On the 18th, the music was blasting through the walls, and the party was going really well, Baekhyun thought. He was only nine, but it was the second time Baekgyu’s friends came to their home to have fun.

Mama was a really nice woman, who could easily talk to anyone, and his brother’s friends were all around eighteen (his friends were old, Baekhyun thought sometimes). Baekgyu wasn’t home, but Mama wasn’t really worried. They were all used to it. 

Mama drank a lot, probably, more than unsually. (Mama was always drinking, that Baekhyun knows.) And Mama smoked. Baekhyun was worried, because Mama seemed sick, so he helped her going to bed, and lied down next to her, being careful, and taking care of her all night, just in case she was feeling bad. Baekhyun loved Mama. 

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Baekhyun was nine years old.

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On the 19th, his brother’s friends left the house early in the morning, before 7am, and the family of three slept until 10am.

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Baekhyun was still taking care of Mama.

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They were all in the living room when, through the window, Baekhyun saw two policemen walking to the front door. Baekhyun shouldn’t have been worried, it wasn’t the first time policemen came to their house (his big brother did stupid things to end up in youth detention center), but it felt like something was wrong, and as Mama went out to talk to them, Baekhyun felt his heart beating faster. Mama’s face was turning blank. Mama’s face was slowly losing colors. Mama’s heart fell to her feet. Something was wrong, and Baekhyun was scared.

Mama came back inside and sat down between her two sons. Baekbeom looked at her, and just like Baekhyun, he saw that something was wrong, and he wanted Mama to smile, so he tried what he thought was a joke.

" Hey, what’s going on, is someone dead ? " 

Mama didn’t find it funny. The tears went down her face, drowning her cheeks, breaking her heart, and Baekhyun’s muscle stopped in his chest. Soon enough, in the middle of the living room, Mama and her two sons were crying their hearts out, almost screaming, never really able to breathe properly, without exchanging a single word, because they didn’t need to speak to understand. 

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Baekhyun's life was falling down, without even a word.

His heart, his chest, his lungs, his eyes. Baekhyun was feeling like dying.

He wished.

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The policemen didn’t really seem to care, as they started searching the house for something, but it didn’t seem like they found anything. 

Mama and her two sons were still crying.

The policemen drove the family of three to the police station, and the two boys stayed outside as Mama walked in, probably to talk.

Baekhyun and his brother stopped crying. What about Mama ? They haven’t seen her all day long.

Baekhyun had a comic book between his hands, because the policemen told the siblings to bring something to have fun. (To have fun). 

That Monday, on the 19th of July, Baekhyun never ever once opened his Smurfs comic book. 

That Monday, on the 19th of July, Baekhyun realized he lost the person that he loved the most. 

That Monday, on the 19th of July, Baekhyun wished he would die. Disappear. Leave. 

Wake up.