~

Once a month I was blessed with the reminder that waking up soaked in your own sweat was not a great experience. With a hand clutched to my lower abdomen, I tossed and turned in my bed from the pain.

I hate periods.

Out of the three of us, I was the one that had the worst cramps of all. Bo-Ra usually managed to get through hers not too unscathed and So-Hee could see hers through without anyone even noticing.

I convinced myself a long time ago that mine were specially signed for from hell- there was no other conclusion. So when I made haste to knock on So-Hee’s door for some extra feminine care at three am in the morning, I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t even open the door. She was a pretty heavy sleepier, but I thought I’d try my luck seeing as she was the closest.

I had to stagger all the way to Bo-Ra for aid and luckily, she opened the door. Albeit after fifteen minutes, very much still asleep and mumbling incoherent sentences. I had to apologise to the neighbouring girl who angrily opened her door in annoyance.

It couldn’t be helped really.

Although it was a struggle, I forced my eyes shut for a total of two hours before I had to get myself prepped for a new day. I went through the Wednesday like any other and my shift at Halmeoni’s wasn’t any different, besides the occasional curled up hunch here and there. Thankfully Halmeoni was a woman too so she understood my dilemma. She suggested I go home and close up early if it got too busy, but I couldn’t do that. This was how she also made a living, having her shut early every so often defeated my point of helping her in the first place.

I didn’t have time to see the rest of Tokki Club, because I had a full schedule. They wouldn’t have liked me very much today either, especially since I would’ve complained at every chance that I got. I didn’t make it a habit to broadcast my monthly calendar when possible. It was much easier to complain in my head to myself and by myself.

By the time I got home it had hit ten o’clock and I collapsed on my bed. My appetite had betrayed me like it usually did around this time of the month, so I didn’t bother eating dinner. On any other day I would have eaten the large bowl of halmeoni’s chicken ramen that she made, but that day wasn’t this one.

After a while of laying flat against my bed, I got under the covers and closed my eyes. I scanned my mind trying to locate the memory of everyone’s schedule for today. So-Hee had two lectures like I did, Bo-Ra had a lecture and debate club. Ji-Soo had rehearsals with class, Myung-Soo had class and a trial sit in and Seung-Ho… I don’t remember what Seung-Ho had today.

I opened my eyes again, squinting at my wall trying to remember but I couldn’t. Maybe that was a good thing.

The thought of Seung-Ho reminded me to step up my game with my plan of being more normal with him again. It was still in action, I just wasn’t executing it well enough. Digging out my phone from my bag that was strewn to the side, I searched his name through my contacts in attempt to message him.

I wasn’t expecting him to reply though.

Me: 22:50

>Hey

Seung-Ho: 23:00

>Hey..?

After, hey what comes next? I didn’t want to approach him with that one idea of his parents divorce in mind. Judging by how he put a question mark with his greeting, he’s probably already confused as to why I’m even messaging him in the first place. That’s not particularly surprising, we rarely ever messaged even when we weren’t this awkward.

Hmm, so not as normal as I would have liked but it was a start.

Me: 22:57

>How are-

The heavy buzzing of my phone cut off my message and was enough to startle me off my bed, but I caught myself in time. I shuffled around for the brick-like device and after finding it on the floor unscathed, I glanced at the caller ID.

It was my mother.

 “Eomma!” As soon as I answered, I could hear the sound of typing, orders being shouted, reviewed and checked.

“My daughter how are you, have you settled back in well? Oh! Ye-won-ssi, did you finalise the files to send to HR?”

“I’m okay… How are you and how’s the corporation?” I didn’t want to remind her that I had moved back in some time ago and that I was well into the semester already.

“I’m sure by the sounds of it, you can hear it’s going quite well. Chaotic, but I’ve got it under control.”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. My mother has owned her design corporation for over fifteen years and she had hired a lot of workers already for her different branches. Essentially, she didn’t need to infiltrate every part of the production process, but she still carried the heart from when it was just a small business and she didn’t want to lose it. It could also be that she loved knowing and controlling all aspect of her work, but the first one was more to my liking.

“Try not to overwork yourself and don’t forget to take the supplements dad got from Japan, okay? Work is important, but so is your health.”

