I stayed in the rooftop drinking the night away. I couldn’t go back to the dorm and let Dara see me. She’d ask me what happened and I don’t know what to tell her. I know she’s waiting for a text or a call but I couldn’t tell her just yet.

Kiko just rejected me but somehow it wasn’t the thing I was most upset about.

Have I really been insensitive to her? Have I not paid her more attention? Jeez, I don’t even know her favourite dessert.

And the things she said, has she always thought that way?

You don’t honestly tell me you haven’t even thought of her as you were saying your speech?

As I was reading the words Dara helped me write, I could not help but think of her even as I was looking at Kiko. Somehow, the words just mean so much as I thought of her.

And it struck me clear and true even in my alcohol dazed mind, the thing I had  always been trying to suppress had been obvious to my girlfriend but not to my bestfriend.

Should I go and tell her and risk it or keep it to myself like I did all these years? 

It was so like high school all over again.

She has been my nextdoor neighbour for as long as I can remember. But we only became bestfriends when we were 8. She was such a crybaby then, that no other kids played with her. My parents used to bribe me to play with her but I eventually learned to tolerate her. She always had this look to her like she was fragile or something that I can’t help but be into wanting to protect her.

We were always together. I was the leader of our duo, dragon and rabbit. I liked to mess around and experiment back then, so much that we end up causing more harm than good. Our neighbors thought of us as little terrorists, but hey we were just being kids! But it was always nice to have someone like her as my sidekick. No matter how mad people are at us, they’d stop scolding once they see her teary eyes.

By the time we reached highschool, things became different. Dara was the smart one, always getting the good grades and praises from teachers. But it wasn’t really something kids our age were interested in. I wasn’t a fan of studying, and it was a huge thing that Dara was always there to help. Back then being popular was what mattered and I was at the top. Fangirls would flock me, the other guys wanted to be me and parties were the center of my life.

But still, no matter how many people were around me, only one mattered. I’d choose the same classes as Dara even if I at them not just because I knew she’d be there to help me, but because I wanted to. I wasn’t adverse to change but I wanted to keep something constant in my life. Dara was a keeper.

I had met many girls but none of them could hold my interest for long. Sure they were pretty, but somehow they were missing something. I don’t know but sometimes I wonder why I could stand to be with Dara for long periods of time and not with some other girl. We could sit comfortably in silence and I’d still feel as if we had the best conversation.

I often ponder about this that sometimes my eyes would drift to her during class. I’d watch her as she listens attentively. And it struck me how I’ve never noticed before, how my bestfriend became beautiful without anyone noticing. It was there in the pink of her lips, the rose in her cheeks, and the clear complexion of her skin, the chocolate brown of her eyes and in the silky strands of her hair. I must have been blind not to see, and this sudden realization took my breath away.

I didn’t know what to do then. You just don’t spring it out on your bestfriend that you like her, maybe it was just a phase. Of course, she had been the closest girl to me and maybe because of that I was feeling this way. So I did what any guy would do, I dated around.

But still, it wouldn’t go away.

I fought the feeling hard. Until the time I thought I almost lost her.

I was scared when she had allergy attack when we ate dumplings sold by a streetvendor. We didn’t know it was cooked in peanut oil. Dara’s allergy acted up and her face swelled and she had trouble breathing. I was lucky that I was able to bring her to the hospital. But knowing that I could lose Dara anytime just like that made me realize how much she meant to me.

And so I stopped fighting.

One day, when we were hanging out, she asked me out of the blue.

“Ji, we’re bestfriends and all but I’m not popular like you. Why do you still bother hanging out with me? Is it because I do your schoolwork for you?”

“Why are you asking me? I didn’t ask you to do them. I’m fine even if I don’t get good grades.” I replied defensively. Is she regretting helping me? It’s true that she does most of my schoolwork for me but I never really asked her to do them.

“Then explain to me. Lately, I’ve been feeling that we’re growing apart. You’re popular and I’m not. I even heard you’re going out with different girls and you don’t bother telling me.” she said looking hurt.

“Are you jealous?” I teased. Hmm… if Dara was jealous then this could be my chance to tell her she doesn’t have to be.

“You’re my bestfriend and I feel like I’m losing you” she blurted.

Oh! Bestfriend. She doesn’t want to lose her bestfriend. I was inwardly disappointed and hurt but I didn’t let it show. 

“Don’t ever think that way. I don’t care if you’re not popular because you’re the one who stood by me before eventhough I wasn’t. Whatever happens, you and I will always be bestfriends, all right? I may find a girl to fall in love with but you will always have a special place in my heart, okay?” I said before I raised my finger and made a pinky promise as we always did.

She looked relieved with what I said.

Bestfriends, that’s all she wanted.

She’s just threatened of me having another girl in my life when I wanted her to be the only girl in mine.