After that incident, Jin and I barely see each other. It’s almost back to the “lonely, Jin-less” life. He still eats breakfast with me, but stays at work until dawn. He never forgets to text me that he’ll be late and that I should eat dinner without him, though.

It’s been nearly two weeks when I get a call from Grace. She and Jimin still kept in touch, and we met occasionally. I pick up the phone.

“Hello?” I say.

“(y/n), I don’t know what to do,” her voice slightly shakes.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“...” There’s a pause and I ask again, “What is it?”

“...Jimin asked me out,” she says after a while. Jimin?! That shy boy?! Oh my goodness I think I'm smiling a little too hard right now.

“And..?” I try to hide my excitement.

“I don’t know if I should say yes,” is the response.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“I think I do… but what if things go wrong and then I can’t even be friends with him after that?” Grace says and I can tell she’s thinking deeply about this. I smile.

“Oh come on,” I assure her, “You two have been friends for the longest time. You’re perfect for each other. So stop worrying and get him before you lose him.”

“...do you think so?”

“Yes!”

“Okay. Let me give it one more thought though,” Grace says. I tell her that that’s fine, and that I totally ship #JIMACE. She laughs and we soon say goodbye.

Well that’s some good news I haven’t heard in awhile. I can’t help but giggle at the two of them. I know they’re my friends but they would make the cutest couple. I sigh and remember on the other hand how things aren’t progressing with Jin and me. I guess work is holding him back, and I can’t say anything to that. I turn on the TV.

Suga appears on the screen doing a performance and I get excited again. He’s so beautiful. I then notice his hair is back to black. I smile at how well it suits him but it brings up Jin, who also changed his hair to black a few weeks ago.

Because of what I said: “But I like black haired men better.” It brings a grin on my face everytime I think about it.

It’s already night and I find myself doing the usual: going to bed after texting Jin.

Don’t stay up too late, and good night.

***

When I wake up, I see the usual sight of Jin making breakfast. He looks rather down, and I walk towards him.

“Good morning,” I say as cheerfully as I can.

“Hey,” he says back. He doesn’t even look at me.

“What’re you making today?” I ask as I peep over his shoulder.

“French toast,” he replies. I nod and help set up the table. After being seated, I glance at Jin, who’s silently eating. He doesn’t say a word and his face looks so depressed I’m scared to ask him what’s wrong.

After Jin leaves for work, I do the dishes and begin to clean the house. I’m halfway done when I get a call. It’s Mother.

“Hello,” I say.

“(y/n)! How are you?” she asks.

“I’m well, and you?”

“I’m fine as well. How is Jin doing?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” I say honestly, “He’s been coming home late and has a rather gloomy attitude.”

“It’s just as what I thought,” Mother says quietly.

“Pardon?”

“You see, it’s almost Jin’s...real mother’s death anniversary,” she says slowly. “I don’t know if he’s told you yet, but I’m not his real mom.”

“He did tell me,” I reply as politely as I can.

“He always overworks himself and becomes moody whenever this time of year comes. I thought maybe marrying you would make a difference, but I guess not.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say. I feel guilty. I should have known. So that’s why he’s been so blue these past few weeks. But I’m also saddened by what Mother said at the end: how marrying me didn’t make a difference.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Mother says reassuringly, breaking up my thoughts. We soon tell each other to continue to keep in touch before ending the call.  

I sit on the couch for quite a long time. I now know why Jin’s been so down and why he’s staying at work for so long. His mother’s death must have been really painful. It breaks my heart to see him hurting and wonder if there’s anything I can do.

***

*Jin’s Perspective*

    “Do you love me?” (y/n)’s voice echoes in my ear. I couldn’t bring myself to answer her. I really don’t know the answer to that question.

    “Could you love me?” her voice echoes again and I shake my head. Could I?

    My business-like mind starts to clear things up for me as I recall all the moments I had with (y/n).

First of all, she’s easy to talk to and her smile is what’s breathtaking. Before I even realize, I find myself doing all I can to keep that beautiful smile on her face.

Second of all, when she says something, I pay attention to try to remember what she claims she enjoys or hates. I’ve come to learn how similar our tastes are, and even our differences I’m starting to grow fond of.

Third of all, I find myself feeling upset when she’s with another guy or even when she smiles at that Suga, whom I am never going to hire as our company mall’s model.

Fourthly, I think I look forward to meal times with her because I get to see her pretty face eat something I made.

Fifthly, I remember the times I held her hand. My heart beats faster every time.

Sixthly, I hate the thought of her suffering; I support the idea of her going to college, which I think is what she wants, but then I’m scared that I won’t get to see her as often or that some college guy is going to ask her out. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Seventhly, I find myself holding back every time her tempting lips glow at me. Is that even normal? The list goes on and all of these point to the fact that I certainly liked her. But love her? A part of me wants to believe that I do.

I just can’t use the word “love” easily. But then again, if I do love her, I guess it’s stupid to try to deny it. I’m not going to lie; I’m seriously scared of what would happen if I were ever to lose anyone I loved again. Mom was enough. She was the one who showed me what love was and her death was, needless to say, agonizingly painful. I can’t bear to experience that again. I guess that’s why I’m afraid I’ll love (y/n) so much I won’t be able to survive without her.

