freezing to death and hope that he wouldn’t die if hypothermia. His body vibrating with how cold he was. He grabbed onto the blanket and huddled it closer around himself. 

He before long felt the initial effect of the headache mixed with the concussion that was having fun mixing the colors around him. He couldn’t see straight, and he craved warmth. He knew he was alone, they had all left for practice and he sighed with relief. 

He thought about going downstairs and eating but the thought of moving made him tired and his body ached. He knew he was warm this morning but this was worse. Forget cold he was burning up now. Throwing off the blanket he groaned in frustration. 

He walked into the bathroom and pressed his face against the cool surface of the window. He open the cabinet door to look for painkiller or a fever reduce but he found nothing. He sighed remembering how he tried to kill himself with it, thinking he may have taken them all. He remembered there were a few left. 

Giving up he decide to go to the store and by some. The pounding in his head was not going to happen today, not like his head already hurt like heck. He really didn’t want to move but he really needed pain killers, so he made his way to his room throwing in on a ball cap, black skinny jeans, and a flannel he made his way out the door.

He found it oddly ironic that the convenient store was not conveniently close to him at all but it could just be the fever messing with him. He still really couldn’t see so his felt around for his glasses not really wanting to deal with contact lenses today so he slide them on and grabbed his phone. 

He made his way to the store hoping that the would be able to last until he got home. He hoping that he would actually be able to read it so he didn’t pass out due to the horrible pain in his head. Sighing, he walked up and down the isle looking for painkillers and something that would make his chest not to hurt every time he coughed. 

Shopping proved to be much harder than originally planned. He mentally facepalmed because yeah he forgot he had a freaking concussion so it was kinda hard to read the size freaking 4 font. He hated Time New Roman with a passion. 

He was sick of the isles as well. The isle freaking reeked of medicine and it was making his head hurt (and spin) more than it already was. As he squinting trying to read the tiny font he could feel the throbbing in the back of his skull grow more prominent. Silently muttering to himself “please don’t pass out.” 

After what the hoped  was Tylenol and some heavy duty painkiller he made his way back to the register who shot him a funny look. He move his eyes to her gaze and pulled the hem of his shirt over the semi-old cuts littered across milky skin. He bit his lip handing her the painkillers to ring up and change that he hope was right before skirting our of there so fast. 

He slammed the door to his apartment like he had just run from a wolf. Yes he knew he was alone but when you are very fevered it takes a lot more energy to did little stuff. 

He went to the kitchen to prepare a glass of water so he could taken the god-forsaken pills he hated so much because they tasted like starch and mint witch made him sick. He filled the glass with ice and water placing two pills in and gulp it down. 

A sudden drowsiness came over him and he slowly made his way up the stairs (he could have sworn they were more this time) to go to sleep. Flopping on the bed in the shape of a star closing his eyes and enjoying the darkness. 

—————

“Ahh,” he cried out as he woke up what felt like seconds later. A huge jolt of pain shooting through his stomach made itself well known. Not to mention the sudden pain in his throat. As another pang tore through him he curled himself in a ball waiting for it to subside

It didn’t. 

Another forceful shot of pain made him groan out. A sudden rush of saliva swimming in his mouth making itself known. He clamped a hand over his mouth really not wanting to move but realizing he would actually have to soon he released a low groan and a sigh 

“Oh no,” he cried as the pain became worse and he felt a huge urge to thrown up. He jumped up from the bed and he ran (more like waddled) his way to the bathroom. He leaned over the white basin of the toilet heaving heavily into the toilet. 

Before long the whole room seemed to smell like acid. It was really bad and that really only made it worse. He could felt his eyes watering as he let out a whimper in pain. He wrapped a hand tightly around his lower abdomen praying for it to be over. 

He tried to calm his breathing and then he remembered something from his trainee days:

_Hansol was sitting next to his Joshua and some of the other trainees who were talking and laughing. He could see how Joshua eyes lit up when he laughed. They were all dancing and laughing about something they said. 

From the corner of the room one of the other trainees came up to him. The other grabbed his wrist and slowly pulling it closer to him he smirked at Hansol. “I’m surprised they let you in. I wasn’t aware they took just anyone. I thought you had to be talented. Handsome, at least.” 

