Jungkook didn’t mind hurting people.

They’d always hurt him, so why should he care about them? Instead of giving a , why not just use them for his own good? They pretty much ate up everything he did anyways, so why not just play around with them?

That was the mindset he’d had for a long time, just as a wall for his own emotions. He was supposed to be this beautiful, powerful person that everyone envied and at the same time looked up to. But it wasn’t like he wanted that, he was forced into it. That’s just the way his life was, trying to keep up an image that wasn’t true. Pretending like he didn’t care about what people thought of him.

But keeping up that image was also an excuse just to hide, to be an ; protect himself from the people around him.

He didn’t like looking weak, because he knew how easily people took advantage of that. When he was younger, before he realized what world he was really apart of, that was his brother’s intention. To shame him for being weak, frail and afraid, his brother fed off his fear, used it for his own good.

But things went too far and his actions eventually made him estranged from the family. There was something so much more wrong with him than just his dislike for Jungkook, and his parents didn’t want any part of it. They wanted the perfect child, a golden boy, but Haneul was tarnished. So he was forced to leave, and Jungkook stayed on his own from when he was young.

He never even had his parents by his side to support him, always someone else taking care of him and they were never around long enough for him to make an actual connection. So he stayed alone, forced himself to stop being weak and afraid, because he didn’t want anyone to take advantage of him again.

Except Haneul was still always the one who could get the better of him.

Jungkook would never put anyone over himself. But on the inside, he wished someone would help him. He wished someone would go out of their way and give a about him for once, but they never did.

That’s how he built that wall, just to not care about anyone else because they didn’t care about him. That’s why he started dating all of those girls, just as an excuse to hurt people just like they hurt him. It felt good to have power and he didn’t think anything could destroy his confidence; but then his emotions started to change.

He tried to push it away, ignore it. But they kept raking his insides and he was starting to get scared again. What would people think of him if they found out about this? If anyone found out, they’d tear him down, use his weakness against him again.

Then he’d be isolated.

The fear of being alone was what Jungkook had been trying to escape from for so long.

It was starting to crack his exterior, break his shell. But Jungkook just needed to hold onto what he had for a little longer, just ignore it and hide who he was. If no one knew; they wouldn’t leave him. So he kept going, just pretending to be someone he wasn’t. It was so much easier that way.

But then he met Taehyung.

This overprotective who wouldn’t let him go two feet near his sister.

He hated him, thought he was annoying. But there was also something intriguing about him too, how much he put others over himself, how passionate he was about protecting his sister. When Jungkook looked at him sometimes, he kind of saw the person that he wished to be. But also someone that he wanted so badly in his life.

A person that would never give up on him no matter what, a person that would never leave him alone, a person that accepted him. And he had nothing, no parents, no established foundation, only his sister and his friends, but still; he fought so hard for her.

A brother who loved his sister so much, to the point he’d get hurt for her, dedicate his whole to her.

And what did Jungkook have? A brother who wanted to hurt him, then abandoned him. Parents who were never around to care for him.

They were so different, but at the same time they were so similar. They both had something to hide, they were both alone, and they both just wanted to be happy; but they couldn’t.

Taehyung put others over himself.

Jungkook put himself over others.

How could you be happy like that?

But Jungkook was fine with not being happy as long as he wasn’t alone.

Yuna was only just another shield. In a way he was giving up, he was becoming tired of pretending in front of the people at his school. He just needed something to hold onto until he left. But his plan was bull and he’d already knew it himself, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care until he realized he was hurting the one person that didn’t deserve to be hurt in all this.

Jungkook envied Taehyung and his envy pushed his motive. But there was a point when his envy turned into something else.

When he saw him crying in the washroom; Jungkook wanted to protect him.

Someone who only did good, who was just trying to protect his sister-he didn’t deserve to be hurt. But from the start, Jungkook knew why he was being targeted; because of him. No matter what he tried to do, Taehyung was always hurt because of him.

Jungkook fell in love knowing he’d be the reason they fell apart.

