The weather was getting colder these days, Taeyeon noted as she crawled out of bed with the blanket slacken over her petite frame. The marker lets out a squeak as Taeyeon marked another crimson cross on her calendar. There were many of those decorating the solemn month of November. Those were the days when Taeyeon could not see Tiffany at all- the spirit would appear and vanish without warning, like a glitch that Taeyeon wished could be fixed. The silence in the apartment stretched from hours to days. Taeyeon has forgotten when she had begun to loathed living alone, when she had changed and when Tiffany became a priority. Taeyeon continued speaking like she would even when the spirit wasn’t around- clinging on to the lingering existence of Tiffany that Taeyeon desperately prayed could stay. 

Taeyeon lumbered down the stairs and halted to stare at the wall with yearning. Her masterpieces of Tiffany were hang up along with the photographs. The unfinished drawing was a misery Taeyeon knew she would live with- her life incomplete and the smudge that would permanently etch in her heart like Tiffany. She pressed her hands against the tracings on the wall. 

“Taeyeon?” A small smile graced her lips in relief to hear the uncertainty in the voice. 

“Hi, Tiffany.”

“Follow me,” Tiffany was smiling, still as beautiful as Taeyeon had last seen her four days ago, “I want to show you something.”

Taeyeon pulled the blanket tighter around herself and followed Tiffany. 

“Open it,” Taeyeon pulled the curtains to the plateau and welcomed the breeze through the door. The dogs were sent to Juhyun's place last week when Taeyeon found herself unable to care for them with the issues she has on hand. Yoona was sympathetic after Taeyeon briefly explained the situation and the animal-loving Juhyun was elated to adopt the yelping puppies for a few weeks. 

“First snow,” They whispered in unison. 

“It’s beautiful,” Taeyeon’s words left in wisps of white puffs into the chilly morning.

“It is,” Tiffany breathed, “I wanted you to see this.” 

“I missed you,” Taeyeon confessed after a minute of silence, watching Tiffany catching invisible snowflakes with a smile on her face. 

“I want you to do something for me today,” Tiffany has never asked her for a favor and Taeyeon could never say no to Tiffany. 

“Promise you’ll do what I say?” Taeyeon swallowed. In a heartbeat, Taeyeon was on the couch with a notepad and a pen in her hand. 

“What are we doing?”

“Writing,” Tiffany simply stated, “Just write whatever I tell you to.”

The pen trembled in her grip- her handwriting worsen after every number and by the tenth, Taeyeon had enough. She scanned the list with an unreadable expression. 

1. Eat well and sleep well.
2. Look after Ginger, Serendipity and the mother dog. Her name is Princess.
3. Stay friends with Juhyun and Yoona.
4. Learn to face your problems and not run away from it.
5. Smile more and be happy. 
6. Study abroad.
7. Find somebody.
8. Move on and out of the apartment.
9. Sell the apartment.
10. Forget Tiffany.

“What are you doing?” Taeyeon had a lump in that suffocated her and her voice cracked. 

"I call this a Taeyeon-To-Do List," Tiffany's voice was forced despite the smile on her face.

"You know that's not what I mean," Taeyeon was close to anger

"These are my wishes for you, Taeyeon," Tiffany sighed in resignation, "I'm a ghost. I don't have much time left."

Taeyeon admired Tiffany's courage. Was it lonely to accept your own death? How does it feel like to not feel anything? Was it peaceful to know that your time is running out? Where will you be going? Wherever you are going, can you wait for me? Taeyeon wanted to ask Tiffany but a weight had her jaws clenched together. She was afraid to open and watch her heart shattered on the ground.

"I'm not ready to let you go."

Tiffany just flashed a rueful smile. The duo silently sat on the plateau and watched the snow blanketed over everything. Taeyeon felt spiteful watching it cascade down from the endless sky. Tiffany came into her life so abruptly like the first snow- so pure and blissful but it melted away into nothingness when it touched her palm. There was a Korean saying that if you watched the first snow with your lover, true love would blossom. Taeyeon scoffed at the bitterness she is feeling instead.

"Tell me about what happened around here when I wasn't around the past few days."

"I brought Ginger, Serendipity and Princess to Juhyun's. Juhyun found a new job-"

"About yourself, Taeyeon. Tell me about you." Tiffany swung her feet.

"I had a new transcription project to work on," she started, "It's a story about a policewoman who was caught up in a relationship with a lawyer who became a fugitive. She had to choose between her work and love-"

Taeyeon was crestfallen. Tiffany had vanished again but Taeyeon continued speaking. She forced a laugh at the highlight of the story until she decided its time to head indoors. She sipped on coffee, ate a sandwich and curled up on the couch with the television blaring till night falls. Her heart was as cold as her body where the water flowed. She wouldn't cry- she couldn't and Taeyeon wondered why has she ran out of tears. Taeyeon dragged her feet to the bedroom at nine and switched off all the lights. 

“I know you’re here, I know you’re beside me,” Taeyeon scooted over to the left of the bed and gripped the sheets where Tiffany would lay. The clock was loud in the room, the cold seeped through her bones and Taeyeon was sleepless.

“Taeyeon,” She heard her voice; faint, small, vulnerable and distant. Her words broke the silence and Taeyeon's mournful sobs followed.

“Taeyeon, I’m leaving tomorrow.”