a/n: Hey hey hey More angst as promised ^^ I never mentioned their courses right? Lols but it would probably business oriented hahaha

Disclaimer: This chapter is not intended to mock or play offence on mental health.

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Yuta hadn’t thought of spending his day at the hospital emergency room but here he was being checked for malnutrition and dehydration. He was advised an IV drip and plenty of rest, and Hansol nmade sure to be with him. Yuta thought of why but when Marco came and smiled at them, the older donning a nurse uniform, he knew that his friend was a goner.

“Fancy seeing you here Yuta-ssi.” Marco greeted and the younger smiled slightly.

“I get sick too.” He replied and Marco nodded.

“Your IV drip will be done soon, please rest a whole lot.” Marco reminded him and patted Hansol’s shoulder and smiled sweetly at him before he left.

“You two look sweet.” Yuta sighed.

“You could’ve been sweet too.” Hansol reminded him and Yuta merely nodded then frowned.

“I deserve this.” He replied but Hansol shook his head.

“No you don’t, you can still correct your mistakes, nothing is permanent.” Hansol reminded him. “Even emotional wounds heal and scars.” Hansol said and Yuta sighed and nodded.

“I need to apologize to Taeyong.” Yuta muttered and clutched the sheets as he felt his eyes well up at the thought of the Korean who had been nothing but good to him.

Meeting Taeyong again wasn’t how Yuta imagined or expected but the source of his light was beaming at him, mouth opened slightly as he noticed who had entered the convenience store at such wee hours of the morning. Taeyong bowed to him out of respect and looked at his register, clearly avoiding looking at Yuta who he knew hated him from the get go.

Yuta was gaping as he looked at Taeyong illuminated by the bright light of the convenience store.  He knew the Korean looked really beautiful beyond words but he believed it more now than ever. Taeyong was so unreal an perfect that it hurts Yuta to realize just how he ed up when Taeyong looked away, eyes dimming as if not wanting him there in the first place.

Yuta balled his fingers into a fist and walked towards the aisles to grab some ramen but when the door dinged and a man shouted for cash with a gun pointed at Taeyong, Yuta’s blood run cold. It happened to fast and what happened next tormented Yuta as he crouched down by the register and dialing 911 while putting pressure on the wound on Taeyong’s stomach. The store manager had called in the police who chased the robber before he helped put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding.

‘Talk to me Taeyong. Don’t pass out.” Yuta shouted but the light in Taeyong’s eyes were flickering.

The ambulance came and Yuta told the manager to stay and he’ll take care of Taeyong, arguing that he is a friend and the manage nodded and gave his number so he can be updated about Taeyong. The paramedics patted Yuta’s shoulder, urging him to ride the ambulance so they can already leave. Yuta watched as the paramedics inserted a heploc on Taeyong’s hand and ran an IV while another gave him oxygen as they tried to minimize blood loss.

“You know your first aide.” One commented and Yuta nodded.

“I do sports, it’s vital information.” Yuta answered and the paramedic smiled and thanked him, Taeyong will make it.

Yuta was staring at the white wall and thinking when his parents arrived. He had called them earlier, informing them of what happened to Taeyong and they immediately came despite the lack of sleep and dressed in casual clothes but still look presentable. Sayumi held his son who cried as he felt the warmth of his mother’s embrace. The gunshot triggered a painful memory and Yuta was crying and his body was shaking, he was clearly traumatized by the event.

“I can’t lose him too!”  Yuta blurted out and Tatsuo looked at his son and hugged him.

“You won’t.” He said but it didn’t comfort Yuta the slightest.

“Why do I lose everyone I love?” Yuta asked but Tatsuo couldn’t find the answer, was Yuta fated to be alone?”

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Taeyong was fine and after removing the bullets that broke a rib but missed vital organs, he was cleared to recovery. He wasn’t surprised when Tatsuo visited him, as the older had explained everything to him the day he presented his diploma.

“How are you feeling Taeyong?” Tatsuo asked and Taeyong smiled a little.

“Sore, but I will be fine.” Taeyong assured him. “How is Yuta?” Taeyong asked thoughtfully.

“His anxiety had been triggered by the gun shot but he’ll be fine. We’ll be sending him to a psychologist to help him cope and get over this trauma.” Tatsuo explained. “Have you decided?” He asked and Taeyong shook his head.

