To say I didn’t cry, it would be a lie. But to say I didn’t expect it, would also be a lie. I had read between the lines of our friendship and ignored the blank space. Instead, I had filled it with a fantasy. Scribbled in with my feelings and thought, perhaps, it would be reciprocated. Now, I would have to erase them.

But that’s easier said than done.

When Miss Moon dropped me off, I did my best to smile. To act as normal as possible, even though the ache in my chest was dragging me down. When I got into my one bedroom flat, I didn’t realise how empty it was. I didn’t really have anyone to call or talk to or any other place to go. All I had was my room to wallow in.

Let the abyss swallow me and when there’s nothing left of my feelings, spit me out. Give me that slap to wake me up from the dream. Put me back in my place. Make me realise and accept the fact.

The reality, that I am all alone.

“You bought a cat?” Hyejin checks.

“I adopted him. His name is Ggomo.” I say, showing Hyejin the cutest photo of him. “Isn’t he cute?”

I stare at the numerous photos and videos that have been sent to me by the adoption centre and I ever since I saw his profile on the website, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off him. Although he was the result of a spontaneous decision, I don’t regret a second of it. I can’t wait to pick him up this weekend.

“Please don’t tell me you’re having a quarterly life crisis.”

“I’m not! I just… my apartment seems so quiet and empty. I just…”

“You’re lonely.” Hyejin says matter-of-factly.

The bluntness strikes me in the chest, but I think it’s more the truth that hurts. Even though I know it’s for best, I’m getting tired of being beaten with honesty. I’m glad Hyejin joined me for lunch today, like nothing happened over the weekend dinner, but she can be harsh. Sometimes my delicate composition can’t handle it. At least I haven’t bumped into Miss Moon. Then, I really would have been frazzled out of my mind. Although I’m not going out of my way to avoid her, I would prefer it if I didn’t see her. I don’t know how I would react. My chest still aches when I think about her response so I don’t think I could face her today. I need time to forget.

“I am lonely.” I finally agree.

Hyejin stares at me for a moment and once again, I don’t know what she’s thinking. Even though Hyejin is my best friend, we can be so in tune one minute, and the next it’s like I don’t know her. She’s a mystery and I don’t know if she’ll ever let me solve her.

“Well, as long as you’re sure about him, I’ll be there to support you.”

“Thank you Hyejin. I’m going to ask for a week leave to let him get settled.”

“Let me know if you’ll need help. I’ll make sure to take my allergy tablet.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“Adopt ten more cats?”

I smack her arm but at the same time I laugh. I don’t know what it is, but Hyejin has this magic spell that makes me feel better. In all relationships, friendships included, there can be ups and downs. The weekend was a down, and now it’s back to normal.

Although I do want to talk about what happened at dinner, I also don’t want to break the current high tension. We’re laughing and joking as talking as we always have done. I know Hyejin wants to avoid it for now. Perhaps we’ll eventually talk about it, or put it in the box of petty disagreements and save them to laugh at, at a later date. All I need to know is that Hyejin will always be there, and I’m glad. Without her, I don’t know what I would do.

I look up when I hear the familiar laughter. Wheein is giggling with Hyejin and I’m glad that she can smile. It’s not like I’m avoiding Wheein, but I decided to sit at the other side of the canteen. I thought it was the best to give her space. Seeing her laughing so soon, I feel relieved. Although, I didn’t think she would get over me so quick. I have to say, I’m a bit jealous. Even though I shouldn’t