Sometimes, Kiko and I would fight over small incidents related to Dara, ending  in our frequent break-ups.

So I always end up drunk and ranting to Dara. She never once complained even as I puke at her couch or pass out in her dorm. She’d just clean me up and my mess and let me sleep. It’s in this times I know that she cares about me, even if as just a friend.

Sometimes I worry if I talk in my sleep and divulge things in front of her. In my dreams, Kiko and I would always be fighting about her.

But the next day, I’d woo her and we’d make –up again, only for the cycle to continue.

The worst row we had was when Kiko told me first that she loved me and I couldn’t say it back. I just froze. Kiko was really mad and broke it off with me again.

I ended up at Dara’s dorm again, drunk and completely hammered. I dreamed of trying to fix things with Kiko. I was apologizing to her and mumbling things incoherently. I told her I love her even if I wasn’t sure yet.

I heard her say she loved me too, only then it sounded like Dara.

When I came around the next day, Dara scolded me for getting drunk. She told me to get my act together before I lose Kiko completely. She told me that Kiko was a great girl and I shouldn’t let her get away or I might regret it.

This woke me up that I had no chance in hell with Dara. That this was our limit: just bestfriends.

So I finally told Kiko I love her before it was too late. I was a selfish bastard, I know, but I did not want to lose her. Maybe that means I kind of love her, right?

Kiko and I made it to 3 years and I thought it was time to get serious. Kiko was perfect. I wanted to love her and I thought at least that would be enough.

I asked Dara to accompany me buy a ring for Kiko and so I could tell her my plans.

“Buy a ring? What for?” she asked, surprised

“I’m asking her to marry me.” I said.

“But we’re still studying? We’ll just be graduating this year. We’re too young. You don’t even have a job yet!” she said rapidly, ticking off reasons why I shouldn’t.

Seriously is she stopping me from marrying Kiko? “Relax. I know what I’m doing. I’ll propose after graduation.” I said

“And you would be my bestman err, bestwoman, whatever. I want you to stay beside me when that happens. So come and help me.” I added.

I did not see her reaction but she just nodded.

“Besides, when you get married, don’t you want me to be the bestman?” I asked.

“I don’t think that will ever happen, as I am not in a relationship” she answered.

True. I haven’t known Dara to involve herself with guys. With her, it was always studying. I sometimes worry if she’d ever fall in love. For the reason that I didn’t want her to be lonely and for the reason that I know it will hurt me.

“That’s your problem; you have high standards for your ideal man.” I said.

“That’s not true. I don’t think guys find me pretty and interesting.” she said sounding a little insecure.

How could she not see herself the way I did? “No, you’re pretty. They’re just too blind to see. You’re very likable and it’s not that hard to fall for you. Just wait and someday someone will love you.” I said, messing up her hair.

Maybe it was just a matter of time before she meets someone. I smile wistfully, imagining whoever that guy is would be lucky to get her yes.

We were looking at rings in the jewelry store when I saw her trying on a tiffany diamond with a plain whitegold band.

It looked perfect in her hands. “That looks good. I’ll take it” I said.

The saleslady gushed.”Oh! Are you buying it for her sir? Congratulations! You look good together.”

“Thanks!” I said at her then winked at Dara.

Her face looked impassive as ever. Aisht! She could not even take a joke. I was just kidding but then a part of me wished I wasn’t.

Stop it! You should only be thinking of Kiko now. I admonished myself.

After, I’ve proposed to Kiko, there is no turning back; whatever feelings I had for Dara should and would forever remain a secret.