My parents were busy people, and it had been a while since I had heard from them. I was still yet to hear my father’s voice, I had tried calling before, but he didn’t have much time on his hands. Japan was one of the few countries within Asia that wasn’t as terribly affected by the financial crisis, so my dad was lucky in that area, especially as a private bank. With the increase in interest KH bank was getting, I couldn’t really be upset.

I was happy that we were at least still able to talk once in a while.

“I’ve heard you, honestly you tell me the same thing every time we speak.”

“Because you always seem to forget, and I can’t have you falling ill when I’m not around.”

There were a few minutes where she didn’t speak and all I could hear were muffled sounds through the receiver, she must have covered the phone. I let out a sigh.

My parents were really busy people.

“I have another charity fundraiser coming up for the autumn season launch, will you be able to make it? It would be nice to have my daugh- Jae-Won, please tell me you faxed the documents over to the Jeju office?”

“Sure, I can try.” I said, but I doubt she heard me as I could hear more muffling noises and louder voices.

“I have to go now. I’m not going to fall ill, but I’ll listen to you and take the supplements. Your invitation for the event is already in the mail. Take care of yourself, okay? Love you.”

Ending the call, I placed my phone to the side and lay back on my bed with my eyes closed. I considered walking to the dorm payphone and giving my father a call, but I was sure he would be busy or asleep and if anything his assistant would be the one to pick up. Although it was nice to conversate with Riku-san from time to time, he wasn’t the person I really wanted to speak with.

My eyes shot open at the loud vibrating from my phone. I lifted my shoulder to my ear to supress the shock, it probably wasn’t a good idea putting it right above my ear.

When I glanced at the screen, I saw Seung-Ho’s name flash and my heart skipped a beat. I forgot to reply to him.

Seung-Ho: 23:45

>Hello?

Me: 23:47

>Sorry, I got a call.

Seung-Ho: 23:48

>Important?

Me: 23:50

>Yh.

Me: 23:55

>You ok?

Seung-Ho: 23:56

>Yh why?

I was tempted to reply with ‘I’m also fine thanks for asking’ but I refrained from doing that. 1) it would ruin whatever grain of a conversation we had going on now and 2) my thumb would hurt from pressing all those keys. Although I did wait to see if he would ask.

He didn’t.

Me: 00:02

>How's home?

Seung-Ho: 00:15

>Idk.

Me: 00:17

>Are you sure you’re ok?

Maybe it was because I never really sat down to message Seung-Ho before, but it was a different feeling. He was speaking less than he usually did, but it felt like he had more to express. Like right now, his ‘idk’ was a lot more than that.

Not only was it a strange discovery, it was weird to be on the receiving end because I couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was that he wanted to express.

After my last message, he didn’t reply for a while and it seemed like he wasn’t planning to. I even arranged myself in a foetal position and shut my eyes ready to force myself to sleep.

When my phone finally sounded, I picked it up with speed.

Seung-Ho: 00:50

>And if I wasn’t?

He had me there. What if he wasn’t okay? What was I able to offer him? I doubt my usual way of comforting was going to really scratch the surface of what he needed.

Did I even know what he needed?

My fingers hovered over the plastic buttons on my phone for a while. I chewed on my bottom lip, searching the ceiling for something and anything remotely helpful to say.

Me: 1:00

>Wouldn't that be ok?

Me: 1:02

>After all, it's ok not to be ok.

~

The next day was evidently a good day.

For everyone else that was. 

I wasn't really sure what it was about the day, but despite the wetness that graced campus everyone was happy. I hate to say it, but Seung-Ho in particular was laughing and contributing more to our conversations. He still didn’t say much, but it was more than he did normally. He didn’t reply to my message last night, so I just took it that he had acknowledged it in some way.

Well, I hoped he did.

For me, today was a normal day and that was all there was to it. It didn't feel different in any way, it felt the regular. My cramps weren’t as excruciating as yesterday but they were still there and all that was left prominent was my very sombre mood. The others however just couldn’t contain their joy and I was trying my best to match up to their mood.

We were all in our usual spot for lunch, and I was listening in on their banter. There were quite a lot of students eating inside the canteen due to the unfavourable weather, but it felt like we were being louder than everyone else combined.

“Should we go bowling tonight?” Ji-Soo suggested, gaining nods and agreements from everyone. I didn’t say anything though, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to go bowling.

“Have fun!” I tried as enthusiastically as I could for the afternoon.

“Why? Aren’t you going?” Myung-Soo directed at me and I gave him a soft smile as I shook my head. He scrun