The metal felt cold against my fingers when I twisted the doorknob, a quiet click guided the door to open and with the pounding in my head no longer forceful, the silence that embraced the room welcomed me in. 

The bed that I last saw with Kai sleeping on was left bare, the covers were thrown wildly and pushed off the edge. A quick scan over the space didn't lead me to his whereabouts but instead, the soft whimpers tiptoed into my hearing and towards the direction of the bathroom. The door hung wide open, revealing a drooping body that sat on the floor like dirty laundry left for later. 

"Sehun?" 

I couldn't answer him back because my voice was stuck somewhere in my throat when I saw his dishevelled body, trembling from the cold or fear, I wouldn't know.

His hands, feet and arms were painted with newer bruises and cuts.  

I hadn't stepped into the bathroom since I walked back into the room so I hadn't noticed the smashed glass and broken mirror, scatter of dried and fresh droplets of blood, like a scene from a nightmare finding form in reality. 

"Sehun-ah?"

The shaking in his figure didn't lessen and I was scared to move into the cluttered place out of the fear of stepping on something broken and hurting myself. But he moved and like my fear personified, he scraped his skin against the rubble as he crawled to reach out to me, yet he seemed numb to it because he didn't even flinch when it dug in further on his wound.

"Kai, stop!" I didn't mean to sound angry but forcing my voice to reach a volume above a whisper made it come out like an order.

And in response, he stilled. Motionless. 

My heart squeezed to see him so obedient, a trait that I had never seen in him before; but then again, I hadn't ever seen him like this. The man before me was lifeless and destructive, ignorant of his own physical damage and withering from the charismatic figure of the Kai I fell in love with. 

"Sehun-ah, I'll stop okay? I will do whatever you want." He whimpered, his voice hoarse like a knife grating against his tongue, "Just don't leave me, okay. I'll stop.
"Kai,"
"No, no, Sehun-ah."
"Wait, listen to me Kai"
"Jongin. You used to call me Jongin!"
"Jongin.."
"Yes, Sehun-ah?"

Like a defective script, I felt like I had stepped into a bad movie where the dialogue didn't match yet it kept playing. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when I had fallen to my knees to match his eye level, the flickering pain from grazing my skin on the shredded pieces of memories and glass was more bearable than the person in front of me.

"Jongin-ah, I'm here," my arms reached out to shorten the distance, "don't hurt yourself anymore, okay. I'm here".