Annorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa 

Those were the two words that if you had ask Joshua Hong 2 weeks ago he would have told you he would never think that his boyfriend would do. But looking at Hansol now he would bet money on the fact that he was defiantly both. 

Hansol always loved eating, trying new foods but he rare ate anything with more calories since he got back from the hospital the other day. Joshua knew that the other members were worried. He was literally skin and bones, barely any muscle showing at all. 

Joshua could almost wrap his whole index finger around the surface of his boyfriend wrist, despite the fact that some of the scars were raised he could see the veins making themselves known under his skin, pale white contrast the blue. 

Joshua visibly wince at how frail the boy was, his bones poking out at almost every joint and muscle and skin stretched across his bone look so tightly pulled he wondered if it hurt. He we actually afraid to hug his boyfriend, thinking that he might accidentally break something. 

“Hansol~ah? Can you answer me honestly...when was the last time that you...ate,” Joshua bit his lip, he winced at the question. He knew that the words had some bite to it and he didn’t even mean to. 

“I-I did,” he said with a pout tugging on his lips. “You saw me, a-at lunch. Remember, a-a few hours ago.” 

Joshua winced harshly, “I, yeah baby would really believe you if...if I didn’t hear you retching into the toilet a few moments ago. So let’s try this again. When was the last time that you ate? Without throwing it up?”

“I don’t know, a-a while m-maybe. Are you mad. Please don’t me mad,” he say. The little stutter making Joshua’s heart pang a little with guilt. He put a hand on the boys shoulder patting it softly and then letting out a sigh. 

“No no, it’s okay. L-let’s try to get you to eat something, okay? What do you want Hansol? Ramen? Or something else,” Joshua asked as he walked to the pantry to get some food and offer the choices to his boyfriend. 

“Ramen will be fine...” 

Joshua boiled the water for the ramen, letting it cool down and then passing the bowl of steaming hot Ramen to his boyfriend. The younger stare at the ramen for a little while, then he leaned over picking up the fork and spinning the noodles around the fork. 

It smelled good, chicken he assume but the smell sent a wave of saliva to his mouth. He swallow thickly as he lifted the fork to his mouth, dropping before he placed a hand to his stomach, wrapping it around before placing the forkful into his mouth.

The taste was foreign to him, after 2 weeks of not eating he wasn’t used to the feeling. He swallowed the noodles in his mouth. He almost gagged at the feeling, he kept on swallowing rapidly to try to get them down his throat. 

He whined a little, taking a quick looks at Joshua and tried again to swallow. Letting out a more silent moan at the fact that the noodles were make him want to throw up. He was determine to eat. He finally got them somewhat down. 

Joshua encourage him to take another gulp of his noodles. Look over at Hansol, he noticed the younger one struggling. He held onto the younger wrist, pushing down his wrist as he attempt to take another bite of the noodles. 

“Shhh, it’s ok. It’s okay. Hey Hansol, only look at me okay,” he said. “Looks at me, if you can take one more bite. Just one more. If not that’s fine, don’t force yourself. Okay?”

Looking at the bowl made the wave of saliva he pressed a hand to his mouth. He looked up at his boyfriend knowing that he probably couldn’t trust his legs to support him. He let out another whimper as his stomach flashed in pain, cramped pushing up some for the noodles he swallow. 

“H-help?” He could feel it, bile crawl up his throat as he looked at Joshua. Pressing his hands farther into his stomach to stop the radiate pain from its source. He felt warm arms wrap around his thighs and his upper back as he was lifted up from the table and then brought into the bathroom. 

Hansol had done this thousand of time since pre-debut. And even more so recently. He had always been bulimia but he hand never done it on a larger scale of time before like this. But sitting there squatting against the toilet as he watched the elder look at him like a kicked puppy he felt worse. 

Every time he felt a wave of nausea over come him he felt one come on he tried to swallow the bile, lurching as he felt it rise up his throat. He kept one flicker his gaze from the toilet to his boyfriend, hoping that he could hold his “lunch” down. 

“Hansol~ah, it’s okay. It’s okay, don’t force yourself here okay. I shouldn’t have forced you to eat so much, it’s okay. You will feel better once you do. Just let it out,” Joshua rub circles on his boyfriend back soothing enough to lull him to releasing the  food from his stomach. 

He brace himself against the toilet as he ridding his stomach of the food it was previous containing. He felt sweat drop down his face as he heaved into the basin of the toilet. Taking deep breaths between wretches and heaves. 

He leaned his body back against his boyfriend as he closed his eyes against his shoulder. Joshua could felt some drips of sweat gliding down his boyfriends forehead onto his shirt, leaving some imprint, he could hear the harsh breaths he gave out. 

Joshua tighten his grip, snaking the arm around his back a little tight and hold on his shoulders as well. Hot breath hitting his own shoulders as he hold the younger, playing with his hair and breathing in his chocolate scent. 

Gently he lift up his boyfriend, carry him to the kitchen. He dumped the remaining noodles into the trash can and pour some water in a glass handing him the cup. He tip Hansol’s head back slightly helping him drink it and then returning his hold on his back and shoulders. 

Joshua stayed like that for a while, closing his eyes and then leaning his own head on Hansol’s shoulders. Letting a few tears slip, before wiping them with his sleeve. He silently hoped that his boyfriend would see how beautiful he was, without starving himself for 2 weeks. 

“I’m sorry,” Hansol muttered. 

It was quiet, and Joshua almost missed it. It was odd, but he found himself speechless. For what? For making him worry, for being depressed and annorexic? For what. He just slipped him an “its okay,” continue to play with his hair and a few stray locks. 

“No it’s not.” 

“But it will get better,” Joshua offer back with a slight smile and a tighten hug. “You know I will alway love you right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you?” 

“Do I what?” 

“Love you too?” Joshua already knew the answer, he knew it was a kinda useless question but he figured he would allow him to answer it. Just to hear him say it, even once. 

“No, but I’m learning to. At least I love you Joshie~” 

“But I love you more,” 

He felt his boyfriend nod at this, Joshua got to his boyfriend and pick him up again,he placing him on the couch and then putting a TV. Joshua let his boyfriend pick a movie and they watched it until the younger fell asleep again. He sighs as he lugged the light body to his bedroom and then put him to bed 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and the  person turn him around. He faced the broad chest, gazing his eyes upward to face Mingyu. He his lips and then gulp as he nodded at Mingyu. Allowing him to tell him what he needed to.

”Look at me,” Mingyu was their puppy, their happy go lucky puppy, but his voice was awfully stern his eyes hiding a small blaze and a lighting fire. Joshua looked straight into his eyes, feeling small because of his height and the look in his eyes. 

“That boy is our hip hop unit baby, he is our little angel, our joy and our light. This isn’t the first time that this has happened. During predebut and sometimes before concert. He always look at us and he begged us not to tell you. So now that you know you having to help him.” 

“I will I promise,” he said, walk away to lay down next to his boyfriend. Whom he would prove to he loved, even if Handol never believe him.