Angel

 

Junmyeon × Yixing

 

 

‘1996’

 

=

 

The faint sounds of children his age filled his ears as he watched them playing quit far away from him. Joonmyun kept staring while he himself was squatting on the sandbox at the side of the kindergarten school building. He remembered very well that his mother had asked him to ‘make some friends’ but the thing was that, he didn’t really know how to. Everyone seemed to gather automatically. The need of socializing couldn’t come past the mind of a five years old kid.

 

“Can I play with you?”

 

Startled, Joonmyun fell bottom first on the sand, head turned around immediately to find the person who had shocked him from behind. Another kid his age was standing before him, at the edge of the sandbox, with a smile brighter than his father’s and eyes warmer than his mother’s.

 

Joonmyun, on such young age, was awestruck.

 

“Y-yes?” he stuttered.

 

The kid giggled before jumping excitedly onto the sand. “What’s your name?” the kid asked.

 

“J-Joonmyun.” he squeaked out. “And y-you?”

 

“Oh,” the kid grinned, “I’m Lay!”

 

Joonmyun repeated the weird name on his tongue. His eyes then went to notice the outfit Lay was wearing. “You don’t wear uniform?” Joonmyun asked curiously.

 

Lay blinked at him. “Uni…corn?”

 

In an instant, Joonmyun laughed melodiously. “It’s uniform!!” he giggled at Lay, who ended up laughing as well just by looking at the laughing Joonmyun. “But if you don’t wear uniform,” Joonmyun’s laughter subsided, “then where are you from?”

 

At the question, Lay stopped fiddling with the grains of sand beneath his feet. Joonmyun watched as Lay slowly looked up over the skies, which made him look up as well. He closed his eyes because the sunlight was starting to hurt his eyes. When he found Lay again, the kid was already smiling at him.

 

“It’s a secret!” Lay grinned again.

 

Joonmyun found it weird, but the moment Lay started to ask him random things, the weirdness was washed away immediately.

 

In no more than five minutes, they became best friends already.

 

Lay stretched out a hand for Joonmyun. “Let’s go!” he giggled.

 

 

‘1998’

 

=

 

“It hurts.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“You’re not sad for me?”

 

“Well I’ve told you to be careful.”

 

“But,” Joonmyun pouted, eyes teary, “it really hurts.”

 

He could see Lay’s frown slowly ceasing, and Joonmyun almost grinned triumphantly when Lay took a hold of his hand. “Promise me you’ll be careful next time.” Lay said to him. “You shouldn’t make your mom and dad worry like yesterday.”

 

“I was just very happy to go to school.” Joonmyun said sheepishly. “Were you worried?”

 

“Of course I was! I’m very worried right now too!” Lay stomped his feet, frowning again at Joonmyun. “I thought… I thought something really bad will happen to you.”

 

Somehow, just by those words, Joonmyun could feel a blast inside his chest. Seeing his best friend caring about him so much got him high. “I promise you this will not happen ag-“

 

Suddenly the door to the hospital room flew open, revealing his parents and the doctor who had treated him the day before. “Hello there, champ!” his father called. “I’m so sorry we left you alone. You weren’t scared all by yourself, right?”

 

Joonmyun stared at his parent, not knowing what to say at the moment. His gaze shifted at Lay instead, who was looking at him and his parents back and forth.

 

“Joonie? What’s with the chair, honey?” he could hear his mother asking.

 

Lay just smiled warmly at him.

 

Joonmyun blinked back at Lay. “Nothing.” he whispered. “Nothing, mom.”

 

His parents shrugged the seemingly off atmosphere above their child’s head as they went on a conversation with the doctor. Joonmyun kept his eyes on Lay all the time, despite Lay telling him to ‘act normal’ ‘don’t look at me’. Somehow it felt sad, that he was the only one who could see Lay.

 

He was seven when he accepted that no one else than him could see his best friend.

