Monday was the usual. I came into the office, settled down, got my morning coffee, started looking at my work emails. I’m doing the same routine, and yet I feel so different. Instead of the usual heaviness, my body is light. Instead of the normal dullness, the office seems brighter. It’s strange that in one weekend my whole aspect on life can change. I feel enlightened and like a whole new world has opened to me. There are endless possibilities and I had a lifetime to choose from them.

The woman I have to thank for lifting off the weight from my chest enters the office. I glance at Miss Moon and as usual, she greets everyone is the department. Soon, she reaches my direction.

“Good morning Miss Ahn.” Miss Moon greets. She looks at me, smiling. “Miss Jung.”

“Good morning Miss Moon.” I return.

The woman who I have to thank for everything treats me normally, but we share a secret. I’m no longer a teen, but it feels great knowing something with just one other person. The thrill of sharing something no one else has even a clue about. I want us to share more together until it’s normal for us to share everything.

However, not all secrets are shared when they’re ripe. It can be sour.  

I haven’t spoken to Hyejin since that night. Since discovering her other persona, I didn’t have any idea how to talk to her. Even though there has never been any point where I felt awkward around Hyejin, the person I met yesterday was completely different. I didn’t know how to approach her.

Luckily, I don’t have to make the first move. It’s lunch time and I see Hyejin walking towards me. She has always been the braver one of us both.

“Are you ready for lunch?” Hyejin asks, normal as ever.

However, I don’t want to act normal. I don’t want to sweep anything under the rug. It’s just us in the office, so I might as well be blunt.

“How are you Hwasa?”

The way Hyejin looks at me reveals a range of emotion. Surprise, fear, anger. It’s all shades of discomfort.

“Wheein.”

The way Hyejin says my name is one of surrender and exasperation. I instantly feel bad. I don’t want to put Hyejin on the spot, even though I remember how she danced in the spotlight. I thought she blossomed in the darting colourful lights.

“Okay.” I say, holding up my hands. “Let’s just go have lunch.”

“Thank you.” Hyejin replies, visibly more relaxed. “I’ll talk to you about everything after work.”

I nod. Hyejin always keeps her promises. I just have to make sure to get the alcohol ready.

The day ends with my anticipation at it’s peak. Hyejin and I decide to go to the mart, buying our dinner and (a lot of) alcohol and take it back to hers. Even if it’s a Monday, we’ll survive. Looking back at our university days, we’ve definitely done a lot worse.

In Hyejin’s apartment, we carry out our typical set-up. We bring out her flat table, placing the food and drinks evenly spread out for easy grabbing and drinking. Then, we change into our cosy clothes – I always had a change of clothes at Hyejin’s, a testimony to how often I am at hers – and sit next to each other. I’m the first person to crack open a beer, and Hyejin does the same. We do a small cheers, and sound as the bitter coldness hits the back of our throats, expressing the refreshing feeling that rid our Monday blues.

As we become comfortable, in the bask of alcohol, I approach the topic I’ve been wanting to discuss.

“So, are you going to tell me about yourself Hwasa?” I joke.

Hyejin looks at me, shaking her head, but she’s smiling. The alcohol and good food is working. She takes another swig from her can and places it down. I watch her as she starts at the drink, her finger swiping at the condensation drops.

“Hwasa is a nickname.”  Hyejin begins. “I didn’t want to give my real name. It was my first time.”

She glances at me and my expression must have been disbelieving because she repeats.

“Seriously, it was my first time.”

I nod, though still slightly sceptical. From the way she danced that night, completely in her element, I doubted it was Hyejin’s first time. However, I’ve been clubbing with her before, and from how she danced back them, I could also believe it was her first time. Once she was on the dance floor, she let herself swim in the flow of the music and turned into a sensual mermaid. She gained the attention from everyone and thrived on it. Quite the opposite of me.

“How about the girl?” I ask.