—

Baekhyun stopped counting how many times he imagined how he would kill himself. 

There were a lot of options, but Baekhyun was nine years old, he didn’t know them.

—

A year passed, and Baekhyun was dead inside.

—

Baekhyun was ten years old, he wanted to leave, nothing really mattered anyway. He saw some options in movies, but still, Baekhyun was a coward, and he was too afraid to do it, even though every part of him was screaming at him to just give up already. 

—

A second year passed, and Baekhyun was dead inside.

__

Baekhyun was eleven, and he was watching TV. Mama was always watching that show, and Baekhyun never really liked it (Baekhyun didn’t really like anything). Four guys walked in, and suddenly, Baekhyun was fascinated by the song.

__

Just like that, he found something that mattered, and Baekhyun felt something inside. 

__

There was a big hole in Baekhyun memories.

About everything that happened during those two entire years. 

Baekhyun never really tried to remember.

Because even though there wasn't anything clear, all the feelings, that, he knew.

From all the pain.

All the tears.

All the regrets.

All the guilt.

As he was a child, but Baekhyun was so full.

Not empty.

But so so full.

Anger.

Sadness.

Anger.

Hatred.

Anger.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

And not even once, Baekhyun felt like a child. Ever. Again.