 

 

‘2001’

 

=

 

It was a cold winter day in December, and Joonmyun’s nose was almost as red as a ripe cherry. But the trembling all over his body wasn’t caused by the weather, not at all. Especially the tears that were still falling down his cheeks. Definitely wasn’t the weather.

 

“Joon,” Lay pleaded, “look at me.”

 

“No.” Joonmyun whispered. “No!” he repeated louder as he looked at his best friend again. “You’re leaving me. I’m not okay with that!”

 

Lay sighed sadly. “Joonm-“

 

“You meanie! You said we’d be friends forever! What happened with the promise?!” talking only made Joonmyun’s tears fell more. “This is ridiculous! Who said you need to go?? Who told you to leave me?? Can’t you – can’t you stay with me, like, forever??”

 

Obviously not knowing what to say to stop Joonmyun from crying, Lay only sighed in defeat. “Joon,” Lay mumbled, “forever… is just a fantasy, made by those who wanted to believe in eternity,”

 

Of course the ten years old mind didn’t understand. “I don’t know what you’re saying.” Joonmyun huffed between his sobs.

 

“I promise I’ll be just up there.” Lay brought out his index finger and pointed towards the inky black sky, where snow floated slowly from. “I’ll always look after you. Like, you know, a guardian angel!”

 

“Can’t you guard me from here instead?”

 

Lay shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

 

“But,” Joonmyun went again, “I can’t… I don’t think I can be okay if you’re not around.”

 

There was something in Lay’s eyes, something a kid Joonmyun’s age would never understand. It was there, but it appeared in the wrong moment, in front of the wrong person to see. “You will be okay.” Lay smiled, only to mumble his last words. “You won’t even remember.”

 

Joonmyun blinked at him. “W-what?”

 

“Goodbye, Joonie!” Lay chirped as he pulled Joonmyun into his arms. “You’ll be the happiest person on earth, I’ll make sure of that.”

 

The clock struck ten o’clock at night. Lay disappeared from Joonmyun’s sight.

 

When his mother called for him, he couldn’t recall what he was doing out there in the middle of the streets.

 

 

‘2005’

 

=

 

The wind at the rooftop of the school building was blowing rather harshly, messing his hair in the process. Joonmyun looked over the skies, from the calmly moving clouds to the blinding sunlight. It felt nostalgic, yet also painful at the same time.

 

Was his father there already? Behind those clouds? Or was it just a nonsense, when they said the people who loved you dearly would watch over you from the clouds once they were gone?

 

Would his father be watching him jumping over the railings of the rooftop? What would he say to him if they meet again later?

 

“Why are you here?”

 

Joonmyun snapped his head so quickly out of shock that it hurt. A boy, seemingly around his age, was standing not too far behind him. “What do you mean by why am I here?”

 

“It’s still the time for class.” the boy casually sat down next to him on the cemented surface. Joonmyun threw a rather displeased look at the boy, but when he made an eye contact with him, Joonmyun just couldn’t find the heart to despise the innocent looking face. The boy was smiling at him, not too widely, not too coldly either.

 

“Why are you here then?”

 

“Mrs. Yoo asked me to find you.” the boy shrugged. “She noticed that her golden child was not around.”

 

Joonmyun frowned. “You’re not even from my class.”

 

“I just happened to pass by in front of her on my way from the restroom.”

 

Casting the weird feeling inside his chest, Joonmyun cleared his throat and looked away. It was rude of him to be cold to the boy after he even missed his own class just to find him. “I’m Joonmyun.” he awkwardly said.

 

“I know.” the boy giggled. “I’m Yixing.”

 

“Ah,” Joonmyun finally turned to face the other boy, “the transfer student from Changsa?”

 

Yixing laughed. “You could’ve remembered China but you said Changsa instead.” he the nodded. “Yes, that’s me.”

 

“Nice to meet you, new kid.”

 

“Nice to meet you too, Student Council’s Prez.”

 

Two weeks after that day, the routine of them spending their lunch time on the rooftop would be established.

