“I told Miss Moon that I liked her.”

Hyejin spits the beer back into her glass. I immediately grimace.

“That was gross.”

Hyejin grabs the tissue, dabbing her wet lips as she tries to subdue her coughing. I didn’t think it would that surprising. Although, Miss Moon would be the first person I’ve approached first. All my previous relations were through their own pursuit. I was there to enjoy the ride, some longer than others.

“Are you serious?” she demands, after regaining her composure.

I nod, rather bashfully even though I just made such a bold statement. 

“I mean, I really do like her.” I say. “I couldn’t keep it inside anymore.”

Hyejin stares at me, in shocked silence. It’s the longest she’s gone without talking when I’ve dropped a bomb like this.

“Say something Hyejin.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Now I’m worried.”

In normal circumstances, Hyejin would laugh. But I suppose, this is not a particularly normal situation. If my heteronormative friend of over fifteen years only recently told me that they liked women also, and suddenly springs on to me that they’ve confessed to a woman, then I would also need some time to think. However, I just hope Hyejin take too long. I need my best friend to confide with.

“I thought it was just a crush?” Hyejin finally says.  

“I thought so too but this is different. I feel different. I mean, even when our fingertips just brush over each other, this electricity comes over my body which I’ve never felt before. Not for anyone.”

Hyejin looks at me and again she’s wearing an expression I can’t quite read. A part of me thinks it’s… upset? But I wouldn’t know why. Shouldn’t she be happy for me? Unless there’s something Hyejin knows that I don’t. She was the one to warn me about Miss Moon and the unsavoury rumours about her, but I chose not to believe them because she’s only been wonderful to me. Before I can dwell on it too much, Hyejin’s face is quickly shielded with her beer glass, which is empties in deep gulps.

“Okay.” Hyejin finalises.

“Okay? What do you mean?”

“I mean, okay.”

“That’s it? No advice? No opinion? Nothing?”

“I can’t Wheein. It’s all a bit too much for me.”

“Right.” I quietly agree.

I don’t want to push Hyejin to continue. I know her and she knows me. We will talk when we’re ready. However, even after all these years, we are scared of saying what is on our mind. Too frightened to hurt the other person, even though we know we will hurt each other eventually. That is our friendship. We care for each other too much to care for ourselves.

I just didn’t think that a consequence of being completely myself, especially with Hyejin who should definitely understand, would be this discomfort. Something I never thought I would feel with Hyejin, ever. There’s a growing distance between us and I don’t know how to close it.

During dinner, I try to keep it light-hearted, try to joke and act silly as I usually do. We move past the conversation and try to talk about something else. However, it’s not the same. Our banter is stale, the drinks don’t flow as easily and the food isn’t as nice. The dinner ends awkwardly. Normally Hyejin would invite me to drinks after but she says she has to go home.

“Thank you for dinner. I’ll see you later.”

Hyejin walks towards the station before I even have a chance to offer for her to stay at mine.

I thought she was comfortable with everything, but maybe she isn’t. The anxiety of it all makes me sad. I call the one person that can help.

However, Miss Moon doesn’t answer.

It’s the morning and my head is thumping. Wait. No. That’s not my head. I’m hearing the thuds. It’s my door. Someone is banging my front door. Groggily, I sit up, grabbing the nearest shirt to me and padded towards my front door.

It’s the last person I expect at my front door.

“You really did change your lock.” Kim Yongsun says, barging into my home.

“Can you get out?” I snap. “I didn’t invite you in.”

“So impolite Miss Moon. I’m just here for a little house visit to discuss the next presentation.”

“Can this not wait until later? Perhaps when I’m actually at work?”

My unsubtle sarcasm just urges Yongsun to sit at dining table. I exasperate as she pulls out her laptop. She really isn’t going to leave. Please for the love of God stay asleep Kang Seulgi.

“Byulyi, what’s going on?”

Damn it.

Yongsun looks up and sees Seulgi standing in my bedroom doorway, a light blanket the only thing covering her obviously body. Seulgi’s once sleepy eyes widens as she spots Yongsun in the main room.

“Well, this gives me déjà vu.” Yongsun smirks.

“Don’t.” I warn.

Yongsun looks at me and finally sees I’m truly in no mood for her antics. We both know she is on very thin thread and there is a slim line between teasing and being cruel. Even though her snide grin is as cruel as anything.

“Looks like I’ve come at a bad time. I guess we better save our preparation for Monday. Good day Miss Moon. Miss Kang.”

In the same flurry as she came in, Yongsun leaves and I immediately close the door behind her. I sigh a relief.

“I didn’t know Miss Kim knew where you lived. She even has a key to your apartment complex.”

Seulgi is still standing in the doorway and instead of looking sultry, she looks uncomfortable and out of place.

“Well, there’s not much you know about me.” I quietly say.

“I think I know more about you, Byulyi, than you think.”