“Not yet, sir.” He replied and Tatsuo nodded in understanding.

“Get well soon Taeyong. Don’t worry about finances, and don’t think that this is pity. I know you think about it too much but please, let me help you because you are special to me, you are like a son to me Taeyong.” Tatsuo explained and Taeyong shed a tear and the Japanese held him gently and kissed his temple. “You are strong Taeyong, you can get over this hurdle.” Tatsuo said and Taeyong appreciated it from him; Tatsuo is truly a father he wished he had.

“Thank you.” Taeyong beamed and Tatsuo bid him good bye.

Yuta’s focus was wavering and his eyes were dilated as the psychologist addressed him; Yuta felt like he was not himself.

“Yuta-ssi.” The doctor called him but Yuta could not hear her as he saw flashes of a bloodied bodies of Taeyong and Ms. Taeyon. “Yuta-ssi.” She tried again and this time Yuta looked at her with a blank face.

“How are you feeling Yuta-ssi?” She asked and Yuta just nodded at her.

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Taeyong was expecting someone, yet he did not drop by even once. He looked at the door in hopes to see him, but time and time again, he failed. It was a week already and he was going to be discharged, yet he did not drop by even a single time.

“Have you decided to take the internship?” Johnny asked him the night before his release.

“No, not yet.” Taeyong replied.

“The deadline is tomorrow Taeyong.” Johnny reminded him and Taeyng sighed.

“I’ll decide tomorrow.” Taeyong told him and Johnny nodded. “Go home tonight Johnny, I’ll be fine on my own. You need to study for your prelims and you still have practices.” Taeyong told his friend who nodded.

“You sure you’ll be okay?” Johnny asked and Taeyong nodded.

“I will be okay.” Taeyong assured him and Johnny patted his back.

Once Johnny was gone, Taeyong thought a lot, of what ifs and what nots, of how’s and why’s. He wondered if he really was that unlovable, or at least to Yuta. He didn’t really expect Yuta to like him like he does to him ever since he figured out that Yuta was the kid that his mother took care of, but was he really that much of an eyesore to Yuta to avoid him? He did not expect an apology, not even a thank you, but at least he would say goodbye.

He took the internship form from the bedside table with shaky hands and read it once more, ingraining the terms and conditions of the paid internship and the benefits that he will reap, but is flying to another country justifiable enough? He knew, deep down Taeyong knew that the only thing that stopping him was Yuta. He would throw away everything for Yuta at this point in his life, but it was clear that it was not reciprocated.

Taeyong waited, and he waited until he can no longer wait. And as tears shed from his eyes, he took a pen and signed his life away.

This is goodbye.

---

Yuta visited Taeyong, every single day but he stood by the door, afraid to show himself to Taeyong who he had hurt far too many times to be forgiven. He stood and stared at the face of sun personified and he clutched his chest, aching heart beating painfully inside him. He couldn’t be near him,  not now not ever.

As he slid down the wall adjacent to the door, tears fell from his eyes. He knew he couldn’t be with Taeyong because he is trouble; he was meant to be alone.

Yuta made a decision that he will distance himself to protect Taeyong, because the older deserves the universe, at least someone better than him. Yuta was convinced that he wasn’t meant to be happy, and Taeyong is his happiness that he would never be able to attain no matter how hard he tried; and so he wallowed in pain that he deserved, because he was no better than the people who had fired those bullets and took innocent lives.

Yuta deserved to be left alone and in pain.

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a/n: If you are traumatized or is feeling that something is wrong with you emotionally or psychologically, please seek help as it can be detrimental to one’s health.

The next chapter would probably be the ending. Please tell me if you are okay with rated content because I plan to write it down. Also, how was your perception of Yutae in this because I did not specify who tops or bottoms. I know most would prefer bottom Yuta, but I am pretty much flexible about them.

Anyway, thank you very much for making it till this chapter, and for leaving lovely comments to encourage me. I knew I stopped writing about this story for months but I did not abandon this. Thank you so very much and hopefully you’ll stay for the ending.

Lastly, big thanks to the songs that inspired me to write this one especially Westlife’s Better Man because the moment I heard of the song and internalized the lyrics, it just wrapped up this story.