 

 

‘2008’

 

=

 

“Joon, it’s the seventh time you play this song, can we change it?” Yixing whined.

 

“Excuse you, Mirotic is the best song mankind ever made and I’m gonna enjoy it as much as I can.” Joonmyun dramatically said. “Besides you were the one who begged me to share my earphone with you.”

 

“Now I regret it. Changmin’s scream would be in my nightmare later.”

 

Joonmyun laughed loudly, so loud his jaw hurt. Yixing laughed along with him, and in that moment, Joonmyun suddenly thought of three years ago, when he was so sure he would never laugh freely like this again, ever since his father’s death. He also never thought he would see his mother’s genuine smile again, before he brought Yixing home for a dinner. Somehow Yixing became Joonmyun’s best friend along the way, became his mother’s source of entertainment and the replacement of the individual she couldn’t give love to anymore. Somehow Yixing became another important part in his life, and Joonmyun thanked the heavens for sending him such a great companion.

 

If his theory was right, maybe it was his father who had asked the angels to send Yixing to him.

 

“Hey.” Yixing’s voice woke him from the trance. “Don’t you think it’s the time to go home? The sun is setting and the way back home is quite long.”

 

“Mom already gave us the permission to stay the night here anyway.”

 

“You really don’t want to let her sleep alone, right?”

 

Joonmyun pouted. “You’re right.”

 

“Let’s go then.” Yixing stood up from the sand they’ve been spending their time on. The sea before their eyes gleamed under the evening sun. “I’m hungry.”

 

Standing up as well, Joonmyun faced Yixing, who was waiting for him to start walking. “Xing?”

 

“Hm?”

 

‘Thank you for being my friend. For cheering me up whenever I’m down. For understanding me in ways no one ever did. For finding me at that rooftop three years ago.’ Joonmyun wanted to say all of those, but he was too shy for his own good, thus he shifted his gaze over the evening sky instead. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” he said instead. “The sky.”

 

“Yeah.” Yixing whispered behind him. “Beautiful.”

 

In that seventeen seconds of him looking up at the skies, he had missed how Yixing’s eyes never left him.

 

 

‘2010’

 

=

 

Yixing stared at Joonmyun, who was standing in front of him nervously, waiting for him to speak.

 

“Well,” Yixing finally gave in, “I… love you too, buddy. You’re like, more than my biological brother, if I ever had one.”

 

Joonmyun blinked at him. “I meant – I mean,”

 

“Why so sudden, though?” Yixing mustered up a smile. “It’s like you’re going somewhere far away and are saying your last words to me.”

 

“Xing, it wasn’t – “ Joonmyun sighed in frustration, “forget it, just pretend that I didn’t say a thing.”

 

“But why?” Yixing giggled. “You said you love me, so I’m saying that I love you too, dude.”

 

“Yeah yeah. We love each other. Mom loves you too. Even that kid Sehun in your dance class loves you too.”

 

“Everybody loves me, I know it.”

 

It was an unsaid rule, bestowed upon him before he descended onto the Earth to help Joonmyun find his true happiness.

 

He must not cause something that would affect Joonmyun’s life for a quite long period of time.

 

“Hey,” Yixing called, “do you know Bae Joohyun, that very pretty girl from classic music class?”

 

He must not involve himself into such relationship with his human.

 

“Hm? What about her?” Joonmyun asked nonchalantly.

 

His task was to help Joonmyun find his true happiness, not to be Joonmyun’s happiness instead.

 

“Well, she said she needs help with her music sheets. Classic music is your expertise, right?” Yixing smiled. “Do you think you can help her?”

 

Because even after all he had done for his human, in the end he was never meant to meddle with his life any further.

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

Even if his love was the one which was the most worthy to be Joonmyun’s happiness, it was never meant for Yixing to stay by Joonmyun’s side forever.

 

 

‘2012’

 

=

 

“You’re not mad, right?”

 

“What? Of course not.” Yixing said. “I’m just confused about who should I ask to come with me to the public service now.”

