A Guy Who Loves You

 

Sehun × Kyungsoo

 

 

There’s a guy who loves you.

 

He can love you better, he will love you better.

 

=

 

He was the one who found you inside that practice room, slumped against the mirror wall, crying, choking on your own sobs.

 

He went to you, gathered you in his arms, and just held you tight because he was like that too when the person he had loved so much left him. He didn’t say anything, he just kept patting your back gently as you clung onto him as if he was your lifeline. And maybe he indeed was. He would never know what could’ve happened if only he didn’t find you that night. Death by heartbreak seemed possible for him, thus he was scared you were going to slip away just like that.

 

He was the one who sat down with you, three days after that night, in the morning with cups of hot coffee in your hands.

 

He listened to how you mourned about that person. Jongin, that fool. You kept asking rhetorically, if you ever did wrong to Jongin that he suddenly decided that you guys weren’t meant to be together. You kept wondering if it was all just a dream when Jongin had held you in his arms for so many years. You said that life was so cruel, one second it was beautiful and then it crashed down like a meteor, burning everything around.

 

He was the one who prevented you from crying in front of that fool.

 

He pulled you right away the moment the two of you noticed that Jongin was there with her. The girl he had left you for. He pulled you away from that scene, although it was too late because you already saw the both of them. You trembled in rage and resentment, and he had embraced you tightly again, blocking your eyes from seeing anything that could make you sad. In that moment, he had wished he was brave enough to be the mean one, to punch Jongin in the face because hadn’t they learnt from him already? Hadn’t they learnt from his own case with Luhan that ditching someone you love was not the wisest decision?

 

=

 

There’s a guy who loves you.

 

He can love you better, he will love you better.

 

=

 

He was the one you made happy, when you started to see him in the way you never thought you could see him in.

 

He kept suppressing his smile as he waited for you to finish cooking his favorite dish. He felt the warmth he never thought he would ever find again as he looked at you looking at him. He felt the happiest when you gradually talked less about that fool and asked about your days instead. He was the most prideful when he could see you depending on him for mental support. He was more than glad whenever you looked for him.

 

He was the one who swore to protect you the moment you surrendered yourself for him.

 

He intertwined your trembling fingers with his, whispered your name softly into your ears as he guided the both of you to reach the pleasure you both sought. He waited whenever you tensed, he kissed your temple when you felt ready. He caught your lips with his when you voiced out your peak, swallowing all of your feelings down his throat. He held you tightly in his arms as you fell asleep out of exhaustion, noticing how radiant your face was as you snuggled against his chest. He felt so proud of himself because he was able to make you happy, although he didn’t know for how long.

 

He was the one who didn’t say a thing when you doubted.

 

He took your hand in his and told you it was fine, you needed time, he understood, everything was going to be alright. He didn’t tell you how broken his heart was when you acknowledged the night you both shared together was something that shouldn’t have happened. All he thought about was to make you feel comfortable around him, to make you feel secured, to keep you close to him. He sacrificed his feelings just to give you choices.

 

=

 

There’s a guy who loves you.

 

He can love you better, he will love you better.

 

=

 

He was the one who had punched that fool’s face without you knowing.

 

He punched that fool although it made his heart pained because that fool was also his best friend. He had screamed series of profanities at that fool, asking what was that fool thinking that he left you like that. It ruined their relationship, and although he had regretted the way in had ended, he didn’t regret that he had made his own decision. He told that fool not to bother you again. See, he was on your side; he was always on your side.

 

He was the one whose heart you kept on breaking.

 

He watched as you kept wasting your nights on alcohol. He watched as you changed the alcohol to cigarettes because you started to worry about your liver. He watched as you started hurting yourself because ruining your lungs wasn’t enough. He watched as you sliced that cutter against your wrist, he watched as you did it without a single wince. He cried, and cried, under the frame of the bathroom door. He cried. And he felt useless because it was the only thing he could do.

 

He was the one who came too late, that morning you died.

 

He didn’t know. He had thought you’ve got better because the night before, you smiled at him and said that you were done moping for that fool. He didn’t know what you meant. As he walked through the crowd and police officers surrounding that spot on the side of Han River, finding that spot on the railings where you had jumped from a few hours before, he kept asking himself what did he miss, what did he fail to see on your face the last time he saw you that night. He cried again, on his knees. He cried because in the end, no one, not even him, was able to make you see the light again.

 

=

 

There was a guy who loved you.

 

That guy still loves you.

 

There was a guy who loved you.

 

I could’ve loved you better. I would’ve loved you better.