He was still too much of a coward to reveal who he was. So he used Taehyung to heal himself and he used Yuna to hide behind; a win, win. Even though he thought he was doing the best for him and Taehyung; he was still just thinking about himself. And that only killed Taehyung, put him in the worst position a person could be in.

To choose his happiness over his own family.

It was clear before just how much he was suffering like Jungkook, but the only person keeping him stable was Yuna. And Jungkook took that from him through his own selfishness. He could see it in his eyes when he looked at him.

“I hate you!”

Jungkook was the bad guy all along.

Someone that just wanted to be loved and accepted, was hurting the only person that truly loved and accepted him.

He wouldn’t do it anymore.

He wanted Taehyung to be happy, and he couldn’t be happy when he was with him. Not unless something changed.

“We could stop being ing cowards and face the world around us.”

Maybe one day.

But Jungkook wasn’t ready.

This was the one time he was going to put someone over himself.

He stopped in the doorway and turned back towards him. Trying to resist the urge to go back and hold him in his arms again, kiss his lips; just one more time.

But he didn’t.

He took in a shaky breath.

“Bye.” He whispered.

**

They drove back home in uncomfortable silence. Jungkook’s knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel too hard and the tension in the car was overwhelming. Breaking away from Yuna meant he’d be out of Taehyung’s life for good. It was the best thing he could do for him, but it was also the hardest thing.

Yuna glanced over then. “Was Taehyung OK when you brought him inside?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook said softly.

“OK. I-I’m really sorry about him. I don’t know what happened, he was fine just this morning,” She replied, fiddling nervously with her hands.

Jungkook looked at her. Even his own sister couldn’t see how badly he was suffering. He clenched his teeth and looked away. “I think he just needs you right now.”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what,” He spoke slowly. “Don’t leave him OK? He needs you Yuna.”

“Why would I ever leave him? I could never do that to Taehyung.” She whispered.

It fell silent then and Jungkook held his breath.

“Yuna.” He spoke up again slowly.

“What is it?”

“This,” He paused and bit his lip. “This was nice. But let’s end things here OK?”

She stared at him blankly. “W-What-”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Yuna sat quietly, giving him a confused look. “I-I don’t understand, why are you-”

“Don’t blame yourself OK? I know it’s inevitable for you to feel hurt right now, but this is my decision; you did nothing wrong-”

“Is it because of Taehyung? What he did today?” She pressed, sounding desperate.

“No,” He focused his gaze out of the window. “If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t be able to handle it-”

“Tell me!” She shouted suddenly. “Y-You can’t just do this without an explanation!”

Jungkook looked at her again. She deserved to know. Of all the ing people she was the one person who deserved to know. But what would it change if he told her? They’d still be going their separate ways, they’d still both be hurt in the end.

He just wanted to leave it at that. But if he let her walk away from him without telling the truth, what exactly would that do? He already had enough guilt, he already had enough pain. She needed to be his only exception. If she truly loved and cared about Taehyung like he did for her; she would never use this against him right? Jungkook didn’t know, but he had to take the risk.

He let out a long sigh, tears stinging his eyes. Why couldn’t he be this brave for everyone else? Why couldn’t he just tell the truth? Why was he such a coward? The one person he didn’t want to lose, he lost because of himself.

When was he going to ing learn?

Whatever happened after this, it was his fault. And he deserved it for the way he treated people. In a way he was hoping Yuna would tell everyone, because he deserved to be alone, he didn’t deserve to have anyone in his life after all of this bull.

Especially not Taehyung.

He was done.

Jungkook cleared his throat.

Yuna’s eyes were plastered on him, waiting for a response.

“I-It’s because,” He struggled to speak, his throat raw and in pain. “It’s because I’m in love with your brother.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time.

“That’s, that’s a joke right?” It was barely a whisper.

He wished it was.

“No Yuna,” Jungkook looked directly at her, trying to hold everything back. “I’m in love with Taehyung.”