 

Joonmyun looked genuinely guilty. Yixing chuckled at him. “I’m so sorry Xing.”

 

“Dude, this is your first date. Nothing should ruin it.” Yixing grinned. “Besides, it’s Joohyun we’re talking about. She’s like the prettiest girl in the campus; don’t you waste your chance to go out with her.”

 

“Well, I want to go out with her because she seems nice, not because of her looks.” Joonmyun huffed. “And because you were the one who set me up with her.”

 

Yixing smiled. “Only the most beautiful things for Kim Joonmyun.”

 

“Yeah, I can see that.” Joonmyun grinned. “You’re one of those things.”

 

“I’m gonna hit you with this book.”

 

“Thank you so much Xing!” Joonmyun immediately stood up from where he had knelt down before to avoid Yixing’s wrath. “I will never forget your kindness, Master Zhang. I will have a very great date and tell you the details tomorrow!”

 

“Perish from my sight, son.”

 

From the door of the library, Joohyun waved shyly at Yixing. He waved back with an encouraging smile before he turned to watch Joonmyun running slightly towards his date. Joonmyun and Joohyun looked so beautiful together. As he said, only beautiful things for Kim Joonmyun.

 

And he knew he was not one of them.

 

Even after that, as he was at the rooftop of the campus building, screaming to the skies, he knew he was not one of them.

 

“Why??” he screamed. “Why did You send me here?? Why did You make me leave him only to come back to him again and suffer like this?! I –” he fell down on his knees, sobbing, clutching his chest right where his heart had beat.

 

Because he had made sure that everything beautiful in Kim Joonmyun’s life would stay.

 

“I never wanted this pain,” he whispered brokenly, “I never wanted this heartbreak!”

 

And his time was going to end soon.

 

“Why… why did You let me fall in love with him?”

 

After screaming about the same thing for twenty one times, he finally realized, his time was going to end soon.

 

 

‘2014’

 

=

 

‘Why?’

 

He stood before the nervous Joonmyun. His best friend kept on seeking for his gaze, and when their eyes met, he smiled at him encouragingly. Joonmyun smiled as well.

 

‘Why am I still here?’

 

He watched as Joohyun walked down the aisle, in a simple yet beautiful white wedding dress, with the most graceful look on her face. He caught Joonmyun tearing up. He patted his best friend’s shoulder.

 

‘I have done my task. He is happy now.’

 

They both exchanged vows. Yixing kept watching, until it was his cue as the best man to deliver the wedding rings to the couple. They exchanged rings, a few sweet and touching words, and then a sweet kiss. Yixing looked away.

 

‘He found love. He found his happiness.’

 

Joonmyun reached to him in such a short moment before walking back to the aisle with Joohyun. “Xing,” he whispered, “you remember our trip to the beach when we were seventeen?”

 

Yixing wasn’t sure what to answer. “What about it?”

 

“What I wanted to say, was,” Joonmyun bit his lips before he spoke again, “thank you, for being by my side in every important moment of my life. You are also an important moment. Thank you, for going from my best friend to my best man.”

 

“Always, Joon.” Yixing smiled. “Always.”

 

‘But why am I still here? My task is done already. When will I get to leave?’

 

Joohyun was about to do the tradition of throwing the bouquet of flower backwards. Everyone was waiting. Yixing silently slipped out of the crowd.

 

‘What did I do wrong? What did I do to get this punishment? How many times have I begged You to take me away because I can’t deal with this anymore? Why did You never listen to my pleas?’

 

A bouquet of twenty three stalks of red roses was thrown. Yixing threw his heart away, watched it fall on the pavement, and crushed it until there was no piece left of it.

 

“Please,” Yixing whispered as he closed his eyes, holding his tears, “take me away.”

 

 

‘2016’

 

=

 

“Please,” Joonmyun whispered, lips pressed against his twined fingers, “don’t take her away.”