Hansol hung his head. Taken aback by the lack of remorse in the statement. Was he really that bad? No he couldn’t be. The other trainee was just jealous. Jealous that Hansol was going to debut unlike him...

“Wanna impress some fans? Loose some weight,” the sly remark sent him speechless. He wasn’t fat right? Healthy? It wasn’t fat but muscles right? He felt his face flush when the other man left. He could feel heat rush to his cheeks and he made his way to the bathroom. 

The guy was right. His cheeks puffy from the baby fat he hadn’t shed yet and his shirt a tad bit tight showing a little more flab that hadn’t form into abs just yet. He thought back to high school how his friend ate and never gain weight. 

He remember how he would alway go to the bathroom after. He wondered if he threw up his food. Hansol lean over the toilet hoping he could do the same. 

Hansol pressed two fingers to the back of his throat feeling cramps in his stomach before hot acid and bile crawl up his throat. He expelled it into the toilet feeling satisfied at how he felt lighter, and he did feel slightly lightheaded but he felt less fat. 

Hansol close his eyes and remember sitting there in front of the toilet. This was worse because his stomach hurt. Like badly,  almost like stabbing and poking him with painful jabs. He felt himself curl closer to himself every pang of pain. 

He just wished that Joshua would come home because now he was cold. Of course his body was reject everything that he was giving it and wanted warmth. Because Joshua was warmth and he was his comfort (and he smelled like cotton candy). 

Apparently to his beckoning call the door to the bathroom was thrown open suddenly. He would have pretended that everything was okay but his stomach wad literally trying to commit die to itself, so his smile was quickly turned into a groan. 

He whimper and make hands at the elder because he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to be warm and he wanted to be loved. He cried as he heaved into the basin of the toilet while being back-hugged by the elder. 

He could here shuffling behind him as a thermometer was placed in his mouth when the vomiting ceased for a minutes. A quiet beeping echoed in his already ringing ears as it was later pulled out seconds later by the elder. 

“.” Joshua cursed as the numbers on the half inch screen were displayed. 40.5 Celsius (like 104 F). He felt bad for the latter; who was currently curl up beside the toilet holding his stomach hoping that he would pass out because the pain was so bad. 

Joshua was panic. 

He knew that it wasn’t gonna help but he was extremely worried. He had never seen his boyfriend in such pain before and if he was he did a good job hiding it. Although, he was semi proud because he was showing his feelings. 

He figure that the latter was suffering enough so he pick up his phone and called 911. De ja vu much? After what felt like the ambulance pulled up and he struggled to pick up the younger. 

“N-no. J-Joshie I’m tired. Wanna sleep. And a-ahhhh, my stomach hurt.” 

Joshua bit into his lips and he just hoped that they found be able to make the latter in less pain. He pretended that the little whimpers of pain that Hansol made and that his eyes didn’t fill with tear when Hansol begging him not to move because his stomach hurt. 

Joshua just hoped that they be there in time. He hated seeing the latter in pain. Maybe if he had stayed home he could’ve helped. But he didn’t. He didn’t stay home even when the latter needed him. He sighed as they finally loaded Hansol into the stretcher. 

“Hansol-ah,” Joshua said as he reach out to grab the hand of the younger. “I’m sorry that I let it get this bad. I-I should have stayed home and then maybe it wouldn’t have been this bad and  — “

“Not your fault. It’s okay. My fault,” the latter squeeze the older ones hand  he knew it wasn’t much but it was the best that he could do because his dang stomach. 

Joshua knew his boyfriend was never good with word. Even during pre-debut, and even in English he knew and pay attention to everything but he was never good with word. 

So hearing the latter who was in so much pain that it laced his word kinda make his heart flutter. So he squeeze his hand back and played with chocolate locks. 

“M’tired.” 

“Go to sleep,” Joshua said as the latter fell into a peaceful sleep. 

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Again I’m so sorry but on a positive note I think this is my longest chapter. And I know it bad but bear with me. So I’m working on other chapter as I post one =once one is post I work on the other one. So I’m sorry. I’ve been stay up till like 2am too right this and it not even good. 

Plz continue to support and comment. Luv chu guys. 💕

사랑 해 요💕💖