a/n: I wasn’t going to write any update but Westlife dropped a new song that fit in with the theme I had with this fic and I knew I had to write the update.

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Yuta didn’t know where to go or if he could still find Taeyong; The incense was still fresh so he could have a chance. But the columbarium was empty and the parking lot was empty as well. He bit his lip and punched the wall next to him in frustration, how could he be so stupid?

He drove to a place he knew he could get an answer.

His father eyed him but did not acknowledge his presence, and returned to the papers he was reviewing. Yuta clenched his fist and gritted his teeth as he approached his father with bated breath. “Did you know who Lee Taeyong was?”  Yuta asked and his father handed him a piece of paper, Taeyong’s diploma. Yuta closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing his tears not to fall and show his father his weakness. “You knew he was yet you didn’t tell me?” Yuta but his father ignored his question. “otousan!” Yuta shouted and this time Tatsuo slammed his hands on his desk and looked at his son dead in the eyes.

“You think I didn’t try?” Tatsuo was fuming. “You think I liked hiding it from you?”  Tatsuo asked and Yuta was lost for words. “I tried Yuta! I tried to give Taeyong a better life but you pushed him away! I wanted to adopt him years back, but the laws won’t allow me! I tried to care for him and provide for him but they took him to foster care and I can’t do anything!”  Tatsuo was fuming. “You think I didn’t try to tell him who we are? Specially you? Yuta you have no idea!”

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Taeyong was barely ten when his grandmother died and he was sent to his aunt. Tatsuo tried to adopt him still, trying to find loopholes in the system; even his secretary offered to help them out with adoption but she was denied too. Taeyong’s aunt was kind and she took care of Taeyong, and in return Tatsuo made sure to give them compensation.

“Tatsuo-san, I am sorry but my husband found out that you are sending money for Taeyong. I tried to hide it but it was still found out. He’s threatening me if I tell anyone but please help Taeyong out of this house, I want him safe.”  The frantic call made Tatsuo spring into action and Taeyong was put into foster care, with Tatsuo sponsoring the kid as much as he could.

But as Taeyong grew up, he refused to receive help from people who took pity of him. HE learned to work and strive on his own, and by the age eighteen, he had scored himself a full ride scholarship and a out of the foster system. Taeyong refused help from a benefactor but Tatsuo would make sure that he was taken care of, and eventually met with Johnny and Ten. The two were already friends with Taeyong when he met them through their parents, and since then had asked them to take care of Taeyong, because he couldn’t.

“He’s having a hard time, he’s running low in finances.” One of the hired guard reported to Tatsuo.

“He won’t accept any help from anyone. We tried.” Another reported.

‘There’s got to be a way.” Tatsuo mused.

“I may have a solution Nakamoto-san.” Tatsuo looked at the person who spoke and he nodded, Taeil seemed to have a plan.

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“Do you think I wanted to play around with Taeyong?” Tatsuo asked, tears b at his eyes. “I can’t help but blame myself for what his life has turned out. He lost his mother to protect my son and I can even help him.”  Tatsuo shed tears. “And you have to this one up Yuta.” Tatsuo turned his back to his son and Yuta found himself shedding silent tears.

“Why  didn’t you tell me? I could’ve treated him better.” Yuta fell on his knees and curled into himself as his actions came back to him, how he insulted the one who saved him in front of his son, His TY.

“I ed up.” Cried out and Tatsuo pulled his son into an embrace to comfort the younger. He kissed his son’s head and rubbed circles on his back to ease the pain.

“I’m sorry.” Tatsuo muttered.

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Yuta felt empty, like the day Ms. Taeyon died. He entered his penthouse and went straight to Taeyong’s empty room. The expensive gadgets were neatly placed on the desk and he knows that the kimono was stowed neatly inside the closet. But what broke his heart was the lone plushie that was sitting on top of Taeyong’s bed.

He picked up the toy and hugged it; he kissed the bunny and inhaled the lingering scent that was left behind. Yukkuri, the bunny had been named after him as TY was named after Taeyong, and he sobbed even more, falling on top of the mattress as he cried out the pain in his heart.

He was a jerk to Taeyong, he cursed his mother and had discredited him, and he can’t take them back. He had him so close yet he had to up and push Taeyong away. He would have given everything to hold Taeyong and to tell him how much he had waited to meet him. Yet it was all gone, everything won’t even bring him back and it hurts how much he had worked so hard for this day only to lose him because of his own ego.

Yuta cried harder, yet the pain did not lessen, it only got worse.

He woke up with a heavy feeling on his chest and when he blinked the sleepiness away, the reality dawned on him, how he lost Taeyong. The tears were threatening to fall once more so he took Yukkuri and dragged his body towards his room and curled up on his bed, hugging both Yukkuri and TY to somehow comfort him and his aching heart, but it only made him cry as the pain of losing TY reminded him that he was and will always be, destined to be left behind by people he care and love.

He wanted to die if living meant knowing that Taeyong hated him.

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Yuta woke up to Sicheng’s annoyed face and Hansol’s judging face. He didn’t know what time or day it was but judging by the look on his friends, he knew he was up for another lecture that he would rather skip.

“You’re an idiot!” Sicheng said but handed him a tray of food.

“I know.” Yuta groaned as he sat up. “you can just leave me let me wallow in self pity.” Yuta added.

“And let you die easily? No way.” Hansol replied.

“I can’t believe you threw away what Taeil hyung had worked on because of your stupid pride! Taeyong hyung is such a blessing.” Sicheng clicked his tongue but spoon fed Yuta nonetheless.

“I know, keep reminding me.” Yuta replied gloomily, stomach no able to handle food at the moment but still he ate because he don’t want an angry Sicheng.

“You need to get checked up Yuta.” Hansol said and Yuta shook his head.

“I am fine.” Yuta argued but Hansol just raised a brow and glared at him.

“You’ve been passed out for 2 days Yuta.” Hansol informed him and Yuta paled.

“Happy birthday Sicheng.” Yuta greeted and Sicheng sighed but thanked him.

“Eat and then we’ll go to the hospital.” Sicheng said and Yuta had no choice but to follow the younger.

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a/n: Sorry it had to be angst. And heads up for a bit more angst before we wrap this up. I am thinking of at least 2 more chapters