 

There were just the two of them in the hospital hall, in front of the OR’s doors. Yixing gathered Joonmyun into his arms. Joonmyun’s limbs surrendered like a sack, tears kept on falling, damping Yixing’s sweater. He wasn’t even sobbing; the tears just fell on their own.

 

“What should I do, Xing?” Joonmyun said lifelessly. “If she leaves me, what should I do?”

 

Yixing didn’t answer, for he didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he was able to pick up the broken pieces of Joonmyun’s heart again.

 

For three nights, Joohyun was kept in the ICU. Joonmyun had turned into a lifeless shell of a human. Yixing couldn’t watch it anymore.

 

“If she gets the matching heart donor, she might have above eighty percent chance to survive.”

 

“Might?” Yixing frowned.

 

Dr. Park shook his head. “I’m sure she will survive.”

 

For two hours, Yixing kept on staring at the inky black sky. In that moment, somehow he smiled, although tears started to pool on his eyes. Clutched in his hand was the registration card of organ donor.

 

“Is this it?” he asked the skies. “Is this my way out?”

 

The horrible crash went blurred by seconds. The process of the life leaving his body was almost unnoticed by himself.

 

His heart was immediately collected and brought to the OR, where Joohyun’s body was waiting for its new life pumper.

 

As he watched his human heart residing inside Joohyun’s ribcage, he kept on asking himself if it was the right thing to do.

 

And when he saw the happiest look Joonmyun ever had on his face after Dr. Park informed that his wife survived, he knew three things.

 

First, it was the right thing to do.

 

Second, it really was his way out of his misery.

 

And third, his task to help Joonmyun find his true happiness was finally completed.

 

“Someday, Joon,” Yixing whispered, “someday.”

 

He just hoped Joonmyun won’t be too sad about his ‘death’.

 

 

‘2081’

 

=

 

Yixing stares at the sleeping old man on the pod bed. The hospital room is noticeably quiet, except for the beeping sound from the electrocardiography machine. He then turns to face the side of the wall that is fully made from clear glass, enjoying the view outside.

 

When he shifts his gaze to the pod bed again, the old man’s eyes are already opened, looking at him.

 

“J-Joonmyun,” Yixing calls, nervous out of sudden. Because what would Joonmyun say? Does he remember him? Does he remember Zhang Yixing? If he does, will he wonder what is he doing here?

 

But then old Joonmyun gasped softly, “Lay…?”

 

Yixing brings a hand to cup his mouth, to prevent himself from bursting out in sobs.

 

“Lay? Is that really you?” Joonmyun asks, a smile on his lips. “My childhood friend!”

 

“Yes, Joon.” Yixing smiles back at him, holding back his tears. “I’m Lay.”

 

“Why are you here?” Joonmyun asks more. “Doing your job, as my guardian angel?”

 

Yixing stares at Joonmyun. “Y-you remember??”

 

Joonmyun grins, wrinkles appearing on his features. “As clear as the sunlight, my dear friend.”

 

Not even bothering to hold it any longer, Yixing breaks into sobs, right next to the pod bed. He falls on his knees, head resting at the edge of the bed, right where Joonmyun’s hand immediately reaches out to pat it.

 

“I’ve missed you, buddy.” Joonmyun whispers.

 

“I’m sorry.” Yixing croaks out. “I’m so sorry for leaving you.”

 

They both drown in silence, accompanied by Yixing’s occasional sobs. “It’s an honor,” Joonmyun whispers again, “to be on my last moments, with the best companion I’ve ever known.”

 

Yixing looks up. “Are you ready to leave?”

 

“Will you walk me there?”

 

“That’s actually why I’m here.” Yixing chuckles, wiping his tears. “I’m here to pick you up.”

 

“Then,” Joonmyun grins as he closes his eyes, “I have nothing to wait for.”

 

The long beeping sound turns monotone, and Yixing stands up slowly. He turns around, and right before the glass wall, his love is already standing, smiling at him. Youthful, beautiful, just like in their glory days.

 

Yixing stretches out a hand for Joonmyun. “Let’s go.” he grins.