A Love That Is Not Together

 

Sehun × Luhan

 

 

A love that is not together is still love.

 

When you wake up in the morning and find the empty spot on the bed next to you. When you stay still for a moment because a series of memories about someone start pouring into your mind.

 

That moment, it's love.

 

When you button up your shirt, and your fingers slipped, and then you recall that someone used to do that for you swiftly. And then you smile because of remembering that person.

 

That smile, it's love.

 

When you go for a very hectic schedule of work, and you get tired sometime along the drive to a shooting site. When you look through the car's window on your right, right at the sky, and wonder what that person is doing at the moment. When you drown in silence and wonder why do the both of you have to wake on lonely beds, different cities, when you both live under the same sky.

 

That silence, it's love.

 

When you get back home, worn out and sore, and you remember that someone used to come home with you. And then you sit on the couch, closing your eyes, and start to miss the warmth that used to rest against your temple, two thumbs that used to massage them gently, accompanied with little remarks of 'Sehun-ah you must be very tired' 'just go straight to bed tonight' 'should I tell manager hyung that you're sick?'

 

That yearning, it's love.

 

Everything you do, everything you cause, everything that happens when you miss that person, it's love.

 

Because a love that is not together is still love.

 

=

 

A love that can't be together is still love.

 

When you held his hand through the busy streets. When you held the door and let him walk into the room first. When you opened up a water bottle for him because he was too tired to do it.

 

That pride you felt by doing something for him, it was love.

 

When you fell asleep in his arms, slipping into the realms of fantasy by his soothing lullaby. When you cried because you thought you weren't good enough and he wiped your tears gently, smiling as he told you that maybe you weren't the best in the world but you were his best person. When you followed him to Han River and he bought you every midnight snack there.

 

That joy you felt just by being with him, it was love.

 

When you found him slouched on the wooden floor of the practice room. When you caught him crying quietly in the bathroom because he missed home. When you saw how he hid his wound and carried on as if nothing happened.

 

That overwhelming worry you had, it was love.

 

When you watched him being at loss at what to say. When you calmly listened to him explaining why he had to leave. When you didn't say anything as he begged you to at least curse at him. When you let him walk away because you knew nothing would ever hold him in your grasp.

 

That resentment you felt more over yourself, it was love.

 

Everything you felt, everything you did to deal with the pain, everything you chose not to do because you didn't want to hurt him back, it was love.

 

Because a love that can't be together is still love.

 

=

 

In the end, love was, is, and will always be love.

 

Even if you want to erase every good memory he had gifted you, even if you want to wake up in another universe where he never barged into your life, even if you want to resent every single joy he had caused, it was love.

 

Even if you deny it over tears and alcohol, even if you hate yourself for not being able to see anyone else than him, even if you almost quit living because of the pain, it is love.

 

And even if someday you finally look at someone else, even if someday you meet him and manage to pretend that you're alright, even if someday you think it wasn't love, it will always be love.

 

Everything the both of you were, everything the both of you are, and everything the both of you will be, it will always look back to that one, innocently passionate feeling and purely ablazed flame the both of you once shared under the summer sky, in front of the building where you first met him.

 

Because in the end, love was, is, and will always be love.

 

 

[A/N]

This was written for 2016 HunHan Day.