Heartbreak

 

Chanyeol × Baekhyun

 

 

Heartbreak is a dangerous thing; it could kill.

 

=

 

He feels light. Too light. As if he’s lying on clouds.

 

His sight is blurry. He sees lights, and then blacks, greys and oranges. As he focuses more, he makes out the outline of a car. White van. Ambulance?

 

He slowly gains his senses back, although his head still feels light. Under his fingertips, he touches the surface he is lying on. Asphalt. He’s lying on a street.

 

His chest feels awful. It hurts so much.

 

The noises are coming into his ears. Sounds of sirens, people shouting here and there, they all are jumbling into his ears all at once.

 

He tries to recall what happened. The last thing he can recall was that he was on his motorcycle. In such speed. He was from a ceremony. A wedding ceremony.

 

Baekhyun.

 

=

 

Chanyeol stood nervously before the altar.

 

As he was wondering how long it will take until Baekhyun appears, the very said person came from the enormous door, walking down the aisle, slowly towards him.

 

And as he watched Baekhyun wearing the happiest smile on his face while walking to him, Chanyeol threw back his mind to the day when he first realized that he loved Baekhyun. It had felt like so many years ago, maybe it indeed was many years ago. For the longest time, he had loved Baekhyun so carelessly, deeply, as if he couldn’t see anyone else than the petite man on the aisle in front of him.

 

Baekhyun was radiant. He was shining brightly on this wonderful day of marriage, and everyone was enchanted by how beautiful he looked in that crisp white suite, decorated with red rose hanging on the pocket. Chanyeol always found Baekhyun to be beautiful, but he never thought Baekhyun would be more beautiful than he already has been.

 

When Baekhyun finally arrived right in front of him, he unknowingly extended a hand for the other man to reach. Baekhyun looked a little bit caught off guard at first, before he grinned sheepishly at Chanyeol and delightfully took the hand. He then stopped in front of Chanyeol.

 

“Yeol, do I look good?” Baekhyun asked breathlessly.

 

“More.” Chanyeol whispered. “More than good.”

 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “You gigantic cheese.”

 

“Hey,” Chanyeol called softly, with voice so low only Baekhyun can hear him, “do you remember six months ago, when I told you that I love you?”

 

The delighted look on Baekhyun’s face slowly faded away.

 

“Hold up, just listen,” Chanyeol lifted a hand, “listen to me.”

 

Baekhyun did wait for what Chanyeol wanted to say. Chanyeol gulped down before he forced himself to be ready. This was the only chance for him to say it, the only chance for him to end it all, once for all. He was not going to hang on such thin thread forever. He needed to let go.

 

Steadying his breath, Chanyeol started off.

 

“That time, I was just joking.”

 

Chanyeol forced a smile. “I mean, yeah, I do love you, but you took it the wrong way.”

 

Baekhyun still looked at him.

 

“I’m saying this just to make you stop looking at me with guilt whenever you think I don’t look at you. I know all along, Baek. But to clear things up, I was just joking. I mean, of course I love you,”

 

Baekhyun’s frown started to show.

 

“you’re my brother, it’s bound to be. Brothers love each other, right?”

 

“Yes.” Baekhyun whispered back at him.

 

“Maybe I was just upset that you’re going to be married, which means that you’re going to live with your spouse and leave me alone. I was in a trance. We’ve been in the same house ever since we were eight, Baek. You can’t expect me to just be okay with living alone without you in that enormous house.”

 

Since when did he become so good at faking?

 

“Gosh, Yeol, why are you only telling me this now?” Baekhyun looked genuinely worried. “Hey, we’ll still meet often, seriously. Mom will ask you to drive her to my new house at least once a week. We can go out at night for drinks and stuffs. You won’t lose me, okay?”

 

Chanyeol forced another smile. The only thing he could fool Baekhyun with was this thing. “Okay.”

 

“I love you too, Yeol. I love you, brother.”

 

Even nodding felt painful, because those words were spoken in the way he didn’t wish them to be.

 

“The bride is here.”

 

Both Chanyeol and Baekhyun turned to the direction where bride came in. Taeyeon, the bride, looked more gorgeous than usual. This was a perfect wedding, with perfect decorations and perfect groom and bride.

 

Chanyeol wanted to scream.

 

“Best man may take his place.” someone announced. Baekhyun laughed as he ushered Chanyeol to stand behind him.

 

“I’m your best man.” Chanyeol said out of the blue. “I’m your best man, right, Baek?”

 

Baekhyun looked confused with the question. Nonetheless, he nodded with a wide grin. “Yes. You’re my best man.”

 

=

 

Maybe that’s enough.

 

To be the best man in Baekhyun’s life, it should be enough for him.

 

Yet it wasn’t enough for him to prevent himself from sprinting out of the church after Baekhyun had exchanged his vows with Taeyeon. It wasn’t enough to stop himself from getting on his motorcycle and immediately roaring the engine to life and riding it in such speed. It wasn’t enough to remind himself that he could get killed if he kept being careless.

 

It wasn’t enough to keep his will on living.

 

=

 

Heartbreak is a dangerous thing; it could kill.

 

Chanyeol never believed in such ridiculous thing. Heartbreak is just an emotion triggered by another emotion. Maybe some people ended up needing psychological help to get through it, but it shouldn’t be to the extent that it killed them.

 

Yet now that he’s sprawled on the asphalt, slowly taking his last breaths, he finally understands.

 

Heartbreak really is a dangerous thing. It can make you feel so unworthy of everything to the point you don’t see the purpose of going on.

 

It really kills him in the end, and he only has himself to blame. He was the one who fell in love with Baekhyun. He was the one who committed the sin. And he was the one who caused the doom on his own self.

 

He just hopes Baekhyun won’t experience it, the heartbreak.

 

=

 

‘I… I love you, Baek.’

 

‘I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.’

 

‘Wait, Baek – ‘

 

‘Stop there, Yeol.’

 

‘I – ‘

 

‘You can’t love me, Yeol. It’s not supposed to go that way.’

 

‘Then why are you so worked up if it won’t work in the end??’

 

‘…’

 

‘Baek – ‘

 

‘We’re not meant to be together, Park Chanyeol, I’m your brother. We are never going to talk about this again. You get it?’