~

“Dear, could you get the fresh flour from the back of the store? I need to watch the broth.” Halmeoni called from the kitchen. I marked my spot on the inventory list with my pen and made haste to the back of the store where we kept new deliveries.

I wasn’t meant to be working today, neither was halmeoni actually but this morning we received a call from the delivery man who supplied us with ingredients and well, this was the only part that halmeoni really struggled with. Like always I didn’t mind makinng time if it meant that I could help her.

Lugging the bag of flour into the kitchen I lifted it onto the counter and started to take measurements. Although I wasn’t near enough as talented as halmeoni in making fresh noodles, I’ve watched her enough times to know the exact amount of ingredients she needs to make them soft yet chewy.

Once I was done, I went back to checking off the inventory list and moved to start cleaning and dusting around the store. It had only been a few hours since we closed the store, but it was already dusty. It could’ve just been me looking for something to do, but I geared up with my cloth anyways.

I moved through wiping down the booths and when I reached the one that usually had Seung-Ho sat in it at night, I made sure to clean it extra hard. It wasn’t the only thing that reminded me of him, in fact I didn’t really need much to think about him. I could be breathing and all of a sudden I see his face.

It was quite ridiculous actually; how pathetic I was being.

After the night that Bo-Ra had called me drunk, I didn’t think for a while. There were no serious thoughts that daunted my mind, I simply went blank for a few days. When I finally managed to grasp reality, I fell into a state of confusion until I had brought myself to a state of trying to adjust to it all.

I tried to adjust to the newly found information and the mind that was once empty was soon filled a range of thoughts. Why didn’t Seung-Ho say anything when I kept mentioning So-Hee to him? Why didn’t he tell me? Retrospectively, I did give him a few chances to tell me if he liked me or not, and I guess I did my best to not let him speak but I mean if the guy can shut me up with a… kiss could not have just told me this too?

If they weren’t dating then why in the world did Bo-Ra mean a few years ago when she told me that they were together. Was her friendship with So-Hee of a much higher importance than ours as a group? Did I do anything wrong to the both of them? Was I playing too much of a victim? Probably.

The more I thought about it, the more emotions I felt until one day I slipped on the ice outside of the dormitory, landing on my bottom and like magic I came to my senses. I stood up, rubbed the sore spot on my back letting out a small breath and simply gave up on thinking.

I doubt much would have changed if I had known earlier, the matter of the fact is that I had asked Seung-Ho twice whether he liked me or not and he still gave me nothing as an answer. Whether he was dating So-Hee now or not wouldn’t change that.

And just like that, the winter break flew by and the new semester was well underway. I didn’t really know where I stood with the others anymore so I found myself not being around them as much anymore. The only person who I found comfort in was Myung-Soo, and he wouldn’t have deserted me even if I asked him to. I hadn’t told him about anything to do with Seung-Ho, but he let me know he already knew about the lies that had emerged surrounding mine, So-Hee and Bo-Ra’s relationship.

From time to time I found myself being filled with disbelief and confusion, but a lot of the time I just felt empty. That night with Seung-Ho never left my memory and came back to haunt me each and every single day but I had to do what needed to be done and that was to move on with my life. First love’s come and go like Youngjae Oppa said, perhaps this was the time for me to genuinely and earnestly settle things in my heart.

With my final exams and graduation around the corner, burying myself in school work was the least I could do. If I was really going to get my place in my Uncle’s firm, I couldn’t make it there with a poor grade. That would simply fuel the hatred of the employee’s even more.

When the afternoon came, I kindly denied halmeoni’s offer of fried noodles when I received Myung-Soo’s message about meeting up for lunch. He said he had something important to tell me and I began to get nervous again, I wouldn’t have been able to stomach the grease of the food. I had been patient with Myung-Soo and it seemed like he was ready to open up to me about whatever it was that was going on with him. I gathered my belongings and made my way to the bus stop, promising myself to be there for him. Of course I didn’t know if it was good or bad news, but I guess it’s human nature to think of the bad first right?

Hopping onto the busy bus, I held onto the rails as the vehicle rocked back and forth causing me to bump into the others beside me. It would have been much easier to be on the subway right now, but halmeoni’s store was closer into town on this bus. As more people got on, I was pushed further towards the window, quite uncomfortably if I might add. I suppressed my disturbance and continued to stare outside the window, taking in the passing building, mothers with their kids and Seung-Ho.

Wait, Seung-Ho?

I widened my eyes to make sure I was seeing correctly and to my aid the bus came to a halt at a traffic light allowing me to see clearly. He was seated at a bus stop on the opposite side of the road, just where the University gates were. I took in his frame; his eyes were intense and his hands in his denim pockets as usual. There was nothing different about him, his hair was still the choco brown they had always been, his favourite converse were on his feet and a cigarette was placed delicately by his ear.

Nothing different at all. That was what I thought, until I realised that the person next to him wasn’t a stranger waiting for the bus, but that he was listening to what this guy dress in all black had to say. Before I could process anything else about the man, his fist quickly connected with Seung-Ho’s face and I let out a loud gasp.

The man jum