“Seokjin,” my mom’s voice rings through my ears. I look at the calendar and slowly run my fingers along the 19th. My mom’s death anniversary. Although it’s been 12 years since she left, I find myself grieving more each year. I always try to overwork or do anything to keep my mind off of her. This year I have (y/n) by my side, and yet I’m such a coward to even depend on her for comfort. I’m scared to love, remember?

It’s 1 am. I quickly grab my keys and leave the office. It’s pouring down rain by the time I step outside. I don’t remember the forecast saying it’ll rain, so I assume it’s a rain shower. I laugh at how the skies match my mood and decide to walk for awhile. I get drenched by the shower and I stare out into the river that flows through the city. I close my eyes. I hope I get sick so I really won’t be able to worry about anything.

By the time I walk back to my car, the rain ceases and so do my tears.

***

*Back to (y/n)’s perspective the next morning)*

I wake up to my alarm and double check to see if it’s 5 am. It is. I get up and after putting my hair up in a high ponytail, I walk to the kitchen to start making breakfast. I want to do at least that for Jin. As I’m getting out the eggs, I hear a soft moan. I turn to see Jin stirring on the couch.

“Jin?” I walk towards him and notice his breathing is heavy. I reach out my hand and I’m surprised his hair is damp with sweat and his pale face is even whiter. I touch his forehead, and sure enough, it’s burning up. I quickly get a cold towel to place on his head. He shivers and I wince. How did he get so sick? He knits his eyebrows and his breathing gets heavier as if he’s having a nightmare.

I remember today’s date. The 18th.

Mother mentioned tomorrow is the day of his mom’s death. My eyes go back to Jin, who continues to moan and breathe heavily. I place my hand on his face and his hair.

“Seokjin,” I say softly. His face relaxes.

“Seokjin,” I repeat as I place my hand on the towel on his forehead. The towel is already lukewarm so I take it off, my eyes still fixed on Jin. Just as I turn to get more ice water for it, a hand grabs mine.

I turn to see Jin taking my hand and placing it on his eyes. His hand remains on mine and all I can do is sit next to him in silence. After about a minute, Jin removes my hand and opens his eyes. He slowly sits up, not letting go of my hand. Our eyes meet and his dark eyes take me in. Before I can say anything, Jin leans forward and buries his head into my neck. His constant breathing tickles me.

“Can you say that again?” he whispers in my ear. I gently push him away from me so that I can see his face.

I his hair and repeat, “Seokjin.”

Jin doesn’t say anything but looks at me with soft eyes. In return, I take in his damp, black hair and pale face, along with his colorless lips. Why is he so attractive even when he’s sick? The only thing I hear is our steady breathing, and it’s as if we’re challenging each other to be the first to break the silence. He continues to stare at me with such an affectionate gaze I can’t help but lean in and kiss him.

“...”

His hot lips briefly brush against mine as I pull myself away. What have I done? Jin’s eyes get large for a second before turning soft again. He then leans towards me and his face is inches away from mine when his hand grabs my shoulders and pulls me closer towards him. I close my eyes but soon hear Jin softly laugh.

“Don’t tempt me,” I feel his hot breath against my neck. “I told you I’m not going to do anything that might get you sick.”

“...well get better soon,” I say back, looking away. I use a hand to fan my heated face and Jin laughs as he lets go of me. A part of me can’t help feel disappointed, though. I mean, I already kissed him so I’ll probably get sick anyway. Why’d he stop….wait what am I saying? No, (y/n). You stop.

“I’ll call to inform you won’t be going to work today,” I say, quickly changing the subject as I start to get up.

“Thanks,” Jin murmurs as he yanks my arm, making me fall next to him. On the couch. And it’s not that big. He wraps his arms around me and I feel my cooled down face heating up again. We lay there for a minute when I find myself telling him I can’t call if he holds me down like this.

“Yes you can,” he says with his eyes closed.

“I’m going to get sick,” I remind him as I feel his wool shirt rub against the tip of my nose. Jin sighs after a moment before letting me go. I quickly get up in hopes he won’t hear my fast beating heart. I then call Stacy, Jin’s secretary, to let her know he’s ill and unable to go to work.

“Thank you for letting me know. Hope he gets better,” she says and we hang up. I walk back towards Jin, who is already asleep and I realize the couch is no place for a sick person.

“Seokjin,” I say, smiling at how I can say his real name. He opens one eye and I gently pull his arm. “Sleep on the bed; it’s warmer.”

Jin silently obeys. He slowly gets up and grabs his blanket and pillow as I pull his arm towards the room. I smile at the sight; he looks like a huge puppy. Or a huge kid. Or something of that kind that’s just as adorable. After I tuck him in bed, I walk to the kitchen and begin to make some porridge. I hum a mellow tune.

It’s the first time Jin--or Seokjin and I spend the entire day together.

***

Author's Notes:

I wasn't going to include an author's note for this chapter, but I had to. Because...

My (y/n) and KIM SEOKJIN finally kissed! XDDDDD (congrats to the JIMACE couple too lol)

I'm telling you, my (y/n) is so bold, making the first move hahaha I can see Seokjin's blush all the way from here (I have no idea what I'm saying; I'm just very excited LOLS).

AND that awkward moment when you realize you have more Suga gifs than Jin gifs in your Jin story HAHAHAHA

I don't know how that happened but... I couldn't find as many for Jin (UHUHU).

Anyway, this week we're going to finish up JINNIE JIN and I want to thank all of you once again for reading!

MUCH LOVE <3