Did the sun have to shine so brightly in the morning?

My eyes crack open and immediately stings at the intruding light. I turn over away from my slightly open curtains but then my head pangs with instant regret. Little knives stab my hands and brain as I feel the consequences of last night.

I groan as I try to remember last night. All I can recall is the other ladies of the department pouring me drinks and me having to accept them. At one point I hit my limit and my memory blacks out. However, thankfully, I managed to get home.

Suddenly, my alarm rings and I feel even worse. It’s a week day. I have to get up for work. Please let me die now.

I don’t know how I made it into work but I’m dying while everyone else seems fine. Even Miss Moon looks brighter. I’m so Unable to survive any longer, I go to the break room to brew myself some tea. I don’t trust my stomach to handle anything stronger. I’m alone, until Hyejin spots me in the room.

“Guess who got engaged!” she announces, quickly heading towards me. Her voice makes my head vein twitch.

“Please don’t shout.”

Hyejin either ignores me or doesn’t want to listen.

“Hunwoo!” she exclaims.

That name flips a switch in my memory and I’m now curious. “Really?”

Hyejin shows me the Instagram page. I realise what she said is true. The page is filled with couple pictures of Hunwoo and his girlfriend. Then, I see the image of him and her, beaming and flashing her new engagement ring. It’s strange someone that I shared a past with change so much, as yet seem so familiar.

“I can’t believe your ex is going to get married.” Hyejin says. “You liked him so much.”

“Did I?”

I don’t think I remember ever liking him that much. However, Hyejin was there throughout my brief relationship with Hyunwoo. She must have seen something I didn’t feel. Everyone experiences the same memory differently.

It was during the end of middle school that I was confessed to by Hyunwoo. I was so shy and awkward (even more than I am now), I was shocked to find someone liked me. I built walls around myself, but they were so low that people easily jumped over them. I don’t know what possessed me, but even though I wasn’t sure of my feelings, I agreed to date him. I can’t be sure how I had the confidence to have a boyfriend, and I shared a lot of memories with him, even though in the end I discovered I didn’t share the same feelings as he did. However, he was a few people that I have tried to open myself to, and I’m glad he’s found happiness in someone who could be with him.

“When are we going to find someone?” Hyejin sighs.

“I found my person.” I already know the person I want to open me up fully, allowing me to share everything I had with them. Even if it is infatuation, I want to indulge in it. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this for someone.

Hyejin looks at me, flabbergasted.

“Miss Moon.” I clarify.

She then rolls her eyes.

“What?” I demand.

“You need to get over this girl crush of yours Wheein. It was funny at the beginning but now it’s getting weird.”

This pull towards Miss Moon is new to me. It’s incomparable to any of my past relationships or dating experiences. I don’t completely understand my feelings, what this attraction is to Miss Moon, but it’s definitely more primal and invigorating than I’ve ever felt. I want nothing more than to explore it, and to grow more comfortable with myself. However, I’m shocked that my best friend doesn’t support this change. Maybe she isn’t as liberal I thought she was. Her judgement hurts my feelings inadvertently.

“Just because you can’t understand something, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

I don’t realise that I’ve become sensitive over the topic of Miss Moon. I’m becoming more like Hani. I dislike it, but Hyejin’s annoyed me.

“I’m heading back.” I say, ignoring Hyejin’s shocked expression.

When I go back to my desk, I realise I’ve left the tea in the break room. However, I can’t bring myself to go back. I might have hurt Hyejin’s feelings, but she hurt mine first. I might be petty, but it’s equal. However, despite that, I never hold grudges. Especially when it comes to Hyejin.

I still remember that moment when she also shocked me. It was my first day and we all had to go to the front to introduce ourselves. I wasn’t sure if anyone would become my friend, especially an all my other friends separated to go to different middle schools. Then, at our first break, I saw a young girl suddenly start singing in the class. I was astounded, amongst everyone else in the class. However, people cheered her on and I realised she was a very unique person who did not care about stranger opinions and just knew how to have a good time. Next thing I knew, at lunch time, the same girl came up to me and introduced herself.

                “I’m Ahn Hyejin.” she introduced.

I stared at her as she sat in front of me.

“I’ve fallen for you.” she continued. “Let’s be friends.”

I wondered who this person was, but I had fallen for her too.

We discovered we were so alike, had similar tastes. Fate must have brought us together. She was there during the best and worst of times. We share so memories together, that I wonder if Hyejin wasn’t here, where would I be. If it wasn’t for her, would I be here today? I owe a lot of Hyejin – my confidence and job – so I think I really wouldn’t be here today. Really, she might have been the reason I could have met Miss Moon again.

My phone beeps with a message tone that only one person has. I can’t help but glance at the screen.

‘I’m sorry.’ it reads.

‘I’m really really sorry.’

Hyejin then sends a begging emoticon.